My teas gone cold,
I'm wondering why I got out
Of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window
And I can't see at all
Even if I could, it would all be grey
Put your picture on my wall
It reminds me that it's not
So bad, it's not so bad
......
You ruined it now, I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it
And when you dream I hope you can't sleep about it and your conscience eats at you and you can't breathe without her
Have you ever love somebody so
Much you would give an arm for?
Not the expression, but an
Actual arm for?
When they know they're your heart
And you know you were their
Armor
......
(Depression)
"Jazzy, I know your in there, so where? Come here, talk to me, sit here, pull up a chair..."
AH
No, I told you, leave me the fuck alone,
Will you?
"But I'm here to rebuild you"
But I already killed you!
"But Jazzy, we were meant for each other think about your
Mother?"
Yeah, so what of her?
"Well, think of what she did to
You and your little brother!.."
Fuck you motherfucker!
I had you beat
"No, remember, I was playing
Possom!"
....
Fuck this mirror!
"I'm not in the mirror I'm inside you! Let me guide you!"
....
"Lose your best friend from school,
Your crush too,
Don't even know if your brothers
Even like you
Come off break, can't even sleep at night
With out NyQuil"
....
Lately, I've been hard to reach
I've been too long on my own
Everyone has a private world
Where they can be alone
Are you calling me?
Are you trying to get through?
Are you reaching out for me?...
I'm reaching out for you..
I'm just so fucking depressed
I can't seem to get out this slump
If I could just get over this hump
But I just need to pull me out this dump
I took my bruises, I took my lumps
Fell down and got right back up but
I need that spark to get psych back up
In order of me to pick the mic back up
I don't know how, why, or when
How I got into this position I
Am in
I'm starting to feel distant again
So I just decided to pick
This pen up and make an
Attempt to vent
But I just can't admit or that
I can't come to grips
With the fact I might be done
With this
I need a new outlet, I know
Some shit is so hard to swallow
But I can't sit back and wallow in
My own sorrow
But I know one fact,
I'll be one tough act to follow
Here today, gone tomorrow
....
But don't let them say you ain't beautiful
They can all get fucked, just say
True to you
I think I'm starting to lose my sense of humor
Everything looks so tense
And gloom
I almost feel like
I gotta check the
Temperature of the room
Just as I walk in
It's like all eyes on me
So I try to avoid any eye contact
Cause if I do that then it
Opens a door of conversation like I want that
I'm not looking for extra attention
...
Laugh at every joke I crack
Half of them ain't even funny
"Jazzy, your so funny man,
You should be a comedian,
God damn!"
Unfortunately, I am
But I hide behind the tears of a clown
.....
..
It goes in, in, out through the mouth
Breathing exercises I will never
Figure out
Till I am running in circles, or
Walking in circles, or
Crawling in circles, or
Lieing on the ground
....
You say "I hate you" and you mean it
You mean "I love you" sounds fake
It's taken me so long to figure that out
I used to do anything for the
Taste but now I would do
Anything to get the taste out of my mouth
...
I am an artist, and my mind doesn't work the way I want it to
....
There is a map in my room,
I got big, big plans
But I can see them falling through
Almost feel them falling through
The palms of my sweaty hands
.....
There's comfort in the bottom of
A swimming pool
I'm holding my breath for you
There's no doubt that if you could to crack my ribcage open
And pull my heart right through
....
I been around long enough
To know that good things never
Last
They never
Last
There's comfort in silence
In a living room
.....
I hate worrying about
The future
Cause all of my problems
Are based on my past
And I hate when you
Call me late at night
Just to check in to make sure
I got nothing to be sad about
But it's alright, it's okay
I won't need your help
Anyway
I hate when I have to think about my future
When all I want to do is
Worry about everyone else but me
......
....that your wasting all my
Time about venting about your
Problems on how your
Instagram stopped working
And how your friends bailed on you
But it was funny because that was the day you were
Supposed to Hang with me
....
...with actually having to tell you my
Worries
With actually having you give a
Damn about me
You giving a damn about....
..
And the pastor says I'm
Good
But Jesus Christ I'm never good
I'll nail my hands to the wall
.....
The doctors were nice enough,
They just said I'm fucked
Just like my mom is fucked
I bet my dad's fucked up
In the black light I can
Tell a sick joke,
Maybe in the black light
I can tell a sick joke
Twinkle, twinkle
Little star,
Achoholics don't get
Far, unless they drink and drive,
Let's go for a ride
I hope I crash and die tonight
....
I'm cool to the touch, leap to
My death,
I'll die for you all
...
It goes like this, well, I ain't sorry
With broken wrist
I climb from this walls
...
My skin crawls
Take my eyes, take them aside
Take my face and
Des-cra-ate
My arms and legs, they get in the way
Take my hands
they'll understand
Take my heart,
Pull it apart
And take my brain
Or what remains
Throw it all away
Cause I'm grown tired
Of this body
A Cumbersome and heavy body
Take my lungs, take them and run
Take my tounge, go have some fun
Take the ears, take them and
Disappear
Take my joints, take them for points
Take my teeth, tear through my cheeks
And take my nose, go and dispose
Would you go dispose, just go dispose
Cause I've grown tired of this
Body
A cumbersome and heavy body
I've grown tired of this body
Fall apart without me, body
.....
....
Beaten, why for?
Can't take much more
One, nothing wrong with me
Two, nothing wrong with me
Three, nothing wrong with me
Four, nothing wrong with me
One, something's got to give
Two, something's got to give
Three, something's got to give
.....
Push me again, this is the end
....
......
Maybe I been here before,
I know this room, I have walked this floor
....
.....
Fuck
Why are expectations so high?
Is it the bar I set?
My arms I stretch, but I can't
Reach
A far cry from it, or it's
In my grasp, but as soon as I
Grasp, squeeze
I lose my grip like a flying
Trapeze
Into the dark I plummet
Now the Sky's blackening
I know the marks high,
Butterflies rip apart my stomach
Knowing that no matter
What bars I come with you're
Gonna harp, gripe, and
That's a hard vicodin to swallow
So I scrap these
As the pressure increases
Like khakis
I feel the ice cracking because...
......
And it always feels like I'm hitting the mark till I go sit in the car and go pick it apart!
Like, "This shit is garbage!"
......
And I try not to listen to nonsense but if you bitches are trying
To strip me and my confidence,
Mission accomplished
.....
Now take your best rhyme, outdo it, do it a thousand times
Now let them tell you no one gives a cares or gives a fuck about
Your rhymes
.....
This is for the lions living
In the wirey broke down
Frames of my friends bodies
When the flood water comes
It ain't going to be clear
It's going to look like mud
....
This is for the snakes and the
People they bite,
For the friends I made
For the sleepless nights
For the warning signs I completely
Ignored
There's an amount to take,
Reasons to take more
It's no big suprise, you turned
Out this way
.....
You stopped by my house
The night you escaped,
With tears in my eyes I begged
You to stay
You said, "hey man, I love you
But no fucking way"
......
Make sure you kiss your
Knuckles before you punch me
In the face
There are lessons to be learned
Consequences for all the stupid
Things I say
.....
I wanna contribute to the chaos
I don't want to watch and then complain
....
The good thing about this cast is I can still hold a knife, so if you ever twist my arm again, I'll be sure to
Put up a fight
...
....
Then ask me what it's like to have myself so figured out...
I wish I knew
.....
...
And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away!
...
How could this happen to me?
I've made my mistakes!
Got nowhere to run
The night goes as I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life!
I just want to scream!
How could this happen to me?
Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound, but
No one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold on
To a time when nothing
Mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things I done
No I can't....
......
Not one song was towards an ex...I am just depressed.
No one cares. Fuck it, right? "Fucking annoying at these times Jazz damn, fucking stop. No one wants to hear you repeat or wallow in sorrow. Get the fuck up and deal with it." Yeah, I know. That's all my response is because I fucking know! I fucking get it....I understand...just here to vent. Not for complements.
Oh, but it is?
Fine.
Welcome, here I am, your entertainer that wants attention!
For sure...yup.
Let's forget the fact that she states she is depressed and venting because it is an escuse now. Now it is a fucking joke. Put it aside that the fact she wasted hours of having her heart in pain, and just comment how you love the song or even state that this or that... Yeah...sounds good.
Great.
I'm sorry (I feel as everything is my fault) and I am just not in a great mood. Ugh.