A/N: hi, seven day streak 😭
So this chapter MAY be over dramatic and horrible but I kinda like it so you can choke.. you guys might hate me today tho, enjoy x
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"So what is it you're not telling me?"
"Uhm...what?" I let out a nervous laugh and she stared at me all playful looks gone.
"Now I know you're not telling me the whole truth. What happened?" She asked and I breathed out as I closed my eyes.
"I don't wanna talk about this." I wet my lips as I shook my head but she grabbed my hand.
"Y/N.." She called me and I didn't wanna face it, I knew I was wrong for not telling Camila.
I was wrong for not telling anyone.
"Just talk to me, what happened in that relationship?" She asked and I clenched my jaw looking away.
"Cam, just stop." I grumbled, "I really can't talk about it right now."
"Really? Come on, after two years of being together you can't talk about me about this? It's important if it's coming up again after three damn years." She frowned and I just shook my head looking down.
"I get there's a lot going on but the fact that this may be the cause and you're not even trying to fix it. That's definitely not the girl I know." She disappointedly spoke to me and I sighed closing my eyes again.
"What the fuck happened?" She spat and I knew she was tired of me keeping these important ass stories to myself.
"Erica and I were..always together." I started to speak cause I really didn't want her pissed off with me.
"Okay?"
"Okay..well since we were together twenty four seven it eventually happened." I mumbled and I couldn't help but feel so childish how I was explaining the story.
"It? What's it?"
"She was puking was craving shit and I didn't know what to do so I asked my mom- she went crazy and told her mom. Then I was tested for my sperm and she took a pregnancy test." I revealed and her jaw slacked open causing me to gulp.
I stared at the pizza box in front of us and shook my head, "You got her pregnant?" She whispered and I couldn't quite tell her tone, it was a mix of sadness and pain.
But I knew she wasn't happy. Obviously.
"I don't know Cami." I mumbled and I remembered how confusing it was back then.
"How the hell don't you know?" She asked with a frown and I ran my hand through my hair in distress.
"One day it was positive then the next it just... wasn't, I guess? I don't know.." I sighed sadly and looked down at my hands not wanting bring up my old thoughts.
"She never told me what happened she just.. stopped talking to me." I frowned at the thought and she looked at me carefully.
"Y/N, you better tell me the truth-"
"I'm not lying! I don't know." I scoffed and shook my head.
"I tried my hardest to get through with her like I said before but she just distanced herself from me." I spoke with a scoff definitely feeling defensive when she didn't believe me.
"Like she is now?" She shot at me and I stopped breathing.
"No- just no, I don't know what's going on with her for sure, alright? I'm not going down this road I'll talk to her when-"
"When what? It gets too much again? You'll bury it like everything else? You know if something really happened and you didn't know- Goddamn it Y/N, why the hell do you push shit away till it comes back up full force. Shit like this will never go away!" She got up suddenly angry with me and I looked up at her with a small frown.
"Why the hell are you getting mad at me now? It's no one's business, it's in the past-"
"It's my fucking business because you are my girlfriend! We live together and is it really in the past? If it was, we wouldn't be having this goddamn conversation! You should've told me the minute we started to get serious!" She then came back around and took the pizza box.
"Don't be fucking stupid now. Think and fix the goddamn situation, Y/N. Your ex girlfriend is in love with you and you got her pregnant! Deal with it you victim playing dick!" She yelled and I scoffed as she walked away with the pizza.
"You gonna tell me shit now because it's a fucking problem?! Two years, Y/N! Two years!" She yelled as she walked up the stairs and I laughed sarcastically.
My anger built up extremely fast and felt it rise up my neck and I opened my fucking mouth.
"I told you the exact same thing a year ago but she still fucked you!" I brought up the cheating topic getting overly frustrated with her and myself.
"Fuck you!" She yelled back and a door slammed.
I groaned lowly as I clenched my fists, "Stupid, stupid." I huffed to myself and laid on the couch.
I looked at the soap opera just to see the woman gasping over dramatically and I turned off the tv. I groaned and threw the remote onto the other couch as I thought on what I was gonna do. I thought back onto that month before everything turned to shit. She separated from me after she found out she was supposedly pregnant. But it was a cheap fucking pregnancy test it wasn't one hundred percent accurate.
I cleared my throat as my head started to pound with each memory of my past relationship. That's why I couldn't just let her go. Erica was something more than anyone here and I took care of her like no other. Yes, Camila was my everything but Erica had a piece of my heart that I could never take back. Didn't mean I loved her or I was in love with her it was just- she was special to me. I didn't want anyone fucking with her heart even more.
I grabbed my phone and called her but of course it rang through and I sat back. I couldn't do this. The problems were starting to weigh everyone down. I didn't need this, I couldn't. So I stood up as I grabbed my phone and my keys with a fast beating heart. It probably wasn't a good idea to just surprise her but luckily my specialty was bad ideas.
I walked out of my house with a slam of the door and got into my car. I drove away with one thought on my mind: Erica.
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"Er, open up." I knocked on her door as I looked down at my shoes.
"Please." I begged while my heart still pounded against my chest.
I promised I was gonna start my relationship with Camila again by us both being honest to each other. I wasn't on a good start with my dad and now the pregnancy scare with Erica. I was afraid that I was actually the one causing all this unnecessary drama. I felt hypocritical.
"Erica-"
"Oh hi." I smiled when the door opened and I saw Liliana.
"What do you want?" She asked with resting bitch face and I sighed.
"Uh Erica... is she here?" I asked as I looked over her head and she shook her head.
"No." She started to close the door and shoved my foot in between.
"Liliana wait!" I gasped and she clenched her jaw as she opened the door.
"What?" She shot at me and I sighed deeply.
"Do you know where she is?" I asked and she blankly looked into my eyes before she started to close the door again.
"It's about her mom!" I lied and she cracked the door again with worried eyes.
"Oh." She cleared her throat and crossed her arms, "She uh she left to the studio an hour ago." She mumbled and I sighed in relief.
"Okay, thank you so much, Lil." I looked down the hall and I looked back at her.
"Look.. I'm sorry for snapping." I apologized and she shifted on her feet.
"I just- Erica is my best friend in the entire world. I don't wanna see her hurt." I softly said and she looked me over before nodding as she bit her lip.
I don't wanna see her career ruined by you either.
"Please, Liliana, don't hurt her." I spoke looking into her eyes and she gulped nodding.
"Or I'll hurt you." I shrugged and she chuckled covering her smile.
"Yeah, I got it." She nodded and I smiled.
"I'm counting on you, sweets. I'll kill you." I said backing away and she giggled.
"Okay! Bye." She groaned and I smiled at the fact she showed a little bit of politeness.
I walked away ready to go find Erica and I wasn't gonna leave her until she told me everything.
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"Er?" I called out as I walked into the studio once again.
My hand took out the key and closed the door before I saw Erica walking out of the bathroom. She frowned my way and I could see her eyes red and puffy.
"Y/N? What are you doing here?" She asked and sniffled before clearing her throat to cover up the sniffle.
"I-I.."I sighed and looked into her eyes softly, "I need to talk to you." I swallowed my saliva and she frowned.
"I'm busy." She whispered immediately pushing me away mentally.
"I don't care." I shook my head as she walked past me and I grabbed her arm.
"Erica." I firmly said and she just shook her head, "Stop." I broke down my walls, "Please."
"What do you want from me?" She asked and took her arm back from my hold and sniffled.
"I've been calling everyday for the past two weeks I just-" I stopped and breathed slowly as I looked at her fragile state.
"I need to know what's going on, I need to know everything. I wanna know what you've been telling Amber all this time. I wanna know why you just pushed me away out of nowhere...Twice." I sighed and I felt my phone buzz in my back pocket.
"Just stop." She cleared her throat and I shook my head when the buzzing eventually stopped.
"No. I need to know. How you're feeling! I need to know.. everything." I stepped up to her and her nose flared as her eyes watered.
"Why do you even care? Now? Really?" She sniffled and wiped her eyes as she continued to shut me out.
"I do care, I always have."
"Yeah, to a certain extent!" She spat at me and gulped as she breathed out a shaky breath.
I stayed quiet and she clenched her jaw trying her hardest not to cry, "Why?" She smiled and a tear fell causing my heart to break.
"I can't." She cleared her throat and grabbed her bag trying to make her way past me.
"No, nope."
"Y/N! Stop!" She suddenly yelled when I blocked her way and I lifted my arms like a child.
"No! I'm here right now! I need to know before I fucking drive myself insane! It's not fair that you tell Amber and not me! If it's about me you need to fucking tell me!" I yelled at her feeling myself burn with anger.
The tension was so thick, even when I walked in...it's always been thick. It was killing me because I knew, she knew what I was talking about.
"This has gone on too long, Amber is super depressed cause of this secret you're keeping!" I huffed and she clenched her jaw looking my way.
"Why the fuck are you pushing me away?!" I yelled as my muscles tensed up and the look in her watery eyes turned.
"Me?!" She spat and I winced.
Her hand came up and she slapped me I closed my eyes as she slapped me again. She huffed pushing me against the door and she hit my chest as her tears started to overfill. She sobbed and I clenched my jaw as she hit my chest and I quickly wrapped my arms around her.
"Fuck you! Fuck you, I can't fucking believe you." She sobbed into my chest as I brought her into me.
She cried loudly and I took the pain as she clutched onto me and let it out.
"You fucking act like you don't know? You know! You've always known!" She sobbed loudly and I tightened my arms around her.
"You just kicked it under the rug and denied it like you denied my feelings for you. Like you deny everything you don't wanna face!" She hit my side again but I didn't pay no mind since it didn't hurt.
Her body was so weak that she couldn't even hit me with the force she wanted to. I rested my head on top of hers and listened to her angry rant.
"You know I love you." She cried and my arms tightened wanting her to know I was here.
"But I hate you for making me love you." She choked on her sob and I closed my eyes feeling myself start to tear up.
"I'm sorry." I apologized and her arms wrapped around me weakly.
"I'm sorry, Erica-"
"Fuck you." She mumbled and I closed my eyes tightly.
"What do you want me to do? Er." I shakily said and she kept sniffling causing me to look down at her.
"I want you to leave-"
"No." I firmly cut her off, "I am not leaving until everything is off your chest."
"It doesn't even matter-"
"Erica!" I called out looking down at her and I held her cheeks.
"You mean the fucking world to me and if you're hurting I wanna know. I wanna help, please." I desperately tried to get through to her and she shook her head.
"Fuck Liliana right now, fuck Camila." I sighed and she looked up at me before she pushed me away.
"No, that's the type of shit I'm talking about. It fucks with me because you care for me like you used to. I-I can't do this- I don't want to!" She exasperated with a desperate cry and sat on the couch while I stayed standing with a fast beating heart.
"Like- do you guys really think I want all of this? Do you think I wanna be a goddamn puppy dog over you? It's so stressful and I'm trying to fucking stop. I tried everything." She cried and shuffled through her purse for a cigarette.
"I tried to act my way out and that didn't work. It only got me here, miserable. Now I'm trying to fuck someone else who I really like but she's so fucking- ugh! You all hate her and fuck! I-I think I even hate her a little." She ranted out her word vomit with tears rolling down her face.
She lit up her cigarette and I clenched my jaw as she closed her eyes in pain. I breathed heavily as my heart started to calm down and I gulped. She breathed out slowly after she took a long drag of her cigarette. I felt my phone buzz again and she looked at me with a glare.
"Just answer!" She frustratedly spoke but I just shook my head worrying only about her.
"No." I calmly spoke and she bit her lip.
"Just answer, it's probably your fucking girlfriend-"
"No! Goddamn it!" I yelled while I got too angry and reached inside of my pocket.
"I don't even wanna talk about this anymore talk to Camil-" I cut her off as I threw my phone against the wall due to my rising anger.
"We're gonna fucking talk about this! Fuck them right now!" I yelled feeling my body get hot and she got quiet after her body jumped at the crash.
"Fucking whatever man." She wiped her tears as she calmed down a bit.
I closed my eyes as I tried to lower my heart rate and pinched the bridge of my nose. I didn't wanna be angry but my limits were being pushed today. After a few long seconds of silence I pushed myself from the door and tentatively walked towards her as she smoked. I sat next to her while she was spaced out, staring at the chair in front of us. Her cigarette burned in between her fingers and I watched another tear fall.
"It's hard." She whimpered and I glanced over her features.
"It's hard to see you actually move on. I mean it didn't really hit me until a few weeks ago." She let out and I gulped as she flicked her cigarette ash.
"You two are moved in together..and you're talking about marriage." She drew out almost in a song like tone and she smiled a watery smile.
"I'm so happy that you are but, fuck." She kept back a sob as a tear rolled down her cheek, "I always thought it was gonna be us. I'm just stupid for not actually, truly seeing it until now."
"Especially when you came back to me when Camila cheated.. I'm pathetic and I always have been, I'm sorry." She apologized and I bit my lip nervously.
"Is that the only thing triggering you?" I saw right through her and she stared at certain spot as her nose flared again.
I gulped as her eyes watered with thick tears immediately and I felt my heart clench.
"You and Camila..." She paused and she closed her eyes letting out a small sob.
"You two are gonna have a fucking baby." She stated and tried to keep the sob in but eventually let that gut wrenching sound out.
She covered her mouth with her hand and I felt my nose burn knowing why this one hit her the most. She cried deeply and I let the tear roll down my cheek, "We were supposed to have that baby, Y/NN." She shakily breathed in before sobbing loudly into her hand.
I closed my eyes leaning into my hands and she sobbed to herself, "I'm s-sorry." She apologized for crying and I shook my head.
I made a bold move and pulled her into me causing her to release against my chest. I groaned lowly to myself as I felt the pain as she just broke. I felt her cry and it hurt me so badly cause I never wanted to hear a cry like that. The cigarette landed on the floor and I pressed my shoe against it. I held her dearly as she sobbed into my chest for the next two minutes.
"I never told you and I pushed myself away because I was so fucking depressed. I didn't know how to handle it Y/N. I don't fucking know and it's killing me. Every damn year I think of it- I don't know!" She stopped herself and she tried pulling herself together but ended up a bigger mess.
"F-Fuck. I c-can't, I'm sorry." She suddenly choked on her deep heart wrenching sobs and tried getting up.
"Er!" I panicked and grabbed her hands when she successfully stood up.
"What happened?" I gulped as she stared into my own watery eyes.
"Oh bubs.." She whimpered, "You know.. please don't act like you don't." She whispered not trusting her voice and I shook my head hoping it wasn't true.
I blinked away my tears and my head fell causing her to run her hands through my hair.
"I was gone for the period of time cause I miscarried." She mumbled still not trusting her voice and my heart and stomach felt so crushed.
I wasn't there for her cause I thought she didn't wanna see me for getting her pregnant. The last fight was about the positive pregnancy test then all of a sudden she was negative when we got better. It was just a big pregnancy scare in my eyes but I should've known since how depressed and distant she became.
I grabbed her hips and I couldn't help but cry silently at how fucking stupid lost I felt. I wish I could've done shit differently. I didn't necessarily regret anything because I have Camila but I made Erica live with this for so long. I regretted not handling it a different way. I felt like a shitbag. I stood up and I wrapped my arms around her small frame tightly.
"I'm sorry." I apologized as I cried and she clung to me listening to my soft sobs.
"God- Er, babe.... I'm so sorry." I cried with a hiccup and she let me hold her tightly.
The thought of how alone she felt because I was so caught up in my own head. Thinking about other things she was doing, wondering why she was distant instead of doing anything. I kept repeating my mistakes and I was trying my hardest to change now instead of later.
"Bubs." She called me by my nickname she made up for me and I leaned back looking into her ocean eyes.
"I want you to know.." She paused to swallow down her emotions, "That I don't want to ruin your happiness." She sniffled and held my sides.
"I'm not thinking that way-" She pressed a finger against my lips to quiet me.
"I'm not saying you are, I'm giving you this. I don't want Camila to think I'm some devil wanting to fuck her girl. I truly love you and I don't want you upset or confused." She sniffled and I looked over her features with sad, tearful eyes.
"I think we both needed closure in a way." She cleared her throat and I wiped her upcoming tears as I hiccuped through a small breathy sob.
"I don't think I'll ever stop loving you and that's why I can't be here right now." She smiled and nodded blinking away her tears.
"Hey, no." I whispered shaking my head at my friend but she just shook her head.
"I-I need to be away from you for a while." She whispered as she held my cheeks, "I've spent these three to four years with you and they haven't really helped. I love you and I need to let you go the best way I can."
"I can't do that when I see your damn face everyday." She smiled and I watched her wet her lips and sniffle.
I looked at her longingly and she trailed her fingertip across my features.
"Don't look at me like that." She whispered and I looked down with a small frown.
"Sorry."
"Y/N..."
"I want you to go back home.. and I want you to love Camila like the way you always wanted to love someone. Like you used to wanna love me. I want you to show her everything you wanted to show me." She breathed out with a small smile and I swallowed knowing Camila was upset with me.
"I love you Erica." I whispered and she smiled to herself, "I'm sorry it's not the way you want me to. I'm not in love with you." I teared up thinking of all the past moments together.
"And it's okay.. I'm coming to terms with it." She gave me a tight smile shaking her head and I sighed deeply.
"I'm gonna head out so I don't cry again." She sniffled and I didn't want her to, I still felt like not everything was being said.
"Please... tell me that you'll talk to me more." I held her sides as she still held my cheeks and she bit her lip.
"I will certainly try my hardest. I promise." She said gently as I closed my eyes when she caressed my cheeks.
"Thank you." She mumbled and I sighed sadly but suddenly felt her come closer.
Her lips softly laid against mine and my heart stopped for the small second. I memorized the softness of it, the bittersweet feeling that washed over me. This was officially one thousand percent the end and I kept my eyes closed. I felt her tear roll down her cheek wetting not only hers but mine as well.
"Goodbye, Y/NN." She whispered against my lips and she kissed me once more before walking off.
I stood there as my heart sunk deeply when she walked out and I squeezed my eyes shut as a wave of tears filled up. I hated crying but that feeling that was deep in my chest wasn't gonna go away tonight. I felt so fucking wrong. I let her down and the result was her letting me down. I made her believe I cared about the thoughts and not reality.
"Fuck." I mumbled as I sat back down as my inner self started to attack me.
My stomach felt queasy and my heart was pounding as I thought about what I had to tell Camila. I sighed and looked at my hands before I stood up. I didn't want to but I had to suck it up and she was the only other person who put up with my shit. She didn't deserve this either.
I had to tell her and I didn't care if I had to wake her up because of it. It was wrong to let her kiss me and not pull away but it was almost like this sense of relief. It was something real and true, it wasn't an act. It didn't make me feel like I was kissing the woman of my dreams. It wasn't like I was kissing Camila. It was nothing but a last kiss, a goodbye and I understood it was still wrong.
Camila was my future and my present, I was gonna fight for her instead of letting her go. I wasn't gonna let her slip away like I let Erica go. I was gonna learn even if it took too many slaps to the face.
And I knew she wasn't gonna forgive me or Erica right away. Just hopefully, she wouldn't leave me.
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👀 so...I am sorry? I mean that's cheating all the way around but at least you have no feelings 🤷🏻♀️ I could've been more rude. Such a cliche move I'm sad now. I guess y'all have closure?? Idk whatever
Hope y'all enjoyed and if you didn't then well same, kinda? But still fuck you I suppose.
Have a great day or night beautifuls x
- Maddie
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