Hey lovelies! I'm back with another chapter!! Hope you enjoy it!! :):)
Xoxo
NeverlandsDreamer
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Right now I'm in a state of mind
I'd like to be in, like, all the time
Ain't got no tears left to cry
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An acrid veil seemed to sheathe itself amidst Clare's mind. Her thoughts were poisoned with precariously cynical thoughts; all at once, she was doubting not only the strength of the tribe, but the strength of Ralph as well. As bright and confident as the boy seemed, Jack's absence left a raw void within everyone, Clare included. Not even the brave and confident Ralph could keep the tribe bound together.
Clare wandered down the beach, subtly slipping away from the clearing before the arguments rose once more. Dusk set upon the gruesome grey of the island, tainting the golden sand with a shadowed overcast. The waves curdled and spewed heavy, thick foam onto the shore, recoiling at the breath of the wind. Trees swayed and noises played hide and seek beneath the undergrowth of the forest, concealing the dark matter that lay within. Such a dark scene suited such a dark day, Clare thought carelessly. It was strange.
Jack hadn't come back for her
Not that she cared anyways. She had Simon and Ralph. She didn't love him anymore. Did she? His comment from earlier made her mind fill with the empty promises of hope.
Roger hadn't come back to get her either
Still, her stomach lurched as she came dangerously close to the edge of the forest. Unconsciously, the girl had begun to wring her hands, fiddling her fingers till it looked almost spastic. She wandered closer to the green edge, watching in scrutiny. All the beasts that lurked in there...All the things that went on in there...
"Clare!"
Startled, Clare hurriedly glanced back over her shoulder, relieved to see the warm faces of Maurice and Bill. Both boys still wore warpaint and carried dull spears, but smiled at her nevertheless. She returned their kind gesture and waved back, tucking a stubborn piece of hair behind her ear as she moved towards them.
"Where're you off to?" she asked, eyeing the way each boy held the small quantity of their possessions with protective shame. Maurice took a quick glance at his blonde friend, frowning nervously. Bill was quick to stumble upon his words.
"Well we- we...We're on the team -"
"-were on the rugby team," Maurice corrected quietly, clutching his tattered things close. "Now we're hunters."
Bill nodded. "Right. Hunters."
The low tone of Bill's voice detonated something foul within Clare. She turned her head slightly and stared at both the boys, trying fruitlessly to see beneath the paint.
"What does that mean?" she asked, inching closer. Her voice dropped, now almost a whisper, and the boys followed her quieting resonance.
"I've known Jack since I was little," Maurice muttered, shrugging helplessly. "He used to visit my house in Oxford with me in the summer."
"We've always followed Jack." Bill's blue eyes softened, but his jaw seemed to grow hard. There was something cold and detached about his expression. "And Ralph...well..."
"We don't know him like Jack." Maurice had stepped forward for his friend now in an almost desperate attempt to justify their sudden choice. "He's a good chief, but not for us. He's a good chief for...for..."
"For you," Bill said suddenly. "And, uh, Simon-"
"-and the twins-"
"-and the littluns."
Clare breathed hard, and already, she could feel the venomous sting of tears at her eyes. First Jack, then Roger, and now the last two strongest boys, aside from Ralph. That rendered Ralph's allegiance practically useless. There was hardly any brawn now, no one to lift and move things when it counted. Despite their association with the team, Bill and Maurice were good boys. Kind boys. They'd never tried to hurt anyone, and they were always obedient to Ralph.
But that was because Jack had been obedient to Ralph. Now that his loyalty had been cut loose, his dutiful followers were quick to appease him once more.
Clare gulped. "So...you're leaving?"
Maurice cast his gaze towards the sea. "'Fraid so."
"Sorry, Clare."
"But...but..." The girl was speechless. What could she say? Betray the boy you've known your entire life? Choose Ralph instead? She could only try to meet their sad eyes. "You're not savages," she said firmly, pressing the matter. A snort escaped Bill, and Maurice looked more than amused.
"Savages?" He seemed astounded at such a word. "Clare, it'll still be us. And you and Ralph or whoever can come see us whenever you want."
"That's right," Bill agreed from beside his friend, nodding until his blonde hair waved over his forehead.
And then, the boys were gently pushing past Clare, muttering flustered flurries of goodbyes from behind their shoulders. Clare stood in the sand quivering, consumed with guilt and hate and confusion all at once. Desertion. It hurt worse than the fire that licked at the wind with its putrid veil of smoke. Bill and Maurice disappeared into the forest, someone unwilling to believe of the true demons that were hidden within its green depths. And with them, Clare traced her footsteps back to camp, counting each print that the waves hadn't yet washed away and erased.
She found the camp to barren of any activity, and Piggy wasn't in his usual spot beneath the great palm, so she wandered along the beach, examining the island's glory with speculative inquiry. Simon said that the beast dwelled inside of them, like some sort of inner monster clawing and snarling to be released.
Could it be the very same thing that Simon spoke of?
Was the beast a mere humane instinct, rogue with control and impulsive desire? Could it somberly lay hidden beneath the cleanly shaven morals of society, only to pulse with sudden sway when left to dawdle about? Was it fueled by sin or wrongdoing, as in the partaking of lust?
Clare shook her head.
Stupid thoughts. Her mother always had said that lust didn't count as a true sin anyway - it was only something to persuade young kids like themselves from making utterly stupid mistakes. But it seemed that despite all the church's hammering, Clare was drawn to the bittersweet offense nonetheless, partly because Jack made her feel it. What did it matter? He was long gone now, absorbed with the entrails of his new tribe. He didn't give a shit about her. But it could be worse.
She guessed the split wasn't too bad since there was no Roger. No Roger to watch her every step and motive around the clearing. This left room for good things, good things like Ralph and Piggy. Good things like Simon. Good things like fire.
Clare was suddenly filled to the brim with enamored strength. It was then that she noticed a faint sobbing from behind a throng of pale grey rocks. Frowning, the girl tentatively moved forward, unsure whether to dart away or progress towards the unnamed person. She foolishly assumed it to be a littlun crying over home once more, or perhaps one of the twins, but once she scaled across the great belly of the smooth, wet rock, she found it to be neither one.
Instead she found Ralph, curled up against the flat slab of rock, eyes swollen with the embittered mark of tears. He looked out towards the recessing tide, watching in faint distraction as the sea swallowed itself and spouted frothy waves - all a mere afterthought against the backdrop of the darkening sky. The descending sun shone in such a light upon the blonde's skewed features, obscuring the faint softness about his face. His fair hair fell in light waves, rustling slightly with the breeze, and his dark blue eyes were crestfallen and wide. There was something about the way he curled into himself, almost like an insecurity, that tugged at Clare's heart.
It sickened her to think that so was Ralph, and in return for this, she was similarly drawn to him. Where Roger wanted to hurt, she wanted to help. So she clambered across the rock, knowing deep in her heart that she was disobeying her predator's demands, and slowly slid down beside the blonde. Clare's heart warmed. She wasn't weak anymore. She wasn't vulnerable. She had a mind of her own.
Ralph noticed her presence and instantly began wiping at his eyes, fisting away the tears with feverish embarrassment. The smear of the salty stain left red marks upon his tanned cheeks, further marred by the snivels that escape his lips. Clare suppressed a mindless smile. Even Ralph had his low points. No one was immune to the island's flushed demise.
Ralph seemed annoyed that Clare had found him. He looked towards the sea
and refused her eyes, grumbling in hurt impatience when she sighed.
"What do you want?" He muttered coldly, so very vexed that she chose now not to ignore him.
Clare took in his darkened features and trembling hands and breathed softly.
"You're upset..." She paused, chewing on her lip in frustrated indignation that she had very minimal knowledge on comforting teenage boys. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing." Ralph took a quick glance at the girl, his heart crumbling at the saddened purse of her lips and slight furrow of her brow. "Leave me alone."
Clare hadn't spoken to him since that...that night, that very night where he'd made the oh-so stupid blunder of kissing the girl. Truth be told, he was hurt by her. It was as if she hadn't cared about him, nor of how he faired, until it suited her. Apparently, that time was now. It was her turn to be the dove to sweep down and embrace the broken. But Ralph didn't need a savior. He needed a friend. Someone he knew wouldn't turn away when he tried to reach out.
And Clare proved incapable of that.
Still, the girl pressed on.
"Ralph," she pleaded gently, her voice a mere breath on the sound of the ocean heaving the tumbling waves back and forth, back and forth. "Please - tell me what's wrong."
Ralph ignored her question and wiped at his eyes again, ridding of the last of his tears that clung to the delicate strands of his eyelashes. "Where are Maurice and Bill?"
Clare's heart fell. Maurice and Bill were the only two team members who Ralph seemed to truly trust. They were hardworking for the most part and usually tried their hardest to help Ralph in whatever task seemed to ail him at the time. Out of everyone, they seemed the least likely to leave him. But they had, and now Clare would have to tell him that yet more boys trusted their loyalty in Jack.
The girl drew a breath, listening to the light drum of her heart against the aching hollow of her chest.
"They - they left."
"Where?"
"To...They left to Jack."
"Oh." A shaken breath left the boy, rendering him broken and helpless against the lethally strong effect of the island. Ralph managed to swallow the sobs that cracked in his throat and forced himself to nod in pity. "Everyone's leaving."
"Simon stayed."
A stifled silence pinched its way between the two teenagers. The sound of the breathing ocean swallowed their minds, and the faint rustling from the forest behind them caused them both to shiver in reluctant fear. It was growing dark, and the lines of reality were blurring into a dull pain, like the soothing amber of alcohol on a wretched mind. It sunk in that their dwindling group was the lesser power now, and in a pent of emotion, Ralph's chest heaved with violent sobs. He broke, disregarding his pride and intrepid sense, and let the tears convulse through him. He was graceful, even in his descent, and still Clare found her heart throbbing for the helpless boy before her.
"We're never getting rescued," Ralph choked through his cries, staring out apathetically at the raging sea. "I'm never going to see my brother or my dad or my house-"
"Ralph-"
"We're going to die here because nobody cares. I don't even care. I just...I just..."
The sobs took control of him again, and the words that strayed upon his tongue were lost amongst the bitter tears. Clare's stomach fell, dark and deep within her pit, and without thinking, she reached out and pulled him close, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and drew him towards her. He struggled fitfully, humiliated by her pity, but she held him until her fingers pressed almost painfully into the soft flesh of his back. His head was bent towards her neck, caught in the soft curve between her shoulder and neck. His body still trembled with sobs, but now they lessened to quiet snivels. Ralph still weakly attempted to struggle away from the girl, but she was relentless in her grasp. Eventually, the blonde grew tired and surrendered to Clare's embrace, quieted by the soft thrum of her heart and sweet warmth of her flushed skin.
Oh. He had forgotten. He'd forgotten how lovely it was to be held and adored, simply enfolded by another. The pure femininity of Clare rose a soft roar within Ralph, reminding him of all the things he'd thought he'd lost. His sanity, for starters. And the simple indulgence of human affection. He'd been so submerged within the beauty of it that he hadn't noticed the soft quivering of Clare's chest. It was then that he realized she too was crying, defenseless against the tremor of the night.
They sat for some while, caught in each other, exerting silent tears. Ralph pressed his cheek into her neck, breathing in her scent, squeezing his eyes shut until he'd convinced himself that he was back in his room, plagued with homework, but too exhausted from rugby to truly care. Clare's hand found the blonde's hair, and soon, her fingers gently threaded in with the soft silk, stroking it back from his damp blue eyes.
Softly, he breathed, "Everyone's leaving me."
Clare looked up at him, staring into his sad gaze with unrequited emotion, and whispered back, "I'm not."
At that moment, Ralph lifted his head from her shoulder, watching her with wide, blurry eyes. The remnants of his tears still lingered on the careful curve of his cheeks, and never before had he felt so entirely confused or mistaken about a person.
"Clare?" He asked tentatively
She looked up and quirked an eyebrow.
"Can we be friends again?" Ralph asked. "Please?" He desperately whispered.
Clare smiled in relief. Ralph truly was an angel, a broken angel. And now all of her sins were washed away in forgiveness.
"I'd love that."
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Hope you guys enjoyed chapter 15!! Love ya! Remember to read, comment, and vote!! I promise to update promptly!
xoxo
NeverlandsDreamer