Cassandra returned home more than a little out of breath, as her quick walk had eventually turned into a run, the images she had seen had begun taking their toll on her sanity. She was having second thoughts about skipping her medication. Cassandra slammed the door to her apartment shut with a resounding thud, and rushed to the balcony throwing the glass door open with such a force she was momentarily surprised, albeit grateful, that it had not shattered. She stood at the edge of her balcony, hands gripping the white rust bitten railing so tightly her knuckles were white. She took an unmeasurable amount of deep breaths in an attempt to calm herself to no avail. Her ritual was not working as it had earlier. The shock had worn off and panic began choking her like an ever tightening vice.
It had been years since she had, had waking visions such as the one's she had had today. The occasional dream crept into her subconscious.
Everyone has weird dreams thou, right? She thought, in a dismal attempt at rationalisation.
But the waking visions had stopped when she had started taking medication. Memories of a scared and alone 7 year old little girl crept back in to her mind. She did not fight them as she did every other time. Her mind was so focussed on forgetting what she had seen today that she had no strength left to stop them as they assaulted her. Sliding slowly to the ground, she remembered her childhood. A childhood no child should ever be subjected to.
***
"But Mum you don't understand! The girl in my dream IS me. She looks just like me, she talks like me. She's real! I just know it!" Cassandra shouted at her mother. By age 7, she held a large enough vocabulary to start really questioning her dreams. Why me? How have I lived two lives? Which one is real? The biggest question she would ask herself was why no one believed her?
Ever since Cassandra could recall she had had dreams, dreams of herself. A different self. A version of herself from another time. When she was 5 in her current life she was 5 in her dream life. When she was 6 in her current life, she was 6 in her dream life. The dreams grew with her. She did not understand nor could she explain exactly what they meant, or why she had them. But she knew that they were real, that was the only thing she were ever truly sure of.
"Would you stop this Cassandra?! I have had enough of your stories! They are only dreams, do you hear me? They are make believe. Not real! We all have dreams, of fantastical and strange things, but they are not real child, they are figments of our imagination. Now I beg of you to stop this talk. You sound like a mad girl!" Cassandra's mother chastised harshly.
The words "mad girl" sliced through the 7 year old like a knife. Her mother knew that, that was what the other children called her at school. She had made the trusting mistake of telling them about her dreams. Dreams that she was from a different time or at least that she used to be. The kids had been cruel, they laughed at her, they bullied her and not one would be friends with her. A prickle of pain started in her eyes, telling her that tears were coming. She fought them valliantly, but they won.
Crying she asked her mother why she didn't believe her. She told her mother that the mother she had in her dreams would believe her. Cassandra told her that her dream mother was nice and caring and always believed whatever her she said.
Infuriated, scared and hurt. Her mother had lashed out.
"Well maybe the girl you are in your dreams is a good girl! Maybe she doesn't lie, maybe she respects her mother, maybe she doesn't think her dreams are real, maybe she isn't stupid like you."
Cassandra was speechless, her mother had just called her stupid. Just like the kids at school. She had never felt more alone, she ran to her room. She threw herself on her bed and cried. She cried until no more tears would fall. When sleep finally found her she dreamt again, she dreamt of the other life.
There was a mother daughter fight there too, Cassandra's mother was trying to convince her that she were a witch. But Cassandra didn't believe it. She called her mother crazy, she told her mother that, that was what the villagers said. Cassandra's mother cried asking why she did not believe her, but her daughter had no real answer. She simply did not want to believe in witches and druid, and so she didn't.
The rest of the dream was a blur, the dream girl just went about her normal day.
When Cassandra had awoken from this dream, she had decided that she would never again tell anyone person of her dreams, and she hadn't.
Until she had turned 13.
***
"Cassandra! Cassandra!? Oh dear gods please be ok? They'll kill me if you're not! Please, Please, Please!" A woman's voice pleaded.
"Huh...?" Cassandra murmured.
"Oh thank the heavens you're alive! I mean of course you're alive! I knew you were alive, you were breathing! But gosh.. you scared me. You didn't answer the door, I was worried. I let myself in, spare key was a great idea by the way, and there you were. Laying there all lifeless on the balcony! It's freezing out here by the way. You'll catch you death out here. Anyway I couldn't wake you and..."
"Erica. It's freezing out here." Cassandra interrupted.
"Yes it is.. Wait I just said that!" Erica said.
"Yes you did. So let's have you out of the way, so I can move and we can go inside?"
"Ohhh.. Good idea!" Responded Erica, with particular emphasis on the "ohhh" making her sounds 6 kinds of ditsy. She stood and all but skipped inside, Cassandra followed, less enthusiastically and closed the door behind her.
"and this woman's my therapist" Cassandra thought shaking her head as she made herself comfortable on the sofa by the heater which she grabbed the remote to and turned on, cranking the temp to very high and enjoying the instant breath of heat it expelled.
"Don't you shake your head and think bad things about me, Cassandra Elaine Hatchette! Don't think I don't know you're doing it either. I always know"
"Yes Erica, sorry Erica." Cassandra replied condescendingly.
Erica rolled her eyes in a very deliberately over the top manner and plonked herself in the chair adjacent to Cassandra and begun literally twiddling her thumbs. Sometimes it amazed her that Erica was a certified therapist, she was bubbly, sarcastic and more often than not she appeared more daft than knowledgeable. She did not fit the stereo type for a therapist at all. Cassandra of course knew that Erica was indeed very smart, she simply had a somewhat 'different' take on things than most people.
"Who am I to judge difference?" Cassandra thought regretting her own choice of description. She was glad to have Erica in her life. Erica was infectious. She was surrounded with an intense unshakable happiness that seemed to seep into all those around her. This alone made her an excellent person to confide in. Cassandra owed the life she currently lived to Erica. Erica had found her only 3 months after she had been admitted to "Numeric- Hospital of the different", named after some eccentric rich guy with a messed up kid, who wanted to learn more and find cures, which was another way of saying hospital for bat shit crazy kids to be experimented on legally.
As Cassandra sat, enjoying the heat, she realised that the conversation they were about to have was not one Erica wanted to participate in. Clearing her throat nervously she began.
"So," Cassandra started. "What do you have to tell me?" She took a breath and swallowed deeply.
There was no reply.
"On the phone you said that there was something you needed to tell me....?" She continued.
Erica squirmed uncomfortably.
"If you've got something to tell me, just get it over and done with Erica! It can't be worse than I've heard before." Cassandra finished angrily.
"Well I doubt you've heard worse" Erica muttered. "But ok, here goes nothing. This isn't how it was supposed to happen. They won't be thrilled about this. But it's not like I can lie to you." She was babbling now, Cassandra listened trying be to patient but she grew irritated quickly and butted in.
"Get to the point!" She had never raised her voice this much at Erica and she felt instantly awful for doing it, but this was her life they were discussing and Cassandra had a feeling she was about to get some answers.
"Ok, ok. I'm sorry. Cassandra... You're a witch." Erica said timidly.
Cassandra sat for a second, staring blankly at Erica as the words she had spoken slowly sunk in, and then? She laughed. She laughed harder than she had ever laughed before.
"You've got to be god damn kidding me!" She managed to say between fits of laughter.
"Wait... So let me get this straight. I was sent to the Looney bin to be tested on because I'm broken and all this time YOU think I'm a witch? My therapist thinks I'm a witch!" The laughing began to die down and Cassandra's humour slowly turned to anger.
"All this time, I've been getting therapy from someone as batty as me! Wow, well isn't this just dandy. Why, by the way, has it taken you so long to reveal my 'true' nature? If it was SO important! Actually, what does that make you Erica? Are you a witch too? Ohhh do a trick!" She said cruelly.
"Are you quite finished? I'd like to continue" Erica said in a patient voice.
"You know what? I'm not finished! I have so much left to say! I... The thing is I... Erica I...." Cassandra realised there was nothing else she had to say. What else could one say in a situation like this? She admitted defeat and with a mocking grin told Erica to continue.
"To begin with your dreams are real. Though I would not call them dreams, they are memories. Memories of your past life. Cassandra you were first born of this earth more than a thousand years ago, it may not make sense, but within time, if you choose to trust me I can explain everything." As Erica continued she transformed. The way she looked stayed the same, but the way Cassandra perceived her began to change. She realised as Erica continued talking that her bubbly care free personality was only one side of her and Cassandra realised she were being introduced to another. Erica currently looked like an ethereal being of supreme knowledge. She spoke with such confidence and finesse that she looked wise beyond her years. There was nothing Cassandra could do accept listen.
"Times were different when you were first born. By the age you are now, you had already married and given birth to two of your own children. Cruelly they were taken from you. You sought to avenge them.."
"That doesn't sound like me." Cassandra stated.
"Pardon?"
"I don't like revenge. It helps no one. I would mourn a family, but not seek to avenge them. That doesn't sound like me" Cassandra finished utterly convinced that Erica was wrong.
"Cassandra please stop this. For longer than I care to remember you have been trying to convince me that you are not crazy, that you do not have schizophrenia, but that instead you are having visions of a past life. I come today to tell you that in many ways you are correct and you throw it in my face? I do not understand what you think you are gaining by disputing the truth I am giving you, the truth that somehow you have always known."
Before Cassandra could think of a whity comeback, Erica continued. "The man you met today. He is vital. Everything you saw when you were with him is real. He is either the one you were sent to kill or he is the one who will kill you. Cassandra if nothing else, you need to believe this. That man is dangerous. He could be the end of you. This is your third life. You do not get another chance. You were meant to learn the truth before you met him, but the Fates were not on our side with this one." Erica pleaded with Cassandra to believe her.
There was a knock at the door. Cassandra rose to answer it. But was stopped by a terrified Erica.
"Do not answer that door! It is him, he has come." Erica pleaded clearly panicked.
"Enough Erica. You've had you fun. Stop now with the nonsense. I just don't want to hear it. Out of respect for the help you have given me over the years. If the person at the door is the man you say it is, which it wont be, I will never doubt you again, if it is not then you must leave. Leave for good and never return." Cassandra reasoned.
As she reached the door and turned the knob she heard Erica's pained whisper.
"If it is him, you won't have the chance to realise I'm right."
Opening the door Cassandra was greeted with a pair of familiar enchanting blue eyes and a charming smile.
"Hi. Remember me?"
***
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