she said by sundara karma
Though I wished it would have, it didn't take much convincing from Justin for me to stay with him until my apartment was livable again. As sweet as the Callahan's were, I didn't know them well enough to live with them for a week. Justin, on the other hand— is it possible to know someone too well to live with them?
Even though the flirtatious banter between Justin and I was exciting and almost rejuvenating to my soul, those little rendezvous came to an end within hours. There was control. If we were going to be living with each other, there was no time barrier anymore. Justin and Kennedy would be a 24/7 thing. As badly as I wanted that barrier gone in the first place, I knew it would only end up hurting me in the end. Justin may have felt feelings for me in the moment, but when would it settle with him that I nearly destroyed his character? What would he say? And how attached would I get before that moment happens?
I was clear to go back into my apartment about an hour later. During that time, Justin stayed with me to help answer questions and call those who needed to know, like my parents. They insisted I could go back home, but there was no way Brandy would give me the week off. I told them exactly that, leaving out the part about the strip club being short handed. They still had no idea I was even there.
"Fuck," I grumbled, my eyes tracing over the damage. The microwave above the stovetop was completely ruined. Melted plastic everywhere, and the wooden cupboards barely held up. Nate and I were going to have to get a lot of new stuff, and I was hopeful that we could afford it.
"Let's just get your stuff together, okay?" Justin suggested sympathetically, his hand gently touching my back to guide me away from the stress of the fire.
I nodded, thankful that I had someone there with me. If I was alone, I wouldn't know how to answer half of the questions asked by the landlord and firemen about insurance and all of that crap. School didn't teach me that kind of stuff. You know, the essentials of life. Thankfully, Justin knew what to say and how to help.
We made it to my bedroom, and I opened my dresser drawers and began grabbing just about everything that I needed only to throw it on my bed. There was no reason to be organized about it. After all, my outfit choices for the week didn't quite matter at the moment.
The taste of smoke lingered in my lungs. It was a taste much different than the one I got with cigarettes, but it was close enough to wear it made me never want to smoke again. It was such a bitter, dryness that wasn't going to pass for a few days.
As I reached for a suitcase, I barely noticed Justin standing near my bed and looking at all of my pictures on my nightstand. I smiled softly, then began shoving articles of clothing in the suitcase.
"Do you still talk to Anna?" Justin asked, his eyes falling on the picture of her and I from high school.
I nodded. "Not all the time, but she's still my best friend. She still lives in Elmwood, and she's engaged, too."
"Really?" Justin gasped, just as shocked as I was when I heard that my friend who could barely be tied down was planning to spend the remainder of her life with just one person.
"Yup," I sighed, resting my hands on my hips. "Colton Tucker."
If I thought Justin looked shocked before, he really was after I said that. "What?" he nearly exclaimed. "Where did that come from?"
"He's a changed man," I rolled my eyes, putting air quotes around the words changed man. While he may have had her convinced, I was far from it. I didn't think he cheated on her or anything, but he was so self absorbed and made just about everything about him.
Justin stifled a laugh, causing me to feel warm. I missed our conversations, even the small and insignificant ones. While they may have seemed insignificant, they still meant more to me than any conversation I had with anyone else. Even the simplest of conversations could have so much depth in comparison to when I talked to anyone else.
I finished packing, my head still feeling cloudy. My stomach oddly felt better, which the doctor said would happen. She expected it'd only last about twenty-four hours, but she wanted me to continue taking the medication until it was gone just in case.
Since it was Saturday, I had the next two nights off at work automatically. However, I was still going to call Brandy and let her know what happened in the hopes that she'd let me have a few more days to recuperate. Perhaps I'd even bribe her and make her think that I was greatly considering stripping full time, even though I was truly swaying the other way.
"Okay," Justin exhaled when he put his car in park. We pulled up to West 53rd, which was a much ritzier part of town than where Nate and I were. All of the doctors and surgeons and business-owners lived in that area, so it came as no shock to me that Justin decided to live there too.
We got out of the car, and Justin took my suitcase out of the backseat before I could. I smiled at him thankfully as we went up the stone steps into the fairly tall building. I opened the glass door, greeted by a staircase and an elevator, along with four mailboxes.
"Only four families live in this building?" I exclaimed. Justin nodded. "It's huge!"
"It's alright," he shrugged smugly.
I rolled my eyes at his attempt to be humble as we stepped into the elevator, watching him press the button that said "#4." There we're well over four floors in the building, maybe double that.
"Does every apartment have two floors or something?" I asked.
He looked down at me from beside me, the three inch distance between our arms nearly killing the both of us. We hadn't even made it in his home, and I was already struggling with the palpable tension that we always had. Only before, we could relieve it by acting on it. "Actually, yes."
My eyes widened, then the doors opened to a hallway that looked slightly similar to the one downstairs. There was a staircase going down, the elevator, and then a door that led to Justin's room. He dug around in his jacket pocket for his keys, then inserted them in the lock only to open it for the both of us.
He allowed me in first. I looked up and around, never seeing an apartment room with two floors before. It was like a full size house, but with big windows on one of the sides with a view of the city. The walls were brick and lined with book cases, just like his old apartment from back home, and the floors wooden. It was so spacious and beautiful. It was a place I could get used to living in for a week.
"Wow," I exhaled. "This is great."
"Thank you," he chuckled, walking towards the staircase. "Let's get you unpacked."
I followed him up the stairs. It was one of those backless staircases that you see in magazines that was in the middle of the apartment. It amazed me just how beautiful the place was, and he lived alone.
"Here's your room," he opened the door, leading me into a primarily white bedroom with decor to match.
I moved inside, noticing my own bathroom as well as a decently sized closet and other furniture. "Do you have a secret love for interior decorating, Justin Bieber?" I teased.
He shook his head, leaving my suitcase next to the bed. "No, that was all Kayla. I let her go nuts."
"Well, she did a great job," I looked at him from behind over my shoulder, then continued to scope out the room. It was bigger than mine at home, and I always thought Nate and I had a pretty big place. Obviously not. Justin put ours to shame.
"Do you want to see the rest?" he asked, in which case I nodded and began following him again throughout the apartment.
His room was directly next to mine. It had big windows and a ton of extra space. Next was the study, which, first of all— how rich do you have to be to have your own study in your apartment? I knew it was a smart move on Justin and Kayla's part considering they were both doctors and needed that sort of thing. There was a big desk with more books lining the walls and dim yellow lights.
Next, we went downstairs to the living room, then the kitchen, and then the dining area. It was all so nice and clean. I felt like I needed to wash my hands every time I even thought about touching something.
"Are you hungry?" Justin asked when we were done walking around the exceptionally stunning apartment.
I looked at the clock, noticing it was already 9:30 P.M. I hadn't eaten all day, and I was extremely hungry. I was hungry enough that I felt like I could keep my food down.
"Yeah, actually. Starving," I responded, excited at the thought of eating again. "Sorry I couldn't make you dinner. I owe you," I continued, following him to the kitchen.
"Yeah, you owe me big time," he joked, opening his refrigerator.
I sat down at the island countertop, and I felt like we were teenagers again. I watched him rummage through its contents, and I reminisced in the days where we sat together and made dinner. The kitchen was often full of laughter and deep conversations. I missed that, too.
"Okay, so here's the thing," Justin sighed, closing the refrigerator. I raised an eyebrow, resting my chin in the palm of my hand. "I haven't gone grocery shopping since Kayla left."
My mouth opened slightly, a soft smile lifting the corner of my lips. "Justin," I laughed. "What have you been eating for the last month?"
He shrugged. "I have a box of saltines in the cupboard," he hooked his thumb over his shoulder in all seriousness, making me laugh some more.
"Saltines? Justin, this isn't snack time at the YMCA. You need some actual groceries," I teased.
"I liked the YMCA," Justin pressed both hands to the countertop.
"Not the point! You need food in this house! When's the last time you had a cooked meal?" I asked, almost positive that it was before Kayla left. And by the look in his eye, I knew that to be true. I huffed, knowing that if Nate and I didn't live together, he'd be exactly the same. "Men," I grunted, rolling my eyes in the most dramatic of ways.
Justin watched me, his expression nothing less than amused. His eyes followed every move as he took his bottom lip underneath his top row of teeth. The silence that enveloped us had me feeling uneasy for only a second, until I realized the comfort of it. Justin and Kennedy were lost in one of their little moments again, and it was as if four years hadn't gone by at all.
His gaze followed over my face, then he mimicked my actions by placing his chin in his palm. "You haven't changed at all."
"No?" I quickly responded, almost shocked by his observation. A lot of people told me otherwise, but I had a feeling it was because I didn't let people in as quickly as I allowed Justin.
He shook his head. "Not even a little."
"I suppose that's a good thing?" I proposed, hopeful that he saw it as a positive.
"Absolutely," he nodded.
We decided to order Chinese food for our first night in together, considering Justin had no food in his home other than saltines and some peanut butter. A few containers of spices littered the shelves, but nothing else.
I began unpacking my things into my room, trying to make it feel a little bit more like home. Justin insisted helping, and we ate our food together as we did so. We talked and talked and talked, feeling as if we couldn't say enough. You know that feeling when you just have the most exciting news to tell someone, and you can't wait to spill? That was every conversation with Justin, whether there was exciting news or not.
"Good call on the Chinese food," Justin sat on the bed, smoothing his thumbs out over the fortune in his cookie. His forehead wrinkled as he read the small print, then twisted his lips to the side in displeasure.
"I'm making dinner for you this week," I knelt up on the bed, sitting on the backs of my legs as I re-folded some of the shirts that were in my suitcase. I threw them in there in such a frazzled panic, but everything was calm then. "I don't care what you say. You're not having saltine crackers for every meal. I won't have it."
Justin raised his hands defensively. "I won't argue that. But are you any good at cooking?"
"Any good?" I gasped. "I make dinner for Nate almost every night! His version of cooking is boiling pasta and microwaving spaghetti sauce. Actually, I'm pretty sure that's the only thing he has ever made."
"Doesn't mean you're good at it," Justin sarcastically looked away, then laughed immediately after.
Shaking my head, I picked up my fortune cookie and unwrapped it, then split the thin wafer in half. "You're an asshole," I declared, reading my fortune quickly before eating the cookie.
"No!" Justin shrieked. I stopped, looking up at him nervously. "You're not supposed to read the fortune until you eat the cookie! It's bad luck!"
Scrunching my nose, I ate one half of the cookie. "Who says?"
"Uh, literally everyone!" he stated as if it was the most obvious thing.
"What did yours say?"
Justin heavily sighed, placing his hand over his eyes. "Jesus Christ, Kennedy! Do you not know basic life rules? You don't open your fortune until you eat the cookie, and you definitely don't tell someone else your fortune!"
"Since when are you so superstitious?" I asked, eating the remaining half of my cookie.
"It's not superstition. It's common knowledge," he tapped his finger against his temple.
"Alright, do I have permission to read my fortune now?"
He shrugged, crossing his arms over his stomach. "Hey, I don't care what you do. If you want bad luck, that's on you."
I stifled a laugh, then unfolded the somewhat crumpled little piece of paper with dark blue words on it. Typically, I read my fortunes and had no idea what they meant at all. That, or they were in no way relevant to my life. I expected the same again, but was somewhat surprised to read: You will be graced by the presence of a loved one soon.
I pressed my lips together, then re-crumpled it up again in my hand. How undoubtedly cheesy it was, and how cliché, to see such a mushy declaration that actually pertained to my life! I almost laughed out loud at the irony, but withheld for many reasons. One, because I didn't want Justin to know I still had strong feelings for him, and two, I didn't want to admit to myself those strong feelings.
"What?" Justin tipped his head, drawing my attention back up to him.
I shook my head. "Nothing. Not allowed to tell you my fortune anyways."
"That backfired," he frowned.
Smiling, I sighed and looked up at the clock on the wall. It was already almost 1 A.M. It was evident that Justin and I lost track of time easily. Our conversations were so lively and interesting— so much so that we forgot we had lives to tend to.
I lay back on the bed, the softness of the pillow comforting my head. Justin watched me intently again, making me wish for just one night things could go back to the way they were. Having him in my bed again made me feel like a nervous wreck, undoubtedly wishing we would do the things we used to.
"What do you do on Sundays?" I asked, changing the subject.
"Nothing, really. I catch up on homework, but that's about it," he explained.
I nodded. "Good. We're going to get you some food tomorrow. No questions."
He groaned, and I knew it was because he hated grocery shopping. I typically got the same reaction out of Nate, which was why I very rarely ever took him with me. It was always a whining extravaganza, and it was just easier if I took care of it.
"You and Nate are the same," I stared, though it wasn't completely true. Of course it was in the sense that they couldn't cook for themselves and hated grocery shopping, and maybe some other things too, but Justin was far from similar to Nate. I never loved Nate. I never would.
"What's he like?" Justin asked.
I shrugged. "I don't know. He's shy and timid. We balance each other out pretty well."
"You used to be shy," he leaned back, propping himself up on his forearms.
"I guess. Things just changed," I murmured, knowing exactly why things "just changed."
It's the stupid notebook.
"After me?" he asked boldly, but there was a hint of unsureness in his tone. It was a daring thing to ask, but he was right. It was what we had been dancing around since we reconnected.
Hesitantly, I nodded. "Yeah, Justin. After you."
y'all I thought about making my mans nick robinson play nate but at the same time I want nate to just be like your average looking guy and I'm not quite sure he's that lmao like idk but also.... i'm kind of missing doing the songs of the chapter and shit......lmk if you do too 💓