Clarisse was pacing the waiting room to the hospital, angrily back and forth. Back and forth and back and forth. It was endless, the waiting, the constant waiting. She didn't know anything...she didn't know if her daughter would live or die. She didn't know if the pills were already in her system. Her head...when Clarisse had stooped down to see what had happened her baby's head was bleeding. She had hit her head on the bathtub. Clarisse ran a hand through her hair. She wanted to punch someone, something...but there was no one to punch except herself. She and failed, back when Nick was born she promised herself that she would be a better parent than her own father. But she had failed, not only herself but her friend Silena Beauregard. She remembers the laughter her and Silena shared, when Silena pulled her aside from everyone and demanded details on who Chris was. Clarisse doesn't think she had ever laughed so hard. Silena talked and made her laugh, made her feel important. She was her best friend. She was her sister in a sense. Clarisse's true family.
And when Charlie died she doesn't think she ever hugged someone so much before. She held her best friend as she sobbed and tried to remain strong as Silena broke.
Though that day, that awful wretched day. The day her best friend took her place. Lead her family to war. Even though Silena hated violence and suffering she did what was right she did what Clarisse had been too afraid to do.
Clarisse had never felt so low as she held Silena's broken body in her arms tears had escaped her eyes. As Silena had looked at the sky.
She had lost her best friend forever. The one person she could confide in, her best friend who trusted her. Who gave her life for her honor. She had lost her that day. There would be no more of her. She would never hear her laugh or smell her prefume. Silena left the world that day.
Clarisse hated herself for a long time after that.
But when she found out she was going to be having a little girl, she wanted her best friend to be a part of it. She wanted her baby to be just like her best friend. Though maybe it had worked out too well.
Clarisse reared back her hand to punch the wall when she felt a cool hand on her wrist. She turned and Chris managed a pained smile.
"Don't beat yourself up over this Clarisse." He warned gently in that tone that always made Clarisse feel weak. She hated and loved that feeling. Her hand dropped and he brought her close. She burried her head against his shoulder shaking her head. The door opened and Will stood there eyes pained and Clarisse hated how weak she felt. She broke from Chris' embrace slamming her hand into the wall.
"No!" She sobbed covering her hand with her mouth. Chris wrapped his arms around her holding her tight as he could. Tears were spilling down his cheeks as a lump formed in her throat. Why ?! Why her?! Why them? Chris was shaking so Clarisse knew, knew he was trying to hold in his own emotion for her sake.
"No, she's alive." That three worded sentence broke the dam she had been trying to build and she sobbed. She was so relieved.
"Why were you giving me that look of pity?!" She demanded and Will looked at his clipboard sadly.
"She woke up and tried to cut her ...doesn't matter a nurse stopped her she missed and we bandaged her up. She's not handling being alive too well. " He explained and Chris took her hand, they'd do this together.
Silena's POV
Gods I couldn't even kill myself right! I only made things worse when the nurse came in and I was holding a scalpel. Never heard someone scream so loud before. I looked down my arm was tightly bandaged from where the scalpel had connected. Gods I was stupid! Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid!!! It wasn't just Charlie, oh no that was just the straw that broke the camel's back. The final nail in my coffin. See these popular girls...they didn't like me much...said cruel things and Charlie... He was my lifeline..he kept me afloat in the raging ocean that was middle school. But then when he said what he did to me. It was as if someone pulled a knife and snapped the chain holding me to this world. I'd heard it all before but not from my best friend.
"You think you're good enough for Charlie? You're not good enough for anything!" "Why don't you just kill yourself!" "Are you even a girl Silena?"
I exhaled tiredly, the truth was I didn't like to fight. I was nothing like my mom. Sure I had a short temper but who doesn't have one flaw. I'd love to dress up every once in awhile, show off my girlyness...but I don't want to be a disappointment to my mom. I didn't want to be weak or a mistake. Though she probably thought that already. I had to get out of here! Carefully I flipped the blankets off my legs, swinging them around. I was about to jump down when the door opened. I didn't have time to do much of anything before my dad had swept me up into a tight embrace.
"Oh Silena you scared me." He sobbed and I was hit with a wave of guilt. He pulled away grabbing my cheeks in his hands, framing my face.
"Don't you ever do this again. I love you too much. We can't lose you." He insisted and yet my mom hadn't said a word. She probably was disappointed. Disappointed that I didn't die, that her one mistake in life hadn't disappeared.
"No." I whisper and he releases my face sitting back he looks confused.
"No?" He asks in concern and I sit back from him.
"I won't stop and you can't stop me from doing this again!" I cried out and suddenly I'm off the bed and off the ground. Held merely inches from my mom's face. I blink, too shocked to register what just happened.
"No you won't." Her tone is low and I narrow my eyes.
"Are you gonna stop me officer?" I ask in a mocking tone. "Niether of you are interested in me. You're never home! I'm just the mistake who should've never happened!" I cry and am dropped back onto the bed.
"Silena I will commit you. Is that what you want!?" My dad exclaims and I look away. What did I want?
"Go ahead I'm just some disappointment." I grumbled looking at my hands trying not to make myself cry. When I feel my mom's rough calloused hands on my chin, she forces eye contact with me.
"Chris give us a minute." She murmurs and for once my dad looks more frustrated than her but he nods and leaves.
"Lena, first I want to know why you did this." Her tone is firm but calm and I struggle with keeping mine the same.
"Doesn't matter." I murmur and she brushed her thumb against my cheek.
"It matters to me, tell me why. Or else I'll start interrogating everyone at your little middle School." She promised and I looked into her usually hardened brown eyes, they looked soft and warm. Could I really confide in my mom? I closed my eyes my lip trembling.
"I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment." I cried and her hand left my chin and she wrapped me in one of her bear hugs. Though it was somewhat different, her hand ran through my hair soothingly as she kissed the top of my head.
"Lena you have never disappointed me. You're my daughter." She whispered softly against my hair and more tears came tumbling from my eyes.
"Even if I don't like to fight...and I cry and sometimes I wanna dress nice.." I cried harder and my mom shushed me rocking me, holding me.
"I just want you to be Silena. I want you to be yourself. I want you to be happy." She whispered softly, I sniffed pulling out of the hug I looked into her eyes again. She brushed hair from my face.
"There was these girls." I whispered and my mom frowned as I leaned against her chest. "They were being awful to me." I murmured softly my mom ran a hand through my hair gently. "Charlie ...he said things to me after they had been awful to me...it made me feel like no one wanted me around." I admitted and she turned me around so our eyes met.
"What exactly did Charlie say to you?" She asked and I frowned.
"Silena!" Charlie burst into my hospital room, startling me as he held out a stuffed boar. My grandfather's animal. It had a bright red ribbon around it's neck and in Charlie's other hand he held balloons. After him stood Opal, who was carrying a box of chocolates, a stuffed bear and some flowers and Jade was carrying a bag of salt water Taffy, a bobble head and some flowers.
"I'm sorry Lena." Opal whispered handing me the chocolates, the bear and the flowers. Jade and Charlie did the same and I was burrowed beneath it all.
"Okay thanks." I murmured as my mom unburied me sitting the stuff agsinst the wall. Charlie met my gaze and I looked down. He didn't see me as anything other than a pathetic twelve year old, who had a childish crush on him. "Thank you for coming." I looked out the window trying to stop my tears from coming. What those girls said was true, Charlie was too good for me.
"Lena?" Charlie whispered and my tears spilled over.
"Please go away Charlie." I whisper and he looks heartbroken but respectfully listens and disappears out the door, Opal and Jade following suit. I put my face in my hands and I sob.
"Silena what did he say to you?" My mom demands lifting my tear stained face.
"He... he said..." Did I really want to admit my feelings for Charlie to my mom? "That I was.. pathetic and a bitch and I was confused earlier so I was avoiding him...he called me a bitch...twice...he apologized but I pushed him too far...he called me pathetic...he said I may have a crush on...on him...but he'd never feel the same way about me.." I can't say anything else as my mom gets up. I know that look and I shake my head.
"Mom it's okay...I deserved it...it just hurt..." I whispered and she was shaking with anger.
"No it's not okay. Silena he should've kept his damn mouth shut!" She rages and I look down.
"I wish he felt the same way about me." I sob and my mom stills. "I've always felt connected to Charlie but he doesn't feel the same way about me."
...
Clarisse's anger dispersed, she saw her friend mourning over Charles Beckendorfs death. She saw her broken body laying in her arms. She saw red. Damn Percy Jackson and his damn spawn. She took her daughter in her arms again. She looked up and could've sworn she saw Silena Beauregard standing against the wall her hand intertwined with Charles Beckendorf's.
"Don't give up yet Silena Rodriguez, all love takes a little time. A little work. And a lot of patience." She smiled and Clarisse felt tears pooling in her eyes and she held her daughter closer.
"Don't give up yet Silena, a friend of mine once told me, all love takes a little time. A little work. And a lot of patience."