Gabby.
"This is the most hideous thing I have ever worn..."
Syds's eyes are wide as she eyes my cap and gown. "I would have to agree. There's just so much... green..."
"Right?!"
"What are you wearing under it? Something for Jax? He will be there right?"
My face goes a hot shade of pink as I turn away from my mirror and towards my fourteen year old sister who is sitting on the edge of my bed, scrolling through her phone. That is definitely not a subject I feel comfortable speaking to her about. She is definitely going to be trouble when she's my age, wow. My parents think I'm bad?
"You wear clothing under it you little perv, not just lingerie... and yes he will be there for Courtney. Mom and dad probably won't let me anywhere near him though."
I turn back to the mirror and tug the neckline of the shiny green gown I'm wearing. It's also terribly uncomfortable. Maybe she's right, maybe I should wear something other than jeans and a nice shirt under this. I don't want him to see me as a giant green blob. Super attractive.
"Did you figure out what side I wear this thing on yet?" I hold up the green and yellow fringe from my cap.
She looks back to her phone and reads for a moment. "It says that you wear your tassel on the right and then move it to the left once you are handed your diploma."
I shift it to its correct place, take one last look in the mirror and give myself an approving nod.
"Shoes?" Syd points to my feet.
"Shit."
I begin digging through my closet for my yellow chucks, but remember how discolored they were after my walk with Jax on our date. White will have to do today. They will likely make my gown look even more green, as if that were possible.
"I'll meet you down at the car. Remember, don't fall on your face while on stage. That shit would be embarrassing in front of your boyfriend..."
I take this opportunity to smack her in the arm as hard as I can for putting that idea into my head. My anxiety about today was bad enough. She just laughs and walks out.
Brat.
Once my shoes are on, I'm back in the mirror, looking at my giant green robe, knowing that this is how Jax will see me after not seeing him up close for a whole week.
Nope. Nope. NOPE.
The white converse are kicked off and I shimmy my jeans down. Courtney's skirt is still sitting on my dresser; I never gave it back after her birthday. I slide it on and unzip the gown, allowing it to hang freely open. With white converse back on, this is much better. Another nod, and I'm out the door with my family.
<><><>
I am lost in a sea of green in our gymnasium. We sit in front of a stage, with risers to our sides and behind us. There are tons of people on them, everyone's families have come to watch them walk across a stage and collect their piece of paper. It's sort of dumb, I'd rather they just threw a big party for us.
We sit in alphabetical order by last name. The ceremony is typically very short, there are only thirty-one kids graduating. Luckily I will be the third person to cross the stage since my name begins with a B.
The two people to my left are called from their seats and I patiently await for them to call my name. Hollers and cheers are shouted over the clapping for them.
"Gabrielle May Brooks, senior. Attending Northern Iowa University with focus on literature."
My face goes hot with anger as I stand from my seat, cursing my parents for filling out that portion of the announcement. I have no desire to go to school anymore. They know this and continue to tell everyone they know that I'm attending UNI in the fall. At one time, yes I wanted to go. I wanted to get away because I had messed up with Kane. But I wanted to be somewhere where I could also feel a bit of home, I'd be with Felix. Morgan and Cole had even applied. I'm not sure if they were accepted or not. I guess I'd hear it third-hand from someone eventually or maybe during this ceremony. Not like they were going to tell me. Anyways, I loved literature and I did find it fascinating that I could make a career out of it. But everything is different now. Felix is mad at me, my friends don't speak to me, then there was Court and Jax. I loved both of them. No way could I leave them behind.
No. Damn. Way.
So maybe lied when I told Jax it wasn't about him. A little. At first maybe it wasn't. Now it was.
But more than being pissed about them just announcing to everyone that I was going to school, I'm pissed because there is now a eerie silence filling the gym as no one claps. My entire walk to the stage has been completely silent. People watch me with glares that are typically reserved for hallway glances. My family takes notice of this and begins cheering from their section. The sounds of Sydney, mom, dad and even Felix fill the void. There is another voice in there too, a familiar one that finally makes my lips curl upwards.
"Hell yeah Books!" Is being shouted behind me as I take my diploma, shake the principal's hand and switch the tassel to the left of my cap. Just knowing that Jax is somewhere in this room, rooting for me when everyone else wants me to fail, makes me feel a little better. It definitely stopped the tears that were on the brink of erupting from my eyes.
I take my seat again and watch the rest of the ceremony. I can't help but notice how sickly Courtney looks as she makes her way across the stage. She looks as if she hasn't eaten in weeks, there is no color to her skin and there are bags under her eyes. She didn't show up for the last few days of classes. I did speak to her briefly on the phone and she sounded just fine. I assured Jax that she didn't bring up anything about my safety, people from town keeping secrets, or the three of us not being able to trust anyone. We talked about Jax and I's relationship, about her trip to Illinois and about her graduation party that she seemed excited for. But now, seeing her in person, I understand why Jax is so worried. She doesn't look like herself anymore.
The ceremony wraps up after another hour or so and everyone makes their way outside to begin taking pictures with their family and friends. I spot my family talking with Mickey, nodding their heads and laughing. It was sad that these families really weren't friends until their daughters were assaulted. As I make my way towards them I feel hands grip my hips from behind me, forcing me to stop walking. Arms wrap around me tight and I feel the warmth radiating from him. I don't even need to turn around to know who is holding me.
"I missed you Alfie" I lay my body back into his and place my hands on his arms.
"I've missed you too Books." He plants a small kiss on the back of my neck. He turns me around to face him and I wrap my arms around him tight. This man's hugs are the absolute best. His arms are exactly where I'm supposed to be. "I shouldn't be hugging you out here. Dan is right over there." He gives a nod towards the direction of my dad.
"He watched you kiss me. I think hugs are the least of his worries when it comes to our relationship." He still feels tense so I back away from the hug with a roll of my eyes. "Your sister looks terrible." I glance up to him. "Where did she go anyways?"
"I'm assuming she went straight home, I don't know. She still isn't talking to me."
He seems agitated so I decide to drop the subject. I take another step back, eyeing him. He's wearing black dress pants and a gray dress shirt, the collar unbuttoned and his sleeves rolled up so that his tattoos are still on display. He looks fucking gorgeous.
"Quit biting that lip Books..." his voice says in a raspy tone. I look up to him and smile. He shakes his head laughing, knowing I'm extremely turned on by him at the moment.
"You look good dressed up Alfie."
His arms snake their way into my gown, around my middle as he puts his head close to my ear. "I remember that skirt Gabby. The things I want to do to you right now should be illegal."
"Well you do have a thing for breaking the law..." He chuckles and plants a quick kiss on my lips before pulling away again. "So my family has a graduation party to go to tonight. One that I'm not invited to..."
His eyebrow raises. "How is it that your family is invited but you aren't?"
My eyes roll. "Tyler." I mutter.
"They are going to that? Seriously? After what he did?"
"Our parents are still friends and I think they feel bad that his mom is really sick. Anyways, I have the house to myself..."
His smile grows. "Are you insinuating that I come over and take advantage of that skirt tonight Books?"
I can't help but to smile, basically telling him yes without words. Yes, definitely, take advantage of me.
"I don't know Gabby..." He runs his hand over the top of his head.
"I'll wear nothing but the red chucks..."
His eyes fly to mine, filled with fire.
"What time do they leave?"
<><><>
Sydney promises to text me the moment mom and dad leave Tyler's party. I pace back and forth waiting for Jax to get over here. My hands sweaty, my rubber bands snapping across my flesh. Why the hell am I nervous?
You're breaking the rules Gabby. Again.
I wasn't even going to bring up Tyler's party to him today. But damn, Jax dressed up? That did something to me. He looked almost edible. Just knowing all the tattoos were under that dress shirt was driving me insane. How often will I get to see him dressed like that? Likely never? He suddenly looked like the teacher he was meant to be. He was adult Jax... and adult Jax was hot.
The knocking on the door stops my pacing, bringing me back to the reality that I'm about to do something stupid. I'm having sex with him in my bedroom. A dumb fantasy, but it's off limits. Having anyone over right now is. Having him, in my own bed, sounds like a fucking dream.
I twist the knob of the front door, my stomach maintains a steady course of flip flops. My breath hitches at the sight of Jax, both hands on either side of the doorframe, leaning forward. His head lifts with a smirk, causing my knees to go wobbly.
"Books..."
"Thank Christ you left that dress shirt on Alfie... I've wanted to unbutton it all day..."
His chest erupts with laughter as his hands drop form the door and he walks forward, wrapping one arm around me and shutting the door behind him. "This is a terrible idea Books..."
I nod my head yes with him walking us backwards towards the stairs. "Definitely. Terrible idea. But they aren't here and I want to fuck in my bed."
He grins and plants a swift kiss on my lips. "Why are you still in your graduation gown?"
A smile creeps across my face and I halt our walking. "Because there's nothing under it but your favorite kicks Alfie..."
His eyes grow wide. "Fuck" is muttered and he quickly grabs my hips and tosses me over his shoulder to walk us up the stairs as I giggle uncontrollably.
The mattress bounced a bit when he threw me down on it, followed by it dipping as he crawled over me. My fingers intertwined around the back of his neck as I brought him down to my face to kiss him. His lips were soft, warm and inviting. I always loved when he would use his lips to open my own. He loved my taste and I loved his.
I could feel him smile into our kiss as he grabbed the zipper of my grad gown. Jax apparently had been looking forward to removing my clothes as much I had his. Our mouthes did not part as his hand tugged the zipper down until it finally unfastened at the bottom. His warm hand then found my stomach, wrapping slowly around to my back and down to my thigh. A low moan escaped my lips as his hand tightened around it.
"You like when I grab you here Gabby?" His voice was rough and playful. His breath felt hot on my neck.
"Yesss" I closed my eyes and began to breath heavy.
"I know" he whispered and placed a small kiss below my ear. "I feel your body wiggling under mine." His hand squeezes my thigh again, harder this time and my entire body presses into his. The ache to have him is killing me. My eyes fly open, I grab his gray dress shirt and begin unbuttoning the plastic buttons as quickly as I can as Jax smiles.
"Eager, Books?"
My bottom lip finds it's way between my teeth as I nod and continue undressing him. Once the last button is finally free, he rolls the shirt down over his shoulders, behind us back and removes it. It gets tossed somewhere, anywhere I don't care where the fuck it is so long as it's not covering his tattoos anymore. It only takes moments before his shoes, pants and boxers have been discarded somewhere along with the shirt on my bedroom floor.
Another kiss, a slow, extremely passionate kiss occurs. The love I have for him flows through my entire body, pressing against him as hard as I can, feeling how hard he is against my hip.
"Keep the gown on. It's fucking hot" he orders as he rolls us. Suddenly I'm straddling him, just the way he likes. He cups my ass with both hands, lifting me and dropping me slowly down onto him.
"Shit Jax..." my head falls back in pleasure. His hands keep on my hips as I bounce on top of him.
"Love you Books." Those words with his mouth affixed to my neck and chest, kissing and sucking with his sexy moans - he could do no wrong with that mouth. "I'll miss this when you're away at school..."
Except when that mouth utters those words.
"What?" I halt all pelvis movements and stare at him.
His sweaty brow lifts as he looks to me confused. "What? Why'd you stop?"
"I'm not going to school Jax, I told you that."
"They announced it at your graduation?"
I roll my eyes and give my head a shake. "No. I'm not going. My dad filled that out. I'm not leaving Luxberg. I think I would have mentioned that to you."
"Gabby..." he sighs and doesn't meet my glance. "You should go to school. Get out of this town. Live life outside of here and see what it's really like."
He wants me to leave? Suddenly I felt hurt. He's definitely not listening to what I'm saying, we've had this discussion. Why do I feel as though this was his way of getting rid of me? He'll miss having sex with me? Seriously?
"I don't want to go. I don't want to leave you and Court or-"
"I thought this wasn't about me?" He cuts off my sentence, with a tone and glare that are telling me this is quickly going to become an argument.
I swallow hard, eyes squinting in frustration. "First off, you didn't let me finish that sentence. How could you not be part of my decision Jax? I love you. Moving three hours away is sort of a big deal. Second, my reason for wanting to go to school was because things weren't going to work out with Kane because I slept with Tyler. If I couldn't have him-"
"Gabby for fucks sake. Can we not talk about your love of Kane Porter while I'm the one inside of you?"
My gut twists at his words with a pang straight to my chest. My eyes divert to the mess of our clothes in a heap on my floor. My jaw begins to quiver, I know I'm going to start crying and it's taking everything in me to hold it back. His chest heaves and his nostrils flare. A single tear falls as I push off of him.
His hand goes to grab my wrist but I pull it back. "Gab-"
"Don't." I still can't bring myself to look at him. I grab his clothes and toss them to him as I slide my skirt back on. "You're not even letting me speak. Which you aren't listening to me anyways so it's not like it matters. So just... don't."
He stands angrily and puts on his pants and shoes. "So I'm the fucking bad guy because I think you should go to school and not bring up your ex during sex?"
"He is NOT my ex!" I toss down my graduation gown angrily to the floor. "And if you would have let me finish a damn sentence... If I was willing to stay for Kane, who I don't love by the way... then why the hell wouldn't I want to stay with you?"
He doesn't answer me but his anger is still there with his head shaking at me.
"And not just you! Courtney who is my best and only friend! Felix hates me now... he told me to stay away from him if I go. Why the hell would I want to be at the same school as him?"
"Why would Felix hate you Gabby?"
My bedroom door opens quickly and I grab my gown from the floor to cover my naked chest.
"Because she fucking lies." Felix glares at me.
I say nothing as I stand in my room with Jax, who is also keeping his mouth shut now. I hear his heavy breathing behind me.
"Right Gabs?" Felix crosses his arms across his chest, waiting for his answer. I don't give it. "You lied to me. Again. You said this was done. Both of you did. You're fucking again?"
I scrunch my face with disgust towards my brother. "My sex life is not your business. Second, dad knows I'm dating him, he let us go on a date."
He scoffs, pointing his finger in my face to begin his rant. "A date Gabby! One! You are still grounded. We are still grounded because of this douche."
"Fuck off" Jax yells angrily. "Not my fucking fault you don't act your age."
Felix ignores him and his glance remains on me. "Brought you food from Tyler's party. Dad was worried you wouldn't eat since you were here alone. So now what? Am I expected to lie for you again? Because if dad finds out the truth, I'm not going down for you AGAIN."
I need him to not tell. The heat and glances coming from Jax tell me he's scared. My dad has threatened him before, if dad hears that I'm having sex with him he will go crazy.
"Why can't you just own up to what you did? It wasn't all my fault!" I glare back at him. "And yes, I would appreciate you not telling dad he was here. He could make his life a living hell, you and I both know that."
"I'll keep quiet" he nods and then shifts his head to Jax. "If you stay away from her."
"Fuck that Fe-"
"Done." Jax cuts me off and grabs his shirt. He moves quickly to the door as a knot forms in my throat. Tears pool in my eyes as I push a smirking Felix out of my way to follow Jax out the door of my bedroom and down the stairs.
"Jax what the hell?! What do you mean done?!" The tears have spread down my neck as he turns by the front door to look back to me.
"You signed up for school because Kane was no longer an option? Now I'm not either. Your dad can't know. Courtney was right, you can't trust anyone. Your own brother has it out for you. Go to school Books. Get out of this fucking town and don't look back."
My eyes grow huge as I begin to plead. "Alfie..." I choke.
But his eyes aren't on me they are on Felix who is standing at the top of the stairs. "Stay away from my sister Brooks." And then he uses my dad's favorite phrase to really make it sink. "It's not a request."
The door slams shut behind him. I peer up to Felix with pure disgust. "I fucking hate you! You stay away from me Felix!"
He disappears into the hallway and his door slams. I fall to the floor crying, still pressing my green graduation gown to my chest.
Done?