I used the creek to clean up once the hover craft had picked up Cress’ lifeless body. I washed his blood from my arms but I could still feel it sinking into my clothes and buried under my fingernails. I still had some gauze left so I used it to clean the blood off Caius’ face and hands. Neither of us said anything, I tried to avoid his eyes but he just stared into mine. After a while I couldn’t stand it.
“Would you quit staring at me? It’s really annoying.” He just laughed.
“Why is that annoying?”
“Because… you can't just decide that you’re going to die for someone without telling them.”
“Apparently I can. Look, I don’t care what you say, but I’m putting you first. I made it through these games once, there’s no way I can do it again, I doubt if any of us can survive this twice. The only one you’ll really have to compete with is-”
“Blaze.”
“Yeah.”
“I don’t want you to hurt yourself for me.”
“Too bad, I’ll do what I have to for you.” He reached out for my hand.
“You’re crazy.”
“And you’ll never change my mind.”
This was definitely too far gone, I can't believe I let it get to this.
“Maybe we should set up camp, I could look for more berries or-”
“You’re not going anywhere, Blaze could be close.” He grabbed my arm, almost scared that I would leave his sight.
“She’s not; they got separated in the fire, just like us. I think I heard her screaming before the mist got me.” I said.
“You never know.”
“Fine, then we’ll just sit here without eating.” I folded my arms and he sat by the ruins, offering his arms for me to snuggle into.
I know I should just sit beside him but I nuzzled into his side all the same. We sat there until the sun started going down, not eating, not sleeping; not really talking either. When the light was gone we watched the seal rise.
First was Thea from district 1, then Cress, then Rover from 3, Kara from 4 was next and the last face was Dana from the same district as Caius. I felt him sigh and look away from the seal.
“I’m sorry,” I rested my head on his shoulder, not knowing what else I can do.
“Yeah, me too. You can only go so far.” He sighed again.
I was the first on the watch again and we didn’t say much as we climbed into the sleeping bag. Before he tried to get some sleep Caius put his hand on the side of my face and thrummed my eyelashes with his thumb.
“I don’t think I’ll be able to keep watch very well tonight, I won’t be able to stop looking at you.” He whispered.
“Go to sleep, I’m still here.” He pulled me in for a tender kiss before resting his head on my shoulder and closing his eyes. It was going to be a long night.
I woke up in the morning to a warm day, the trees waving gently in the breeze. Three birds sang as they flew up and out of the tree tops. Caius kissed my forehead and I smiled awkwardly.
“Good morning.”
“Welcome to the last day on Earth.”
“You’re terribly morbid.” His mouth curled into a half smile.
“Look at where we are.”
As we packed up all of our belongings my lipstick tube fell out of the bag and onto the grass. I picked it up and rolled it in my fingers, reading over the letters AA again. I opened the lid and twisted the tube.
“Lipstick? Really?” Caius raised an eyebrow at me.
“Yes, it’s my token.” Yes, it was, wasn’t it?
“I think we should figure out where the cornucopia is and head back that way; I figure we’ll probably be herded that way anyway. You’ve got the best chance if we’re heading back of our own accord.” My fist closed over the lipstick and I sighed.
I opened the cap again and smeared it over my lips.
“Cute colour.”
“I figure I should look good if you’re going to sacrifice yourself for me.” I said bitterly as I shoved the lipstick into my pocket
“Don’t be angry about that. You’re better equipped to survive.”
“You say that even though I’m the one who’s burnt, I’m the one with bruised neck and the nightmares.” I know he noticed it.
Last night all the images from the mist-induced visions flooded back in my sleep. I touched the side of my face and felt the scratches that I had made when Caius woke me up. I must have been trying to scratch my eyes out. After that he had held my wrists until I fell back to sleep. I don’t think the nightmares stopped.
“Yeah, but I know how to survive in here. Out there, I might as well be back in the lake of my games, basically drowning.”
“I just don’t want you to get hurt, let alone because of me.” I looked away from him, guilt plastered all over my face.
“Hey, I’d rather die for something I believe in than something that I don’t.” he put his hand on my arm and gave a small smile.
“What do you believe in?”
“You, or at least what you proved to me.”
“Which is?” I turned so that we were facing each other and looked up into his eyes.
“That there’s something that exists that I thought was make-believe. You’re different, better, than all of them, I know it.” I felt tears threaten to well up in my eyes.
“I won’t let you hurt yourself for me Caius. I won’t.”
“You don’t have a choice.”
“Yes I do.” As the tears spilled from my eyes I pulled him into me for a hard passionate kiss.
I sucked in his lip and slipped my tongue between his teeth and he did the same. We were locked in embrace for what seemed like such a short time before he pulled back and looked around confusedly.
He blinked rapidly and tried to breathe in faster.
“Olivia…” He fell to his knees and I crouched down beside him.
I took his head in my hands and he looked up at me fearfully. I shushed him and stroked his hair as he got weaker.
“It’s okay Caius, everything’s okay.” The tears rolled down my face.
He reached up to touch my face as he lay back with his head in my lap. I held his hand to my face and let out a sob.
“I’m sorry… I couldn’t let you…” I sobbed again and he looked like he didn’t even know what I was saying.
I leant down and kissed him on the lips, and then his hand went limp in mine. I couldn’t help it, I burst out into tears.
“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…” I wept over his body and almost forgot about everything else.
The cannon fired and I cried out loud. “No…no I’m sorry… Caius please… I’m so sorry… I didn’t want to hurt you… I didn’t want you to get hurt… don’t leave me!” I cried over him and rested my head on his chest as my shaking form crumpled and the salty tears poured like a waterfall.
When I gathered myself a little I kissed him on the forehead and wiped my eyes. I closed his eyes with my fingers and sobbed gently as I put everything I needed from my pack into his and left mine by his side.
I walked away from the clearing and turned just in time to see him being lifted up into the hover craft. I had to do it. He couldn’t kill himself for me. Poison seemed to be the only way to save him from that death.
He would hate to know that I’d done that to him, but I couldn’t let him die like that.
Now I need to find the cornucopia and finish this thing. I owe myself, and Caius, that much.