I stared into the mirror, hating what was looking back at me.
Why am I like this? Why do I get bullied? Why does anyone get bullied? Am I not pretty enough? Why can't I have any friends? Was I just not a good friend? What did I do to deserve this kind of treatment?
"It's not your fault, some people just feel the need to be mean to others. And whoever said you're not pretty is clearly blind because you are beautiful," I turned around to see an elder janitor standing behind a cleaning cart.
"I'm sorry, I didn't realize that you were cleaning in here..." I said looking down.
"Oh, sweetie, you're okay. If anyone should be apologizing it should be me, after all I did walk in on you," the sweet old woman said.
"You're all good ma'am," I said smiling as she walked over and wiped away some tears I didn't notice had fallen.
"What happened, sweet pea?"
"Just some drama."
"Now listen here young lady, I've been working at high schools for twenty-four years now. Don't tell me that it's 'just some drama'. I know drama and this isn't it. So what's wrong?" She said placing her hands on her hips.
"Okay, okay, you win. I've had a hard time in high school, it's hard for me to make friends especially because the last friend I had didn't turn out to be so great. She ended up stabbing me in the back and I don't really want that to happen again."
"She gave you trust issues."
"Yeah. And she doesn't let a day go by without letting me know that I'll never have another friend as long as she is alive. But now, there is this guy. He's new and he doesn't get that I'm the high school loser. He doesn't understand that by hanging out with me, he becomes a target for my former friend and her group."
"You're trying to keep him away for his own good."
"Yes. I don't want him to have the same cards I was dealt."
"Hm...I've heard of something like this before. But you wouldn't believe me if I told you" she said shrugging.
"No, no, please tell me. If you have some kind of advice, I am all ears."
"Okay, simplify things a little bit for me. Do you want a friend?"
"Well yeah, nobody wants to be alone. They might think they do but eventually it gets to a point where you want someone to talk to, but there's no one to listen." No matter how anti-social you are, there will always be that one person that you want to talk to. There is always someone in your life that you want to talk to everyday and share the adventures of the day with, everyone has that one person. Except for me.
"So why keep pushing him away?" She shifted her weight to allow her to lean against the wall.
"For his safety. If he is new here, I don't want to ruin the new school for him."
"But don't you think he needs a friend too?"
"Yeah, but he really needs to pick someone else." Surely, being the new kid means that people are lining up to be friends with him, right? I mean, it's all about expanding the cliche in high school. Making your group of friends larger so you will have more contacts when you leave. They're a way of clinging onto your last bit of childhood, a distant reminder of what you had before you lost it.
"You know, sometimes fate works in mysterious ways."
"What are you saying? It's my fate to meet with him so I can drag him into this mess too?"
"No. I think you just need to give him a chance. You never know what might happen." She replaced the soap in the dispenser and threw the old carton out.
"But what would I do if he ends up getting hurt because of me?"
"The real question is," she turned her attention towards me and raised her eyebrows. "What will he choose to do?"
"But that doesn't make anything any easier..."
She simply smirked at his and nodded. "Don't you have a class to return to young lady?"
I sighed and shifted my gaze to the floor, "yes ma'am."
"Hey, things will get easier, I promise. Just take a chance on him, you never know what the future holds."
I smile a little and nod. I walk towards the bathroom door before turning back towards her, "what's your name?"
"Alma."
"I'm Cyryn. Thank you for the help."
"It's no problem, I'm always there to listen when you need it."
I smiled a little knowing I had someone I could confide with when I needed it. It made me feel better, knowing she paused her life to help me understand mine. That was something no one with a PhD in front of their name would do, to them it is all about the paper in your wallet. I mean, who would have ever thought a suicidal teenager would've been advised by a hopeful janitor?
Written: Dec. 2, 2018.
Edited: May 8, 2021.
I'm just gonna say, I have no idea where I was going with the idea of Alma. I didn't think that one through.