Going Down (Sequel to Going Up)

Chapter Twenty Two

Telling Toni the next morning was just as hard as I had expected it would be. She let the words sink in, and slowly she fell completely apart. My heart ached as she sobbed inconsolably for hours. She'd lost both her parents and she was only 8. It was cruel twist if fate that no one should have to deal with, let alone a small innocent child.

The next few days passed in a blur. I felt as though I was running on autopilot. Toni had stopped smiling and talking, and it killed me to watch her hurt so deeply. Nick had someone come and pack up the apartment, because I was barely keeping it together for Toni, and boxing up Rebecca's things had caused me to breakdown twice already.

Planning the funeral was the hardest thing I had ever done. I'd known Rebecca for such a short time, but I felt like I'd known her my entire life. I didn't want to say goodbye anymore, I wasn't ready to let go. Why did I say she could let go?

I sat at my desk writing an eulogy. Well actually I was just staring at the computer screen, the document in front of me blank. The words I wanted to say were stuck inside my head, and I couldn't figure out how to get them out.

A knock at the door interrupted my thoughts.

“Come in?” I replied

Nick walked through the door and smiled softly. He sat down on the other desk chair and placed a reassuring hand on my back.

“I was thinking tomorrow we move the office in to our room. Toni is going to need her own space eventually” He murmured

I nodded in reply. Right now she still wasn't talking, and she stuck to both Nick and I like glue she was awake. I knew she was terrified that we'd leave her next.

“Josh offered to sleep on the couch, but we don't know how long he's going to be here... I thought it would be a good idea if we gave him the office, and Toni the spare room.”

“It is Nick, it's a great idea” I whispered

I looked back at the blank screen and sighed.

“You're still having trouble aren't you?”

“I can't find the right words. I don't know what to say that encompasses everything” I mumbled, my emotions were being held together by a weak thread, ready to snap at any moment.

“Sing” Nick suggested

I sat back in the chair and closed my eyes. I hadn't thought about it. It seemed like a perfect solution, but I wasn't sure I could sing without falling apart.

But music was my outlet, it was how I showed my heart. I looked back at Nick, I felt completely filled with love for him. The past few days he had been such a rock, that I'd almost forgotten everything he'd been through. I'd almost forgotten that he still knew so little about me.

“I think Toni would like it too” Nick said gently “You said she loves music too”

“She does” I whispered

“Then maybe it'll be healing for her too”

“Nick” I whispered “About Toni...”
“Yes?”

“I'm sorry that I didn't ask you before signing the papers. She's my sister and-”

Nick held his had up to stop me. He walked over to the box of stuff we'd brought back from Rebecca's and fished out a folder. I recognized it from when the lawyer had been around, but I thought he'd taken it with him after he'd left. The folder contained copies of the papers, but there was one extra signature. Nicks.

“You don't have to explain, I wouldn't have let it be any other way” Nick soothed.

“When did you sign this?”