Chapter 34: Under The Cold Waters
[EXELLOR ONEIRO'S POV]
“Are you sure... this is necessary now?”
“If you're willing to know me, then I think it is. And I think it's time... but I hope this won't break your trust.”
I don't know if I'll treat this as an illusion. Oftentimes, they are, or they aren't. But this time, no, I can definitely feel it. Trevor balanced fantasy and reality in front of my eyes. But now, he seeks reality. He seeks the truth. The truth that he deserves to know.
I have hidden myself from this things. But now, he wants me to show. He trusts me too much.
And what I am feeling right now with him, I'm not even sure if it's... love already.
Could be the fact that I was amazed 'cause he made me like this, or I have a crush on him. Yes, I really do. But... the only thing I know is... I'm more afraid that he'll get hurt because of me.
Before anything else, I did my old routine, while I prepared myself for a promise that surely I won't regret. He sat beside me, breathing the same air as me. The grasslands where I'm sitting, is where he's sitting too.
“Seryoso ka ba sa sinabi mo kagabi sa dat–dinner kagabi?”
“Kailan pa ako nag-biro?”
“Oh umm, sorry. Request ko na sana na mag-tagalog ka na lang pag-naguusap tayo.”
I raised a brow, “Why?”
“It suits you. Bagay sa'yo nagtatagalog.”
“I was just used to speaking English, but I guess there's no harm in speaking Tagalog. I've done that once when I was with you.”
He smiled... “Hey... buti na lang rin hindi ka dry ngayon ah?” he joked.
“Marami akong naiisip ngayon at halos hindi ko na iyon mabilang, kaya para panatilihing maayos ang sarili ko, ay kinailangan kong magsalita.”
He nodded, and got hold of his backpack to get something from it. I saw him took a black, square box. Setting the bag aside, I saw his hand near to my lap. He raised both of his brows, urging me to take it. A gift for me?
“Para saan yang regalo?”
“N-Nakalimutan kong bigay sa'yo.. Buksan mo na.” he said, smiling.
I slowly removed the lid cover of the box, inside lies a silver bracelet, around it was silver stars dangling around it. My eyes went back to him, while he smiled awkwardly, trying to cover up some kind of embarrassment or shyness.
He shouldn't be shy nor embarrased.
“D-Do y-you like it?”
“... I do. I really liked stars in the sky.”
Looking again at the bracelet, it really reminded me of the stars in the sky, even if the shape of the stars from the bracelet probably looked like the ones drawn by children. They were sparkling from the sunlight, but reflected the orange flare of the sky. It complimented the current mood of the fields.
Silent. Peaceful. Clean. Colorful. I feel like smiling.
“Saan... tali ko sa kamay mo.” he volunteered, carefully picking up the bracelet from the box, and gently placing it around my wrist. The small contacts of his skin to mine sends bolts of electricity throughout my system. It tickled my stomach just enough to feel a little giddy.
“Pansin ko nga,na ang hilig mo sa bituin. Bakit naman?”
Long ago, I had that asked. Why do I like them? Everytime I peek to my window on my bedroom, I would focus on the sky, seeing if there are any stars present in the sky. I like them in general. They are bright. Small yet large. Lights up the dark sky. They are fascinating things to look at.
But they dissappear. They're unreachable. Only appears at night.
They gave my this calming feeling. Watching them makes my mind wander.
Stars were symbols of hope inspite of darkness.
“Doon sa kaliwa! Baril sa kaliwa!”
“Nanduon yung lalaki! Nagtago siya sa kabilang pillar!”
“Don't get too close, kid!”
“EXELLOOOR!”
I stopped my thoughts from thinking about that again.
“Stars... they're just fascinating to look at. Maganda, pero komplikado. They're important... symbols for me.”
Then I thought, was he like the starts in the sky?
Maybe. Or really.
That whole day, both of us just listened to songs from my phone. When he chose to look at the sky the whole time, this time, I chose to stare at him. To study all of him.
We were lying down on the grass, just feeling the song that he chose to listen to. I saw and heard him humming some of the lyrics.
“Kung hindi man tayo hanggang dulo, wag mong kalimutan, nandito lang ako, laging umaalalay, hindi ako lalayo... dahil ang tanging panalangin ko ay ikaw...”
His voice is beautiful, just enough. Calming, but cool. His black messy hair compliments his dark brown eyes, his nose, his strong jawline, his lips curved to be his signature childish smile. Even the uniform suits him. How I question the heavens, as of why giving me this kind of guy. I never thought this day would come. Well, change is constant anyway.
But I noticed one thing...
“I thought Marshall's Band only sings english songs?”
“Hmm... I like to experiment more... like what you always do.”
Like I always do?? “What do you mean by that?”
“Iba ka kasi mag-isip, I mean, not the other way around. You are... deep. Wide. Masyadong malalim at malawak, kaya siguro ganoon ka na lang magbasa ng expresyon ng tao. And having you as a sub-vocalist, kailangan na rin siguro ng pagbabago. I-I'm inspired by that. It's because of you.”
I have no words to reply. No other thing came up of my mind. As if I was mental blocked!
Suddenly, I felt my own heartbeats going fast, when his eyes went to mine.
“You affected me that much. And I never hated inch of it. I love it. At itong nararamdaman kong kasiyahan na kaya mong ibigay sa akin ay gusto ko ring ibigay sa'yo.” he said, sincerity was on his eyes. My breath just hitched, specially when he smiled childishly.
“Kaya naman, kung gusto mo yung mga bituin...” I saw him getting something from his pockets, “... gusto ko naman ng bubbles!” he excitedly said.
What?
My face probably looked like I just tasted a fruit of calamansi. I was... slightly... spaced out? I don't know if I'll laugh or not. O_O
Trying to compose myself, I finally had the voice to ask, “Why do you like.. bubbles?”
Before answering me, he blew the stick that would supposed to produce bubbles, and it did. I looked on the group of bubbles he just made, some of them already popping.
“When I was a kid, may nakita akong batang naglalaro ng bubbles... and I was so jealous... kasi hindi man ako masyadong pinapayagan ni papang lumabas. But... I got this one chance to sneak out and get one. Halos mangiyak ako sa saya noong makapaglaro na 'ko noon ng bubbles. Everytime a group of bubbles would pop, I would produce another one and try to pop them one by one. Then I realized habang tumatanda ako, masayang tingnan ang bubbles, but they dissappear. Just like how there is temporary happiness in this world. Just like bubbles, you can just... make another one if it dissappears... so, you can make your own happiness if ever one dissappears. Childish thing to say, huh?”
Happiness.
“...masayang tingnan ang bubbles, but they dissappear. Just like how there is temporary happiness in this world. Just like bubbles, you can just... make another one if it dissappears... so, you can make your own happiness if ever one dissappears...”
That thought got stuck inside my head. I felt my own jaw hung from all of that.
“N-No, n-no, don't say that.” I finally reply, while he continued blowing the stick that produces bubbles.
“I think it's... very deep. I never knew you were that deep.”
“Hmm... nahawa yata ako sa'yo e. Ikaw kasi, next time turuan mo ako pano maghula ng kapalaran!” he joked, and laughed.
I feel my lips smiling on it's own. I let it. Even his sometimes, childish behavior makes me giddy inside out. Seeing him all innocent of this, made me decide. A weird impulse came into me that I should be confident to this decision. Decision to tell him everything.
“We'll not go to the fields today...”
“Ha?”
“We'll go to the house. My house.”
I saw how his eyes widened after that.
[PAUL TREVOR'S POV]
“Why do you have to do that to her Rhianne!?” alala ko pang sigaw noon kay Rhianne pagkatapos niyang ipahiya si Exellor sa room.
“She deserves to know that she should be careful of who she's dealing with! See that? She's a petty liar!”
“Pero p*t*gina naman, Rhianne! Pagpapahiya na ng tao yung ginawa mo oh! Wala naman siyang ginagawa sa'yo!” galit na pagsabat ni Kylie sa tabi ko.
“OO! Nagagawa ko lahat ng 'to dahil sa galit! Hindi ako t*nga para hindi ma-realize iyon! Pero... masisisi niyo ba ako?!” sigaw niya pabalik, nangingilid na ang mga luha niya sa kanyang mga mata.
Posible nga magawa ang mga bagay-bagay dahil lang sa emosyon. Kung minsan, maiisip mong tama ito, pero minsan, mali rin naman.
Kaya ng mag-desisyon na mismo si Exellor na ipakilala ako sa sarili niyang tatay, ay naalala ko iyong nangyaring iyon.
Mabagal kong pinaandar ang motor ko habang papunta kami sa bahay nila. Pansin na pansin ko kung paanong iba ang itsura ng daan na 'to keysa sa nilalakad naming daan ni Exellor papunta sa fields.
Kung doon, tahimik at kalma lang, dito... ay makakarinig ka ng mga pagbasag ng bote, sigawan at makakakita ka pa ng mga lalaking may hawak na pamalo.
Nakaramdam agad ako ng kaba! Pilit kong inalis iyon sa isipan ng patigilin ako ni Exellor, at pumara sa harap ng isang puting bahay.
Halata pa lang sa disenyo nito, ay parang ancestral house ang pupuntahan ko. Nilingon ko si Exellor, at kita ko kung paano siya bumaba mula sa motor, at luminga-linga, na para bang may tinitingnan.
“Tara?” aya niya.I followed her without hesitations. Bawat tapak ko sa hagdan ng kanilang front porch, ay kinikilabutan ako dahil sa pagtunog nito ng parang nasa horror movie ka!
Dahan-dahan niyang pinihit ang doorknob, at binuksan ang pinto.
“You stay here first...” bilin pa nito sa akin, at lumiko ng daan. Tumayo lang ako sa hallway na kung saan, ang pader ay puno ng mga certificates at pictures niya sa school. Isa na doon ang moving up photo niya.
Ignacio Delgado High School (IDHS)
GRADUATES OF S.Y 2015 - 2016
COLLIAS, EXELLOR ONEIRO
One of the candidates, and awarded as Best in T.L.E (ICT) and Best in English from the whole batch of the Grade 10 movers of school year 2015 – 2016.
Binasa ko ang nakasulat. Natawa naman ako dahil talagang best in english siya. Dagdag mo pa yung best in dry replies and best in weirdness. I wonder why she didn't make it as valedictorian though...
Pagtingin ko sa picture, eh nakita ko ang signature niyang emotionless look, ang mga mata niya titig na titig sa camera. Nako, nag-graduate ka na nga hindi ka pa masaya?!
Tiningnan ko pa ang ibang pictures, napa-ngiti pa ako ng may makitang picture noong bata pa siya. Nakaakbay sa kanya ang medyo bata-bata pang tatay, na halos kamukha nga niya!
Haha... she looked so friggin' cute.
“WHAT IS IT AGAIN?!”
Natigil ako sa pagtingin ng marinig ang mabigat na tonong iyon. Bigla kong naramdaman ang malalakas na kabog ng puso ko!
“THAT F*CKING BASTARD DID NOT TELL ME EVERYTHING! EVEN YOU!”
Sa pagkakaalam ko'y walang ibang kasama si Exellor kung hindi yung tatay niya. Hindi na ako nagpatagal pa't pinilit lumapit sa kanila.
“You talked to Kael?” rinig ko ang kalmadong boses ni Exellor. Agad bumulaga sa paningin ko mula sa malayo ang nakatayong si Exellor, kaharap ang matangkad niyang tatay. Kung sa picture, mukha siyang masaya, ngayon, he looked like an old man.
“I did. I didn't know you two could lie to me like this!”
“I'm sure you're already used to that, but the fact that she's there makes you–”
*PAAAK!*
Nabulabog ang buong bahay ng isang matinis na tunog, nang makatanggap si Exellor ng sampal mula sa papa niya! Nakatagilid ang ulo niya, at kita ko ang paghinga niya ng malalim.
SHT!
Wala na akong pinalagpas na oras at nilapitan na nga sila, ngunit napaatras ako ng mapansin ng tatay niya't humakbang ng isang step sa'kin.
“WHO ARE YOU?”
“I-I'm P-Paul Trevor–” pinutol ako bigla ni Exellor.
“Paul Trevor Funtelo. He's the guy that I want you to meet.”
Linapit ni Raoul, ang ulo niya sa akin. I swear I'm sweating bullets!
“What do you want from my daughter?” mariin nitong tanong.
Is this the time that I'll ask his permission? Eto naman siguro ang pinunta ko dito, hindi ba? Pilit kong tinitigan ang mga mata niya, kahit ramdam ko na ang paglamig ng kamay ko. His eyes... reminded me of Exellor. I didn't expect all of this to happen. I saw how she loved his father, despite of her dislike to him...
Kaya naman tinatagan ko ang sarili, at umubo ng konti bago magsalita.
“I'm her f-friend, Sir. But I was hoping to know her more by knowing her family too... before I may ask your permission for her...”
Kulang na lang marinig ko ang kuliglig ng mga oras na iyon dahil sa katahimikan matapos kong magsalita.
'Langya, lunukin na lang ako ng lupaaaa!
Pero bago ko pa man ipagdasal iyon, ay nagsalita muli ang tatay niya, “So... you're... courting her?”
Agad akong tumango. Mabagal siyang lumingon sa likuran, kung nasaan pa rin si Exellor.
“So, this is what you've been upto after transferring schools? Flirting with boys huh?”
WHAT?!
“S-Sir, she did not–”
“Ochi... I don't do that.” seryosong sabi ni Exellor, “All I ever did is, try to get away from this situation. Find truth that you can't face 'cause you still have fear... and anger inside you.”
*Ochi is 'No' in Greek, pronounced as 'Oh-kee'
“What truth are you talking about?! You know nothing of what I feel... hear THAT?! NOTHING!”
Kita ko ang mabibigat niyang hakbang tungo kay Exellor at akmang susuntukin siya, kaya tumakbo na ako papunta sa kanya, hiding her behind my back. Tumigil iya at kita ko ang pagtaas ng kilay niya sa akin. Kahit papaano, may minana sa tatay.
“This... is my business, boy.”
“Yes, but I think I need to interrupt, cause what you're doing to her isn't right Sir! She's your own daughter! You can't just lash out all your anger to her! I know her! She doesn't deserve this!”
Lumapit pa siya ng isang hakbang tungo sa akin. I felt Exellor's hand on my shoulder.
“What do you even know about her? You're just a stranger. I'm his own flesh and blood.”
“... Maybe I don't know much, but I'm sure, I respect and care for her, unlike what you do–”
Hindi ko naituloy ang sasabihin ng maramdaman ko ang matigas na suntok niya sa aking ilong! Agad akong na-outbalance at napahiga sa floor. Ang sakit! Damn!Parang dumaloy pa iyon sa buong katawan ko ng maramdaman ko ang kamay na biglang humawak sa kwelyo ko para patayuin ako.
“PAUL!” rinig ko pang sigaw ni Exellor.
“You don't know an inch of me, boy...” bulong pa nito, habang ginuguyod ako sa kung saan habang hawak niya ang kwelyo ko. Nang maramdaman ko ang paglipad ng buhok ko sa likod, alam kong nasa labas na nga kami. Kita ko ang kakaibang emosyon sa mukha ngayon ni Exellor.
Pasensya na kung hindi kita maprotektahan ngayon...
“... you don't know everything!”
“... but she made me feel everything. And I already fell...” naibulong ko...
Pagkabulong ko noon, ay biglaan niya akong sinakal!
Hindi ako makahinga! Naramdaman ko ang masakit na untog ng likod ko sa concrete ng bigla niya akong tulakin mula sa porch!
Buti na lang at nauna ang likod ko sa sahig, at hindi ang ulo ko. Rinig ko pa ang padabog na pagsarado ng pinto.
Exellor! Is she okay?
Agad akong naupo mula sa pagkakahiga. Doon ko nakitang papalapit na pala sa akin si Exellor. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko ng makitang dumudugo ang sugat niya na malapit sa kanang kilay!
“Are you okay?” she asked, as if she doesn't feel anything.
Agad ako nakaramdam ng galit sa sistema ko. Bakit niya hinahayaan ng sarili niyang masaktan?!
“Are you okay? Ikaw dapat ang tinanong ko niyan! So he was the one that punched you! F*ck it! Bakit hindi ka magsumbong sa mga pulis o sa mga kakilala mo?! Si Don Kael!”
She weakly smiled, “There's no need. I can't do that either. I still love him as a father.”
“Pero Exellor, tao pa rin siya! Mali yung ginagawa niya sa'yo!”
“I know. But he'll realize it soon.”
“Kailan pa yang soon na iyan?! Kapag nabalian ka na ng buto, Exellor?! Kapag ba napuno ng pasa yung mukha mo?!”
Natahimik siya roon, at inalalayan na lang akong tumayo. Ramdam ko ang mabilis na paghingal ko dahil sa galit.
Bakit niya hinahayaan ang sarili niyang masaktan? Kaya siguro siya malungkot. God, I should've realized that it's her own father that beats her up. Kaya pala minsan napapansin kong lagi siyang may sugat sa mukha. Don't tell me pati yung sugat niya sa ulo ay gawa rin ng mismong tatay niya?!
Sht, nababaliw na ako sa kakaisip!
“Let's go back to the fields.” napatingin ako sa kanya ng bigla siyang magsalita. Wala na akong masabi pa't pumunta na nga lang kami sa fields.
I feel like exhausted. I don't know...
Nang makarating kami roon, ay parehas kaming pumunta sa usual spot niya, at naupo. Pareho kaming walang imik doon at napatingin na lang sa langit, like we always do.
Wala akong ideya na ganoon kalalim ang nararanasan niya. Meet my father so you'll see what kind of battle you're in for...Baka nga iyon ang ibig sabihin niya, na malungkot siya dahil sa tatay niya...
Bigla akong nakaramdam ng guilt. I should make her happy, not scold her like she doesn't know what she's doing. Pero parang ganoon na kasi siya sa sarili niya, walang pakealam. But I do.
“I-I'm s-sorry, kung nasigawan kita kanina...”
Matagal, bago siya nakasagot, “... it's fine. I can't control any emotion you have. And maybe.. you're right... i'll wait 'till I got my bones injured or my face be full of wounds. 'Cause I know he'll change... I just need more time...”
“Pero bakit mo ba kasi sinasaktan yung sarili mo ng ganito?”
“It's called sacrifice, Paul. For the things I anticipate to happen... everything hurts but, pain is temporary. Regrets aren't.”
Napalunok na lang ako sa sinabi niya. Wala na ang kaninang galit, at napalitan ng sobrang pag-aalala. Tiningnan ko siya at bakas sa mukha niya ang sinseridad doon.
Hindi ko na namalayan ang pagdilim ng langit dahil sa tagal naming nakaupo. Pinili naming magpatugtog kaya naman kahit papaano, naka-idlip ako. Pero nagising ako ng maramdaman ang pagtayo niya.
“'I'll go for a swim.” bigla niyang sinabi na nagpakunot sa noo ko. Swimming? May resort ba dito??
Napatayo na ako, at sumunod sa kanya. Sa 'di kalayuan, ay may parteng tubig ang fields. Para bang creek. Malinaw ang tubig, at medyo nakikita kong hindi naman ito sobrang lalim. Halos makita ko ang repleksyon ko sa linaw ng tubig, nahuli ko pang naghuhubad na ng uniform si Exellor.
OHSHT! Agad napunta sa mga mata ko ang kamay ko.
I heard her small laugh, “I'm wearing a -tshirt and short under my uniform. Don't worry.”
“Sure ka?!”
Hindi siya nagreply kaya naman dahan-dahan kong inalis ang kamay ko sa mata. Napanganga naman ako ng namangha sa itsura niya, at sabayan pa ng ngiti.
“U-Uh, b-bakit m-mo pala naisip na magswimming? Ang lamig na nung tubig ah?”
“It alleviates my pain. Nakakaalis ng sakit.” sagot niya. “You want to swim?”
Gulat akong napa-atras sa offer niya. “W-Wala akong pamalit pero oo naman, gusto ko!”
“Sure.”
“Ano ba kasing–EXELLOOOOOOOR!”
*SPLAAAAAASH*
AGAD KONG NARAMDAMAN ANG MALA-YELONG LAMIG NG TUBIG NG HINILA NIYA AKO PARA MAHULOG SA CREEK! FUDGE ANG LAMIIIIIG!
Parehas kaming umahon, hinahabol ang hininga. She was laughing but quickly stopped. Then, I realized, we were only inches apart from each other. Napatitig ako sa mukha niya na ngayon ay nakangiti. Suddenly, I did not feel the cold water.
This... feels right. I followed what my beating heart wants... leaning closer to her face.
Hindi siya pumalag at hinayaan lang ang paglapit ko. Bahagya kong tinagilid ang aking ulo, para magdampi ang mga labi namin. At that one touch, her lips were so soft.
The moment she kissed back, I knew she's mine.
The feeling was unexplainable... 'Cause under the cold waters, I just kissed Exellor Oneiro Collias.