"What?.." I whisper.
"Your phone wouldn't stop, so I went over to turn it on silent I had to scroll screen down to do that... One message, in particular, stood out."
"What did it say?"
"Why don't you check yourself?"
"Loge.."
"I knew you were fucking Gino, It gutted me but you're not with me anymore so I couldn't and wouldn't say anything.. But your stepdad? Lee come on what the fuck?"
I could sit here and try to defend myself.. I could lie and tell him it's not true.
But I can't lie. Not to him - he knows me too well.
"I don't know what to say to you."
"Well, I know you're not gonna try and lie to me, just tell me.. Why?"
"I don't know.. He makes everything better."
"Everything?"
"You. He erases you from my mind."
"Fuck sake, Lee.. What is it? Revenge on your Mom? You're better than this. This isn't you."
"What? You think I'd sleep with someone just for revenge? Is that what you think of me?"
"Fuck no! We had a perfect night, I woke up happier than I have in so long I can't remember. If that was anyone else I'd be gutted but I'm more confused than anything.."
"What did the message say?" I mumble.
"That he's going crazy not knowing where you are and you mean everything to him."
"I told you."
"What?"
"I told you I don't like who I've become since moving back here. I told you I'm a slut."
"No baby, you're not a slut. You're just lost and confused."
"I can see the disgust in your face.."
"Yeah. But that was only because I thought you did it to get back at your Mom and that's not something you would do. I was shocked and confused, but never disgusted with you."
"I don't know what to do anymore. I just wanna go home and I can't because I don't even know what my Dads capable of.. I don't even know who he is anymore. So how can I go home? Where is home?"
"This is your home. With or without me. This is your home. Not in America with your Dad, whether you're at mine, Shane's, Hunter's or your Mom's... It's your home."
"I feel like... I don't know. I can't put it into words. I'm just not me anymore."
"You've just lost yourself along the way. I did too.. But now you're back ...after last night I found myself again. I love you, no matter what choices you make but that doesn't mean I'm not mad at you for being so careless."
"I know. I'm stuck in a fucked up situation and don't know how to get out of it."
"What situation?"
"I can't talk to you about it.."
He climbs over towards me
"Its me Lee. You can talk to me about anything."
"I love you.."
"I know, I love you too.."
"No listen please."
He nods. I take a deep breathe I can't believe what I'm about to say.
"I love you. But I feel something towards Hunter and Gino too. I'm so messed up I don't know how to make it stop."
"Feel something?"
"I don't love them the way I love you.. But they hurt me just the same way your words can hurt me.. They cut me deep just the same way you're able to.. I don't know what to do"
"Fucking hell Lee.. Well Hunter obviously feels the same.. Does Gino?"
"No. He said we were just a fuck."
"WHAT?"
"No, he didn't do anything wrong he told me from day one how it was. He doesn't want anything else."
"And you let him?"
"See you're judging me. How many girls have you slept with since left Loge?"
He looks down.
"I'm sorry babe, I'm not judging you. I'm fucking upset."
"Why is it that people always put labels on women? But not men? Why can men sleep around but a woman can't? I feel like shit absolute shit but you know what? They made me feel good about myself. I don't even regret it. That doesn't mean I don't love you because I do. But my heads a mess."
"Im sorry.."
"Theres nothing to be sorry for. Neither of us have to apologise. But seriously did you go through my phone? Or did you genuinely just scroll down to put it on silent?"
"On bobby's grave, I just scrolled down to put it on silent. Then I seen it and I did click on it."
"OK. I'd of probably done the same I guess."
"So what happens now?"
"With what?"
"You and Hunter? Me and you.."
"I can't give you an answer.."
I can't lie and say we will get back together. I can't lie and say I'll stay away from Hunter. My head is fucked.
I can't give him false hope.
"I understand. I'd wait another 12 months for you, you know that right?"
"I know."
"But if there's a part of you that knows you won't get back with me I have to know. I can't wait around if I'm waiting for nothing."
"I love you. I wish things could go back as they were... But they can't can they? I just need some time to find myself again I guess."
"I get that. Don't go through shit on your own though Lee. I'm here for you. Always."
"Always. " I smile.
"You know it, baby. Now shall we get some breakfast?"
"Your not mad with me?"
"Never for long. Come on get dressed."
He smiles. I can't cope with how much he melts my heart. This is how we lasted so long together. This is the Logan I had to try and erase from my mind when I moved away. Because if I remembered this Logan? I'd of came straight back to him.
*********
I don't even look at my phone, I slam it into my bag and we leave the hotel room. I didn't want to... I wish I could just stay confined here with him forever. No worries just me and him.. However, we both missed work last night. Hunters probably killing people looking for me, Gino has crazy mad issues so he's probably going out of his mind too. Like seriously dude? Figure yourself out before you start fucking with me.
Also my stomach is growling and I need to change my clothes..
We manage to sit and have breakfast and slip out of the hotel with only a few weird looks ... The lady who caught us in the elevator being one of them.
In the car on our way back, our hands are somehow entwined together resting on my knee whilst he drives with the other. I can't live in this dream world though in around 15 minutes I'll be back to reality.
We pull up outside Hunters.
I'm fully aware of the fact that any second he will come out furious.
"So, I had a good night.." Logan says shyly.
I giggle at his fake innocence.
"I did too. I missed it.. Us.."
"Me too Lee. I'll text you and I guess I'll see you later?"
"You will." I smile.
What do I do now? Is this meant to be as awkward as it feels?
I see his hands fidgeting and his eyes flickering from my eyes to my lips.
I lean in hoping that he will kiss me back. I don't know why I doubt him because his head moves fast and within seconds his mouth is attacking mine - not rough, hard or needy though.
Slow. Like hes taking every single part of the kiss in.. taking us in.
When we finally break it..
"Can I see you again soon?"
"I'd love to.. Well, I'll see you later too yeah?"
"Yeah of course. Be careful Lee."
"I will." I smile before getting out of the car.
Logan's POV
I get out of the car with her, kiss her again then watch her leave.
I hate the thought of her going back into that house knowing he's gotten inside her head. I cant push her to do something she doesn't want to do though. I need to leave her to figure this out on her own.
He's not good for her though.
*Two weeks ago**
"Whys he wanna see me for?"
"I don't know, he just called me and said to bring you." - Kay.
"Alright. Do you know who he is?"
"Yeah I met him a few times."
"OK. What floor is it?"
"Top floor come on."
Earlier that day, the boss phoned Kay and told him to bring his right hand with him to see him.
No one knows who he is only Kay. At some point we actually thought he wasn't real - he's always in ghost mode.
In the elevator on the way up to meet him I'm feeling nervous as fuck.
He's meant to be a scary fucking dangerous man.
"So how's you feeling about Lee being back?"
"Dude, She looks better than ever don't she?"
"Yeah, but how you planning on getting her back?"
"No idea. I guess she'll realise we're meant to be."
"Gino likes her you know?"
"I know. I knew he would that's why I warned him off her before she even came."
"He doesn't ever speak to a lass more than once. It's obvious he likes her. For some reason though, the boss wants them together on jobs else I'd put her with you."
"They do well together. I just hope shes not stupid enough to go with him. You've heard the stories about him, right?"
"Yeah... Don't know if they're true though, do we?"
The elevator pings and the door opens.
We walk down a corridor until we reach two huge double doors.
Kay rings the buzzer and it clicks open.
We walk inside.
"Boss this is Logan, my right hand.."
I could not believe my fucking eyes.
"You're our boss??"
"What the fuck is he doing here?"
Hunter.
"You better not tell Rylee about any of this..."
"I won't.." I mean why the fuck would I? ... He'd kill me.
We spoke about business. I kept receiving the occasional death glare from him. Now it makes sense why he wants Gino and Rylee working together. He hates me.
***Back to present***
So Rylee doesn't know he's our boss?
Or she didn't then but does now?
I don't know. But he's fucking her.
She's fucking her boss and her soon to be stepdad.
I need to help her bring herself back.
Find herself.
************
Rylee's POV
I walk inside and prepare myself for one of Hunter's angry talks.
But I get more than I bargained for...
"Where the fuck have you been?"
"Are you OK, Lee??"
Gino AND Hunter
"I'm fine, what the hell?"
"Fine? You're fine? Where the hell have you been?"
Hunter, already fitting into his step daddy role.
Idiot.
"I've been with Logan. What's the big issue?"
"Been with Logan where?"
"Hunter.. Go back to your wife. Stay out of my life. Fucking hypocrite."
"Lee..."
Gino whispers whilst rubbing his temple in frustration.
"Yes?"
"We were worried. I came over this morning because you didn't come to work last night neither did Logan."
"You knew I was with Logan I text you back last night."
"You did at first, then you ignored me for hours. You always text me back. So I got worried."
"Yeah I text you back when I'm not busy and I was busy? You knew where I was going you were the one that told me to go and sort things out with him. I really don't see the deal here?"
"The deal is, sweetheart, we had no fucking clue where you were. Don't you realise people care about you?"
"Shame you only care when it suits you though ain't it, Hunter?"
"We had no fucking idea where you were, then you walk in here looking all freshly fucked and like nothings happened?"
"Sorry, am I forbidden to sleep with people now? Who the fuck are you? Like I said before go back to your fiance, Hunter. You only care when it suits you!"
"Fuck!!!" He roars in anger and frustration and exits the hallway.
"Gino, I'm not in the mood for arguments. I've done nothing wrong."
"I know. I'm sorry.. I was just worried."
"Thanks for caring but I'm fine." I smile.
Fake smile.
I'm still hurt. He cut me when he switched on me yesterday. Said I should get back with Logan? One minute he's filling my ears with sweet words and the next? I should get back with my fucking ex? THEN when I do as he suggests? He's at my house, ringing and texting me, worried about me? What the fuck is wrong with these men.
All I ask is a bit of truth now and again.
You don't want me to fuck other people? Tell me.
Be a man.
Grow some balls and show me!
But no, Hunter is still with my Mother and Gino don't like me like that and never wants a relationship.
Both full of bullshit.
"Did you have fun?"
Does he actually want me to answer that truthfully?
I mean, Hunter's right. I do look freshly fucked.
"Yeah, It was fun." I shrug.
"OK, I can tell you don't want me here I'll leave. I'll see you later for work."
I feel like a full on bitch.
But he can't do this.. I was really, really down for him.
He makes everything better. He helps me. He takes my pain and unwanted memories away. I thought he liked me.. Then suddenly he's telling me to get back with my ex. It doesn't make sense, he can't use me. If he wants just sex like he said in the beginning then, fine... But don't fill my head with sweet nothings.
He filled me with false hope for days on end. Showing me what we could of been.
Then reminded me of the "could of.." But yet, won't ever be.
And thats when I got hurt, because that's when I realised how much I actually was down for him.
"I'm sorry, it's just, I'm so confused, you know? Maybe it's best you do just go."
"Confused about what?"
"Do you like me, Gino?"
I see his jaw drop slightly. In shock.
He didn't expect my question, I'm sick of beating around the bush. I want answers.
"As in?"
"As in do you like me more than friends? More than just sex? If you don't tell me! how can you expect me to spare your feelings if I don't know? I can tell you're hurt because ...well no actually, why are you? Because I slept with Logan? You were the one that told me to get back with him?"
"You need someone that can love you and take care of you. That's why I told you to go back to him."
"That doesn't answer my question?"
Gino's POV.
Gutted.
I am fucking gutted, and I have no right to be because she went to him because of me.
I told her to go back to him, I told her he was good for her... I tried to tell myself he's good for her.
I wish I could be good for her.
She wants to know if I like her more than just sex and friends..
Fuck, she has no idea.
I can't let her know though. I can't.. Because from the time I'd have to admit it to her? I'd have to admit it to myself. I'd also have to do something about it. I wouldn't be able to stay away from her if she knew...
So I do what I always do with her.
I hurt her.. on purpose. To spare her feelings and protect her heart in the long run.
"No babe. Sorry.. Just friends and sex. That's why I told you to go back to Logan. I was just worried about you."
And that hurt like shit to say, even more so when I see her eyes fill with tears.
"Thats what I thought." She whispers. I see her gulping like fuck.. Obviously swallowing those tears she doesn't want me to see.
I need to get out of here.
I knew from the first day I met her there was something special about her.
She's dangerous.
Dangerous for me.
For years I've been able to shut off my emotions - with her?
It's not possible.
It's just not fucking possible and that makes me so mad with myself and her.
How can one tiny female have such a huge effect on me?
"See you later, Lee."
I go to kiss her on her head, ruffle up her hair a bit like I usually do.
I don't. I walk past her and walk out.
Last night.. Last night was the night I realised.
It's her. It's always gonna be her.