Recap:
“Bye, thanks again!” she called over her shoulder when she walked towards her house.
“Goodbye, Tyler!” Penny’s little voice piped up before he got into his car and drove off.
Alysia greeted her grandmother when she entered and decided not to ask again about her whereabouts; after all, she wasn’t Serafine’s mother. After taking Penny to bed and texting Shelbey to ask her to pick her up tomorrow, she collapsed onto to bed and fell right asleep.
The next day, she didn’t see Tyler anywhere at school and when Shelbey had dropped her off by her car and she was about to call triple A to have it fixed, she decided to try her luck one more time.
And the car started without any problem.
Chapter 11: You suffer underneath the surface
With all the worry about her grandmother and the confusion that was Tyler, Alysia had almost forgotten about the upcoming class trip to Paris in one week’s time.
She couldn’t say she was looking forward to it since about half her year was going to go, including Patricia and her clique. Especially since Shelbey was going to do an internship during that time and wouldn’t come, Alysia didn’t feel like going and having to put up with the other people in her year on her own. Her grandmother had insisted on sending her, however, because she thought it would be good for Alysia to have some time off and see another country.
The monday in the week before the trip started was a work-free day for Alysia who was sitting in the living room with her grandmother. Seraphine wasn’t looking at her recipes but just leaning back on the couch and flipping through an old photo book.
“Your trip to Paris is soon, isn’t it, dear?” she suddenly asked. Alysia looked up from the drawing she was doing and focused her attention on her Nana.
“Yes.”
“Your mother went there, too during college. She saved for it for months,” Seraphine smiled, “Here are some pictures of that trip.”
Alysia scooted over to look into the photo book as well. It showed a picture of her mother with her girlfriends and a young man who was looking at her.
“Who is that?” Alysia asked and pointed to the man.
“I think he was one of her holiday romances. She used to turn almost every guys head,” her grandmother explained.
“I know why, she was beautiful,” Alysia said while she kept looking at the picture of her younger, smiling mother with her long dark-blonde hair, the bright eyes and her charming smile. Looking at her mother, seeming so young, happy and carefree even though she’d had a difficult life made Alysia sad. Her mother had had so much bad luck yet had never failed to stay optimistic. She’d almost always smiled and had had only good things to say. It just wasn’t fair that she’d died so young.
“She was. This was taken only a few weeks before she met your father and she stopped smiling as much as she used to,” Seraphine said, her voice calm but with a sad ring to it that made Alysia scoot closer. Her Nana put her arm around her and pressed her to her side.
Alysia was disgusted with what she knew about her mexican father Carlos. According to what her grandmother had told her, he was the first man her mother was ever hopelessly in love with and he’d just been playing with her.
Alysia knew that her mother was partly to blame for this since she was aware of his cheating and lying, but she simply wouldn’t ever forgive her father for blatantly bailing on her mother when he’s found out she was carrying his child.
Abandoning family like that was not something she’d ever forgive him for which was why she hadn’t even read the letter he’d sent to her after her mother’s death and had just thrown it away. He had never been interested in her life for so many years, so she wasn’t interested in him now whether he was blood-related to her or not.
Looking at old college and pre-Carlos pictures which showed her mum bubbly, always smiling and beautiful brought up a powerful wave of emotions in Alysia which she usually did her best surpress. She missed her mom so bad it hurt, missed her laugh, her gentleness, her soft hands, her understanding nature, the smell of her perfume, the crinkles by her eyes when she smiled, her soothing voice humming a lullaby whenever Penny or Alysia couldn’t sleep, her fun stories from the past, the way she used to tell Alysia she trusted her to be responsible and how proud she was off her.
Alysia was so grieved about her loss, sometimes she didn’t know how to handle all the pain, she felt incapable of dealing with it and yet she had to. She couldn’t cry anymore but that didn’t mean it had gotten any better.
She remembered the day of the accident like it was just yesterday. Her mother had been excited because she was going to have her first day at night school in order to finish the college education she hadn’t been able to get due to her pregnancy with Alysia. She’d worn a dark blue and new blazer and had her hair up in a elegant chignon.
She’d smiled at her mother, kissed her on the cheek, had hugged Alysia who’d playfully rolled her eyes at her obvious excitement and had left the house calling “love you, be back later!” over her shoulder, her keys jingling.
Alysia also remembered waking up to bright light in her room and seeing her grandmother’s shocked, pale face. She’d known at that moment that something had been terribly wrong.
“We have to go to the hospital, get dressed,” Seraphine had said and had rushed out to prepare little baby Penny.
Alysia blinked to force her thoughts away from what happened after that and leaned her head on her grandmother’s shoulder.
Together the two of them looked through photos and smiled sadly at some memories.
“You know you two girls mean the world to me, don’t you?” Alysia’s grandmother suddenly whispered. Alysia looked up in surprise at this declaration since her Nana wasn’t usually the one to talk about her feelings. Seraphine’s bright blue eyes were teary and Alysia hugged her closely.
“I know, we love you, too, Nana,” she said quietly.
****
Around the same time that night, Shelbey was already lying in bed but her overthinking mind was keeping her awake as it did so many nights. She couldn’t seem to be able to switch the continuing stream of negative and doubting thoughts off at night when she tried her best not to let them get to her during the day.
They were about Liam, of course. Liam and Patricia.
Her brain didn’t seem to be able to wrap around the this unusual pairing and it stung. Why was she so pathetic? How could she even think for a moment that someone as attractive as Liam was interested in her?
And even if he had been at one point, Patricia showing up in the picture made her disappear. She couldn’t compare to her looks, her confidence, her style or her popularity. So why was there still a tiny part of her hoping that she meant something to Liam?
She couldn’t stop her brain from continually flashing back and over-analyzing every single word and smile exchanged, every one of Liam’s actions, his short and seemingly cold message of “Sorry, I don’t have time tomorrow night. Some other time though?” he sent to her shortly before she’d heard about his date with Patricia.
Masochistic as she was, blonde girl kept looking at his whatsapp profile to confirm yet again that he’d been online 5 minutes ago, that he could have written to her if he wanted but didn’t and felt rejected all over again. She knew that she didn’t know him well and that it shouldn’t be a big deal and cursed herself for making it something she constantly thought about with an attitude that got more negative everytime.
She hated that she made it a big deal just because of the excitement of the possibility of his being interested meant his occupying her mind way more than she could possibly be occupying his.
If he was really interested in her, he could have asked her for another date. He didn’t and that screamed “he’s just not that into you” more than any words could.
She envied Alysia for her attitude which was all “I don’t care”, which was brave and confident and chilled - everything that she, Shelbey, wasn’t at all. And the guys seemed to be lining up at Alysia’s door. Shelbey loved her friend and knew she deserved all that male attention especially after everything she’d been through but that didn’t mean it didn’t draw attention to the painful comparison of the two.
She really wished she didn’t have to care this much.
At one point her eyes finally drifted shut and she finally fell asleep.
***
“Paris, here we come!” one of Alysia’s classmates shouted out in excitement when the teacher led them into the airplane. Alysia walked slightly behind the group, deep in thought of whether or not she could leave her grandmother to deal with the house and Penny for an entire week. She had to, it was decided but that didn’t mean she didn’t worry, especially recalling how pale and unhealthy her grandmother had looked when they’d said goodbye this morning.
Not even the fact that Patricia had caught a bad stomach bug and couldn’t come on the trip was enough to make Alysia look forward to it.
“It’ll be cool. Paris is supposed to be a great city,” Shelbey had tried to cheer her up when she’d kindly dropped her off at the airport, “and it’s only for one week.”
Alysia had smiled and thanked her and wished her good luck for her internship. She’d hugged her closely and had tried to let her know without saying anything that she was here for her. Shelbey had pretended her best to not let it show but something had her in a bad mood. Alysia guessed it might have something to do with Liam but since her friend didn’t want to say anything, she wasn’t going to pry.
When she looked up, she caught Tyler’s eye and smiled ever so subtly. They’d met up last week for spanish tutoring and she’d thanked him for fixing her car which he had brushed off pretty quickly. She did feel grateful but she couldn’t help but wondering what his plan was. What did he want? Why did he help her? What was he asking in return?
Thankfully his parents hadn’t been home that time and she’d felt more relaxed and he’d been cooperative about studying so they’d gotten quite a lot done before ending up in bed once again. She smiled slightly at the memory. Whether it came with practise or whether it was just a natural talent, he certainly was good at what he was doing, she really enjoyed it - which was of course the reason she was even having this arrangement with him. Especially when they were having sex but also when they weren’t, there seemed to be a certain understanding of the other, sensing what the other liked or didn’t like.
It just so happened that Alysia wasn’t seated far from Tyler; he was a row behind her in the middle aisle which meant that he could look at her all he wanted.
He watched her stretch out her legs and tilt her head from side to side, tapping quietly on her thigh in sync with the music she was listening to to drown out the noise. He would have liked to take her to the airplane bathrooms to have some fun and shorten the long flight but he knew that wouldn’t work due to all of their classmates and his friends being so close who would undoubtedly realize something was going on - something both of them wanted to avoid.
At least he'd gotten that vibe from her and her secretive behaviour. It wasn't in his interest to have anybody find out about it because his private life was just that - private. It wasn't anybody's fucking business and if there was something he hated it was people sticking their noses where they didn't belong.
Establishing the image he had now amongst his fellow students had taken him a few years and he was the only one who controled it - it was going to stay that way.
He was surprised but more glad than he would have thought that she was even coming on this trip; he wouldn’t have thought that she was the type to enjoy this kind of thing, especially without her little blonde friend whose name he couldn’t remember because she was just so invisible and plain.
He had of course gladly taken the opportunity to get away from his house and his parents, even if it was for a class trip with stupid class mates and shitty touristy things on the to-do list. He would find a way to get out of these fucking group activities anyway, and looking at Alysia’s bored facial expression made him think that he had find someone who wouldn’t only join him in that mission but also make his trip way more fun.
*******
*Waves* Hey, guys, remember me? :P I’m terribly sorry about having had to stop writing and uploading for the last couple of months but I was having my final exams and there wasn’t any room in my head for writing. I am now, however, totally finished with school which gives me a lot of free time - so I guess you won’t have to wait this long for updates again!
So, what do you guys think? Not a lot of action, I know, but there were some things I had to clear up!
What do you guys think about Liam, about Patricia, about Shelbey, about the upcoming trip?
NEWS: I will dedicate the next chapter to the comment I like most, so I would LOVE you if you could comment or vote! As usual, please check out the external link!
The song is If I die young by The band Perry in honor of Alysia’s mother and because it’s a great song!
Favourite lines from the song:
- “Send me away with the words of a lovesong”
- “she’ll know I’m safe with you and she’ll stand under my colors”
- “Life ain’t always what you think it ought to be”
- “Who would have thought forever could be severed by the short knife of a short life”