*Side note here: I'm changing the school that everyone goes to from Indiana State University to Indiana University. It just makes more sense to me as it's a football school and what not. For those who have been reading since the beginning and noticed the change, there's really no solid reason. I just prefer for them to go there.*
-Misty-
The air was light and filled with the rush of the beautiful California weather. The sun was perched high in the sky and heavily warmed my face as I stood waiting. I watched as my mother parked her fire-truck red Ferrari at the front of the restaurant, The Palm in Beverly Hills. She stepped out of the car, her eyes concealed by her Gucci sunglasses as she handed the valet her car keys.
She walked up to my sassily, her designer heels clicking against the concrete floors beneath us. She stopped just shy of where I stood and removed her glasses.
"Misty." She greeted me.
"I thought we were past the formal greetings, mother," I said emphasizing that last part.
She rolled her eyes, "You asked for a business meeting concerning your career so we're formal right now." She said.
Oh? We'll see about that.
I ignored her last statement and walked up to the hostess who smiled widely at the both of us.
"Do you two have a reservation?"
I nodded, "Yeah it's under Devore." I told her.
The hostess looked at the list and then back up at us. "Party of three, right his way." She pulled out two menus in her hands and began leading us towards the back of the restaurant.
"Devore? Misty, who are we meeting with?" My mother asked me curiously as we approached the table.
I shrugged refusing to answer.
"Misty Louise-." She caught herself when she realized who was sitting at the table waiting for us.
She briskly turned to me, her face fuming. I remained calm, having been used to my mother at this point in my life her sudden tantrums did not faze me.
"You tricked me!"
I frowned, "No you mistakenly took this invitation as a business lunch when indeed it was something else." I said.
She narrowed her eyes, "You lied." She whispered angrily.
I shrugged again. "I didn't lie, I just happened to sway from telling you what or who exactly we were having lunch with," I replied simply.
She groaned pursing her lips as she turned to look at my father who had stood up to greet the both of us.
"Evie, let's just try to have a normal lunch please. I haven't seen my daughter in months." He said walking over to my mother. He placed a light kiss on her cheek and she pushed him away from her.
"I said to stop calling me that." She walked around him and took a seat at one of the chairs at the table.
Allen sighed and then looked at me, "Misty." He greeted me with a kiss on the cheek. I was less physical than my mother, but still awkward about the gesture. I didn't say much as I took a seat beside my mother who was throwing daggers at me with her eyes.
"And to think you were doing so well with the sarcasm..." She said to me.
I rolled my eyes, "I can turn it on again if you'd like." I said.
I think she was close to choking me out, just a few more sarcastic remarks and the restaurant would have to phone the ambulance.
The waitress returned and asked us for our drink orders, I got a simple ginger ale and waited for my mother and father to order.
"I'll have a glass of your best Merlot, please." She said as she began texting on her phone.
Boujee at its finest.
"You're driving," I warned her.
She turned to me slightly and with a pointed finger, and said, "No, you're driving. Since you wanted to make unwanted plans for me, I'm making unwanted plans for you." She said.
The waitress waited for a change of the order but my mother looked back at her and repeated, "A glass of your finest Merlot, please." Before returning back to her phone.
I rolled my eyes and let her do whatever she wanted, she was an adult after all.
"And for you sir?" The waitress asked Allen.
"Just some sparkling water, ma'am." The waitress nodded and promised her return with our drinks in a moment.
All three of us sat at the table silent and awkward.
"So.... how was both of your days so far?" Allen said finally breaking the silence threatening to end this lunch earlier than intended.
My mother ignored him and continued to text as if he never said anything. I was attempting to be a lot more civilized and decided on engaging in conversation with him.
"Good so far, taking a break after the Grammy's and going back to school," I said to him.
Allen's face brightened up at the mention of school. "What school do you go to? I don't think I remember you telling me over text." He said.
A smile crept across my face as I spoke about my college. It was crazy to think that I was a Junior now, I had only a year left before I would leave the place that I had come to know as home and set off into my full adult-life.
"I go to Indiana University."
"Go Hoosiers, huh?" He chuckled.
I nodded and continued to tell him all about it there, the sorority I was in, and my major. He seemed interested that I was a Biology major and asked me why I choose that particular field.
The waitress came back and handed us all our drinks, we asked for more time to look over the menu and she left us.
I grew shy momentarily as I revealed my initial plan of becoming a doctor before this whole record label thing came into the plan, just like that the career path I believed I was going to go down was gone. I wasn't quite sure if I cared it didn't go as planned, though.
"Well, I had initially wanted to go into medicine..." I began.
"And what happened?" He asked.
"Honestly, Allen?" My mother looked up from her phone to give my father a dumb stare.
"What?" He asked her.
"She just won two Grammy's off her debut album. She has a music career to ride on now, who needs to go into medicine?" She barked.
Allen looked hurt by that statement, "Well, what if she wanted to go to medical school? She's perfectly capable and smart enough to do it." He said with a narrowed gaze.
My mother groaned, "Being around sick people all day or vacationing in the tropics because your net worth is over the hundreds of millions hmm..." She pretended to think as she said this.
My father frowned, "What's wrong with being a doctor?" I could tell he was getting annoyed by mother's words.
"I just told you." She replied simply.
Allen's eyes were now entirely focused on my mother. "Is it because I'm a doctor? Huh? You think Misty is gonna get some curse by following in my footsteps?" He asked her.
"She doesn't need to be a doctor. As a matter of fact, she doesn't even need to be in school anymore, she's already worth millions more than she would have ever made being a doctor. College is a scam, you pay over a hundred thousand dollars to come out with an average of a forty-thousand dollar yearly paying job. I didn't go to college and I have successful businesses as a result." She said matter-of-factly.
I sat there shaking my head and sipping my ginger ale.
It was funny how they were arguing over my career choices at my ripe age of twenty-years-old. Where were they when I was fourteen and figuring out where I wanted to go to school and do with myself. I went through that process alone, with some help from Aunt Jackie and Joe, but everything else was me.
"Evie, not everyone is capable of doing something as elaborate as that, that's why there's college." He continued arguing with her.
"I said to stop calling me that!" She fumed.
"Can you two please stop! I've already made my decision. Allen..." I began and looked at him, "Dad...I'm pursuing my music career for my own reasons. I wasn't pressured to say yes, it's because I fell in love with something I'm good at and have a passion for." I explained.
He sighed deeply and looked down at the table as if he had lost a battle yet to be fought.
"Mother...I am going to finish my college education. I don't believe in quitting something that I have started. I still have friends there that I want to graduate with. A college career is something good to fall back on if the music thing doesn't work out in the end." I informed her.
My mother scoffed, "My dear child, your career isn't going anywhere if I have anything to say about it. Did you forget what label you're signed to? I can name on one finger how many artists disappear from the limelight because of disinterest and that's because I got rid of him." She said with a confident smile.
"My artists are legends, forces to be reckoned with. People beg to be on my label because they know nothing but good things happen to them. They get the best gigs, the best stylists, best coaches, sound engineers, you name it. There is no room for failure, not under my watch." She laid back in her chair satisfied with her speech. She tilted the glass of Merlot in her hand and finished whatever was left. I hadn't even realized she had been drinking from it with all the arguing her and Allen and had been doing.
I sighed deeply, thankfully the waitress returned ready to take our orders.
My mother returned her gaze back to her phone.
"What can I get you?" She asked me.
"A grilled chicken avocado sandwich." Both my mother and I said.
I turned to look at her, she had her face glued to the screen, she must have assumed the waitress was speaking to her when in fact, she was speaking to me.
"Like mother, like daughter." Allen commented with a chuckle.
Both my mother and I threw him a narrowed glance.
He shifted uncomfortably under our stares and focused on his drink, avoiding eye-contact with the both of us.
"And for you, sir?" The waitress asked.
"Uh...just a classic cheeseburger, thanks." He closed the menu and handed it back to her.
"I'll be right there with your orders." She said.
Before she left my mother stopped her and asked her for another glass of wine.
I guess I really am driving her back home.
"So...tell me about your kids," I said pushing the topic away from me for a moment.
Allen stiffened just slightly, but it was enough for me to notice. Did he just assume that I had no idea about them? After all, he had a whole family and a dog, I saw the pictures and although I had felt salty initially, I wanted to know more about my siblings.
"Well you have a sister...she's younger than you by a few months." He cleared his throat and snuck a peek over at my mother, she wasn't paying attention. The waitress had come back and handed her a glass of wine and she tipped her a fifty-dollar bill, probably because she realized she was being kind of an ass to her.
He turned back to me. "Her name Paityn, she goes to Texas A&M, and you have an older brother his name is Landin. He's out of college for a couple years now and he's a construction manager at a firm here in L.A." He informed me.
Interesting. I was so used to being an only child, it felt weird knowing I had siblings living their lives and such.
"Do...do they know about me?" I asked him seriously, there were some questions that needed to be answered here while I was on this lunch trip. Who knew when the next time I'd be able to have a sit down with my father, with my hectic schedule.
Allen cleared his throat again and took a sip from his glass. "No..." He began.
As disappointed as I was, I wasn't surprised. I was a product of an affair, one that my mother wasn't aware of until she was.
Allen noticed the look on my face and quickly tried to cover his tracks.
"My ex-wife knows about you. She informed your mother to stop sending photos and updates about you or she'd divorce me." He said awkwardly.
I was silent for a moment.
"If you don't mind me asking.... why did you step out on your wife?" I said abruptly.
"Misty..." My mother warned me with her tone.
I turned to her. "I need some answers I've been neglected by both of you for most of my life. I'm entitled to get answers to fit into my puzzle of life." I said feeling myself getting irritated by the second.
My mother took a deep breath and finished the rest of her wine, looking as if she wanted to have another one.
"You've been neglecting her?" Allen asked my mother.
"Don't change the subject. That's a topic for another time." I stated.
Before Allen began, the food came and distracted us for a while. I didn't realize how hungry I was until I bit into my sandwich which was delicious. I got another refill of soda and hoped to God that my trainer didn't find out about intake of sugar I was having, he would have my ass on the treadmill that was for sure.
"Misty, I don't expect for you to understand my ex-wife is pretty manipulative-." I cut him off.
"That doesn't give you a right to step out on her. Or bring my mother into that mess." I informed him.
He nodded his head, "I agree. That was a foolish decision on my part. In all honesty, losing contact with you and your mother was the biggest mistake I ever made. My wife and I ended up divorcing anyway later on in our marriage, so it made no difference." He explained.
"What made you do it?" I asked him.
He never answered the question, just went straight to blaming his so-called "manipulative ex-wife".
Allen seemed to think long and hard when I turned to my mother she seemed interested in hearing the answer to that question as well; her gaze seemed intensely focused on him.
After a moment he looked up from his plate and smiled, "Honestly, your mother is a hard woman to resist. As much as you two may hate to admit it you're almost carbon copies of each other." He said.
He said that first part to my mother and the other to me. I wasn't quite sure how to feel about that, but I left that for an intense contemplation session later in the privacy of my bedroom.
"Was it worth it?" I found myself asking him.
Allen straightened in his seat and opened his to speak but my mother interjected.
"Misty, that's enough." She sounded as if she were over this entire lunch.
I put my hand up. "Look, mom, I already know I was a mistake to you, but I want an answer from him," I said feeling as if Allen was going to say the same to me.
That I was a mistake.
My feelings of inferiority have always been with me since I was a child. I didn't have one parent in my life actively and I sat and watched as my friends and classmates were surrounded by love, love that I wished I could receive by the two people who made me, the ones I needed the most. I had become a broken child as a result. Maybe that was why I related to my music so much because I got to sing the song of the hurt that I never let anyone know of until now. It felt good to release myself into the lyrics and notes of the music I made, to share that pain I felt my entire life with thousands and thousands of people willing to listen.
My mother grabbed my arm and turned me to face her. "Misty, you were a never a mistake to me. Yes, you came under poor circumstances and I apologize for that, but I never regretted having you. I just didn't know how to be a mother at that time." She said to me
"And now," I muttered under my breath.
"I'm working on it." She responded to my sarcasm, surprisingly without the same energy.
Work harder. I wanted to say but I kept my lips shut tight.
"Misty, both your mother and I conceived you out of love. Always know that." Allen agreed.
Whatever. At this point, I didn't want to hear it.
People could lie to your face all you want, that doesn't stop the fact that I wasn't a wanted child.
I ruined my mother's singing career just by being born, my father's wife didn't want my father anywhere near him, thus ruining a marriage.
I was a curse within myself.
"Misty, do you understand?" Allen asked me.
I ignored him shutting down, part of me sorry I even asked him any of those questions. I don't think I was ready to hear the answer to it.
"Misty?"
"Desert anyone?"
-
The ride back to the mansion was quiet, awkwardly quiet. My mother had her gaze focused out the window as I drove her slightly tipsy ass back to Malibu. I blasted the radio to avoid having to speak and relished in the sounds of my own voice playing through the speakers. I was proud of myself of being able to come out of my comfort zone and make music, but I knew for sure now that I needed a break or something across those lines.
After parking and getting out of the car my mother disappeared off to her section of the house and I went to mine so I could take a shower. I planned on working on some of my music in the downstairs recording room, so once I finished with my quick shower and changed into something comfortable. I grabbed my song book and began heading downstairs.
On my way there, I saw my mother coming out of the foyer of the house with some man. He was a black man dressed in a business suit and he was following my mother, flirtingly holding her waist as they headed towards her bedroom. I fought the urge to throw up in my mouth and tried not to think of what they were or were not going to do in there.
I quickly headed to the recording booth, making sure to make a mental note to pour bleach all over my eyes once I was finished so I wouldn't have to see a sight like that again.
I guess it was just hard for me to see my mother "romantically engaged" with someone. I mean I've always seen her alone and not attached to anyone physically. Maria has told me she had a habit of bringing men around sometimes, but it's different when you see it yourself.
I shook my head and got back into the game.
I got the beat set up on the sound board and pressed the record button before heading into the booth. The beat for my untitled song was super sick and I couldn't wait to write my lyrics and bring it to life. I threw the headphones on and pressed myself against the mic letting myself become one with the music.
"I'm your biggest regret,
Hope you never forget,
Can't help but keep thinking about this
I'm wondering about your kiss
And if you hear this song,
I hope you know
That I be thinking about this
Wondering about if,
You regret about how you used to be with me
It got me thinking, got me singing like
Yeahhhhhhh, Ohhhhh woahhhhh
Ohhhh woahhhhhh." I didn't realize how long I had been working on the song and the lyrics until I looked down at my phone and saw it was nearing midnight. I cleared my throat and walked out of the booth to hear the latest playback of my voice. I sat there listening to it making notes here and there about where I wanted to make changes or switch up the tone of my voice.
"You remind me of how passionate I used to be about making music. Except, I think you're more talented in writing music than I am." My mother's voice shook me out of my intense thinking to where she was standing in the back of the room with her hands crossed over her chest. She was wearing a silk baby blue robe and her hair was wrapped.
"Was I disturbing you and your guest?" I knew that this room was completely sound-proof obviously for the music, but me just saying that was so that she could know that I saw her with that man.
My mother rolled her eyes and walked up towards me. "Misty, a woman needs to be relieved her of her sexual tension from time to time. You should understand that." She said.
I put my songbook down and twirled my chair in her direction. "Actually, I don't. I'm still a virgin." I said to her.
My mother looked at me shocked, "Really?" She asked curiously.
"Why are you shocked?" I asked her.
She shrugged and looked away. "I just assumed.... I don't know. You're in college, things happen." She said awkwardly.
I rolled my eyes. "Well, things haven't happened for me." For some reason that came out a lot more frustrated than I wanted it to.
My mother pointed at me. "Why are you and Lazaro...." Again, she hesitated, "Not...going about...." She sighed deeply.
"Having sex." She finally said.
"It never came up," I said to her.
The last time I thought about giving up my virginity to someone, it was gonna be to Jayden, but then that whole Sara thing happened and now here I was. Super focused on my music career, I had no idea what it felt like to be closely intimate with someone.
My mother opened her mouth to say something, but I stopped her in her tracks.
"If you're gonna give me a sex talk, please spare me I already know the ins and outs...literally," I said.
She closed her mouth and then arched her eyebrow. "Don't worry I won't." She shook her head as if she were trying to get something out of her head, "You said you needed a break from the music for a little bit." She started.
I listened intently.
Where was she going with this?
"And?" I probed her.
"And..." She narrowed her eyes, "As a gift of course, for winning Grammy's I had my travel agent get you a lovely trip to the Maldives. You can bring your friends if you'd like.... or just Lazaro." She said that in a way that meant there would be more to it than that.
"Courtesy of my private jet." She finished.
"You don't have to that," I said to her seriously.
She turned so she could head towards the door.
"No, I don't...but I want to. Have a good night, Misty."
"Night," I said to her.
A few seconds of silence passed as I lost sight of her, but her voice rang out once more.
"And use protection."