Chapter 2-
"Welcome to Starbucks. What would you like today?" I put on my best façade smile as I took the person's order, trying to focus on the order given to me.
The first day of school had been terrible. The incident with Calvin this morning was still fresh in my mind, showing no chance of me forgetting anytime soon. I couldn't bring myself to look at Calvin all day, nor could I talk about the incident with Megan or Joshua. I mean, how will they react if they find out that their friend tried to commit suicide by jumping from the school's rooftop?
How does a regular person react to that kind of situation?
Was he actually going to jump, or was I imagining it? Mom always said I liked to jump onto a conclusion quickly rather than assess the given information. So, for a second, I thought of the fact that maybe I had too much of an active imagination. Maybe he was looking at the beautiful view, from the edge of a building, looking like he was ready to leap to his death.
Yeah, that didn't make me feel any better. The more I thought about it, the more I was certain what I saw was him about to leap to his death.
I was thankful that Calvin didn't try to hunt me down and demand to tell him what I think I saw. I was also thankful that Starbucks wasn't so busy today so I could get lost in my thought. It was two hours before closing, and the time seemed to be going too slow for my liking today.
A whistling next to me jolted me back to reality as I looked over at Abby, my manager. She gave me a small apologetic smile when she saw that I jumped by the sudden sound. "Tonight, looks like it wants to pour, doesn't it Reina? Since it's not that busy, why don't you leave first, Reina."
I gave her a tired smile as I played with the hem of my uniform. "Thank you, I appreciate it. I'm sorry for always asking last minute if I could leave earlier."
She flicked her wrist, dismissing my apology. "I get it, it's your senior year and you're busy. I've been there and done that."
I said goodbye to everyone after I was done changing back to my normal clothes and shoved the apron into my bag and slowly started to walk home. Now that I finally have time for myself, I can't help but think about Calvin.
It seemed like I wasn't ever able to catch my breathe fully lately before life decided I needed a new thing to stress about.
Calvin seemed content at school, for the most part. Given, I wouldn't know for sure, since I didn't talk to him. He looked tired always and was quiet, but it wasn't like he was miserable. I didn't know much about his life outside of school. Joshua had been to his place before and as he put it; it was like a mansion. He was well off, and smart.
So why?
I suddenly heard a sound, almost like footsteps coming from behind me. My heartbeat sped up quickly and immediately cocked my head to see who the person was. I looked to my left and then to my right, but it is too dark to see anything much. But I knew someone was behind me. I could feel the stare. The fight or flight was pinging, and I felt the need to run. I took a deep breath before I continued to walk, at a faster pace this time.
The feeling of being followed didn't stop and I felt like I was about to have a panic attack, something that I haven't had for three weeks now. I quickly entered the nearest drug store, only a block away from my home as I tried to slow down my breathing. Willing myself to count to ten, I decided to look around, but making sure to check the door and see if the person was going to come in as well. The bright light of the store as well as the people in the store give me the relief of being away from the dark. I glanced outside but saw no one.
I remained inside until I finally calm down enough to think properly.
I casually strolled down the aisles, grabbing what I needed and headed straight to the counter. The old lady scanned my item with a smile. "Found everything you need, ma'am?"
"Yes, I did," I dug into my school bag for my wallet, trying to calm my shaking hand. Handing her the money, I smiled nervously as I shuffled my weight onto one side. "Is it okay if I borrow your bathroom?"
"That's fine, the code if 1312," she placed the item into the bag and handed it to me. "Enjoy the rest of your night."
Thanking her, I made my way to the bathroom and slammed it shut. In the restroom, I took a deep and slow breath. I tore open the purple box and took out the white stick from inside. Even though I had my period already, I still felt uneasy about the whole thing and looking at the test reassures me every time along with cutting myself that I was okay, despite it took place three months ago.
After a few minutes, I looked at the pregnancy test. One line was shown. Relief washed over me as I throw the test into the empty trash bin. I felt guilty that the drug store probably just took out the trash, thinking no one would use the bathroom ten minutes before closing.
Quickly walking the one block home, I thank the Lord I made it back home without being followed. Well, that was, until I was greeted by loud music. I groaned, digging out my keys in frustration. What the hell did London do while I was at work?
I opened the door to see people partying, dancing, and drunk. Some didn't even look like high school students. Everyone seemed to be having too much fun to even care about my presence. I was surprised no one called the cops since there was over a hundred people gathered around the house.
I quickly scanned the living room with hopes of finding London. Mom was going to kill me if she comes home and saw what was happening. Not even that, she would break down crying if she saw how out of control London had become.
I made my way upstairs, trying to find London as soon as possible. I opened London's room and saw her locked lips with a dude that was naked on top of her, grinding onto her. Without a second thought, I used my full weight to push the guy off of her. He stared at me from the floor shocked as I stared back in disgust. He looked older than London, way older. "Dude, she's fucking sixteen, are you serious?"
"What are you doing, Reina!?" London screeched angrily before hiding under the sheets. "You had no rights to barge into my room like that."
"What am I doing? What are you doing? Mom said I was in charge of you. Who says you can throw a party in the house? Why is there a naked guy that is grinding on you?" I finally snapped in total frustration and anger that I've been holding in since June. London was getting out of hand, and Mom doesn't even know. I gripped my fists so hard that it was starting to ache, making me feel something. Making me feel alive.
Count to ten, Reina. Count.
"Is this your sister?" the guy on the floor asked, not even trying to cover himself up in front of me. He slowly eyed my body, like he was trying to undress me before his attention snapped back to London. "I didn't know you had a sister, London. How come you never told me?"
"That's because we just met," she shot back, laughing. She then turned to me and shrugged. "Chill out, Reina. Mom isn't coming back home until this weekend, she told me like a few hours ago. So, let me have some fun and stop being a party pooper."
"Get these people out of the house now," I narrowed my eyes at her, gripping my hands so hard, they were throbbing. London clearly thought I was joking around as she pleaded me with her eyes again. It was going to work this time. "I'm going to call the cops and get everyone arrested. Trust me, it isn't hard. Would you like that?"
"But –"
"I am in no mood for any of this shit!" I snapped, cutting her off. "Now."
"Fine, you're the boss here," she threw up her hands in frustration, shaking her head in dismay. "Mike, I'll see you at school tomorrow, okay? We still good?"
The guy on the floor nodded and winked at her before dressing up slowly. I turned away from him and glared at my sister in disgust as she dressed herself as well. She wasn't even ashamed that she was about to do it with a guy she barely knew. This was the same girl that three months ago, wanted to save her virginity for someone worth it. As she said, she wanted the person to be the one.
Oh how things have took a nose dive.
After she was done, she made her way downstairs along with the guy, Mike. The music was cut shortly, followed by people groaning and complaining. I can't even leave London home alone for a few hours without her getting into some sort of trouble. Twenty minutes later, the house was dead silent.
I went downstairs and saw London glaring at me. The house was littered with beer cans, red cups, and other crap. It was going to take all night to clean this up. She crossed her arms, her nose flaring. "Are you happy now? People are going to be dicks tomorrow to me for crashing the party so soon."
"I'm not even done with you yet," I seethed in anger. "What was that upstairs? London, you're only sixteen!"
"So? You see people losing their virginity all the time! I'm almost seventeen, Reina. Stop bossing me around all the time!" She threw her arms up, as if to say that she is fed up with everything.
"What happened to saving yourself for the one that you were so proud of?"
She narrowed her eyes, with a growl. "People change. This virgin crap is stupid."
Says the person who had the choice to give it, while I didn't.
"You still should not be sleeping with random people! You need to stop acting like a idiotic teenager and-"
"But I am a teenager, so I'm allowed to be idiotic and live a bit! Since when did you start acting like a know it all? You're only one year older than me," she said cutting me off. "You're a teenager like me, so stop acting like you're better."
"Mom put me in charge. You shouldn't be doing these kinds of bullshit. You know you're better than that," I said, shaking my head. The house was quiet, tension rising with each passing moment. "You have to stop hanging around these new friends of yours. They're going to get you in serious trouble and –"
She groaned, cutting me off. "God, you sound so annoying, repeating the same nonsense. You know what? I wish that I am the one who picks up dad on his way home. Maybe then you'll stop-"
I slapped her hard across the face before I could stop myself. I would have never wished my misfortune onto another person, and yet here she was, doing just that by wishing she took my place that night that destroyed me. London looked at me, stunned for a moment before tears flowed down her cheeks.
"I hate you!" she yelled, cupping her cheek in anger, before she ran upstairs and slammed the door behind her. I clutched my fists. I knew when London was mad, she wasn't to come out her room anytime soon.
I looked around the house of the mess caused from the party. I didn't know for sure if Mom was coming home anytime soon, but I didn't want to take just London's word for it since Mom never said it to me personally. For all I knew, it could be a trick.
Digging into the closet, I brought out five large, heavy duty trash bags and got cleaning in silence. I thought the first day of school of my senior year wouldn't be full of stress, but clearly, I thought wrong. By the time I was done cleaning, using two more black bags, it was close to two in the morning.
Not to mention, I had homework due tomorrow.
I rubbed my eyes, tired. At that moment, my phone vibrated in my pocket. Looking at my phone, I realized Mom was calling me. Taking a deep breath to calm myself down, I answered in a façade cheerfulness. "Hi, Mom."
"Hey honey, how's the first day of school?" she asked over the phone. I heard some shuffling, followed by a sigh. "Sorry, I just got to the hotel in New York. It's almost five in the morning here and my feet is killing me. What about you?"
"I'm okay," I trailed off, trying to be as quiet as I could be as I dragged the garbage bags to the front of the house. I haven't even started mopping the floor yet, or checking if anything was stolen. "I heard you won't be back this weekend from London."
"Right, I knew you were working, so I didn't want to bother you. I told London to relay the message to you," she explained. "Why are you still up this late? I just called out of whim and I didn't think you'll actually pick up."
"Oh you know, homework," I lied smoothly.
"How was London? And work?"
I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Good."
"I can't thank you enough for doing this, Reina. I was also hoping you wouldn't mind helping London out if she needs some new clothes as well. She asked me, and I don't think I have money to cover for everything."
I frowned, not liking where this was going. "Why don't you tell London to get a job?"
"She's younger and I know she has a lot going on."
What about me?
I held my tongue from asking. "She already has a lot of clothes, though."
She goes quiet for a moment, and I knew she was going to cry. Cry because she felt like the family was falling apart. Cry because that was what she was best at doing when nothing goes her way. It always worked on Dad and even us. "Please? I don't think I can make enough and I know you worked hard, but think of the family."
I squeezed my eyes shut. "Fine."
"Thank you so much," she gashed and there was a moment of silence. "How are you, really?"
"Fine," I answered again, in a lower tone.
"Are you sure?" she took a pause and I knew what she was going to ask next.
"No, I won't see a therapist," I grounded out, nose flaring. Ever since dad left, mom had been trying to persuade me to seek help with what happened. But I refused, threatening to run away if they were to force me. I didn't want to talk to someone about it. I couldn't. "I don't care what you or the deadbeat that left us have to say. I'm not going."
"I wasn't going to say that," she mumbled, though she knew the truth. The silence followed, and it reminded me just how distant we grew. Every time she brought up about seeing a therapist, my mood would go foul, and I wanted nothing more than to close my eyes and wished for me to disappear. She cleared her throat. "Anyways, it's getting pretty late over on your side, and I don't want to distract you from your homework. If you need anything, remember my credit card is in the bedroom counter."
"Okay."
"I love you so much, honey."
"Bye," I whispered, not wanting to say it back. I wanted to be alone. Hanging up, I angrily threw my cell phone on the floor, not caring about whether or not my phone broke. Maybe it'll be better if no one could contact me.
I knew that all this chaos wasn't due to Mom's faults, but entirely mine's. Though right now, I felt like the walls were closing around me and I couldn't breath.
After finishing mopping and making sure nothing was broken in the house, I made my way upstairs. London's room lights were closed, so she must be sleeping, as it was nearing three in the morning.
I quickly switched on the lights of my room open to keep the darkness at bay. I numbly walked into the bathroom while holding what I have considered as my best friend over the past three months. I took a deep breath, place the razor on my wrist, and make a slow, deep cut. I hiss in pain, but after a while, I feel nothing but pleasure. Pure pleasure that took away my own ache in my heart.
My heart no longer thumped in pain as I looked at the blood seeping out of my arms.
Crimson red.
I looked at the mirror and realized that I am crying as mascara ran down my face. I stared at my reflection once more before hitting the mirror with my fist. The mirror didn't break no matter how hard I punched, but my fist is in pain already. I slid down against the wall as I slump onto the floor, and cry silently for a few minutes as I bit my lips angrily.
After calming down and catching my breath, I cleaned my face and wrist. I cleaned up the bathroom so there wasn't a trace of blood and got ready for bed, changing into my pajamas.
I sat on my desk chair and opened my school bag. Dumping my books onto the table, I decided to try plowing through my homework quickly so I can go to bed. My wrist ached whenever I moved, but it helped me feel like the walls weren't closing around me.
I let my head fall onto the book for a few minutes. I won't be sleeping any time soon though, not that I am expecting to even get enough sleep during the days following my parents' divorce and my dad leaving before I can even stop it.
Count to ten, Reina.
Count down till the day you could die.
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Reasons to Live: 2. People will miss your terribly. Whether your the most popular person in the world or the person who sits in the back of the room (like me): someone WILL miss you. Your parents, your friends, your pets, your future friends, and so much more people! Don't do it, just don't. If you need a friend, you can always hit me up in my messages. I'll be a friend.