James texted me a few days later
__________________________
J- letters came out
M- and?
J- I'm leaving
M- noooooooo. u can't leave
J- dw
M- telling me not to worry only makes me worry more
J- I'll text u every day.
M- promise?
J- yea. plus now u can tell me all ur secrets bc I'm leaving
M- don't remind me
J- u can tell me who u crushing on
M- we still have four more months of school J
J- fine
_______________________
Surprisingly I was one of the first people to find out that James was leaving. Even Lara didn't know. It made me feel special.
But it made me want to cry. He was leaving. It kept repeating in my head. I couldn't figure out why it affected me so much. But more drama made me forget all about that.
Lara texted me one night
_______________________
L- did w tell u y we aint talking
M- he said y'all aren't talking but not really y
L- dont lie to me
__________________________
I panicked. I texted James and Will
M- Guys what do I do???
W- idk
J- just tell her. it'll make it worse of she finds out later
W- she is already mad u told us bout ur mission with the sophs
M- ughhhh fine
_____________________________
M- yea w told me
Lara put me, James, and William in a group chat
L- so u lied for an hour?!
M- I'm sorry
L- fake ass
M- wtf
L- u lied. w had no right to tell u!
M- y not!? I'm friends with him. n it's not like it exposed u! it exposed him!
L- I'm not comfortable with ppl knowing
M-tf y bro. n I thought we were friends
L- no
I texted James privately begging him to say something
J- guys don't let secrets ruin ur friendship
L- stay outta this or ur gonna join w n e in non existance
J- I won't say anything more
M- wtf. fine Lara we don't have to be friends if u don't want to
_________________________
I cried for hours after that. James didn't help me. He let Lara destroy me. He knew that she has anger issues. We all did. He was close to her. She trusted him. He could've calmed her down. But he didn't.
So I decided to ignore him. I spent hours in meditation and prayer. It was literally the only thing keeping me going. As modern as I was, I was so old-fashioned.
Instead of talking to me, James must've told Lara to text me.
_______________________
L- lemme ask u one final thing. y r u ignoring j
M- I have my reasons
L- wtf
M- he didn't defend me! he didn't help me
L- defend u for what? u were clearly in the wrong. y tf would he defend a snake like u
M- u can think whatever u want. I just don't get y ur so mad at me. we were friends
L- no. I found out that w liked me when j told me. n when I rejected w, both j n w kept their distance
M- j n w r cousins! ofc j will defend w
L- but j was one of my few trustworthy friends
M- he probably didn't know
L- doesn't matter
M- u still talk to j. not w. j was more at fault than w
L- ur taking w side! u don't understand!
M- no I'm not. so make me understand Lara
L- no
M- fine.
L- u fake ass two-faced bitch
________________________
I couldn't take the silence that weekend. I went back to school, ignoring James and Lara. The sad part was that none of our other friends knew. I told Sarah though. She knew.
One day we sat outside at lunch. I said to her, "James was such a coward!"
"He went to Lara instead of just talking to you!"
"Exactly. I thought we were friends. He chose her knowing she was wrong." It hurt so much. Why? I started crying.
Sarah said, "We should do something."
"Text him. Ask him to talk to me."
"Kk."
She told James to talk to me. He was the only one I'd listen to. I was a wreck at the moment and wouldn't even talk to Sarah..or so she said to him. It didn't work though. James thought I was utterly mad at him. How was he so oblivious to the fact that I just wanted him to talk to me? Why was he such a fucking coward?
"Em, don't get mad but do u like James?"
I looked at Sarah and suddenly I realized. I looked towards the sky, smiling sadly. I whispered, "I do."
I sobbed, as Sarah hugged me. "He's a coward. he didn't defend me. All because of Lara. He probably likes her. I can't even talk to him because I said I'd ignore him.It'd be stupid to try and say something now."
Sarah said, "He's leaving though."
"I know. I just don't know what to do."