"Bloody hell," Ciel muttered under his breath, eyes shut in rising anger as Rodric smiled pleasantly from the doorway.
I sighed and took a seat on the bed, glancing towards Ciel swiftly. He crossed his arms and leaned up against the wall.
"This is entirely gratuitous."
"Just as your childish complaints are," Rodric responded easily, smile widening.
I shook my head at their banters and refused to look up, knowing well enough that Ciel was probably turning a deep shade of fury. The door clicked shut soon after and I wiggled my feet that were tucked tightly inside my leather brown boots as an attempt to ease the tension that was settling in the room and on my shoulders.
Perched like an owl, delicate as a dove and as heavy as a stallion, the strain washed over until finally a cough from the Earl himself broke the glass thin silence.
"I am sincerely sorry for these series of unfortunate events," he mumbled, hand over his mouth. "But whatever it takes, I shall get to the bottom of it."
A smile crept up on my features as Ciel struggled to keep a distantly mature posture, widening gradually until finally a chuckle escaped me, quickly followed by another set of giggles until I surrendered in trying to stop them. He glared me and I stood up, hand on my stomach as the strange sound of my genuine laughter broke through, a sound that wasn't for being but certainly unheard of by Ciel.
I almost felt exposed of something that could possibly be considered as intimate but there were no means to stop them anytime soon. Personally, I felt helpless.
"S-Stop laughing," Ciel snapped, flushing red now. "I don't understand what could possibly be so humorous at a time like this."
My head shook in response to him and I leaned against the bed pole, hoping to sustain some sort of support while I continued to laugh. It was relieving, in all honesty. I nearly did not want to stop.
However, my reason behind my sudden explosion of happiness was quite the paradox.
"Y-You... can't p-possibly feel... as though I am n-not used to losing l-loved ones as such," I stammered through chuckles, wiping away the tears that brimmed my eyes. "If a-anything, I sh-should apologize to y-you for making you d-deal with such trifles!"
How comical --and so like Ciel-- to think that he would be my knight in shining armor.
The hopeful princess in me had died a long time ago; nothing would ever ease my eternal and unsettled flame of well-deserved despair.
Ciel stayed silent, face still with an unreadable expression that ultimately calmed down my dismal amusement. The bitterness that soon followed after my odd high brought about an unimpressed sigh and even I was taken aback at my quick change in temperament. Then again, I've noticed that my short-lived moments of happiness swiftly came and went much quicker than the last.
"You and I both know that such promises cannot be entirely fulfilled."
Unshaken, Ciel stepped towards me and raised an unimpressed brow. We locked eyes in what seemed to a battle for the most miserable and I frowned.
"I recall you being the one to tell me that during these times, a little bit of communication could ease the pain we both deny," Ciel said lowly, almost with a hiss. I blinked at the fact that he recalled what I had told him when Madame Red passed away and even more so flinched when he recited them to me word by word.
"Don't you want a bit of comfort? Even if it may be from someone you've just only met?"
My heart skipped a beat.
"You're wrong there, Ciel," I replied in an equally somber tone, the corners of my lips twitching upwards. "You're no longer someone I've just met. You're now a friend."
I couldn't begin to explain my reasoning for the words that followed soon after. It was as though the months of denying, waiting and built up frustrations could no longer maintain themselves hidden from the public eye, yearning to at least be acknowledged by the one person that needed to be the last to hear it. Still, there was a type of relief that was laced with the words as well.
Ciel Phantomhive, the enigma he may be, had opened up a world of new emotions that I could have sworn had died long ago along with my parents. When I am near him, there is an inexplicable attraction that I cannot fathom and will not accept. My usual unbending personality swayed to match and even adapt to his without a second thought. The fact alone that these wretched feelings had grown gradually since Madame Red's funeral and branched out to connect and create even more emotions even more so disturbed me.
I was no longer allowed to feel these moments of bliss.
To stop myself from trying to analyze these feelings even further, I made a detailed list of several key points that stood between the acceptance of my developing endearment for Earl Phantomhive. The basis of these factors solely fulfilled the purpose of not allowing me to contemplate anything further than out current companionship.
The first and foremost obstacle in the way was the oh-so-joyous Elizabeth Ethel Cordelia Midford. She alone was able to stop me in my tracks at the slightest thought of being with Ciel; breaking off and engagement usually always ended up in an enormous scandal unless both parties were in mutual agreement. By the likes of how Elizabeth couldn't stand being a second away from her beloved, I doubted that idea would sail smoothly.
Secondly, I certainly did consider myself to be quite the sight, but not once did I imagine myself to be the Earl's ideal fiancée. Was he interested in a young woman with brown locks that curled at the tips and reflected off shine in the sunlight? Did he enjoy losing himself as he stared into my jade eyes for endless moments? If I kept romanticizing each of my features, like I frequently did, it was no magical wonder why I felt so self-conscious whenever Lord Phantomhive made an appearance. I'm sure he preferred his women to have sky-blue eyes and blonde hair that reached down to there. Along with having the attention span of a pigeon.
My favorite highlight of why I could not even try to retain any sense of temporary happiness was the fact that I was destined to be buried without my soul. How could I, after working through sweat, tears and blood, (both mine and not), even think about creating a romantic relationship with the Queen's Watch Dog? The social status and position I had clawed up to reach would simply be wiped out by his own accomplishments and successes in a matter of months. Thus, nullifying the contract of maintaining my family's name alive and assuring my poetically tragic, untimely demise.
Up until now, these logics had been working out splendidly.
If Ciel hadn't been so determined to be my prince in shining armor, maybe I could have withheld my emotions for a longer period of time.
If he hadn't been so keen on showing that he actually cared about my well-being whenever something went wrong, my walls wouldn't have crumbled.
Those captivating, cyan eyes that were devoid of emotion unless he was alone; the locks of hair-- dark as the painful, nightmare filled nights-- that became disheveled just as much as he did; a smile so foreign but not extinct that could brighten the sky of clouds and misery. My heart ached to be the cause of such rare joy, because even then I would feel like my actions had done something worthwhile.
We were both so similar and yet not the same; each one dealing with a different hell and different devil that ultimately led to an identical fate. If anyone could understand him, it would be I and the situation would be the same if the stars were turned around.
My first, strong, independent and morally sincere friend that I had never before had.
I could not, would not, could not fall for him.
I also could not continue such an exhausting battle with my heart when an already strenuous one was still in play within my memories.
And so when my lips began to move on their own to audibly expressed my sentiments in a single sentence, I could not stop them even if I had tried.
Lightening cracked. Water dripped.
Eyes widened and hearts dropped.
I spoke, unafraid and surrendered from the battle I hadn't even known I had lost.
"Sometimes, however, I wish you and I were much more than that."
-
Exactly as you read it, Adelina confessed her love for Ciel.
To those who think that this was just thrown in your face... have you not been paying attention to all the significant details I've been adding this whole time? and I literally went back through all 39 chapters to find each time their growing fondness for each other is hinted; there's at least 20 major clues, AT LEAST.
THIS CHAPTER WAS ALL ADELINA'S INNER MONOLOGUE ABOUT HOW SHE FEELS ABOUT HIM; I AM PRETTY PROUD AT HOW IT TURNED OUT. (also this is where the lyrics to the songs actually start making sense if you follow me on Quotev, the intro's and outro's are all on there!)
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...My Countess orders, I obey; Anyone who dares interfere, will have Hell to pay...