Song of the chapter - Someone to stay by Vancouver Sleep Clinic
Blair
I felt the leaves below my feet, crush and crumple. For the first time today, it was quiet. The whole forest was silent and I was quiet. I was silent and I couldn't bring myself to speak. Morgan stayed quiet as I trailed behind on his feet. Surprisingly we've been walking for a while, but I enjoyed the silent air. I needed it to collect myself.
The whole situation with Grace and Lisa, didn't stop replaying my mind and I officially felt emotionally tired. Everything was beginning to get too much and I didn't know what to do. So much guilt had built up in me, it left me wondering, do I deserve to live another day on this earth if I had caused two or possibly more deaths? The answer was no. I didn't. Everyone else like Lisa and Grace, deserved to see each other again... Alive.
"Blair?" "Hey, Blair... Blair." My mind snapped back to reality and I saw Morgan wave his hand in front of my face. He was stopped in his tracks, which made me stop too. "Yeah." I spoke up and he sighed, staring at me. "Are we close? It's starting to get dark and if it isn't, then we need to build camp." He spoke and I shook my head. I knew we were close but the closer we got the more sadder I got.
I knew I needed to see Carl, once again. It was sad for me to admit to him that I needed him closer than ever. Leaving was the only solution to this. I needed to leave for myself to realize that I actually needed him. "We're nearly there. About a mile left." I said and he nodded. He stood beside me and we kept walking through the woods. He gripped onto his stick and I kept my gun in my hand. The flashlight he was holding, was pointing into different directions, every time he heard something.
It was now pitch black outside and we were both getting tired but I knew Alexandria wasn't far from here and I needed Carl, I needed to have him. I needed to be in his arms, no matter what. I knew it was wrong that I wanted to be in Carl's arms because of all my lies but I was a bad person in general. The many deaths I caused was enough to believe it.
"What happened back there?" Morgan spoke up, breaking the peaceful silence. I needed to bring myself to speak to Morgan about breaking down. Back at the car, he gladly took me into his arms and told me everything happens for a reason. But something like that... Doesn't.
"I-I don't kno-" "-You do, but you won't bring yourself to tell me." He interrupted me and he was right. I couldn't bring myself to speak up. I couldn't speak about what happened because I would drown in the guilt, But... I knew I needed to get it off of my chest. The only person I could do that to was Carl. I need to get back to Alexandria and see his ocean blue eyes with the sheriffs hat on his head. He will be there and alive.
"Blair. I caught on about what happened and you shouldn't of-" "-WHAT!" I yelled and stopped in my tracks. Morgan came to a stop and stared at me. Morgan had told me not to do what, exactly. "I know I shouldn't of kept her daughters death from her! I knew Lisa still had hope left in her but do not... I mean, do not make me as guiltier as I already am." I spoke as I lost my voice. My voice was breaking with the thought of Lisa, killing herself as soon as she seen Grace, dead.
"Okay... Sorry." Morgan replied and continued walking. As we both walked in silence, I could hear a few screams in the distance and the thing that immediately came to mind was, Alexandria. We are so close and anything could be happening. "Go, go, go." Morgan whispered and we both sprinted through the forest until we finally saw the gates to Alexandria.
We both stared at the community, lit up like a Christmas tree. But something else caught my eyes. There was a hole in the wall of Alexandria and walkers made their way into the grounds. Me and Morgan grabbed out weapons and took each and everyone of the walkers that were making their way to the gap, out.
I ran up to one and grabbed my knife out my boot. With one swift move, the knife impaled itself into it's skull. The walkers were dying down as me and Morgan killed them before more could make their way into Alexandria. "There." I said, pointing towards the gap. Morgan let me crawl in first and as I did I saw people in the distance all around a fire.
"Morgan go, I'll board this up." I said and he nodded as he ran up to the place where everyone was. Before I could even place the board back into place, a girl came out of the gap. It was Enid. I pointed my gun at her quickly and she stared at me as she crawled through. "Enid! What the fuck?" I questioned her as I pushed the board back on.
"What the hell are you doing back here? We were fine without you here." She spat at me as I nailed the board back on with the base of my gun. I smacked it against the wood as those words spurred out of Enid's mouth. I sighed deeply, trying not to lose my patience with her. I turned around and she crossed her arms, staring at me.
"I came back for Morgan's sake, not mine." I said and she scoffed. She walked further up to me and I stared her down. "You should've stayed away from here. Everything has changed since you've been gone. Carl's moved on and he won't be back to you. Yea, he's missed you but nothing else for you, Blair." She growled at me and I shoved her back.
"I am none of your business and I'll wait to hear those words form Carl's mouth, not yours." "Do not push me again." She said and shoved me back . "Piss off!" I cursed at her and pushed her back much harder than I thought. Before Enid could speak or push me again, a gunshot was let go into the air.
I stared at Enid for a minute and I took my gun out as I started to run up to the fire where everyone was. I reached the fire and I saw everyone there except Judith and Carol. I was behind Morgan and over his shoulder, I could see a confused Rick. He looked dirty. He was covered in blood. I didn't know whose but I didn't care. As long as he was safe and so was Carl.
I finally came out from behind Morgan and Rick immediately stared at me. He looked so happy and sad at the same time, if that even is an emotion. I was too though. Everything off today made me sad and useless but now I see Rick and everyone else, I feel a hint of happiness. "Blair..." Rick whispered and I felt water come to the surface of my eyes.
I walked towards Rick and pulled him into a hug. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and I wrapped mine, around his torso. It was so warming and I didn't want any of this to end. It made me feel like I had a proper family. A family who won't beat me or abuse me. I pulled away from Rick and he laid a hand on my cheek. "Why did yo-" "-I'm sorry... I'm so sorry." I apologized and he nodded slowly. "You're back, it's okay."
I felt everyone's eyes so confused but something else caught my eye. Two men were bleeding on the ground and Deanna was hovering over one of those men. She was crying and I was so confused but I didn't want to ask any questions at all. "Dad." I heard his voice. It was Carl. Everything felt so surreal.
Rick turned around as his hand was still on my cheek. I stared at the boy behind him with the hat. I don't know if I should call him a boy anymore. He is a man. Not a boy. He stared at me and I felt tears go down my cheeks. "Carl?" I cried and he pointed towards me in a way that caught me off guard. He was so sad but so happy.
He walked towards me quickly and I done the exact same thing. I needed Carl's warmth, I needed his love. In a matter of seconds, his arms were wrapped around my shoulders. I heard the stutter of his breaths as he tried not to cry. But mine were stutters. I did cry. I needed to cry. My arms wrapped around his waist and he pulled me in closer to him. "Oh, Carl..." I breathed as tears streamed down his face.
"Blair." He whispered into my neck. I pulled away from him and stared at his beautiful eyes. "I-I know I said I didn't want anything to do with you Carl but I can't do this without you. I can't. Please don't leave me." I cried and I felt his hands lay on my cheeks. He pulled me in for a sweet gentle kiss. Of course, I kissed back and it was only short. He pulled away as his thumb rubbed against my cheek, wiping my tears.
"What happened out there?" He asked me, barely even a whisper. I sniffed as tears were beginning to struggle my breaths, to that I could barely speak. Carl deserved to know what happened to Lisa and to me. "I met this woman, her name was Lisa." I started and he didn't move an inch until I told him everything.
"The girl I told you about, Grace. She was Lisa's daughter. She had so much hope that Grace was alive but, today... we all reached the spot where Grace had died. I couldn't- I just-" "Shhh, Calm down..." He comforted me. "I said to Lisa I was gonna tell her but I kept that whole lie from her. Lisa she had a gun... Sh-She... Turned the gun on herself." I sobbed and I knew all I wanted to do was cry into Carl.
"Ever since today... I had been drowning in guilt and sorrow and everything else." I sobbed and stared up at him. I knew Carl wanted to hug me and he was gonna anyway. "I have been so lost... I've been losing my mind... The guilt-the hurt, everything just hurt-" "Come here." He whispered into me and pulled me into another hug. I covered Carl's shirt in tears but he didn't care. He was the man who didn't care what effect I had on him. He still loved me, no matter what.