1 Month Later
Gabby.
My world is shattered into millions of tiny pieces. There's no repairing it. Just getting out of bed is physically and emotionally draining. So I avoid it. I avoid everyone and everything. I keep the curtains closed, windows and doors remain shut, I distance myself.
My parents try to help me. My mom tries harder than my dad. She's not just worried for me but the other person in this room, the one that will be born into a life of complete shit. A life where Jax Parker isn't here to make everything better. So I avoid all topics of my pregnancy. I avoid everything.
The door creeks open as it has every morning for a month. I call this the 'shift change'. I try and avoid this too. Sometimes it works, today it doesn't.
"Hey." The familiar face of Morgan appears next to me. She tucks my hair behind my ear and forces a smile. I ignore her word and just stare at her. She glances behind her at Cole, who is sleeping on the floor. He's here for my midnight meltdowns of screaming and puking. He really got the short end of the stick when it came time for their shifts. Sydney helps with making me look normal and getting me to shower. Morgan focuses on keeping me fed and attempting to keep my mind off Jax. My mind is always on Jax. "You aren't ignoring me today. Sydney is about to come in here and we are going to get you showered and dressed. Then Cole, you, and me are going to go to Cedar Falls for lunch."
"I can't." My cheeks become wet. "I can't go out of this room. I don't want to see my parents. They kept me from him. I could have had more time with him. I can't see them. I can't see his house. I can't do it."
"Oh Gabs, yes you can sweetie." She wipes my tears away with her fingers. "You need a day out of town. No parents, you can keep ignoring them for all I care. Just come with us."
"Please Gabby?" Cole sits up with his elbows on his knees and stares at me. His hair is disheveled and he has bags under his eyes, likely my fault. "You can cry the entire way, just come with us. We have to sign up for classes today and we don't want to leave you."
The thought of them not being here today actually begins to give me a bit of a panic attack. They've been keeping everyone else at bay. They know when I'm really down and when I don't want to speak to anyone. They keep my parents from bringing up the baby. They keep Felix and Kane from dragging me out of this room. I need them more than they know. So just today, I sit up and throw my covers off.
"Holy shit it's working" Cole mutters with wide eyes. Morgan hits him upside the head and then begins sifting through my closet to find me clothes. She tosses me some cotton shorts and a Lions shirt before kicking Cole out.
"I'm scared." I whisper as she pulls my shirt off me.
"It's just lunch Gabby. We will drop off our class selections and we will come home."
My head shakes. "I'm scared to be a mom without him." My eyes go anywhere but to my best friend, I select to focus on my desk chair.
She takes my hand in hers and squeezes firmly. "So many people want to help you Gabby. Let them. Cole and I are here. You parents, Sydney, Felix, Kane... everyone. Let us help you."
It's not the same. What do I tell my child about their dad? That he killed himself because he couldn't take the pain of his sister's death? Their aunt? Do I tell them that she was murdered by our beautiful lake home? I haven't even told he Parkers that I'm pregnant. They never even knew about us dating. How do I tell them that I'm pregnant with their grandchild when they are hurting this bad? I'm sure they are mad at me for skipping the wake. I couldn't stand there with them again. I couldn't walk in and see just the two of them and his casket. I sent Morgan with my condolences. How do I tell my child that I couldn't even bring myself to attend funerals because I wasn't strong enough? If I couldn't even do that, how do I raise a child on my own?
"Let's just get this over with so I can go back to hiding."
<><><>
The three hour drive down is quiet. Almost too quiet. Morgan and Cole sit in the front seat of her car with me in the back. They share glances, an unspoken conversation between the two of them. I'm sure it's about me.
It's been a long time since I've actually seen the campus, probably since Felix moved here for school, but it's familiar. I notice the UNI-Dome right away, it's huge and hard to miss. It just makes me remember Jax, him telling me that they had good popcorn. Fuck popcorn. I'd give it up completely for one more moment with him.
We drive past the school, not far, and stop beside an older two-story house on a hill.
"I thought we were going to UNI to drop off your schedules?" I peer up at the large green home.
"We wanted to show you where we are living the next four years."
I roll my eyes. I don't care where they are going to hang out the next four years. I know where I'll be. Sulking in my room back in Luxberg with a baby on my hip. I'll be one of those shut-ins that's terrified to leave their room.
The three of us get out the car and Cole opens the door with his set of keys. It makes me wonder how many times they came down here to pick this out together and they still haven't managed to hook up. I want to push Morgan towards him and scream at them, telling them that life it too short for these fucking games. Figure it out already.
Morgan smiles big as she runs around the house pointing at different rooms and announcing what they are as if I couldn't guess that the room with the refrigerator was the kitchen. "Porch!" She points and claps. I just nod and attempt to force a smile while Cole chuckles at her enthusiasm.
I follow them upstairs as she begins pointing out bedrooms. "So this is my room and Cole's is right across the hall."
"Convenient" I nod. She smacks my arm as her eyes grow wide.
"Gabby made a joke..." Cole laughs and puts his hands in his pockets as he walks out of the room.
"Sorry" I mutter to Morgan and look out the window. "It just came out. I wasn't thinking."
"I'll let that one slide. I deserved it."
Yes, she definitely did. I push the thought of her and Jax out of my mind. That is a discussion we will never have.
We continue our tour, the place is massive for the two of them. The upstairs has four bedrooms and two bathrooms in addition to another small living room-type area at the top of the stairs.
"And then this is your room and that's the baby's nursery."
My head shoots up to what Cole just said. Both of my friends are grinning like complete idiots.
"What do you mean this is my room?"
"It's your room." Cole says matter-of-factly before he pulls a key out of his pocket and hands it to me. "The three of us applied to this school together. We are going to school. And even if you choose not to Gabby, we think you should still move in with us."
Tears stream down my cheeks as I look around the room. "I can't you guys. I didn't save up like you did, I don't have a job. I'm pregnant. My life is a complete mess."
As much as I hate to admit it, I want this. I want to feel like a normal freshmen in college, moving in with my friends, going to classes. I'm terrified of being stuck in a town that took everything from me. I'm terrified to raise my child in a town where the person who murdered their aunt roams free. I don't want to see Jax's home ever again. I don't want to see the lake ever again. I'm not sure I want to see my home ever again.
"Gabby, come to school with us. We will help you out." Cole hands me my UNI welcome package and my breath hitches. I thought Felix had thrown it away but obviously he didn't. "Screw what your parents want. This was our plan. You can go to school and be a mom, they work with you on that. We are going to help you get your degree and help with the baby. We are here for you this time."
I look around the room again, admiring the possibility of having a degree, a safe home, and my friends. Jax would have wanted this for us, I know he wanted me away from town and at school. "Show me the nursery..."
<><><>
My feet drag back into the house after our long day. It's late. My entire body aches. It's been a month since I didn't spend the entire day in bed.
The four members of my family sitting around the kitchen table. They're laughing at something Sydney said. I'm sure it's easy for all of them to go on without Jax. Did anyone bother to get to know the real him? No. They saw him as a devil who tried to corrupt me. Maybe he did a bit. If that includes feeding me never ending compliments, holding me as I broke, sticking up for me when no one else did, being my best friend, loving me... then I would do it a million times over again.
Everyone stops when they see me, smiles disappear. Yep, that's right, the shattered girl is back to damper your evening.
"Where were you all day?" My dad asks as he sets down his fork.
"It doesn't matter." I mutter and turn to walk up the stairs.
"Gabby come back down here and talk to us!" He yells. "At some point this needs to stop! He's gone! He wouldn't want you to act like this!"
His last sentence infuriates me and I turn and walk back down the stairs. I stare directly at my dad. "Don't act like you knew him! You didn't want to know him like I did! You gave us one date! One! I could have had so much more time with him and you stole it from me. You act as if you were the perfect teen! I'm done with this! All of this!" I wave my hands around their perfect fucking home. I'm not perfect. I am not normal.
"What do you mean you're done with it?" My mom looks at me. She looks heartbroken already and I'm about to give the final blow.
"I'm done." I sigh. "I'm leaving Luxberg. I'm going to school with Cole and Morgan..."
All four of them smile and begin telling me how great that is and how proud they are.
"STOP!" I cut them all off. "Listen to me, for once!"
"We're listening Gabs..." my dad nods. He's not. None of them are. None of them ever do.
"I'm leaving for school and I'm not coming back. Not on weekends, not on holidays, not over summer break. I can't do this anymore. I won't raise a baby here. I can't be here in this town after everything that has happened. Tomorrow, Cole and Morgan are coming with their parents to help me pack and then I'm never coming back to Luxberg again. And I don't want anyone from town to know I'm pregnant. That is my business and for once it will stay that way."
"Gabby" my mom covers her mouth with her hand.
I can't even cry, as much as I want to right now, I feel like I can't do it anymore. Not over this damn town. "I'm not saying I don't want you guys in my life, and I hope you come visit wherever I end up. But I need you to understand that if I stay here, I will always be like this. I will be paranoid, and sad, and scared. It's not just me that I need to worry about now. I need to leave and I won't be back."
I leave them all to think about what I just said. I just hope that for once they really do listen to what I just said. Because for the first time I'm not trying to please anyone, or be normal, I'm doing what needs to be done.
I'm leaving this town in the dust and I'm not coming back.
Luxberg can kiss my abnormal ass.