I went home to pack a bag. My mind was all over the place and I knew that I has to get out of his life. Out of buenos aires. Out of contact with him. So I left my phone at home, so I wouldn't be tempted to call him.
I was going to stay with my friend Alexa, who I had met in France. I had called her and told her everything and she said I could stay with her.
Before I left for my flight I made one last phone call before turning off my phone and leaving it at home. Violetta.
I told her that I couldn't be at the wedding and that I hope she was okay with it, she said she was. I told her I was going to France for a few days and that I'd return the day after the wedding.
I couldn't tell her that I was considering moving back to France with her little brother of sister, I couldn't. It would break her heart.
And German's. But you know what? He broke my heart. So why should I care?
Locking the door behind me, I felt like I was leaving my old life behind again, I know it sounds silly because I was only going for 3 ish days, but I knew that when I returned everything would be different. The father of my child will be married to someone else and I'd be left to raise a child up alone.
And the baby wasn't even born yet, so that was another thing. I'd have to go through that alone.
I made my way to the airport, but I don't know how. I was a mess. I couldn't stop thinking.
***
"Ticket please?"
I was interrupt mid thought by this middle aged woman smiling at me with her hand out.
"Here" I say as I pass her my plane ticket.
She gave me an approving nod and let me pass.
The airplane flight was painful, I started to think about everything. So I decided it would be better to just go to sleep.
I woke up just as we arrived at the airport. It felt so weird being back.
I got a taxi and went straight to Alexa's house, which was only around the block from where I used to live.
"Angie!" Screamed Alexa, opening the door and dragging me through it.
I slammed my bags down on the floor and sat on the sofa.
"Tell me everything." She demanded.
"German. I told him I loved him and he turned me away." I cried.
"Oh, Angie, I'm so sorry." She said, sitting beside me, with her arms around me.
"He sounds like a real idiot. Who turns away the love of his life?" She asked, shaking her head.
"But that's the thing" I cried, "I'm not the love of his life." I cried harder. "He's the love of my life, but I'm not the love of his life. Beatriz is." I added, fighting through the tears.
"Angie, you'll find someone else. He isn't worth your tears." She replied, wiping my tears away.
"You know what" I sniffed, "maybe you're right. Maybe I will find someone else. I don't need him, he clearly doesn't need me. I should just move on."
I knew what I was saying was right, I needed to move in, but I'd been trying for years now.
"Exactly."
"But if I move on, then it's really over. I don't want it to be." I pleaded.
"Angie, he's getting married. It's already over." She said with a sad smile.
She saw how much that comment hurt me, so she tried to cheer me up.
"But, my cousin is in town. You know, the one you met at the party that time? He still asks about you!" She said, nudging my arm and giving me a wink.
I gave a forced smile and a fake laugh. She found it believable.
She let me go to bed and get some sleep, but I wasn't tired, I'd slept the whole way here on the flight. So instead, I just lay there thinking about German, wishing that I'd brought my phone so I could ring him, or text him. Or just sit looking at his number, wondering if I should or shouldn't.
Anything was better than lying awake thinking about how the man I loved, who happened to be the father of my child, was marrying a woman that hated me.