👉 COMFORT👈
-- 07 --
Your mind was in daze, thinking about the possibilities that could erase those developing likings that your heart is having towards Jungkook. It's true that having these kinds of erratic feelings towards the said boy was definitely heaven-sent. It felt new and distinct. And by just thinking about him — he doesn't know how much of an effect his presence gives you.
But you wished these beautiful feelings to stop.
Devastated and upset you are, you rested your chin ontop of your palms which are supported by your elbows as it rest on the table infront of you. Your eyes unconsciously scanning the whole pantry of BigHit. Your eyes were definitely searching for him, but you wouldn't admit to that.
"Hey, you've spaced out too much, today." Your friend Hannah was suddenly placing her tray on your table as she delicately sat across you with a charming smile on her face.
You shook your head, looking the other way. Finally, you saw him. He was cutely positioning his camera in different angles as he try capturing what ever caught his eyes' attention. 'Funny, snapping pictures inside a crowded pantry. Aish! This boy, really.' you giggled at your thoughts as you watch with your sparkly eyes how he furrows his brows at the pictures he has taken. That sight simply warms your heart. Jungkook's absolute existence can always take your breath away.
"And I hope you're listening to me. . ." The friend infront of you sighed in defeat. Seeing you eyeing Jungkook as if he was your world and he's the only one you can see made her frown and yet suppress a giggle at the same time. "Might've been true, that no matter how crowded a place is. . . You'll always find the person you like the most in them."
You snapped back at your own trance as you look at Hannah. You clearly heard what she just said. You abruptly shook your head giving her a defensive look on your face as if she got the wrong idea about your likings towards the maknae. And she rolled her eyes at that.
"You got it wrong, Han—"
You weren't been able to finish as she suddenly hollered, "Oh, hey Jungkook!" while pointing behind your back. Your reflexes were to immediately look back with a tense shoulder and flushed face. But much to your dismay, there was no Jungkook to be found behind you. And the next thing you heard was streams of laughter from Hannah infront of you.
She gave you a teasy smirk while you just rolled your eyes at her. "I see, the maknae does affect you this much." She chuckled softly.
You weren't been able to lie at that. She was right, but either ways. . . You won't admit it.
××
"Admit it already!" Jin scuffles at Yoongi as he hits the younger with his hand. "You ate lamb skewers with Jungkook and you did not invite me!"
Jin was furious, but more like jealous at Yoongi's behaviour towards him. The said turtle just stare at him with an unreadable expression on his face before passing before Jin with a response which he complied nonchalantly, "If I take you with us, you'll definitely eat everything."
And with that said, Yoongi trudged away with coffee on his hand. His eyes were halfway closed as his dazzled mind was lingering about his gray pillow, his Kumamon plushie and his warm comfortable wife (bed). Excited about the idea of sleeping, he groaned thinking about the slow pace of time inside their workplace.
Jin was continuesly whining about Yoongi to Jungkook who weren't even listening. His eyes were focused on his camera as he takes few shots of Hoseok chatting with Jimin and the pantry's surrounding. His eyes were glimmering in astonishment as he his new 'baby' which is the camera did a good job in catching great prospects.
"Yah! Are you listening!?" Jin bombarded at the maknae, obviously trying to catch his attention.
However, the maknae answered truthfully, "No hyung, I wasn't."
Jin felt deprived, he put his hand on his chest as if he was hurt by the maknae's savage words as Jungkook ignored him and wonder off to another place inside the pantry, still busy with his camera. Jin muttered, "These kids, I swear I'll put salt on their cereal's milk later."
Jungkook's dark thick pair of eyebrows furrowed seeing a smudged image of Taehyung on his camera roll. He 'tsked' at the picture before deleting it. "Hyung must've used my camera again." He sighed.
Fixing his camera's lenses, he tries using it as he scans the whole pantry and stopping at the midst of capturing pictures once it landed onto your silhouette. The image of you blushing and red whilst explaining infront of your friend made him curious and excited at the same time.
Just like that, he wasn't aware of himself nearing your spot with a wide smile tugged on both sides of his perfect lips. He was already unconsciously standing behind you.
××
"Behind you," Hanna mouthed, her eyes skipping from you to the person filming you with his camera from behind.
You gave her a smug look, "I'm not gonna fall for that again." You told her. Your eyes now focused on the ice inside the glass of juice you are having. You heaved an exasperated sigh before continuing what you're left to admit to your friend. "And yes Hannah, I do like him but somehow I need to stop this feelings."
Lowering your gaze, you felt your cheeks burned more at the intense stare that Hannah was giving you. She wanted to prevent you from talking more because apparently, the person you're talking about us right behind you, but stupid you — you won't take her seriously!
Jungkook was smiling as he films you from behind, your soft shiny hair was a beautiful art enough to be part of his small gallery, but his smile soon faded after hearing your last few words.
He stopped filming as he popped his head beside you, "You like someone, noona?" He asked. Curiosity was heating inside him.
Your eyes widened, abruptly facing the boy who stares at you with doe inquisitive eyes. Anyhow, you couldn't answer his question as the proximity of his face closeness on yours was making the apples of your cheeks blush in a shade of crimson red. That was even enough to make you forget how to breathe and felt tingles at the sides of your face.
'Damn, he have got more bolder and comfortable with me now!'
'And I swear, I'm not liking it.' you thought.
When he didn't get the answer, he leaned away giving you space to breathe in and out for a couple of minutes before plopping himself down next to you with a giddy expression on his face.
"So tell me, Y/N. Who is this someone you like?" He asked. Smiling like a fool who's ready to know everything about his playmate.
You were gulping harshly, a lump was form inside your throat preventing you to speak. Your eyes were glancing at Hannah who simply gave you the look of being clueless and impracticable at the moment. Her eyes wavering an apologetic stare.
You look back at Jungkook who's waiting for your answers, then suddenly you saw his camera. You pointed at that.
"You're talking pictures? Isn't that good, you should post a selca on twitter since fans are already speculating you, forgetting the twitter password because you weren't posting selcas for ages." You nervously laughed, trying to avert the topic.
He blinked twice before nodding his head, he understand that you don't want to talk about the person you like and somehow deep within him, he was relieved. He kind off wasn't ready to hear who you like and if ever you really like someone. He chuckled at you before fishing out his phone.
"Look, I still remember the password." He showed you his phone with their twitter account logged in. A small smile charmingly placed on his lips.
You nod, "Right, so you better post. Your fans might be missing you." You further convinced.
××
You were convinced by your own decision. This is what's best for everyone else. And no one would make you change it no matter what the circumstances is. This is the right thing to do. Realizing the preeminent closeness that the maknae was showing you — it has become quite disturbing. Even people inside the company would sometimes ask you alarming questions about you and the youngest member of BTS.
And it has been a month now, Jungkook still hasn't shown you less interest or insensible about your existence. He was still the bubbly boy who's always excited to see you and hang out with you. He was even acting cute infront of you without him knowing. His affection and fondness towards you never dies down.
There wasn't even a day when he'll stop pestering you or talking to you.
You like him. You loved the attention he's giving you. But you couldn't be selfish, he's an idol and you're a staff, you knew how much a violation could that be if ever someone mistakenly thought you as Jungkook's girlfriend.
And as we speak of the devil — rather, as you think of the cuddly angel, "Y/N noona~!"
He approached you with that giddy smile again as he waves his hand. "I've been looking for you! I wanted to show you the new game I fou—"
"Jungkook," you cut him off, the stoutness and seriousness of your voice making him flinch as he immediately shut his mouth. "I'm really busy today. Just ask Taehyung or someone else. Sorry."
Nothing ever scared him than hearing your sweet voice turning into something scary and cold. He suddenly felt unwanted and afraid to approach you again. ‘maybe she's in a bad mode.’ he thought, trying to think the positive.
Though that wasn't the only day you rejected his friendly hangouts, another day passed and seems like you were colder than yesterday. This day, you wouldn't even look at him anymore.
"Y/N, do—do we have a problem?" He asked as he tug on your sleeve. He was looking down as he nervously chew on his lower lip.
You heaved a fake frustrated sigh. You were walking down the hallways when he and Jimin happen to bump into you. Not that you're planning to ignore them, but instead of greeting them you just bowed and walked away, not even listening on about what Jimin has to say.
And now here you are, you found yourself trying to act sturdy and nonchalant towards the maknae who was frightened for his dear life as you gave him a stern look.
"We don't." You curtly answered, pulling your sleeves away from his grasp, walking away with that hidden frown and worry on your face. ‘I hope, I'm doing the right thing.’
‘I don't wanna hurt you.’
××
"Maybe she got tired of me." Jungkook pouted as he stared at the message he sent you a few hours ago. It wasn't even entitled as 'read' nor a reply popped on his notification. "Does she hates me?"
Jimin and Taehyung could only heave a loud sigh at the behaviour of the maknae. He looked like at any moment he's going to throw a tantrum about losing his favourite toy. Not even listening to IU's Palette could make the weight his carrying a bit lighter.
"What's his problem this time?" Asked Namjoon as he entered the dorm. Seeing two frustrated 95 liner staring at a baby with a body of an adult staring at his phone with a pout, eyes almost tearing up.
Taehyung and Jimin pointed at Jungkook, not a word leaving their mouths as they just walked away, leaving a pouting kid behind.
Namjoon groaned, "Haven't still moved on from Sana?" He assumed.
Jungkook tilted his head, his eyes meeting his leader's in a confused set of doe eyes, he shrugged asking; "Hyung, who's Sana?"
"Huh?!" Namjoon stared at Jungkook in horror. He doesn't seem like he's joking nor sick, but he forgot— "Jeon Jungkook! Are you taking drugs?!" He hollered.
Jungkook shooked his head.
"Then why the fuck don't you remember your ex's name?!" He pointed at Jungkook, eyes were widened.
Jungkook dazed for a second before letting out a concentrated 'ah' before looking at Namjoon again. "I remember her, that bitch." He shrugged. "Anyway, hyung shouldn't be cursing, Jin hyung might hear you."
××
You were seated inside one of BigHit's studio when Kim Namjoon suddenly barged in. You pay him respect as you bowed and greeted him. You stood up about to leave when he held your wrist.
"Y/N." He called.
You faced him and smiled. Your face asking for what he needed, but he couldn't utter a word. He was worried.
"About Jungkoo—"
"Please, let's not talk about this." You cut him off.
He eventually nodded, letting go of your wrist. He respects your decision. He knew you did what you think is right, however, that doesn't stop him from worrying about his dongsaeng. He smiled at you gesturing you to sit back and you did.
"I'm not going to pry," he started. "But atleast help me with our comeback's concept."
You gave him an unsure smile, "I don't know, Namjoon. I'm a set director not an expert in music."
He laughed shooking his head before explaining. "It's about girls." He started. "We're having troubles, trying to write lyrics about our fans."
Your eyes met his, their concept was wonderful and sweet. You gave him a genuine smile before asking, "May I help you with something?"
"Well, atleast some ideas. . . Since the song should be about armys' desires." He said as he looked down. He was confused and uncertain about what he should do to the said concept.
"What are the things they want? What would make them happy? How could we help?"
"Well, what do you think is evey women's desire?" You aksed him, making the latter's brows furrowed more in exasperation.
He thought about it for a while, before he came of with the answer that he's instincts are telling him. "All of them wanted to looked beautiful."
"No." You sighed.
"Every woman's desire is not to be beautiful, I mean some might, but some of them are already beautiful enough. Yet something is lacking and that's what you need to figure out!"
Namjoon's eyes' widened at that, he was delighted about the idea and facts you gave him, but still he was confused at some parts.
"What do you exactly mean by that? What else would they want?"
"Everyone's similarity." You started explaining, your heart was put into the idea that he told you. It was something you're capable of helping.
"Think about it, why would one girl try to be beautiful? Why would they risk efforts just to look glamorous?"
"All woman's wanted to be loved and accepted." You continued, seeing how focused and concentrated he was.
"They wanted people to see them and accept them through risking most of their money to look beautiful or to even buy someone's attention."
"But what they really need to know and to do is to learn and to appreciate themselves first before others could accept them. They need to love themselves firstly before they ask for someone else's love." You ended with a triumphant smile on your lips.
"So what do you suggest we do?" Namjoon asked, his eyes showing great admiration on how you logically think things through.
"You said you're going to write a lyrics, right?" You asked earning a nod. "Why don't you start with self love and appreciation."
××
A week had passed since you started ignoring and rejecting Jungkook's friendly offers. He was constantly pestering you until that one night.
"Oh! Welcome home, Jungkook-ah!" Jin exclaimed, hugging Jungkook who just got home from his solo stage practice.
"What took you so long." He further complained, however the maknae just pass through him and entered the dorm with an unreadable expression on his face.
"Hyung, I think. . . I lost my home." He mumbled making Jin with his churro taken aback.
"What are you talking about? You're here now." He slightly laughed, slouching down on the couch beside Jungkook. Jin patted him, "Clean and safe."
Jungkook wasn't listening to Jin, he wanted to let his feelings and distress out but the said hyung wasn't helping. All he understands was his heart were aching and you're causing these unwanted feelings.
He doesn't understand why, but he did. He sobbed infront of Jin, "No. I've lost it. My comfort zone, my warmth, she suddenly turned cold. . . She didn't looked like my home anymore. She became distant and far from my reach — she must've been sending me out."
Jin was shocked, he didn't know why the maknae suddenly cried, he knew he was hurt somewhere but he doesn't understand where and why. Jungkook wasn't even talking clearly, he was talking about home and Jin couldn't decipher what home was he talking about. He hugged him patting his back. "Jungkook-ah, what are you talking about? This is your home. With me, with BTS."
"What home are you talking about?" He asked, feeling formidable.
Jungkook stared at the ceiling, his eyes wondering around the white surface above him, as if he could look for answers. "It—it's not that I've forgot where my home is. . . I knew where she was, but I couldn't step more closer to her because it feels like she doesn't want me coming back."
"Hyung, what should I do? It hurts." He's heart ached, suddenly remembering the scene he saw few moments ago.
You were smiling with Namjoon. The both of you were talking, probably about things that only mature people understand. Things that he may won't be capable of understanding. Like what was he thinking? He knew that you're probably tired of his childishness. And just like Sana, you don't like how unmanly he is.
Because after all, he still couldn't be man enough to give what girls wanted.
He's probably a puppy or a bunny, who's nothing but cute. And nothing more.
He remembered how you smile with Namjoon, and how cold your eyes were when you saw him about to approach you. Those eyes which feels like you've exiled him away from his home. He was terrified and so he ran away, coming back to his old 'not so comfortable like you' home.
‘Suddenly, home started to get cold and unwelcoming. The old bond and happiness wasn't there anymore like before.’
--
A/N: welp, that was heavy 😅 yah! I just realised now. "Taught" and "Thought" are different. I thought the word "Thought" is also the past tense of "Teach", but the past tense is supposed to be "Taught". Yeah, I know I'm rambling 😂😅😂😅 I'm just sharing my stupidness that's all.. bye bye~😂