I'm sorry I can't update as much as I'd like. I get super busy with the kids and then I get writers block. I will try update at least twice a week, but sometimes it will be impossible. Also this is long... too long, I was going to cut it in half... but figured you guys might kill me if I ended it where I was going to haha
love yas all.
Nick POV
“We need to warn Sarah” Josh explained
“We can't go to her ourselves?” I whispered, saddened that I wouldn't be able to touch her, to try and retrieve my memories.
“It's too dangerous. He'd expect that. If you go directly to her he'll come for you both. Right now he'll focus on his mission, you and if you're far away from her, she's safer”
“How long until I remember her?”
Josh sighed and sat down
“The drugs will wear off over the next couple of days. The brainwashing, I don't know.”
“You don't know?” I exclaimed feeling completely exasperated “How long did it take for you?”
“Almost the entire year I was in prison. But remember I'd been controlled for years”
“How did you get out of prison so quickly if you tried to kill me?” I questioned
“I was eligible for parole after a year, and my father has friends in high places. He managed to get the parole board to agree to my release. I only agreed to go for it because I knew what his plans were” Josh admitted, I could sense a degree of guilt in his voice. Like he believed he should still be in prison, serving time for his crime.
“I have the number for your apartment, we'll call as soon as I am certain we're not being followed.” Josh exclaimed as he shifted in his seat, he groaned a bit and ripped the leg of his pants. I looked down quickly and noticed that the bullet had grazed his thigh. It was bleeding a bit, but luckily there was no embedded bullet.
I drove for 8 hours straight before Josh said it was safe to stop. Exhausted and ready to sleep for days the last thing I wanted to do was walk, but Josh said we had no choice. We left the car on the side of the road and Josh grabbed three bags out of the boot.
He changed into a pair of clean pants to hide his grazed leg and we walked around 10 miles until we got to a small township. We found a car yard and Josh bought a second hand car with cash. We drove for another hour or maybe it was two before we finally stopped and found a motel.
The lady behind the reception counter was older, in her 50's perhaps. It was clear from her reaction that she recognised me.
“You're the young man that went missing” She whispered looking at me “You've been on the news every night”
“It's important that you don't tell anyone we were here” Josh replied
“Are you okay sir?” The woman looked past josh and eyed me with a concerned look.
“He's helping me” I answered, hoping he was helping me, with no memories though, I had no choice but to trust him.
“Then you're safe here. I promise” She said with a reassuring smile.
Josh smiled and took the key and we made our way to our room.
“Nick, This is important, you're a pretty well known guy. While we're hiding out, We kind of need to keep you hidden okay?”
“oh?” I whispered, how well known was I? “Why are you helping me Josh?”
“Because I owe it to you and Sarah. After everything I did, even though I wasn't really myself, I still did it. Even if reuniting you guys and bringing my father down are the last things I do, then I'll be happy.”
Josh pulled his phone out of his pocket and stared at it.
“We'd better call Sarah” He whispered as he began to dial the number.
Sarah POV.
Two weeks had passed since Nick had gone missing and each passing day was like a cruel kind of torture, the police were working at snails pace to find Nick. Especially when Marc, Janie and I had managed to work out very quickly that Josh and his father had been released from prison. Arnold had left prison three months ago, and Josh had been released a little over four weeks ago.
After another night of no news from the police I sat at my computer, searching relentlessly for some kind of breakthrough. But it was like they'd both left prison and then promptly fallen off the planet.
The only people we'd managed to cross of our list was Rebecca and Josh's mother. I'd called josh's mother a week ago. She explained that after Josh had used her warehouse to abduct me, she'd disowned him. She'd said he was under some kind of spell but that he was to dangerous to try and help anymore. She apologized for what he had done, but couldn't tell me that he wasn't involved this time.
The computer search was fruitless, and it wasn't like I could ask the cops about my suspects, because doing that might put Nick in danger if I just happened to be on the right track.
Frustrated at my lack of progress I slammed the laptop shut.
I looked down at my belly, it was ever so slightly beginning to swell. The life inside of it beginning to shine through. I placed my hand there and closed my eyes. I wondered, like I had every day, If the baby would have my complexion and Nick's eyes. My sarcasm, or Nick's seriousness. I let myself float away with the dream of everything our baby could be and for a moment I felt happy.
My phone rung, interrupting my fleeting moment of happiness and it almost gave me a heart attack. It was nearing midnight after all.
“Hello?”
“Sarah.” a familiar voice said, my stomach dropped into my ass and I felt like puking. It was Josh.
“Where is he! What have you done to him you psycho!”I screamed down the phone line
I bit back the tears threatening to surface, and tried to push every single emotional thought from my head, I had to concentrate on figuring out where Josh was keeping Nick.
“calm down. Please, let me explain” Josh replied
“You're telling ME?! To calm down? You've got my husband!” I shot back
“Husband?”
“Josh, please. Just let him go. Please” I pleaded, screw it all, tears began falling from my eyes, faster than I could wipe them away. We'd only been married a couple of days before Josh had taken him from me. It just wasn't fair.
“You have to promise not to tell anyone I called Sarah” he warned, only his voice didn't sound manic or angry. He almost sounded clear headed
“No. No I can't promise that Josh”
“I'm not going to hurt him! I helped him escape Sarah. You need to leave your apartment. Now.” It was his turn to plead now. He spoke with urgency, and there was a sincerity in his voice that I didn't understand. I frowned, Maybe I'd had an emotional breakdown and I was imagining that Joshua was telling me he “helped” Nick. Because after last year, it was literally the only thing that made sense.
“I don't believe you” I mumbled.
“My father will have people on there way to you now Sarah. They'll be there by the morning” So Arnold was in on it, it didn't surprise me at all. A father son team.
“I'll call the cops! I won't leave” I laughed down the phone line. He was going to have to try harder than that.
“You underestimate my father. He will send someone and they will find you.”
I swallowed the new knot of fear in my throat and looked over at the door. Josh had succeeded in placing a seed of worry inside my head.
“What does he want with me?” I exclaimed.
“Like I said Sarah, I've just escaped with Nick from my fathers compound.”
“Oh, okay, and I am just supposed to take your word for it?” I exclaimed “You pointed a gun at his head. Twice. Why the hell would he willingly go with you?”
“Twice? Oh wait, How did you know about that?” Josh said, he sounded confused now, I held back a smile, feeling somewhat smug that now the shoe was on the other foot.
“You don't need to know” I teased
“It doesn't matter Sarah, the last time it wasn't me. It was my twin brother Aaron. Nick had said something sarcastic and Aaron flipped out. I stopped him from pulling the trigger.” Josh explained. I was almost believing the guy, and it was insane, after last year believing anything this guy said should have made me question my sanity.
“Where is Nick.. Will he back any of this up?”
I heard a deep sigh
“No, He won't. My fathers drugged him and messed with his head”
“What do you mean”
“He's been on a cocktail of drugs for the past two weeks. A heavy dose, heavier than what I'd been on and he was brainwashed nightly.” Josh stopped for a minute “He has no memory of his life before two weeks ago”
Nausea made me drop the phone and I ran for the bathroom. This wasn't happening, he hadn't forgotten us, he was pretending again. He had to be. I splashed my face with cool water. I took a few deep breaths and then walked back to the couch and picked up my phone. Thankfully The call was still connected.
“Josh. Lets pretend for a second I believe you. How can I trust you?” I whispered “You abducted me and tried to kill Nick”
“I was on medication my father had his doctor prescribe, and I was told what to think Sarah. A lot of what I did was force fed to me. It's not an excuse. I know that, I did all those things I know I did. I don't expect you to trust me. You just need to believe me”
“So he doesn't remember me?” I whispered
“He doesn't remember you, but he remembers your face. He draws a picture of you everyday”
I smiled, and a tear rolled down my face. I was still with him in some way.
“Can I speak to him?”
“Sure. He's getting jittery because of the withdrawals, and I don't know how deep seeded the manipulation stuff goes for him, so if he gets angry, just know it isn't him. Not really” Josh replied
I heard the phone being passed over and sighed. Josh sounded normal, not unhinged. Not even slightly. He sounded like the Josh I'd first met. The kind one. It was confusing.
“Hello?” Nick's voice rang down the phone line. Just hearing his voice made my heart swell. I wanted to be in his arms again. I wanted to hold him and never let go. I bit back a sob afraid my tears would only serve as confusion to him.
“Hey Nick.” I croaked
“Your her aren't you” He said, his voice was lower than usual, he sounded exhausted.
“Her?” I questioned
“The girl in my head, every time I close my eyes.” He spoke wistfully
“ I sure hope it's me” I replied softly, hoping to inject a little lightness into an impossible situation
“Are you pregnant?” He whispered
I smiled, in his visions I was pregnant, even a psychopathic manipulator wasn't enough to remove me and parts of our past completely.
“Yes”
Nick didn't say anything else. In fact a few moments Josh came back on the line.
“I'd wish you congratulations, but under the circumstances...”
“I don't want your congratulations anyway Josh.” I shot back “It's your crazy father that has caused all of this”
“I know, I'm sorry” Josh replied, his voice was soft, honest.
“Where did Nick go?”
“He ran to the bathroom. Finding out your going to be a father is a big deal.”
I'd almost forgotten about Josh being the father of Amelia's baby. Which was funny, considering how much she already looked like him at only 6 months old. I frowned and pushed the thought to the back of my mind. Right now I had to focus.
“Where do I go? When do I speak to Nick again?”
“Soon and somewhere you don't need to pay for using a credit card” he exclaimed. I didn't have to ask why that was. When I'd run away from Genoa I'd paid for everything by cash to avoid a paper trail. Of course it hadn't been enough.
“Fine. I'll figure something out. When will I get to see Nick?”
“I need to make sure my father didn't implant some kind of trigger in Nick's subconscious Sarah” Josh whispered, like he didn't want Nick to hear him
“trigger?” I questioned
“Something to make Nick snap”
“You think Nick might hurt me?”
“You being in Nick's head won't be an accident” Josh explained “I let him think that so he has hope, but my father doesn't leave remnants of a person for no reason”
I closed my eyes. I'd been so happy a few minutes ago that Nick had somehow kept my memory alive, but now it turned out that I was probably there to serve some kind of sick purpose. A few stray tears fell down my cheeks and hit my shirt. Arnold was insane and smart. He'd succeeded in wiping Nick's brain clean. Josh had saved him. Josh who'd almost killed him, had saved him.
“Josh” I whispered
“Don't worry. I know that this doesn't make us friends Sarah. What I did was inexcusable” He explained
“I'm glad you realize that Josh, but I actually was going to say thank you for breaking him out of wherever he was this time. I'd better go I'll leave the apartment now.”
“I'll call you I the morning” Josh replied.
We both hung up after that and I stared at the phone barely comprehending what had just happened. It was a good thing Josh had not shared where they were. Trigger or not, memory or not if I'd known where they were I'd probably have jumped straight in my car and drove to Nick. I dialed Janie's number as I was on the way out the door. I still had no idea where I was going.
“Sarah, Is everything okay?”
“No. Look I need to escape for a few days. It's a long story”
“I've got time. Can you drop by here first?”
I frowned and pressed the elevator down button. If I went there, I'd be tempted not to leave and I couldn't let anyone I loved be in danger.
“I can't. I'll call you when I get there” I offered, I knew it was a meager offering, but it was all I could give right now.
“Where is 'there' Sarah?” Janie demanded
“I don't know.” I replied as I stepped into the elevator “I just know I need to get out of the apartment now. Don't come here either. Please”
“I don't like this at all Sarah” Janie exclaimed, I knew she was worried by the tone in her voice.
“Neither do I.” I said honestly “talk soon okay?”
Janie reluctantly let me get off the phone and I almost ran across the car park to my car. I hopped in and left the apartment. I drove for two and a half hours, finally stopping in Ridgecrest. It was 2.30 am and everything was closed so I slept in the car until daylight.
As soon as the sun began to rise, I woke up. However I'd been so exhausted that sleeping sitting up hadn't been difficult at all. I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked like shit, even for me. It was probably a good thing though, The last thing I needed attention being draw to myself.
I found a motel and booked under Janie's name. The clerk looked at me funny, like she recognized me. I sighed, wondering how I was ever going to find a place that gave me invisibility. I was about to cancel the room and prepare for a day of driving when the clerk rest her hand on mine and smiled.
“Don't worry honey. You're safe here. No one will come knocking” I sighed with relief, oddly trusting the woman who I didn't know. I guess just the reassurance was enough for me at this point.
I made my way to my room and waited. I fell asleep around 7am and slept until my phone rung at 10.30am
“It's me” Josh's said
“Hi” I replied.
“I don't think there is a trigger” Josh offered
“Oh?” I replied, trying not to sound almost excited, but I failed miserably. The remnants of me in his head were all because of him after all?
“Yeah I sort of made him watch some youtube” Josh laughed, I chuckled slightly too, even though the situation was far from funny. It was amusing that josh was making sure my husband wouldn't kill me by playing my music videos.
“Where is he?”
“He's on a computer writing down everything he knows. He's pretty angry at the moment, and jittery. He's dealing with the come down really well though”
“When can I see him?”
“Where are you?” Josh asked “We could get on the road and meet up we're close to LA”
“Ridgecrest.” I replied
“You're kidding right?” Josh said, his voice was loud and amused
“No. Why?”
“We're in ridgecrest. I didn't want to drive all the way back to LA. I thought it would be unwise, and this place was small. We're staying in jelico inn”
“What room?”
“16”
Calmly I stood up and walked quietly out of the room and down the hall. I could hardly believe we'd somehow driven to the same township when there had been many places I could go, let alone be booked on the same floor of the same hotel. I knocked on the door and heard Josh mumble “No way”
the door opened and josh looked at me, his eyes were wide and he shook his head.
Seeing him was strange. I'd expected to hold some kind of hate towards him, but he didn't look anything like the last time I'd seen him and I just didn't feel any hate. He let his phone drop to his side and his eyes followed. I could see the reality of what he'd done crossing his face
“You know, with Nick facing my past was easy because he doesn't know the extent of what happened” Josh whispered sullenly
“Josh. I forgive you” I replied, and I meant it. I could see the regret in his face, and his demeanor. I knew in that instant, everything he'd said about his father was the truth. I stepped forward, and gave him a quick hug. When I stepped back he was crying.
“I don't deserve your forgiveness” He mumbled
“Yes, you do.”
Josh nodded, but the tears kept falling. He turned and motioned me to follow him. I closed the door behind me and walked slowly in to the bedroom of the motel room.
“You've got a visitor.”
Nick looked up, and I knew straight away something was missing. A chunk of the person he had been was just completely gone. He stood up and walked over to me. His eyes were wide with wonderment and he smiled.
His hands took mine, and I watched him. After a few moments he frowned and then looked down at the ground.
“It sounds stupid, but I thought that if only I could touch you I'd remember everything”
“it's not stupid” I whispered
I waited for some kind of spark in his eye, a recognition of me, but it never came. He let go of my hand and took a step back. He didn't trust me. My heart felt like it was being pierced by a million needles as he looked at me like I was little more than a vision. He turned away and walked back into the bedroom. I held back my tears and bit my lip.
“He's like a completely different person” I whispered, he'd walked away from me like I was nothing.
“He's still him Sarah, everything you love about him is still in there. His more vulnerable side has been exploited though. He still loves you”
I shrugged and walked over to the sofa in the living area of the motel. I sat down and ran my fingers through my hair.
“How can he still love me, he doesn't even know who I am.” Saying the words was almost enough to make me fall apart, but somehow I managed to keep it together.
“He will. We'll get him help I know a great psychologist, and he's already less hazy about the last two weeks.” Josh tried to reassure me, but it wasn't really working.
“How are we supposed to get him help if we have to hide.”
“I've got a theory. I know which police officers we can trust. We'll clue them in on the ranch, the heat alone will be enough to back Arnold off for a few months. In the mean time we work on getting Nick better. I'm sick of living my life in the shadows and I don't advise you guys to start” Josh sat down on the sofa chair opposite me.
“Is that safe? After those 'few months' are up what happens then?” Josh hadn't really thought this through, I understood his need for normalcy, but was it too soon to go back on a whim and hope that Arnold would hold off due to police heat.
“we make sure we're ready to face him and take him down” Josh said without skipping a beat
“we're not ninjas” I mocked
“We won't fight physically Sarah” Josh remarked “We'll gather all the information we need to take him down the proper way”
“So you're coming back to LA then?” I questioned, slightly surprised. I was sure that it would be the last place he'd want to return to. The memories seemed to consume him, and he wasn't even back there yet.
Josh nodded and shrugged at the same time.
“I have to face up to my past and end the seed that caused this, once and for all”
“Janie and Marc will not be easy on you. You'll have to explain everything to them. Even then, they may still not believe you” I warned, already knowing that Janie would be the hardest to convince.
“Sarah, I abducted you and tried to kill Nick. I think they're entitled to a little anger and disbelief.” josh replied sullenly
“Josh, I've seen Nick. I've seen how much of a blank canvas he is. I can see that he has been wiped over everything he knew. I know that it wasn't really you that did those terrible things. It was your father pulling on the puppet strings he'd attached to you” I whispered “Eventually they'll see that too”
“So we're going back to LA?” Josh asked
I nodded in reply.
Josh said something about making a call to a cop friend in LA, so I left him in the living area and walked into the bedroom. Nick sat on the bed with a laptop beside him. He looked up at me and smiled.
“I don't remember anything about my life, but when I see you I feel something struggling to spark. I don't feel so confused, even though everything is still confusing”
I smiled back and walked over to the bed. I sat down beside Nick.
"I'm sorry I just walked out before, I just feel so lost" Nick murmured
I nodded, and then whispered
“You know when we first met, some like to say it was love at first sight”
“ and Is it true?” Nick whispered back
I nodded and held my hand out for Nick's again. He placed his hand back in mine and closed his eyes.
I watched him he squinted at first, forcing his eyes to stay closed, then slowly he relaxed, and a smile even crossed his face. I let my hopes rise, I let myself think that he'd remembered. However he opened his eyes and frowned. I looked back down at the bed
“It's murky” He whispered
“what is?”
“A memory, I saw you on a bed. Naked” he whispered “we were together, It made me feel good. But the memory is too murky”
I let out a chuckle, I was disappointed that he didn't remember everything, but amused he had begun to remember me naked. Typical. Nick laughed for a second too, then as the amusement dwindled his hand caught my chin and lifted my head up to face him.
“Can I kiss you” He asked softly
“You never have to ask Nick”
Nick blushed and then shrugged
“The thing is, I don't remember how”
“I have a feeling that you're a natural” I giggled
Nick lowered his face to mine, and our eyes connected for a few seconds before Nick's closed. When our lips touched everything seemed brighter. My world made sense again. I wanted to kiss Nick forever and forget the world even existed. Inside our bubble the world didn't matter, our past and future didn't matter, all that mattered was that electricity that coursed through us, connecting us.
Eventually though, it had to end. I pulled away and Nick let his head fall back against the headrest.
“We've got some serious chemistry huh” he whispered
“Something like that” I smiled
“I can't wait to remember you Sarah, but I'm going to enjoy getting to fall for you all over again” He said with a grin as he begun to lean in for another kiss.
*************
I was planning to keep them seperated for longer, but couldn't. It was never going to be until the end of the book in case you were wondering though, maybe another two chapters... I just couldn't do it! I'm too much of a softie! Anywho, I'm sorry it took so long to update.