Hello omg! I know it's been a while but it feels so good to update for you guys again.
This chapter is from heart, Rohan's been through so much, its gonna be a beautiful read to know about his life after the last chapter. 💛
We've also hit 10k by the way! Like whaaatshsjwk?!? It's so surreal, Thank you all for the love. Much appreciated. 🤗🙏
This is the second last chapter. I'll save the 'book talk' for the end. For now, make sure to give this chapter a VOTE if you want more.
Also, COMMENT your thoughts.
Enjoy 💕
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Rohan's POV
4 months later...
September 15th.
Rehab was different. I knew it was different because this time--when I took the break, I actually paid attention. The first time I’d had absolutely nothing to distract me. My last album had flopped harder than a Lindsey Lohan movie. That is why everyone knew Rohan Nanda and albums aren't a thing. Rohan Nanda and singles are.
This time, I had a huge single in my hands, my greatest masterpiece, waiting to be produced and released.
I had a girl to win- Aisha- and the uncertainty of second-guessing whether she’d even hear me out consumed every millisecond of my day.
Still, I knew rehab was important.
So I listened.
I went to every class.
I held hands with strangers. With people who’d gotten addicted to prescription pills, badasses girls who snorted cocaine and ruined their lifes, a preacher’s son who’d fallen into the arms of heroin, and a Russian women who, like me, drank litres and litres of alcohol to numb the feeling that the world was closing in on you from all angles.
I wrote letters to my family and friends. Angry letters. Apologetic letters. Funny letters. Then I burned them all. Cause I didn't give a fuck about them. I just wanted Aisha.
But, I couldn’t write Aisha shit. Everything I had to say to her--every single groveling word just had to be said in person.
I was losing money, and sponsorships, and listeners, and fandom, and who the fuck knows what else. I still didn't care, instead, I felt good cause I fixing myself and writing good stuff.
Two months passed.
I came out of rehab.
I was in Brighton, and Aman wanted my ass in London as soon as possible. I was practically dying to be normal and rehab was normal, and I wanted that more for some time.
So I ditched Aman.
After rehab was over, I took a cab straight to the airport. I landed in- Istanbul, Turkey a few hours later. Why there? you may ask,
Because the earliest flight was going there...
I ate a gas station sandwich--because some things never change.
Then crashed for fifteen hours. I slept like I’d never slept in my life. Like I’d worked the entire two months in a fucking cornfield.
Then I woke up, wrote and ate another station sandwich for breakfast, wrote some more and had every flavour sandwich for lunch and dinner too. Continued the same routine every single fucking day, for the next 3 days.
Then I caught a flight back to Brighton again. Took the train back to London just to feel human again, pulling my beanie and hoodie all the way down, and showed up at the recording studio.
One months passed.
I recorded the single.
Another one month of promotions, and interviews, and magazine covers, and the - 'Comeback of the Year!' headlines. Guess who's back? Rohan Nanda: An Artist, a Rockstar, and a New Man.
I felt the time slipping between my hands, but I told myself it was okay. That she would still remember. That real love never dies. That I needed to prove to her I was actually sober for long enough to make her believe it.
Now, let me tell you something about my single. 'Things You Said' broke the record for fastest-recording single in the history of that Glendale Abstract studio. It took me one week to record and produce the song.
'Things You Said' was the single I dropped on the 9th September, the new music launch that everyone was waiting for, from me.
My team and assistant managers flew into London that weekend to remind my fragile ego and arrogant attitude to not lose control and that everything was a process.
They still fucking doubted me after I spent two months in rehab.
My crew told me that at first, the radio stations run the song for trial on different hours of the day and we'll see how it goes. That building hype takes time, and patience, and a lot of other fucking shit.
I knew that. This was not my goddamn first song. Every song works that way... what I noticed that this time it was different.
With Things You Said, I didn’t need any of it. The song just sort of exploded, the way my career had when I’d first broken into Billboard when I was eighteen years old, and took over the charts like they’d been sitting pretty and waiting for me their whole lives.
And it was nice. And reassuring. And completely unimportant in the grand scheme of things. Don’t get me wrong, I recorded the single because I wanted to record it. It was a part of a bigger plan, a detailed, persevering, calculated one. But I also wanted Aisha to know what she was to me. She wasn’t just a girl in Rohan Nanda's life. She was never a dirty fuck, or a pristine secret, or a mistake. She wasn’t some sweet girl I’d go to when I needed help because she was there and available.
She was my heart.
She was my life.
She was my all.
The only fucking thing on my mind for the past 4 months.
I was sober, on top of my game, and ready to chase what was mine.
Only Aisha had never been mine. She was, in fact, the one thing I couldn’t even think about ever claiming, because I didn’t deserve her.
But I finally understood that I needed her.
And I might sound like a lunatic, but I never once regret anything that happened between us. I fucking agree how tortuous stuff were. If there's any word to describe it, it'll be that. Torture. Our love was Torture...
But the even more frightening thing about that is-- I'm happy it was. Because I know if Aisha never came into my life and none of those shitty things happened, I would’ve never given rehab a second true chance, I would’ve never written Things You Said, and I definitely wouldn’t have understood what this thing I made millions mistakes about--Love--had meant.
💫💫💫
💫💫💫
Bonjoúr!
Good to see Paris as beautiful as ever... again.
“Ro! Looking amazing, dude!” An French paparazzo jumped into my face at the Airport of Paris, followed by a bunch of paparazzi photographers. They all wore ball caps and black clothes and smiles that were a cross between taunting and downright smug.
“Never been better.” I smiled. Which was partly right, and partly so, so wrong. I was breezing through security, two nameless bodyguards by my side.
"Oh my god Mommy! It's him!" A see a small girl perk from the corner.
"Move." I ordered strictly to the guard on the side. He did as told.
I bend down to the little girl, and get on my knees. Leaning forward I give her a small kiss on the cheek, "Hello little Angel." A hearty smile formed on my face seeing her reaction.
Her eyes widen, a big grin appearing on her face, showing off the not-so assembled little teeth of her's. "My name is Amelia! And O-Oh my god, I love you!" She blabbered.
"I loved your new song!"
"Did you hear it?" I ask.
"Yes, it was great!"
I threw my head back and laughed, "Thank you. You wanna take a picture?"
"Yes! Yes!" She called out to her mom, then turned around and leaned her back towards me. We posed, as her mom took the picture.
"Have a nice day." I tell her. I stood up to leave but her little hand caught mine- "Wait!" She called out.
"Yes?" I look at her with a frown.
"Who was it about?" She giggled, a small voice lit up my ears. My lips twitch, a smirk finding them.
"Who was what about?" I question, acting clueless.
"Your song!" She beamed.
"Who do you think?" I say, dragging it on.
"It was like you were talking to a girlfriend."
I laugh, ruffling her hair, "You're a funny little girl aren't you..." I sighed, "The world will find out, sooner or later." I said, smiling upon her.
"Yes! You need to let people know okay? I love you! And make sure you keep her protected, some girls might attack her out of jealousy!"
I chuckle, "Yes Mam!"
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Aisha's POV
I strolled across the grocery market, looking, but not touching, all the rows of strawberries, peaches, and jars of homemade jam.
I hated my life. My life was Rohan-less, and that was the worst way to live your life once you’d had a dose of the rockerstar. It was only two weeks ago that I stopped waking up crying and hating myself for missing him.
Because I did. I missed him every day.
I missed the man who hurt me so much. Yet, that's just the way love works.
When you love, you want to fix.
When you love, you don’t help to destroy.
And wasn’t it what Rohan was trying to do right now? Fix things between us? Well, he just has to be here for that. Everyday I wake up hoping he'd come back. When I come back from work I hope to see him home. But he's never there.
But today, I know he is. He landed in Paris this morning and it's everywhere. I don't know if he's waiting for me, I hope he is.
It's seven thirty right now, I ended up buying nothing and just headed back home. I didn’t know what I was going to say to Rohan and hadn’t decided if I was going to forgive him or not. And that, in itself, was irresponsible and dangerous for my poor heart.
I made it. And holy shit; he was there.
He waited for me in the hallway, his long legs bent in front of my door for lack of space. He was long, and lithe, and completely gorgeous, the way I remembered him.
I stopped and clenched my fists, my knuckles whitening, trying to gather my thoughts.
He noticed me and rose to his feet, and we stood in front of each other, staring, mostly.
I stopped, unable to think of anything. God, it's been so long.
His eyes paralyzed me, but it was his expression that undid me. Rohan looked like he was…sorry. Like he’d missed me.
Like me, too, had a lot of things to say. But he didn’t move either, so we just looked.
"Don’t." He spoke, taking a step forward, shaking my shock off. "Don’t downplay us. Not right now, and especially not after everything."
"Talk then." I breathed through my nose slowly, slowly, so fucking slowly, trying to incorporate every single second.
"We need to talk, let's go inside."
"No! Just say whatever you want here!" I replied, shaking my head.
He took another step forward. "Aisha, you listen to me. I’ve been through hell the last few months. For you. I’m not asking for a medal, or even for forgivenes--though that’d be really fucking grand, but right now, I’m just asking you kindly, respectfully, pleadingly, to listen to me."
Rohan paused, took a deep gulp of air, squeezing his eyes shut before opening them wide like he’d just risen from the bottom of the ocean coming back for air.
Shit, I don't even know what to say... I just what to give a hug and tell him it's fine.
"Did you..." He stopped again before re-collecting himself, "Have you listened to--"
“I have,” I cut through his words. How could I miss the song about me, when it was the most played song in contemporary radio stations all across Europe.
~~~
I don’t want to think about the things you said
The promises made
Playing round and round in my head
Said I'll never leave but I did
Yeah yeah yeah...
And I just can’t admit this really is the end,
I don’t understand
I still keep the text that you sent
Cause you won’t ever say that again...
So I’ve been going out to every club and every bar
And when I see your friends, I always ask them how you are
Hoping that they’ll tell you that
I’m broken, maybe then you’d call..
Cause since the day I left
I swear I haven’t been the same,
And if we got the chance
to talk again, I’d take the blame
Cause I was fucking selfish
with my actions pushing you awayyy...
Then... you told me you love me
But you ain’t ever trust me
I know that shit got ugly
I’m saying that I’m sorry now...
Do you think we could go back somehow?
Oh,
and even though I know it’s ended
My heart won’t get the message
My head it won’t accept it
It’s 2am I’m texting you,
I pray to god it didn't go through...
So tell me why?
I can never change your mind
Did I even really try?
Maybe I just needed time...
Cause baby I,
I can’t fall asleep at night
I’m wondering who’s by your side
Is it the same as you and I?
I don’t want to think about the things you said
The promises made
Playing round and round in my head
Said I'll never leave but I did
Yeah yeah yeah...
And I just can’t admit this really is the end,
I don’t understand
I still keep the text that you sent
Cause you won’t ever say that again...
~~~
"Is that how you see our relationship?" My throat caught. God, I shouldn’t have wanted to listen to him, but I couldn’t help not to, either.
He nodded. “Not to be a jerk, but I’d rather we have this conversation inside, after you offer me a glass of water, because my mouth is still dry from seeing you again."
And just like that, the butterflies came back, I didn't wanted to smile but I still did, cause I couldn't help it.
"Fine." I tugged inside my purse, I turned around towards the door and pulled the keys out.
"I'm clean now, you know," Rohan said, referring to the messed up life he'd had. "Got done with my tour. Spent four months sober. I wanted to show up after another month, but couldn’t help myself. I was afraid you’d move on."
“I know you’re sober.” I bit my lower lip, then opened the door. I did keep updated while he was gone--even though I’d told myself I wouldn't.
I was happy Rohan was seeking help. He needed it, I wanted him to be a better person. Because I didn't move on. I don't think I ever will when it comes to him.
"I’m happy for you, Rohan. I am." I gasped when he swiveled my body to be aligned with his, staring at me down like the predator I longed to be devoured by.
"Good because it was the hardest fucking thing I had to do in my entire life."
I pushed on to his chest, trying to let go but he was just too strong. His scent on the other hand was distracting, everything was. His face. His lips. His eyes. Though he looked like a mess, he was still really fine.
"Rehab was the hardest thing?" I asked, slowly backing away as he loosened his arms around me.
Rohan shaked his head, "No." He stated, a small vicious smile playing on his lips. It was the first time I'd seen him smile since he came back... and fuck, I'd been lying if I said it wasn't a beautiful sight.
"Not being with you was the hardest thing I had experienced in my entire life..."
*To be continued...*
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END OF CHAPTER
Alright. That was it. Well not really... you all read the end, it is gonna be that, we're gonna take it up from there next chapter. Let me know what you all thought abour this one?
Speaking of 'Next Chapter' 😭 It's the lastttt! For some it ends, for some there new beginnings ❤😉
I do have future plans; so let me know what you all think is gonna happen in the future?
So don't worry, I won't take three weeks to update this time, the last chapter will be updated sooner than expected, keep up to date with my wattpad notifications for that. 💌
And I'm not really a big 'Epilogue' person! But if you guys really want, I will do one :) ...? Let me know.
VOTE & COMMENT, your support drives me to do better then ever! And I really need the love, since my heart aches for ending this book. But sadly, all good things have to come to an end.
I'll come back very soon, with the new and the last chapter! Stay tuned.
Goodbye 💖