song for chapter: light by sleeping at last
{ with every heartbeat I have left, I'll defend you. I promise, I'll do better."
AUGUST
[ ETHAN'S POV ]
My fingers hovered over the keyboard on my phone preparing to type, but I was unsure.
I felt stuck. What if I say the wrong thing, or what if I come off as too strong?
We haven't talked in so long and if she moved on, I don't want this to be awkward.
Who am I kidding? It's going to be awkward either way.
I began typing my thoughts-not being for sure if I should send it, but then my thumb clicked send.
3:40pm
me: happy 19th birthday, I love and miss you. please come home.
My chest breathed in heavily making my cheeks puff up, then exhaled.
Was that too much?
Did I come off as too strong?
Fuck it.
I clicked the power button on my phone, then letting it fall out of my hands landing on my bed.
Eleven years I've known her. Four of those years I've spent loving her. Seven of them I spent hurting her.
I can't believe she's nineteen today. She's not even here to spend it with us; with me.
I pushed myself off of my bed, opening my bedroom door, and walking downstairs.
"Hey bud." Jeff patted my shoulder before passing me and walking up the stairs.
"Ethan, you're up!" Taylor smiled while putting her plate into the dishwasher.
"And?" I raised my eyebrows being confused on why they were all being so friendly today.
"And?" Grayson questioned me like I was dumb.
Oh boy, I already know what's coming.
"Do you know what today is?" Grayson questioned probably thinking I forgot.
I let out a huff of air while pulling the fridge door open, "yes, I know what today is." I mumbled.
"Come on, man." Graysons hands grabbed onto my shoulders, "let's just be happy today."
"Why would we be happy? She's not even here for it?" I gave him a certain look as if he were dumb.
"We are celebrating her. She's accomplished so much. Let's just have fun today." He told me while letting go of my shoulders.
"You know, that's a great offer and all, but I think I'm just gonna stay home." I awkwardly denied him.
A chuckle came from the staircase causing both of our heads to turn, "oh you're definitely coming with us." Jeff jogged down the stairs in a blue bathing suit with a towel over his shoulder.
"Where?" I questioned.
"The backyard." Grayson chuckled pointing to the back window.
There were already a couple people outback and a bunch of food was set out onto the table. Guess I didn't even notice.
"We're throwing a small party today, just a bunch of people coming to hangout." Taylor told me while taking a sip from her water bottle.
"Yeah," I squinted my eyes while rubbing my lips together, "I'm gonna have to take a hard pass on that one."
"Dude, come on." Grayson groaned getting pissed off because of my mood.
I don't know what he expects?
It's ally's birthday and they threw a party for her; she's not even fucking here.
"Sorry." I apologized not actually meaning it before walking back up the stairs and into my room.
My body flopped down onto my bed immediately feeling relaxation.
I stayed still letting my eyes close. The longer i laid down, the louder the muffled music got from outback.
I don't know how, but I could feel myself slowly fading off to sleep.
_______
7:37pm
My body jolted hearing two knocks on my door making my eyes shoot open.
The sound of music swarmed through my ears as I remembered there was a party going on outside.
I rubbed my eyes as I took a deep breath in, then fully standing up onto my feet.
I walked to the door opening it seeing Kelsey standing in the doorway. "There you are." She laughed slightly.
Something about her has been different lately.
Don't get me wrong, she's my friend, but she seems more cuddly with me.
Something with her presence makes me uncomfortable.
"I took a nap." I stretched out my shoulders while holding onto the door knob.
"Everyone's looking for you downstairs." She told me.
My eyes rolled in annoyance as I turned around walking into my room, "well, they can keep looking for me. I'm not going down there."
"I think you're over reacting just a little bit, Ethan." Her voice seemed sensitive, but demanding.
I scoffed turning around to her, "whatever, I'm overreacting then." I shrugged not caring.
I walked outside to the balcony looking out at the dark sky that filled with a mix of dark orange, purple and navy blue.
"I didn't mean it that way." She followed me, putting her hands onto the mental bar as she stood next to me.
"It's fine." I shook my head, again not caring.
A large silence grew between us, only the music from downstairs in the background.
"You know," she started to break the silence between us.
"when Jalen cheated on me, I felt like my heart was literally broken. I thought that it physically tore; at least that's what it felt like." She admit.
I know the feeling.
"I couldn't see my life going any further, but then I came to my senses and realized that I still had my friends. You guys helped me through it." She let out a deep breath.
"I'm sorry about him, Kelsey." I admit. "No one deserves to be cheated on."
"That's what friends are for. They are there for you when the person you love isn't." She shrugged looking back out to the sky.
Silence filled between again us as I looked back out to the sky seeing the entire city.
Her head turned to me, back to the sky, then back to me.
I turned my head to look at her; confused as of what was happening.
She stared at my eyes then looking around at my facial features. Seconds later, she quickly leaned in attaching our lips.
My eyes shot wide open as my hand forcefully pushed against her chest breaking out contact.
"What the fuck are you doing?" I wiped my lips off with the sleeve of my hoodie. Every nerve in my body was tingling with anger.
"Why do you push everyone away that tries to be there for you?" She raised her voice.
"You're kidding me right? You just kissed me while Ally wasn't here you." I pushed past her going into my room.
"God are you this blindsided? She's not coming back, Ethan!" She threw her hands in the air getting pissed.
"Oh shut the hell up. You know nothing about her." I grit my teeth together while turning back around to her.
"She's been gone for eight months! Get it through your head! She moved on!" She stepped closer to me still fighting.
"You don't know her. You cant even say that." I could feel my face getting heated by the second.
"She's in one of the biggest cities in the country. Do you seriously believe she didn't meet someone else? She didn't come back and she's not coming back." Nothing but anger filled her voice.
"You're just mad because I don't like you. You're hardly in our group, you don't know us like we know each other." I defended feeling my fist clench.
"Do you really think that's what this is about? Gosh you're so stupid! You're just in denial!" She continued.
"Get the fuck out of my room." My chest breathed heavily in and out.
She narrowed her eyebrows completely annoyed. "I cant believe you."
I shrugged keeping an intimidating stare on my face, "Cool. Leave."
"Fuck you." She pushed past me hitting her shoulder against mine before slamming my door shut.
I grunted before I screamed as my arm raised; turning and slamming my fist straight into the wall.
My fist stayed in the wall as my eyes furiously looked at it. I pulled it out not even caring to wipe the drywall off of my arm.
I hate her.
I more than hate her.
She's such a fucking bitch.
She is completely oblivious of the situation all of us are in and she came into my room acting like she knew absolutely everything.
She has never met Ally. She doesn't have the right to say things about her as if they are facts.
She's such a whore. Kissing me while she knows im in love with someone who isn't her.
I never thought I'd say this, but props to Jalen for dumping her.
I was wrong. She does deserve it.
______
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