somehow, not being able to talk to anyone about the situation made me turn to the people at my English table: Nate, Clara, and Veronica.
They knew all about my crushes...including Shane and James.
As much as I liked James, I didn't want to like him. I wanted to rebel against my heart. So I turned to my past crush on Shane. I put my heart into talking to him.
I ignored James.
One day in Spanish Shane walked in acting drunk. He could hardly sit down. Shane said, "Emma look into my eyes. Are my pupils dilated?"
"No, I can't really tell."
"Ugh."
"are you drunk?!"
"No."
"What'd u take?"
"Nothing."
For the rest of class, he kept telling me stupid stories about his clumsiness. It was disconcerting. I was scared he was on drugs. He was a good guy but even the best fall to temptation.
The next few days he was in a similar disposition. I did my best to help him. I tried to tell him to stop. From certain sources, I found out he was on drugs. Not dangerous ones, just meds. It helped with his anxiety, but they were unprescribed. I didn't like it but I didn't want him to know I was keeping tabs on him. I didn't want him to think I liked him. After Evan and Edward, I really didn't need another one to reject me.
A week later, he was fine. He was sober. I asked him, "What the hell happened?! Last week you were high or drunk."
"I was curious so I took Zans."
"Are you good?! You took drugs because you were curious?!"
"Yup."
"Vaping is one thing, but actually doing drugs is another."
"Chill. I stopped taking them. I honestly don't remember what's happened this last week."
"Nothing much. You just babbled alot."
"Are you sure?"
"Yea." I didn't want to tell him he got in my personal space a lot. Plus, he didn't do anything bad, he was just closer than a sober Shane would be comfortable with.
I started texting my cousin about something that had happened with my family and figured he'd just turn and talk to Eli or Evan. The amount of drama that went down between my cousin and my aunt, Shona was crazy. They hated each other but we all lived in one house. Strange, but that's family for you.
Fo some reason, he just looked at me and waited for me to look up. Shane said trying to catch my attention, "We have to do the activity Meera."
I was surprised because he usually never wanted to actually work with me. I usually had to force him to even pretend to act like he was working with me.
I shrugged and we began speaking Spanish. I think he just needed an excuse to talk to me, but that was just me. There's no way a guy like him, whose friends hated me, would like me right?