Niall and I haven't spoken a word to each other in weeks.
It was eating me up inside, how stupid I was being.
I completely disregarded his feelings and acted as if I was the only person being directly offended by what management was doing to us. God, I am so stupid. Niall James Horan is such an amazing person and he didn't deserve this as much as I didn't.
Over time, I had started to miss Niall in general. I missed his signiature hugs and his general smell and the way he looked directly into your eyes when you talked to him. And when he could tell that you were upset, he'd touch your arm and it'd give ypu these crazy chills because you just knew that he cared.
And I didn't care and that's cost me the best friend I have ever had.
We obviously couldn't just avoid each other. We had interviews, shit loads of them, and book signings and the Where We Are Tour and everything else. We had to act "in love" in front of everyone and we had to make it look real. We had to look into each other's eyes and laugh, but it was not anywhere close to being genuine.
I know that I had to find the right words to say to Niall. Liam had reminded me plenty of times that I was a douchebag and that I needed to fix things, I just didn't know how. I wanted to, believe me, I really wanted to.
But how does one approach their ex best friend-turned-gay lover? It isn't exactly the easiest thing ever.
I'd called my mum up at least twenty times since we left England for Amsterdam and she only kept saying thsame damned thing. "Harry, just tell him you're sorry."
I got so desperate for answers and Louis got so annoyed with me that he put me on the phone with Eleanor. My green, tired eyes looked at him like he was insane as he help out his shiny iPhone. "I'm not talking to her."
I eventually got the guts to tell Louis everything that I hadn't before, and he was so okay with it. Louis was the kind of person to just sit and listen when it was important. He'd tell you his honest opinion and not sugarcoat anything. And you knew that he meant every word that spilled from his crooked lips.
"She gives bloody good advice, man."
"I'm...I'm not talking to her," I repeated. "I can't. She'll think I'm crazy."
"She already knows that," Louis replied with a smirk, nudging the phone closer to my leg. "Don't you think you're desperate enough, man? You could use all the advice you can get. My girlfriend being no exception."
I sighed and glared down at the phone for nearly thirty more seconds before I picked it up and put it to my ear. "Hello?" I croaked. "Eleanor?"
"'Ello, Harry," a petite and innocent voice chirped from the other side of the line. We paused for quite a few moments before I heard her take a deep breath. "Harry, I am so so so sorry."
"Don't be."
"No, I am. I should have known you had feelings for Louis. I kind of even knew and I didn't ever" she paused, taking another deeo breath. "I just, I didn't say anything and I feel like shit for it."
"El, you really don't-"
"Please, let me talk..please." So I shut up and let her speak. I had a horrible habit of talking over people to get my opinion out. That was my problem. "Harry, I need you to know that I never meant for any of this to happen. I love you like a brother and I always have. I never thought for a second that I was a trouble and I should have listened...I am so sorry."
I paused to make sure she was done talking and hadn't hung up. "It's okay, honestly. But now...can you help me?" I nearly sobbed. I felt Louis' warm hand touch the small of my back, urging me that it was okay.
"Of course, Harry. I hope you don't mind but Lou told me everything," she explained. "I am really sorry that this happened to you two, but just take a moment to breath. Think about how you really feel. And then think about Niall, and how he must be feeling."
"God, I'm such an idiot," I mumbled, hiding my red flustered face in my hands. "I never thought about how Niall felt. He needed me the most and I didn't do anything. For fuck's sake, I am a horrible person!"
"No, Harry," Eleanor spoke calmly. "You're an amazing person. You know why? Because you care about your mum and sister more than anything else. Because you have been the best friend Louis has ever had. Because you completely hate when women are objectified, because you stand up for equality and what you believe in. Because you are you. This can all be fixed. All you need to do is just sit with Niall, and then everything else will flow from there, trust me."
"Elean-"
"Trust me. Do you trust me?"
There was silence.
"Harry?"
"Yeah...I trust you. I'm going to do it."
I found Niall minutes later, sitting on the backside of the hotel in the grass, just staring up at the constellations and other spectacular orbiting objects in space. At first I just stood there, contemplating what would happen if I just turned around and left. He did look peaceful, almost asleep, and the last thing I wanted to do was bother him.
But then I figured that Louis would personally kick my ass if I didn't, so I took a small step closer. And then miraculously, I took another step forward. And another, and another.
"Niall?" I called.
I got silence as a responce. I sighed, mentally affirming the fact that I deserved to be ignored. But I took a few steps closer and tried again, and he still didn't say anything. A part of me wondered if he was laying there, dead. But then I noticed his chest rising and falling and the bright white earbuds stuck in his ears.
It took a lot of me to try not to smile, but I ended up cracking one anyway.
And before I knew it, I was right behind him, hovering over his limp body curiously. I sat down in the plush grass beside him and then finally, after about five minutes of sitting there in akward silence, I reached over and pulled an earbud out of his ear.
He sat up quickly with wild eyes, then realised it was only me.
"Hey," I managed. He picked up his earbud and stuck it back in his esr before I pulled it out again. "Give me a chance. I know I don't deserve it but...please?"
"Harry," he sighed, pulling both earbuds out himself this time. "I know what you're going to say and you don't have to. I get it. And I accept your apology and yes, I'd really like to start this over again, if you want."
I looked deeply into his magical blue eyes and knew that he meant it, because his hand was on my arm and he was looking directly at me. And God, I could smell his genuine smell again and I had never smelt anything more fantastic in my entire life. And those eyes, dear God, those eyes were just as beautiful as I had remembered them to be. It was Niall -my Niall- right here in front of me again.
And before I knew it I was wrapped around him, gripping onto him as if my life depended on it. And he hugged me back, and we just sat there in the moonlight, holding each other. We both knew that we meant what we said. No physical apology was needed, he just knew.
And I knew that it was for real this time. I knew I would never fuck up with Niall ever again. I missed him to much in these past few weeks. He was my person and I was his, and we liked it that way.
We didn't let go for quite some time. Not even when Niall asked, "Have you heard Ed's new song, All of the Stars?" I shook my head, which was against his chest. "It's really good, I just downloaded it. Wanna listen?"
I nodded and felt Niall shuffle around trying to find his phone, all the while keeping one arm wrapped tightly around my body. He flipped to the song and pressed play. While the music started, Niall spoke again.
"I really love looking at the stars. We hardly ever get the chance to see them because we're always in the cities with the flashing lights. But they're beautiful. It is a whole other world out there that is just as beautiful as our own but we ignore it."
And I kept my mouth shut because I enjoyed Niall's voice rambling on and on again about how much he was interested in celestial objects.
Ed's voice sang, "It's just another night and I'm staring at the moon / I saw a shooting star and thought of you. I sang a lullaby by the waterside and knew / If you were here I'd sing to you."
Niall still had an arm around me, his thumb grazing my chilled and goosebump-ridden skin. It was soothing. It was everything I needed. It was all I wanted. And sitting here with him, watching the stars, I couldn't ask for anything better.
"I can see the stars from America / I wonder, do you see them too? So open your eyes and see the way our horizons meet / All of the lights will leave into the night with me / And I know these scars will bleed but both of our hearts believe / All of these stars will guide us home."
I tilted my head up to look at Niall. He was still gazing, incredibly intently, at the shining objects thousands of miles away from us. But they were visible.
And then I realized that the stars were a metaphor for Niall and I's love. They were so so so far away, but they were there. And although some stopped to stare at them every once in a while and others didn't notice them at all, they were still there. And they shone so bright and they were so beautiful.
These stars will guide us home, and my home is wherever Niall was.
//
this chapter was based on the fact that i am obsessed with tfios + the boys are in amsterdam at this very moment and it was too perfect of an oppurtunity to pass up.
i'm sorry that i am a shitty wattpader and haven't published anything.
+ sorry, i did not proof read. feel free to correct my spelling mistakes.
-m