Chapter 1-
If I cry and told you I need you would you help me? Would you stay?
Would you leave me in the cold, or would you take me inside?
If you saw me lying in the floor with blood, would you come help me? Would you call 9-1-1?
If you said no to any of these questions, then you are as heartless as everyone else in the world.
Though, I don't blame you.
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I was naked on the floor again. There was blood on the floor and scratch marks on my thighs, arms, and chest. Everything burned, but I didn't have the will to run besides lay there. I stared at the blood with shaky breaths and started to count to ten slowly to calm myself down.
How much longer can I endure?
I heard a chuckle and my blood run cold as I stared at the two men in front of me.
No...
No more...
"Stop!" I jolted awake and bolted up, clutching onto my blankets. Sweat was running down my forehead and I was gasping for air. Running my fingers through my messy hair, I counted to ten again, willing myself to breath normally.
It's just a dream, Reina.
I glanced at the round clock on my desk after a moment and paused. It was already six in the morning which meant that at any minute, mom should be calling me for breakfast soon. I slowly closed my eyes, trying to ignore the inevitable.
"Reina! Wake up already and get ready for school!" Mom yelled loudly after the moment passed, startling me once more.
I loudly groaned that almost resembled an elephant before falling back into the bed. This was it. Summer vacation is officially over. That meant no more waking up around two in the afternoon any longer.
I was officially a high school senior.
I slowly got out of bed after a few minutes and walked to the bathroom to get ready. I can already smell my mom's cooking. My stomach growled in approval until I heard my younger sister, London, complaining to her friends over the phone.
When I got to the bathroom and stripped naked before facing myself in the mirror. There, standing before me, wasn't the girl I knew three months ago. The girl standing before me is a complete stranger.
I stared at the girl in the mirror as she reflected sad, dull, and baggy eyes from her constant night terrors. Her long blonde hair that used to be full of volume was now messy and cut short to her shoulder.
I continued to stare at the other person, still not believing this stranger was me and not realizing how much has changed in such a short amount of time. My vision drifted to my exposed arms, which are covered in scars. Some were still fresh while others have turned into ugly, hateful lines that were plastered all over my arms.
What was supposed to be a relaxing year would now turn to be challenging or pretending to be fine behind a facade smile. With a sigh, I looked at the mirror once again and forced a fake smile. I hated the girl in the mirror. "Smile you ugly bitch."
I jumped in surprise when I heard London, banging on the bathroom door. "Reina! Hurry the hell up! I have to get ready for school too, you know!"
I snapped out of my trance and started to brush my teeth and comb my hair as quickly as I can. Afterward, I quickly put on a long sleeve shirt and skinny jeans. I had to thank that in San Francisco, the highest temperature this month was only going to be 70's degrees, so it doesn't seem so weird that I was already wearing a long sleeve shirt in September.
I just hoped no one else also found it weird.
When I finally finished, I unlocked the bathroom and took notice of my little sister's outfit. Her long, blonde wavy hair was pulled into a high ponytail. She wore shorts and a crop top, exposing her midriff. London glared at me and I glared back.
When I was little, I remembered she was a tomboy, like me. She always wanted to hang around me and played soccer and even beat up a bully who made fun of her name. Just like me, she changed a lot over the summer.
Standing before me was a complete stranger that was living under the same roof.
I stepped out of the bathroom and London walked in before slamming the bathroom door hard. I rolled my eyes at her as I make my way downstairs to where the kitchen was.
Mom, now talking to her boss over the phone, had already set up our breakfast in the dining room. Unlike me and London, mom changed the least over the summer. She used to be a stay-at-home mom but now, all she does is travel around the world for her job that keeps us all afloat.
She fixed her glasses that were sliding down from her nose and shuffled some work papers that were laid on the coffee table in the living room. "Yes, I can work tonight. Yes, that is perfectly fine with me. Of course, I can fly to New York next week for the meeting."
Upon seeing me enter the kitchen, she gave me a tired smile and gestured at the breakfast she prepared on the table. I gave her a small smile in return as I sat down, slowly beginning to eat.
I took only a few small bites before London strolled down the stairs. She ignored both of us as she came into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water from the fridge while still chattering happily over the phone. "I know! I can't wait to see you too!"
Rolling my eyes, I took another bite of my pancake, watching London grab her school bag and headed out the door. Unfortunately for her, she only took one step out the door before Mom ended her call and looked at London curiously. "You're leaving already? Honey, you still have thirty minutes before you need to get out the house."
"My friend's friend is going to drive me and a couple of other people to this new restaurant for breakfast. I told you yesterday through messages." London rolled her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Do you even look at your messages?"
"Oh," Mom laughed nervously, though it was to hide her embarrassment. "I must have been too busy after coming home from a long shift."
"Right," London mumbled, clearly disinterested in the excuse.
"Then at least give Reina a ride to school," Mom compromised and I almost choked. It wasn't uncommon, though we both didn't go to the same high school. Her friends were actually decent and nice...until she decided to hang with a new group and ditched the other. London looked at me in horror at Mom's suggestion. She'd rather be dead than let her newfound friends see how total opposite we were.
After a moment, I shook my head. "No, it's okay. I want to finish my breakfast anyways. I'm sure Joshua is going to meet up with me anyways to drive me."
London looked like she wanted to jump for joy at my words. She flashed both of us a huge smile before she ran to her friend's car who was already parked outside, slamming the front door loudly in the progress.
"Oh, honey, I might not be home tonight. Can you actually keep an eye on London? You know how crazy she can get at times." Mom smiled at me as I peered up at her with a frown.
"But it's Thursday, I have to work today. I even wrote it on a sticky note taped on your desk inside your room," I reminded her. "Not to mention, I have a lot going on as well."
A lot that you know as well.
She looked at me without saying anything, but I can already see that she was tearing up at the fact that she can't keep the family together. That was the way Mom was back then, and even now. When things don't go the way she wanted them to, she breaks down.
I sighed loudly as I suddenly lost my appetite. I already knew how this was going to go down. "Fine, I'll see what I can do, okay? Hopefully, I won't get fired for leaving again tonight."
"Thank you so much, honey!" Mom walked over, giving me a tight hug and I tried not to wince when she accidentally touched one of the cuts I made last night.
Just as I was praying to God about it, her cell phone rings again. She gave me a smile before answering. I looked at the plate of pancakes once more before pushing it away. I made my way back to my room, throwing on a hoodie a few sizes bigger than myself and walking to the front door.
Mom was still talking on the phone as I passed by her. I silently put on my shoes and grabbed my school bag and keys. I turned the knob as I look over at her again. Since the divorce, she had been desperate in her new job to keep us all afloat.
Not wanting to bother her, I locked the door behind me and decided today on walking to school since the weather outside was cool. Though it was dark and cloudy, there wasn't rain. I never liked the rain.
I couldn't believe I was already a senior. I chuckled at the thought of high school flying by so quickly despite all that had happened. While others were worried about where they wanted to go for college, that was the last thing on my mind.
"What are you chuckling about, crazy?"
I jumped a little in surprise at the sudden voice next to me. I turned my head and attention to the car that was at the same speed as my walking. There standing before me was my best friend since middle school, Joshua Davis, who was one year older than me, though I still don't know to this way as to why. He gave me a wicked grin when he saw me as he sat in his Mercedes.
"Here to kidnap me?" I teased as he slowed down his car to a complete stop when he saw me stop walking as well. "You have a gun?"
"Yep, so get in the back seat or I'm going to shoot your pretty little ass," he played along, unlocking the car for me. I giggled softly, climbing in.
"Thank you," I tilted my head to the side with a smile. "You didn't have to drive me."
"It's no problem. You know that I would never leave my babe on the road. Now hurry up! I need to catch up with you since I haven't seen you all summer since I was away and shit."
I made a face at the nickname. "Ew, I'm not your babe."
"Why not babe?"
"Call me that one more time, and I'm going to knee you," I nudged his arm, partially kidding around.
"You know you love me too much to actually knee me," Joshua winked, not taking my threat seriously. I ignored his comment as I clicked onto my music playlist from the car screen. He always complained about how much he couldn't my music choices, though he never made an attempt to stop me from listening to it in the car.
"Do I though?" I shrugged, unfazed by his flirtatious nature. "Plus, you're a senior now. Time to stop telling the world you love me and act like an adult."
I hated explaining to others we weren't actually dating.
"Can you believe it, though? We're seniors now, baby!" Joshua commented as he sped down the streets.
I glared at him with narrowed eyes. "Please don't tell me you're going to drive like a maniac."
"Can't promise nothing, Reina. It's been too long since I last scared you," he laughed before continuing his driving. Every stop sign, traffic light, and probably traffic law was violated when we finally pulled into the school's parking lot. My heart was hammering hard in my chest as I death gripped onto the seat the whole time.
I got out of the car, trying not to kiss the ground that we made it in one piece. Joshua did the same as well, grinning before his smile dropped slightly. I tilted my head to the side. "What?"
"So, I see that you've cut your hair," he lightly brushed his hand through it, observing. There was an emotion in his eyes I didn't recognize, but it quickly vanished before I could place a finger on it.
"Yeah...is it bad?" I said as I lightly ran my hands into it myself, peering up at him.
He shrugged, "You're still the same person so I don't really care. I think it's pretty good...although I'm not sure how Meg-"
"Reina! Joshua!"
I turned and I see the devil herself, Megan, waving frantically and running towards us at a full speed. I quickly braced myself as she lunged at me for a hug along with Joshua. I haven't seen her all summer because she was traveling the world with her family and I have to admit, I missed her since she barely got to respond to my text. She was my second-best friend next to Joshua. She nearly knocked me over to the floor, but Joshua held both of us steadily.
"How was your summer?" Before we can say anything, she continued. "Mine was great. I went to Hawaii, the Bahamas, and then Chile. I got a new phone since I broke mine while swimming with the dolphins in the Bahamas."
With that, she shoved the latest iPhone into our faces before turning to Joshua. "My summer was boring and not exciting probably compared to both of you. All I did was stay home; binge-watched whatever was on Netflix."
"Talk about a snooze-fest," Megan laughed as Joshua stuck up a middle finger.
"Fuck you."
"I'm good, I'm interested in someone else," she stuck her tongue out. "It's Andy, in case you don't know."
"Please, you've been crushing him since the beginning of freshmen year and you basically made a claim on him," I laughed, shaking my head. "Still can't believe you haven't tried asking him out."
"He's the cutest boy in school, there's no way I can do that," she groaned, twirling her hair around her finger. "Enough about my non-existent love life though. What did you do this Summer, Reina?"
Two pairs of eyes are now on me. I quickly stumbled and racked my mind for an answer. I haven't talked to them the whole summer because I was trying to avoid them most of the time, especially Joshua. Megan was traveling so I didn't need to see her since she wasn't even in the city compared to Joshua who wanted to hang out almost every day of the week.
"I uh...stayed home and read till six in the morning. I also picked up working at Starbucks for the summer too," I finally answered, swallowing the lump that I was lying to my two-best friend. It was better this way. They stared at me in confusion, since I was also like Megan when it came to traveling in the summer. Well, except for this year. I gazed down, biting my lips. "Please don't judge me."
"I would never judge my best friend in the whole world!" Joshua finally stated as he swung his arms around me and pulled me in for a hug. "That sounds like a relaxing summer, babe."
"Yeah, I agree! so what if you're rotting away slowly in your house. It's your summer! At least you're still as pale as a board, which I love about you. Now I don't need to ask you if you have gotten any tanner over summer but instead, I'll be asking you if you became paler!" Megan cheerfully agreed as she too swung her arm around my other shoulder as we walked into school. "We would never judge you."
I smiled at them both, but I couldn't help but feel guilty that I was leaving out a big chunk of what I actually did during the summer which was cutting myself and crying my eyes out at night as well as staying up because I was having night terrors.
The halls are already crowded and noisy as everyone greeted one another and talked about their summers. Some of my classmates waved to us and comment about how they like my new haircut. While all the seniors were loud, I can see some of the freshmen being shy and hiding from us. I couldn't help but feel bad for them since many didn't probably have many friends yet.
"Did you hear?" Megan whispered in my ear suddenly. Joshua and I leaned forward to hear her latest gossips. Leave it to her to get the latest scoop even when she was traveling around the world. "I heard that Clover and Jay broke up over summer."
I'm surprised about the news; they had been a couple before they even began high school and they were always so loving with one another as well. Joshua frowned. "Why's that? They're like high school sweethearts."
Megan shrugged. "I don't know. I saw it on Facebook when they both updated from being in a relationship to being single. I'll see if I can figure out during lunch."
Joshua shook his head with a sigh. "Man... if they can't even last then I'm not sure if love even exists then."
"Oh, hush up," Megan flicked her wrist at his comment. "They'll make up eventually...probably..."
"Maybe we should ask her to sit with us during lunch?" I jumped in, not wanting someone who was brokenhearted to be sitting all alone. Clover and Jay both don't have many friends since they never really bothered to make friends in the beginning.
"Sure! But that reminds me...are we going out for lunch today or staying in?" Joshua asked.
"We're going out for sure. I'm in the mood for some Chipotle and not school lunch," Megan said as I nodded in agreement. One thing good about being a senior was that we are allowed to go out during lunch.
"Have you guys seen Calvin anywhere though? I messaged him at like six in the morning and he still hasn't answered me back yet," Joshua questioned, pulling out his phone. "Then again, the bastard never likes to talk much anyway. Or answer his text for that matter."
Calvin Young is Joshua's best guy friend. They met in sophomore year when they got paired up for a history project. Since then, Calvin has been part of our group since then. Although he doesn't talk to me or Megan as much, he would occasionally say hi to us. Other than that, he was silent like a mouse.
Megan, with her arms still around one of my shoulders, shrugged. "Knowing him, he probably just got out of bed or something."
"I still can't believe that Calvin is smart," I mumbled. "How can someone skip so many classes, but still be on top of all his classes?"
"That's a mystery we can't solve," Joshua mused. The bell rang loudly, signaling the start of the first period, and I yelped in surprise. He looked at me curiously, with a deep frown. "You've been awfully jumpy since I saw you this morning, Reina."
I chuckled nervously and replied quickly before they got suspicious. "It's probably from lack of sleep. You know, since I stay up till six usually reading."
"Quit chatting and let's get to class already!" Megan dragged me by the sleeve of my hoodie before Joshua could say anything. Calculus was the first class I had, and the only class I had with Megan so I was glad she wouldn't be hounding me as to why I was jumpy. Out of the two of them, Joshua was the most protective of me. Megan turned, waving at him as I shot him a small smile. "See you at lunch, Joshua."
Our calculus teacher, Mr. Martin, turned out to be not as bad as I heard he was according to the senior class from last year. In fact, he's a really funny teacher and made some of us laugh. During the first few minutes of class, he explained what we're going to be learning and even made us laugh several times with his corny math jokes. He would have been great if he didn't give us assigned seats.
"Kayla and Alexander."
I watched the two girls squeal as they heard their names being called together. If I don't get Megan this semester, I was going to flip. I needed her because she was actually decent in math compared to me. Without her, I was going to be a lost cause. Plus, no one needed her as much as I did and probably vice versa.
"Megan and Andy."
Okay, I couldn't be that mad, since Megan was going to be sitting next to her dream crush. Megan's eyes practically budged out of her skull as she made her way to where Andy was and smiled, biting her lips from grinning like an idiot. I winked at her, waiting for my name to be called. Everyone slowly was taking their seats next to their new partner for the rest of the year and I was getting impatient who I was going to be next to. I hope it was someone I knew.
"Reina and Calvin."
Well on the bright side, I get to sit next to some I know. Though, we don't really talk. Everyone looked around the room at the mention of his name.
"Does anyone know where Calvin Young is?" Mr. Martin asked with a slight frown. "Anyone seen him?"
"He's probably still sleeping!" Someone yelled from the back of the room, making all of us laugh. We all knew that Calvin usually shows up to class half an hour late, but he still knew what was going on. His attendance record was probably the worse in the whole school, but he makes up for it with his brain.
"No, I saw him before. He was heading to the roof where the garden club plants their weed and shit," Someone yelled out next, making everyone else laugh harder. "But you didn't hear it from me."
Mr. Martin was quiet for a second before turning to me, ignoring the joke. "Reina, can you go to the roof deck and check if Calvin is there? I trust you enough and it won't take you more than ten minutes."
I nodded slowly before making my way out of the classroom to ascend the stairs to the rooftop. When I finally got to the top of the school, I slowly opened the roof door and I was beyond words at the scenario. The rooftop was actually a garden that was mainly maintained by our gardening club at school. Though it was beautiful, I could see why people weren't allowed to come up here without supervision; there isn't a tall wall or fence to prevent falls from occurring.
I was beyond shocked when I see someone standing on the edge of the roof and looking at the sky as if he is waiting for something to happen. I couldn't see his face, but judging from his looks already, he is pretty tall, lean, with light brown hair.
I stood there frozen for a few seconds, staring for a few seconds before I finally speak up in fear that the person was going to do something crazy, like jump to their death. "C-Calvin...?"
He immediately turned towards me, staring wide eyed at me. My heart sped up even more if that was even possible. His expression was unreadable as he stared at me.
We stared at each other for a few seconds. My blue eyes clashed with his dark brown eyes. Neither of us knew what to say or do. I mean, what would you do if you caught someone at the edge of a rooftop, looking like he was able to jump?
He finally broke eye contact with me and walked back into the building without another word.
I stood there frozen for a few seconds.
Did I just see, with my own two eyes, Calvin Young about to commit suicide?
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Reasons to Live: 1. Suicide is never the option to any problem. You may have a bad day or a bad week but things will turn out for the better. Trust me. You'll see.