Cassandra stood, eyes closed, on the balcony of her small apartment listening to sounds of the bustling city. She took a deep breath enjoying the feel of the cool breeze entering her lungs.
It was here that Cassandra came to find her calm.
She had never found a problem with the city air, as most people did, in fact she found the mix of scents interesting, enjoyable even, but mostly it was distracting.
Sighing is acceptance of the fact that if she didn’t get a move on she’d be late, she took one final deep breath and headed inside, the temperature change was considerable, she hadn’t noticed how cold it had gotten whilst she had been outside. The cold didn’t bother her much anymore, again it was distracting. Distraction was a good thing.
She sat, shuffling a little to make herself comfortable at her vanity table and peered into the mirror, ready to paste on make-up in excessive amounts in an attempt to cover to dark circles under her eyes. The haunting dream she had had the past night had taken it’s toll. Cassandra had a bad feeling that if Erica saw that she was experiencing trouble sleeping again, she would want to run more tests, and that was the last thing Cassandra wanted.
“I’ll never be subjected to that again”, she thought with conviction. “even if it was Erica this time”, whom she knew would be gentler.
She applied a lightening liquid foundation under her eyes and then powdered to finish, adding bronzer across her cheek bones and a dash of lip balm to finish. Her eyes didn’t need work, they were naturally circled with long thick lashes, that she had come to realise other women envied. Cassandra didn’t understand this as she would trade her eyes with anyone for the chance at concealing her emotions; her eyes were expressive and never lied, even when her mouth did. Or tried to.
In all honesty? Although it made Cassandra feel better to wear the make-up Erica would see through it. She read Cassandra like a book, that’s what made her such an amazing friend. Not to mention an exceptional therapist. But the make-up made her feel better, so she continued the charade anyway.
Deciding it was time to leave, she grabbed her bag shuddering at the all too familiar sound of pills rattling in a bottle. Her medication. The little pills that keep her ‘sane’.
“Keeps me sedated is more like it,” she muttered angrily to herself.
What Cassandra wanted more than anything was to be able to live a life of freedom. Live without the need to carry pills and a mild sedative just in case she lost control. It had been years since she had had an episode “thanks to the pills,” the drugged part of her mind stated matter-of-factly. The doctors had called it Schizophrenia. It wasn’t Schizophrenia, she knew she were disturbed, but that illness was not the cause. Sometimes you just know. When she was younger however the pills had helped. Helped her develop and maintain a farce of normalcy. So she had complied as if normalcy would help her. The damage had been done.
Now that she was older she realised she felt more in control, more knowledgeable, stronger. She decided it was time to test her mental strength. Something somewhere in the back of her mind was screaming at her not to do this, but the decision was made. Today, Cassandra Hatchette would go drug free.
With a new found confidence and exuberance for life Cassandra found herself smiling, a genuine smile. She had not smiled like this in years. Her walk to the café at which she was to meet Erica was brisk and gratifying. The drugs she took smothered her senses, dulling her emotions, she could never fully appreciate anything whilst taking them. No food was ever succulent, no smell was sweetly overwhelming and no colour vibrant enough be captivating.
“Well not today!” She thought blissfully.
She had only skipped one dose of pills and already the colours surrounding her were mesmerizing, bright and wonderful; she stared at everything with a new sight as if she were a baby seeing the world for the first time. The smell of the city was even more enjoyable than normal, the soft breeze carried with it the scent of hot jam donuts, detouring slightly from her path, she began followed the scent powerless to the allure of tasting such a sweet delight with un-dampened taste buds.
“Watch where you are going miss!” A man snapped at her.
Feeling a strange sense of unexplainable déjà vu, Cassandra looked up realising that, whilst lost within her thoughts she had all but walked right into this man, but she thought, he had also walked into her, so she didn’t really think he had the right to have his knickers in a twist.
“Well, well, I am sorry, but you too, are partly to blame for not watching where YOU were going.” Cassandra said with a faint undertone of malice.
“You disrespectful little…” He started.
“Excuse me” A stranger thankfully interrupted. “But is this man giving you trouble?”
When Cassandra stared into the enchanting blue eyes of the man in-front of her she began to feel giddy, emotions stirred within her that she dared not expose. She tried to look away, but she couldn’t. She was trapped within his seemingly scrutinizing gaze.
As she stared into the man’s eyes, images started to cloud her vision. Images of horror, bloodshed, sorrow and remorse, a woman, with hair as red as fire and a smile on her face that could bring a strong man to his knees, images of the man before her wielding swords, axes and battle armour, hoards of beautiful woman, and finally an image of Cassandra herself bent over disfigured and bloody bodies.
“Are you ok?” He questioned placing a hand on her bare arm as if to steady her. “Perhaps you should sit down?” He nudged her and she sat.
The sound of his cool voice along with the feeling of his hand against her uncovered skin snapped her from her visions, and brought her crashing back down to reality. She felt herself breathing heavily and she felt the chill of the breeze as it graced her brow which was covered with a thick sheen of sweat at fear of what had just happened, at fear of what she had just seen. Unrelatedly she noticed the man who had been giving her grief had disappeared, she wondered for a second, slightly distressed, at how long she had been oblivious to her surroundings for.
The harsh throbbing that had begun within her head helped stabilize her thoughts. She needed to get out of here, she needed to meet Erica. They needed to talk. Cassandra, fairly certain she was experiencing some kind of shock, stood abruptly, which turned out to be a bad idea, as she swayed slightly, causing the warm hands to steady her again.
“Oh right… Him.” She thought trembling. How she could forget about him was an unsolvable mystery. His presence was so strong and overwhelming it was almost tangible.
“I think you should sit do..” He began.
As rude as she knew it was Cassandra interrupted.
“No. I need to leave.” She began walking away, but her walk faltered as she remembered that he had helped her avoid conflict with a man twice her size. She turned to face him, gaze firmly to the ground.
“Thank you, for getting rid of that man. I appreciate it.” She said formally and turned to continue on her way, she was pretty sure he had stood and taken a step towards her but her quick retreat had obviously discouraged him and he didn’t follow her nor did he utter another word. She was thankful for this because if she had to look into his eyes again she was afraid firstly for what she might see and secondly for what she might feel.
Grabbing her cell phone from her bag she dialled 1. Erica was on speed dial in case of such emergencies. Cassandra had had enough of being outside today, she told Erica to meet her back at her apartment and that they needed to talk.
Erica’s response had Cassandra walking just that little bit faster.
“Yes, Cassandra. It is time we talked about your condition. There are things I have not told you.” She said solemnly and with what Cassandra identified as a slight pang of regret.
* * * *
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