Word Count: 2361
Title: Soul Remains
Genre: Fantasy
Blurb: Koel was running from a mistake he knew he'd never be able to fix, a mistake that ate at his very soul. He resigned himself to a life of loneliness and fear, always aware of the fact he had screwed up big time.
But when he discovers a strange knife and finds himself stuck in an ancient contract with a demon, he doesn't know whether to be happy or horrified. On the one hand, his time alone has come to an end. On the other, the demon is violent and cruel, hateful toward all humankind--who had bound him to the knife and forced the demon to serve whoever owned the knife for millennia.
The demon chooses to use Koel as much as he can, while being subjected to a life of servitude due to the curse. He sees his new master as a completely amateur and naive human, someone who can easily be manipulated but also someone whose morals enrage him. But when Koel offers to find a way to free the demon from his curse, he finds himself caught up in Koel's complex life--something he'd never expected to happen.
Status: Ongoing
~
Starting Points: 30
Cover: I like it! It's doing its job well of catching readers' attention and even though there are better covers found around Wattpad, this is doing alright for itself, considering. No points lost.
Title: Definitely intriguing. Clearly, no points lost.
Blurb: *Rubs hands together*
-I haven't read it yet, but hopefully, I have something to complain about!
-Okay, I've read it now and some copyediting is needed because at the moment it's giving a bad first impression for potential readers. Besides from that point, I don't think it's bad? It just isn't amazing and the syntax can be a whole lot better in order the story can pack a necessary punch. Maybe I'm feeling this way because its lacking a hook, but regardless of that it still feels like it's missing something and seems a bit unclear who the protagonist is. Whatever the issue is here, I'm not entirely sure, but I'd recommend on rewriting this for something more concise. (-2)
Plot: Dark(er) version of Disney's Aladdin but without the caste system and monarchy (I assume?). Update: So, I think there is a monarchy in place? People are using swords too, so there's that.
Opening thoughts:
-The story is taking the POV of genie, I mean, the demon...which is interesting. But, the opening line of the book is weak as hell. Its actually disappointing how much it's lacking. What I think would be best for the author to consider is the route of not starting with exposition, but immediately beginning with action. This way, the reader is engaged, has a setting in mind, hopefully, and can be reeled in the scene. The opening paragraph as a whole needs a rewrite. Don't let the demon tell us how his last master was cruel to him. Quite frankly, no one cares all that much, pal. There's not even a proper introduction and he already starts spewing out problems to the audience? Kind of offsetting, really. (-2)
-For example, the story can begin with the young boy breaking into the master's house as the demon watched on, mulling over what he should do: scare him (seems weird for a demon though, what is he a ghost? Kill his ass!) or take advantage of him nativity for his own freedom. Then, the author can proceed to fill in the background of how the demon got there, etcetera.
Characters:
-The demon. Alios. I don't really know, he doesn't have a name. Anyway, I'm actually liking this character? He's an ancient demon that has been weathered down by time and grit, subjugation and mankind's cruelty/greed and I do empathize with his reasonings for being such a pessimist and a realist. I am always curious about the concept of things or people who have lived for eons being tired of the humdrum chain of routine, so I may be biased since the idea does get my anus clenching and all. Calm down, boy.
-But anyway, most of all, I like the dynamic between the demon and Koel. There is so much characterization done here throughout their meeting and I am actually intrigued to see how his relationship evolves and grows? What the fuck...
-Koel. He seems like a product of circumstance and is perhaps trying to survive in an uncaring world, also he's an innocent gremlin so...that's nice.
*Exhales*
-These are compliments if it is not obvious. *Holds chest in pain*
-UPDATE: Turns out Koel is not the innocent gremlin he is previously introduced as, which is highly appreciated, and there's also an interesting tidbit regarding the (partial) reality of altruism that I don't see much of here. Fucking refreshing, huh? Color me impressed!
Dialogue:
-The dialogue is strong, realistic, and pretty entertaining to read. Hooray!
Grammar/Punctuation issues:
-I haven't seen any glaring mistakes. *Shrugs*
Inconsistencies (if any):
-Why is the demon attached to a damn knife out of all things? That is so stupid? Well, I guess it's just as stupid as getting attached to a lamp. I made no point.
-How exactly did the demon's master show cruelty to him? From his wishes alone he seems to have been an old dying man trying to make things right, seek forgiveness, and say his goodbyes to loved ones? To which the demon gave him NONE of these wishes and watched him DIE of his sickness instead?! So exactly what did he force him to do if he had the willpower to NOT grant him even one wish? This should not be unclear to the reader. Did he make him eat the roaches around his house? Suck his dick? Go to church?
-Its mentioned later that the old master coerced him to do things he didn't want to do, but what I'm whining about here is how much freewill does the demon have, truly. This needs to be known so the audience can get a sense of his possible powerlessness, an insight into his perspective and situation, and an overall understanding. Six chapters in and it still hasn't been made clear. Spoiler alert, I'm trash so I read for that long. (-3)
-The master's cruelty needs to be made specific or the readers will distract themselves from the story and briefly ponder about what the master did that is so bad besides being a dude who found a genie lamp, I mean a demon knife, and trying to get some wishes out of it before quitting. Readers will instantly side with humans if there is no reason not to. (-1)
-Like, what is the purpose of the author here? Are we suppose to not like the demon (assuming that he's our permanent narrator, so we're stuck with him)? Is he the protagonist or the antagonist? Which one does the author want the readers to buy into? Both, neither, one of them? How are we suppose to take him seriously? What exactly is his plan not giving at least one wish to his master? He's not going to be anymore freer than before? Shouldn't his master have a reason to free him? People don't have high opinions of demons, he isn't helping himself. At the rate he is going, he's never going to be set free by being a piece of shit! Aren't demons suppose to be cunning and not petty teens trying to rebel with no set plan in place? (-3)
-Other questions: Sure, it's a demon, so he wouldn't have any empathy I assume but I think it's a bit weird that he somehow is going to like this kid enough to stick around and not screw him in the ass. Is the author telling the readers that Koel is actually an evil fuck that the demon or going to favor for that reason? My advice is to not make this clear reality not possible from what the readers are introduced to from the get go. Since the blurb ruins the suspense of the general outcome of this relationship, the prose and dialogue shouldn't be acting as if the audience doesn't know about the obvious. It is weird and unnecessary. (-3)
-Uh, if I ain't mistaken, Koel simply broke in and tried to steal from an old man, but instead happened to stumble upon a cursed blade. So, why does the demon think he has some malicious intent with him? It's obvious that he is a naive little street rat, I mean kid, and is thieving about but the demon seems smart enough to not make such a logical leap, but I guess? (-2)
-Okay, so Koel's backstory has been told, I am seriously confused about now. Is he not fourteen? Because this is the age that I have accepted until chapter three. That needs to be looked in to because Koel's voice is seriously questionable. He can be ten up to twenty one at this point and I would not know. Yikeserz. (-2)
Likes/Dislikes:
-Yo, I love this, y'all?!
-The dynamic between these two characters and their conversations is immersive as hell, and the characterization for the demon and Koel is probably the most effective example of it that I've read so far in the stories I've reviewed in this book as of yet. I may be reaching, but I can't remember the last book submitted here that immediately dove into developing and presenting fleshed-out and realistic characters, all the while give their backstories, their motives and goals, and possible journey.
-There is not one chapter that either eats its own ass, wades around waiting for its own piss to dry in the sun, or any other metaphor that can say that this book is wasting time and does not know where it wants to go. Every chapter is interesting and pushes the novel where it needs to go like a chess piece. Super admirable.
-I truly love the bit of the conversation they have in chapter three where Koel kind of says...a lot of exposition, that even the demon has enough of all the random information and new founding about this Koel character and leaves. I find that pretty funny because in that moment I feel that the audience got projected onto the demon and the self-awareness was amusing and made my butthole tingle. Thank you.
-However, there is far too much dialogue, even if I enjoy reading all of it, the book would benefit from not relying on mostly dialogue-driven story and add in some sensory descriptions to reel in the reader into the world more. A great deal of the time it's suffering from white syndrome because of this too. (-3)
-Its kind of funny that the more I read on it seems like the author is adamant on making Koel ask all of the questions the audience or critics like myself would start to throw at them. It does not mean the writer has an answer for these questions all of time, but it seems to be a strategy for avoiding the fact that they probably don't have them at all and are disguising it behind their will to make a character already ask these mounting questions. It's amusing how much its done. I am side eying, but mildly amused.
-Anyway, Koel comes off wayy too young in the first two chapters, so it seems a bit out of left field when we find out what he did and his predicament. His age becomes muddled and just a bit weird why a seemingly grown man would act the way he does in the first two. Albeit he is a fart on a chair, fleeting and has tone issues, it does not mean it gives him the right to make my wee brain fuse a socket. If the author is going for a "I am a frightened little boy whose found myself in a lil kerfuffle!" then maybe they should consider toning down how meek and naive he's presented as being. Fear is a common emotion, but the fear of an adult with no known mental disability compared with a child is two different beasts. Know the difference and make it clear that you know it. (-4)
-I probably missed some points because I genuinely read this instead of interrupting every two seconds to dissect and prod. That sucks.
-I barely have any bad notes on this, hence why this review is short as hell. I hate this. (-5)
My Takeaway:
-This book has great potential, and I think it's starting off at a strong enough point that I can see it gathering a consistent readership. Between the things that annoyed me about it, there's an intriguing story there and its not hard to see. Though, its not great or anything, nor particularly original, with the necessary work put into it and if the author is up for it they can pull out a refined and more authentic version of this story in future drafts. Overall, this is a promising start and I found myself simply reading it and not taking notes (which is why this shitty review took forever and a year, whoops). I'd recommend it as an easy read.
Why/When I stopped reading: I stopped reading because there is only six chapters. I'll be reading it probs when I am sitting on the toilet for a poop. (Usually what I'm doing when writing these reviews anyway.)
*Crickets chirp*
Gummy Bears or Dust: You get......................
*Drum roll*
Evily Hot Gummy Bears? Who cares!
First when in ten years, niiice. Anyway, sorry for the hold up but I'm awarding authorbro with three votes for my three favorite chapters and I'm adding you to my library! Congratulations! Though authordude didn't quite make the cut for the highest honor (BHR's Stars PRL), that's okay because there is always next time!
Just came back from a event the club I'm a part of organized and it went well! Now onto holding this fart until I get home!
*Internally screeches*