A/N: Hehhehe...^69
-
"You're so messy it's only gonna get worse and I fucking told you this since day fucking one." I heard Amber angrily speak to someone on the phone.
I leaned back with Camila caressing my cheeks as we hung out by the pool. It may have been getting a bit colder in California but well it was California it wasn't freezing. It was nice for once. I wasn't sweating my balls off in a hundred ten degree weather. I looked at Amber while my anxiety rose up higher today for some reason.
I was nervous today and I have no idea why, maybe it was because Camila had something huge tonight. It was sneaky almost but I wasn't gonna be a dick and tell her not to go. It wasn't necessarily wrong but some parts to the story wasn't right. Natalie wasn't here with her comforting ass and I didn't like being the parent in the group. Erica hasn't been around and has been around Liliana which I haven't properly met. None of us had.
I was just stressing over nothing which is why we invited a few friends over to hang by the pool.
"Who's she talking to?" Camila asked me and I shrugged.
"I dunno but she seems pissed." I chuckled lowly as I saw Amber clutch onto her curly hair.
"No, because I've been there for you since you, yes, you fucked shit up! Stop playing victim bitch! You fucked your own relationship up! Get over it!" She spoke loudly and I raised my eyebrows as she hung up.
"You good?" I called out and she huffed looking at me.
"Yep! Totally fucking fine." She stomped away towards the pool and she sighed sitting at the edge.
"Who was that?" I asked her with a small frown and Camila trailed her hand down my neck to my stomach.
"I...love you..I do. Need you." Camila sang softly and I looked down at her with a soft laugh.
"No one you know.." Amber said lowly and I could see the stress fall over her shoulders.
"You've never seen this girl before." She mumbled and I started to sit up as Camila laid back on the chair in her bikini.
I got up from the chair and playfully smacked Camila's ass causing her to giggle. I made my way to Amber as she kicked the water onto Zendaya.
"Amber! Stop, I just straightened my hair." Zen spoke with a glare and Amber laughed to herself.
"Sorryy." She sang and sighed deeply as I sat beside her.
"You okay?" I asked her as my eyes squinted when the sun blared down on us.
"Mhm, I will be, I've been saying the same shit for a long time. It's just starting to sink in for some reason." She mumbled and she looked down at the blue water.
"What's it about?" I asked rubbing her heated bare shoulder.
She looked at me with a deep breath and gave me a small smile, "I'm not allowed to say." She told me as if she's said that a million times.
"Why?" I asked softly and she looked back at the water as her legs swooshed around.
"Because I've kept it in for so long that I know I will never be the one to break anything now. If I said what I wanted to right now, it'll ruin a lot. But if this shit happened three years ago, it'd be fine. I wouldn't give a fuck." She shrugged leaving me in the dust as I sat in confusion.
"It's too fragile now." She hinted and I leaned my head against her shoulder.
"Please don't keep anything from me." I pouted and she bit her lip letting out a small huff.
"I'm not. Trust me if you were smart enough you'd know." She bluntly said and she leaned back before slipping into the pool.
I frowned to myself as she wet her hair when she practically drowned herself. She swam away towards Zendaya who was chilling on a floatable bed. I pushed away and stood up while I turned away to see Camila listening to her music. I sighed deeply and looked up at the sky, "I'm hoping you're still on my side, don't let anything happen." I silently prayed even if I wasn't the most spiritual person.
I walked back to my girlfriend with a small smile and her eyes opened causing her to smile up at me. She opened her arms and I leaned down against her warm body. She smiled kissing the top of my head and I kissed her exposed chest.
"Everything okay?" She asked and I shrugged.
"When is anything ever okay?" I retorted with a small laugh before shaking my head.
"Babe..?"
"I don't know, some girl is pissing Amber off about her relationship problems." I said hoping to God it wasn't about a certain girl at the studio with her friend.
I was my hardest to not look at the signs and actually be in denial, hopefully I was right and it was nothing. But..I'm never right supposedly.
"Who?" She asked and I shrugged.
"Beats me." I mumbled and she took a deep breath before laughing.
"Okay." She nodded and she looked at me with those soft brown eyes.
I smiled at her and leaned in slowly nudging her nose with mine causing her to laugh silently. I kissed her heavenly lips before I felt my lips quirk up in an uncontrollable smile. She wrapped her arms around my neck with a giggle and pulled me down again. She pecked my lips repeatedly until I was giggling against her face.
What I didn't know was that Amber was deep in her thoughts trying to figure out how to fix something that wasn't her problem. It was finally dragging her down and she was about to break but no one knew that.
_
"Y/N what is up with you this past week?!" Camila exclaimed and I ran my hand through my hair.
"What are you talking about? I'm fine but I'm just thinking it's not right, right now." I said scratching my head and she shook her head turning back to the mirror.
"Babe..I just don't think it's gonna be a good idea." I sighed deeply as Camila got ready to meet up with Roger.
"Why? You said it was a good idea a few weeks ago?" She rubbed her lips together as she put her lipstick down.
"Yeah, but I wasn't thinking clearly and neither are you-"
"I'm actually more level headed than I've ever been." She crossed her arms and gave me a look making me feel like I should've never said anything.
"Do you truly want this?" I asked her as I thought about more stress being brought on not just her but me.
"I-I do. I really do." She nodded but then sighed looking away, "I just don't want anything to be on bad terms. I've been craving to just write and sing but I can't really do that."
"It's not the girls fault though they should know first." I said and she took a deep breath before looking down.
"I know you're stressed out with whatever is happening with Amber but Y/NN, I'm gonna be fine.. I think. It's my decision." She softly said and walked up to me with her heels clicking.
She raised her hands and caressed my cheeks as I stood there with sad eyes, "I don't even know what's happening with Amber I just found a little hint today- I'm totally fine Mila." I said and she gave me another look before nodding.
"I am too." She crossed her arms and I groaned looking at her makeup that was rested against the table.
"Baby..this is your first recording as a true solo artist. I just don't want you to regret anything, please, please just think." I sighed as she started to walk away shaking her head.
"Y/N." She stopped me from going after her, "If I don't I know I'm gonna regret it." She spoke with a shaky voice.
"The contract is ending and it's coming up super fast. If I can't do what I want while in the group then I'm done! You are right it's not their fault but it's not mine either!" She spat at me suddenly getting upset with me and I leaned against the bathroom door.
"Where's this shit coming from anyway? What happened to doing whatever makes you happy?" She frowned at me and I walked up to her as she stood next to our bed.
"I don't know, okay? But I have a weird gut feeling today and I don't know if it's meant towards you or Amber or..someone else. I just- right now you're my focus, you know? I don't want you to do something so life changing and it'll fuck with your heart." I tried explaining the best I could as I stepped up to her.
"I don't want you to be upset and sad when the backlash comes because you know it will." I said and she looked down before into my eyes.
She leaned into my body as I felt so deeply hurt at the thought of her crying because of stupid bitches who didn't know her. I frowned sadly and she leaned in kissing my lips ever so softly.
"I know you're trying to protect what you love but it's my turn to choose what I want." She said and I looked into her determined eyes while she gripped my hands.
"I want this because I want my own music, I want to express myself instead of being so stuck and being pushed to do by what the label wants." She crossed her arms and I nodded looking down.
"I'll tell them tomorrow-"
"I'm telling you.. that's not a good idea. Now or never." I then crossed my arms looking into her eyes and she bit her lip.
"I know you're scared." I whispered and she gazed into my eyes.
"Don't tell me otherwise I know you are." I said firmly looking back into her eyes, "But it isn't right and you need to know that."
"Out of nowhere? Tell them tonight?" She asked and I nodded as she sat down on our bed.
"In my opinion, you should've told them a long time ago." I let out while she fiddled with her sweater.
"I haven't told them I'm leaving but I've told them plenty of times I didn't want the label wants. They agreed with me for crying out loud." She let out a distressed breath and I gave her a sympathetic look.
"I know but this is a different topic now."
"Fine." She breathed out and I sat next to her.
"It just sucks. I don't wanna hurt anyone." She sniffled and I leaned my chin against her shoulder as I wrapped my arms around her.
"If they agreed at one point then they should understand." I pointed out and she shrugged before chuckling out a shaky sob.
"I wanted it with them." She whispered and my heart clenched, "But no, it can never happen the way people want it." She told me her feelings while she laid back into my arms.
"I'm sorry a shitty label signed you." I sighed and she chuckled as she wiped a tear that has yet to drop.
"Maybe you should bug your boss to sign us." She smirked and I smiled with a laugh.
"I'll do whatever it takes to make you truly, one hundred percent happy." I said and tucked a hair behind her ear causing her to smile.
"I love you, I'm sorry for getting upset." She apologized and I shrugged before kissing her nose.
"It's okay, I know that you've been stressing about this. I see right through you." I gave her a look and she chuckled.
"Same.. but you have yet to tell me what you're stressed about." She pointed out and I wet my lips looking away.
"I.." I frowned to myself thinking why I was so scared, "I really don't know." I truthfully said and she turned in my arms to look at me directly.
"I have this deep feeling like something is gonna go wrong and I don't know what it is." I told her and she genuinely looked at me wearily.
She ran her hand through my hair carefully as she listened, "Maybe that's why I'm being so protective over everyone. Mostly you and Amber, Nat is having the time of her life with Daniel." I chuckled thinking of the disturbing call she gave me the other night.
"And Erica?" She looked at me and I didn't even wanna talk about that girl.
Something was obviously going on but I didn't know what and that was my problem. I didn't tell anyone anything until I actually knew what was wrong. I waited. Then it blows up.
"She's been recording her own songs." I told her and she quirked an eyebrow up.
"Hm?"
"Yeah.. and I think one of the girls know about it. I haven't talked about it all too much though." I said nodding causing her to frown with a small huff.
"Oh.. wow." She held back of what she wanted to say and I frowned.
"What?" I nudged her causing her to suck her teeth.
"Uh nothing it's just kinda weird to me. She suddenly writes songs and is now recording them- where exactly?"
"My studio." I answered and she hummed with a smirk.
"Thought so." She nodded and I raised my eyebrows at her as I separated from her.
"What does that mean?" I asked really curious making her sigh shrugging.
"I really don't know but I'm getting this feeling she might be feeling you again. Or.. something is happening with the people she's hanging with. She's almost shutting you out and letting everyone else in." She pointed out and I frowned to myself as I started to overthink.
"And honestly..I don't know which is worse." She sighed and I let her words sink in as she got up.
"You might've just found the source of your anxiety and stress." She leaned down tilting my head up, "Try not to think about it all night, I'll be back." She gave me a soft kiss causing my butterflies to roam my tummy.
"Girls?" I called out looking at her while she started to walk to the door.
She smirked turning her head and nodded, "Yeah. If we wanna be better and start fresh then it's gonna go with everything else. I'll be honest. I love you, baby. Thank you." She told me and I smiled to myself as she walked out of our room with my advice.
All I needed to do was stop and pay attention to the secret problems in my group. So I sat there, thinking of what to do, thinking over the signs that showed up. They were almost immediately covered up which left me blind to most. I wondered what happened to talking to one another like we did in the bus.
The group would just sit there and talk about their feelings and soon enough there would be two more songs on the list. But why was it when everyone went their separate ways it started to fuck up? Like fuck, we haven't even been separated that long and the group is being fucked with.
So I got up and closed my eyes before sliding my phone out and called the one ex that I still kept in contact with. I sighed as the fourth ring hit and it was picked up,
"Hello?" I heard Erica's cute laugh as the background was filled with deep bass and music.
"Er? Hey, I need to talk to you." I spoke but I didn't think she heard me.
"Y/NN?" She asked in confusion and I pinched the bridge of my nose already frustrated at the commotion.
"Yeah, Erica." I called out and realized I was talking louder in my quiet room.
"Oh shit- hey babe wait for a second." I heard her yell over the music and I heard another voice.
"Why? Who is that?" The Italian girl spoke and I sighed waiting for the girl to shut the hell up for a second.
"It's Y/N." She called out and I tapped my foot cause my thoughts were already there.
I didn't want them to disappear and I was gonna forget what I was gonna say. Only cause I'm a dumbass who forgot everything.
I started to hear them laugh and talk before the phone was taken away from my friend.
"Lili stop!" Erica quickly spoke and I bit my lip when I heard the girl's voice.
"Erica is busy call back some other time!" She yelled over the music and I heard Erica yelling at her to stop, "Or maybe never! Byyeee." She then hung up and I looked at the phone feeling mad disrespected.
"Bitch, what the fuck?" I spoke clearly causing my voice to bounce off the walls.
I threw my phone onto the bed and paced around not liking the fact I was some target. Her friend or girlfriend clearly didn't like me for some reason. I needed Amber and Natalie right now so I sat on my bed again and called Nat first. I was pissed now but when the phone was picked up it suddenly stopped.
"Babbbyyy hi!" I heard her happy voice yell and I felt bad that I was calling her about some bullshit.
"Heyy Nat." I spoke hesitantly and she giggled while I heard her footsteps echo somewhere.
"I'm in the bathroom, hold on." She chuckled and I waited until I heard Daniel yell.
"Ow!" He groaned when I heard a smack then Natalie laugh.
"Payback!" She yelled and ran out the door while I sat back looking around the darkening room.
"Okay, what's up pretty?" She asked me and I could practically see the smile on her face.
I sighed closing my eyes, "Uh nothing I was just wondering what you've been up to." I said punching the air at how much of a pussy I was.
"Awww why? Do you miss me?" She giggled and I sighed deeply feeling my heart ache.
"Yeah, yeah I really do Nat." I cleared my throat so it wouldn't sound like I was tearing up.
She was the only one in the group that had a way with verbal words, she was a great band mom. She took care of us and told us to not keep shit in but I was doing exactly that.
"Babe.." She lowly said and I sighed.
"It's weird without everyone around me twenty four seven. We haven't been separated in four years. I mean shit we've never been apart from each other so it's kinda making me sad." I said with a shaky laugh and it got quiet.
"What's going on, Y/NN?" She asked me in that soft voice and I felt my nose burn.
"I-I don't know." I let out truthfully and she whined sadly.
"You want me to come back?" She asked me and I quickly shook my head then realized she couldn't see me.
"No, no, it's okay." I quietly sniffled and cleared my throat.
"I just wanted to hear your voice as stupid as it sounds." I laughed to myself shaking my head as I laid back.
"It's not stupid, I miss you guys too. A lot actually." She said and I closed my eyes just trying to wrap my head around us not being around each other all the time.
Maybe that was the problem.
"Amber's kinda weird lately." She told me and I opened my eyes staring right at the ceiling.
"Huh? How so?" I asked and she hummed.
"Well I don't wanna disobey her trust but I can't help but wonder." She paused and I waited almost impatiently, "She called me the other day crying her eyes out."
"Why?" I whispered with a small frown.
"I don't know she kept rambling over and over and I could barely hear her. Something about she couldn't take it anymore and that no one pays attention anymore." She shared with me and I gulped not wanting my best friend to be hurting.
"That she's alone." She said lowly and I stood up closing my eyes and rubbing my face.
I couldn't help but let that get to me, that hurt me so bad because I always thought she was so tough. I knew she had feelings she never showed but the fact that she thought she couldn't tell me. It killed me.
"I'm sorry Nat. I gotta go for a minute." I quickly said and she hummed understanding my haste.
"I hope whatever is happening gets figured out safely. Just please no matter what I'm here even if I'm over three thousand miles away. Take care of yourself." She softly said and I squeezed my eyes shut.
"I love you." She softly said and a couple long seconds later she hung up.
I heard a whine and I looked down to see Lexa padding her way towards me. I picked her up and just hugged her like a pathetic sad person. Lexa laid next to me and I spilled my secrets and worries to my dog.
____________________
👀 Envy made me sad so I made a chapter that got me in my feels. Shit is supposed to happen anyway 👀👀👀👀👀
Hope y'all enjoyed and hopefully it wasn't too confusing but if you didn't then
Have a great day or night beautifuls x
- Maddie
____________________