It was very peaceful for a few moments as we watched her play, but I knew that the moment couldn't last forever. We were not the same two people who sat on the dock six years ago. A lot had changed, and we have made different life decisions. Just because we felt something for someone six years ago doesn't mean those feelings are still there. Life throws us curve balls, and six years ago that is what happened to me. I just wanted him to know his daughter. I wanted her to know him, but that decision was not up to me, he had to want it for himself. He had to want her and these were decision that weren't easy, especially when a five year old is involved.
It is funny, how things can seem to be the same as they used to be just for a little while.Then, I realize I don't really know someone anymore. I had that realization in that moment. I stood up from the dock and straighten my dress. He looked up at me and I think he realized it too. He quickly stood.
He looked at me as if he wanted to speak. He looked at me for several moments.
"So, how does this work.?"
I was confused by his words, as simple as they were. "How does what work?"
"Me getting to know my daughter."
I couldn't help but smile. " I don't really know, I hadn't thought that far ahead, because honestly I never thought I'd see you again. It is kind of ironic that you are here. This is the first time that July has ever asked if I thought you'd come for us this year."
He gave me a questioning look. " Us?"
My heart sank, I don't know why it did. I always knew that if he did come into her life, it wasn't as if we were going to be a happy family. I mean come on we were sixteen, young, stupid and careless. Not to say that I regret having July, I just wish she would have came a long when I was older. When I was married, stable, and I didn't have to struggle so much. She's had to live without a dad because of a careless mistake that I made over and over one summer, it is no wonder I ended up pregnant. We were stupid kids.
"She is five, she doesn't understand that..when you come back in her life that... I'm trying to figure out how to say this right... that it doesn't mean that you are coming back into my life. Do you understand what I am trying to say?"
He smiled, "I understand" I wanted the subject to change.
"Her name is July Raine... Barbacosa.."
"You gave her my last name, even though you couldn't find me?"
"I told you, I wanted her to know you, and it was the best that I could do at the time."
"So, I know I didn't say anything before when you said you didn't move, but... who do you think wrote me that letter?"
"By looking at the handwriting, I'm going to say my mom."
"Why would she do that?"
"I dunno, but I'm going to find out. Would you get July and come with me."
"What are you going to do?"
"My mom is here, and I want to know why I missed out on you being pregnant and giving birth to our daughter, why I missed her first steps, her first words, her first everything!" This had really gotten him into a tail spin. I wasn't sure what he was about to do was a good idea, but for some reason, I called July over. She seemed very confused for a moment, and then really didn't seem to care. I picked her up and for some strange reason, Rainey grabbed my hand and began almost pulling me along, I didn't like that feeling so I picked up the pace. In no time, we were walking through the front gates of a cabin. There was lawn furniture filled with people, his sister Abby and who I assumed to be her husband, their baby, Rainey's mom and man I didn't reconize, and a few guys that look to be about my age. Rainey let go of my hand and approached his mom.
He took out the piece of paper, that at some point he must have put in his pocket and threw it at his mom. "Why did you write this?" His mom looked confused at first until she read what was on the paper.
"Where did you get this?" That is when his mom spotted me. "Melonie?"
" Yes, mom that is Melonie, why did you write that?"
"I don't know why your so hung up on this. I saw how hurt you were when we left that summer. I knew it would have never worked, there was not point letting it continue. I don't know why your so hung up on this, you havn't talked about Melonie in over a year, no offense sweetie."
For some reason, what I got out of all of that was that up until about a year ago he still talked about me. I don't know why that would matter but, it still sank in.
I don't think there were words to describe how angry Rainey was at that moment. Everyone looked at him and I wasn't sure if they knew how angry he was, and I didn't know either but he was about to explode.
"Mom you want to know why I am so hung up on it..." He pointed to July, all I could think was 'Oh No' here it comes. "You see that beautiful little girl right there. That is my daughter, Melonie wrote me to tell me she was pregnant, and you just dismissed as if it were nothing. You should have let me decide weather or not I would have wrote her back, then it would have been my fault that I missed out on the first five years of my daughter's life, but instead it is your fault." You could have heard a pin drop at that point and then a moment later I think it hit him, that July was right there. I'm not sure that he meant for her to find out that way, and I knew then that was not how I wanted her to find out.
July instantly started in. "Mommy is that my daddy, is that my daddy?" She looked at Rainey. "I knew you looked like my daddy! Mommy let me down, let me down let me down." I didn't want to let her down, but I couldn't keep her from him any longer. The moment her feet hit the ground she was running to him, and as if it were instint, he dropped to his knees and she ran into his arms. I had never seen July hug someone so tight. "I knew you'd come for us one day, I just knew it."
At this point, Rainey's mom was sobbing and saying over and over. " I didn't know." I'd never seen a grown women cry so much, as she was at that moment. The man next to her was rubbing her back.
July pulled away from Rainey and looked him in the face. " Are you sure that you're my daddy, because my daddy sure looks younger in the picture by my bed." I had to chime in. "July Raine, is that something nice to say to someone?"
She looked a little sad, "No mommy, I'm sorry. I'm sorry too daddy, I was just THINKING that you look older now, but maybe I'm wrong." She was funny when she back tracked when she was in trouble. I laughed at her and so did Rainey.
Rainey looked over at me and winked. " You are right July, that picture was six years ago, so I am a little bit older."
"Ha, Mommy I knew I was right." After the words left her mouth she knew she was in trouble. Her and Rainey instantly had the same look on their faces. They both gritted their teeth together almost as if smiling, but what it really said was oh no I'm in trouble, oh no your in trouble.I could already see that this was going to be an interesting duo. That they would probably end up double teaming me.
"July Raine Barbacosa. Get over her this instant."
"Yes, Mommy."
Rainey's mom had her hands in her face, she continued to sob. "Rainey" He looked over at me. "I need to have a talk with July about a lot of stuff, and I think you need to talk with your family. We are going out to the bench outside the cabin. We'll probably be out there for an hour so, so if you feel like coming out, then we'll be there. If not we will be in cabin 231 all summer, but I suggest you not wait that long." He nodded his head.
"Let's go July."
"But Mommy, I don't want daddy to leave us again." It really made me sad because she afraid this was the only time she'd see her daddy. I was just about to say something when Rainey spoke first.
"July, I'll be out in just a little while. I just need to talk to my family for a few minutes. I promise I won't leave you."
In the sweetest voice I ever heard. " You promise daddy."
"I promise July and I keep my promises." July smiled really big. I wanted her to be happy, but I didn't want her to get hurt. I hoped that she wouldn't, because everything was happening so fast. As we walked out the gates I looked back and saw Rainey standing in front of his mom with his arms crossed. The two guys that were sitting out side got up and made their way into the cabin. I'm guessing they were probably some of Rainey's friends, that didn't want to be in the middle of that situation. I wouldn't want to be in the middle of that situation right then, but who was I kidding I was what caused that situation by telling him he was July's dad.