This chapter is written in Elsa's point of view.
September.
A week after I drove Jack away. Life has returned to normal and I go through my royal duties. Going through applications concerning different types of things. I watch out of my window and see how Anna is giggling with Kristoff. They are playing with fallen leaves. I smile when Kristoff grabs Anna from waist and they fall down to pile of leaves. Anna’s hair has some orange and red maple leaves sticking out. Kristoff picks them out one by one. I turn back to look at my papers when I see how Kristoff’s reindeer Sven pushes Anna and Kristoff closer. Barely I managed to get my eyes out of them before they started kissing. I am happy for Anna.
October.
“Elsa!” Anna came in my bedroom screaming of excitement. ”Look! Look!” She was half giggling and half squealing while she lifted her left hand close to my eyes. “What?” I laughed, “I can’t see when your hand is so close to my eyes.” She cleared her throat, ”Oh yeah, hehe!” Slowly she made some distance between her hand and my eyes.
I saw a red gold ring that had a single diamond on it. Wait, she never had a ring like that. I look closer and see it in her ring finger. “ARE you two engaged?” I squeal to her and she keeps nodding her head up and down with brightest smile you could ever imagine. “Yes! He just proposed!” We both were smiling when she took my hands in hers, ”Will you be maid in honor? Please, Elsa?”
At first I hesitated but then I said yes and she was screaming and jumping. “I am so happy Elsie!” She gave me a hug and I pet her back. “I can see that Anna, so am I.” However something was twisting my insides just now and I sniffed. Immediately Anna backed down and stared at me, “Is something wrong Elsa?” She sounded worried.
“No, Anna. Everything is perfect.” I smiled to her widely and pinched her cheek. She smiled back to me and was talking about her wedding arrangements. She wanted to get married on Christmas Eve. After she left I throw myself at the bed and I feel exhausted. I hear as there is raining outside, raindrops are hitting my window but even the calm rain doesn’t ease my feeling. I should be happy for her but I feel miserable. Am I too selfish?
November
My maid is cleaning my room. ”Miss, you should really open the curtains and let the light in. Winter is coming and you should really enjoy the days before they get darker,” she said while she pulled the curtains open and let the light in. “I am sorry Maria but I don’t really feel like watching the sun or the outside at the moment.” I pulled the curtains to cover my window again.
“Whatever you say, your majesty,” She nodded to me and continued her cleaning. Actually I couldn’t watch outside since it gave direct view to castle’s garden where Anna and Kristoff usually spend time. I felt like I would be spying on them if I would see them. Also somehow happiness makes me feel unhappy. So if I don’t see them, maybe I won’t feel unhappy and insult them. I really don’t know.
Anna came to my room and showed me some options that she considered for the wedding. All the invitations had been sent and most of the wedding had been planned. Finally she left after she decided to have red roses on their wedding. Their theme was red and gold, I should wear a red velvet dress. From the same door opening came the seamstress to take my measurements. “Thank you, your highness,” she kindly said while leaving my room. The silence after that was something hard to tolerate. There was no one to mock me or annoy me with comments.
December
The day when Anna marries Kristoff. I tie my hair to tight knot over my head, just like at my coronation day. I let my maid to help me get dressed to an a-line red velvet dress. I tell her to leave and I pull gloves to cover my hands. Before admitting to ceremony I practice my happy smile in front of the mirror. “Be happy, it is her day,” I tell myself and force a smile few times. “Now I got it!” I find a smile that doesn’t seem to awkward even though my own insecurities make me impossible to feel true happiness at the moment.
In the other room I find Anna panicking. “What if he runs?” She is pacing around the room and wears only her corset. “No need to worry Anna, Kristoff is waiting for you.” I smile to her and she stops. “Thank you Elsa,” she hugs me and I hug her back while resting my head on her shoulder. I help her to get dressed and get myself a bouguette of white roses. “But everyone else has red ones?” I wonder aloud. “Yes but maid of honor can have a bouquet of white roses since you’re special. Besides it also suits to winter colors,” she smiles. “Winter,” I whisper and my heart aches.
Next hours went in a blur. Anna and Kristoff said their vows. The ceremony was beautiful or at least the parts that I remember. I watch how Anna and Kristoff dance, Kristoff kisses Anna gently. Suddenly I feel like I can’t breathe. I look around me to check that no one is watching and then I run outside the ball room. I lift the edge of my dress and feel like I am suffocating, I run outside the castle to garden.
There is a bench in the middle of the garden which I sat. My breath forms a steam cloud in the cool winter air. I watch the sky with the moon. Snowflakes are slowly floating to ground, it started to rain snow. The frosted ground is slowly getting covered with first snow. A single snowflake lands to my nose and melts. My head feels dizzy.
“Elsa?” I hear Anna’s voice,”Is everything alright?” I glance at her and swallow the lumpy feeling on my throat. “Yeah, everything is fine,” I whisper. “You seem sick?” She sits next to me and her white wedding dress starts to get wet from the raining snow.
“I am fine!” I tell her and smile bravely. ”The moon was just so beautiful that I needed to see it!” She looks at me with misbelieve but then nods. “It sure is,” she whispers. ”And the snowfall is just perfect,” she added. “Yeah,” I agree and realize that Jack must be busy with bringing winter to world right now. Maybe he is busy creating a snow day to some children, I thought and watch at the starry winter sky.
January
After Anna and Kristoff returned from their honeymoon the castle has been feeling much more alive. Their joyful talk echoes at the corridors but I decide to stay in my room. Only when Anna comes to beg of me to be with them I go but I am not doing it freely. However I enjoy their company really much.
They left Olaf to Jamaica because he wanted to stay longer. Yeah, they had to take the snowman with them. I hope that I didn’t fail with the cooling cloud that I did to him. Olaf melting would be awful.
Anna is staying in the other wing of the castle with Kristoff. They have privacy there and I don’t have to hear their happiness. They are too sweet sometimes. They’re always kissing and cuddling after their wedding. Can’t they get enough?
I have filled 50 forms today and I glance to my window which is covered by heavy curtains. I feel strange, like expecting something. I go to my window while my heart is bouncing fast. I peek behind of the curtain and see nothing. He is not there but why would he be since I ordered him to stay away from me.
I open the dusty curtains and watch outside. There is only a small amount of snow. Even the winter has been really mild this year, he really is staying away from me and Arendelle. There is hardly any snow and the winter hasn’t been that cold.
February
We are at the hospital while the month closes to its end. Anna has been feeling sick lately. The doctor wanted to talk with Anna privately at first and then invited Kristoff in. I clutch my dresses fabric and it wrinkles because of my touch. I feel so worried and sitting still is killing me.
Then the door opens and I see Anna and Kristoff coming out. They are still talking with the doctor and thanking him. I rose up, “Well?” I tried not to sound too worried and curious. Anna and Kristoff first look at each other and then Anna runs to my arms and hugs me tightly. She squeals so loudly that my ears start to ring.
“WE ARE HAVING A BABY!” Anna screams and jumps up and down while hugging me. My arms are trapped against my body while she holds me. I glance at Kristoff with my mouth open. Kristoff is chuckling and rubs his neck. They are really having a baby is the only thought on my mind. “Elsa?” Anna backs up. I laugh nervously, ”That is so wonderful Anna!” I smile to her.
“Yay! You will be an aunt!” She held my hands and I laugh with her. They were having an exited conversation whole way back to our castle. And me? I was watching outside the car window.
March
”Aww! This is so adorable!” Anna shows me a plush toy and I hum to her. “Are you listening Elsa?” She waves her hand in front of me. ”Yeah,” I say without emotion. She walks in front of me and lifts my face up while holding my chin. “Elsa! You haven’t been yourself for months! Just spit it out! What is bothering you?” She is staring at me with furious eyes and her lips are narrowed.
“Uh..” is the only sound I manage to make as a response. “I know you Elsa, you seem sick. You just stay in your room and aren’t interested in anything.” Anna got me thinking now, she truly is right.
“You should see a doctor,” Anna’s hand rests on my forehead. I push her hand aside, “I will be fine when I just sleep a little. May I rest?” I smile to her and she rolls her eyes. ”Fine! But if you won’t be any better tomorrow I will force you to visit the doctor!” She gathered the baby things from my desk and left the room.
I walk to my bed and fell to it from straight feet. Air leaves my lungs and I start to wonder. Why am I like this? I lift my hand in front of me. ”A glove?” I examine my hand which is covered by the glove that is meant for concealing. Yeah, I haven’t even used my powers of ice and snow since..since. I haven’t used them since I told him, Jack, to leave. He hates the gloves. Slowly, finger by finger, I pull the glove off and watch my fingers.
I move my hand in the air and then I realize what I just did. It was a frost figure, so alive looking. It was Jack and he was laughing. “What have I done?” My eyes widen and I feel dizzy again. ”Why did I force you to go away?” I whisper and quickly rise to sitting position on my bed. My eyes blacken for a moment and I held my head.
Tears fill my eyes as I start to understand the reason behind of my feelings. I miss him. Quickly I pull the other glove from my left hand and throw it towards the wall and I scream from pain that is piercing my heart. I stood up and pulled my hair to loosen French braid from the knot it had been just now, it hurt while I did it but I don’t care. I run to my window and realize what I must do.
“I need to go to North Pole,” I say to myself when I push the window open. After creating fresh powder snow below the window I jump down. I roll on the ground and then rise, I run towards the woods in this late night in the end of March. Ground is covered with wet slush since the snow has started to melt because the spring is on its way.
I want to find him but at the same time I hesitate. I hold my hands close to my chest, my hands are clasped together while I run. The forest is so quiet but then my dwelling feelings create a blizzard around me. I cannot stop it, I feel so divided inside. Will he hate me? Will I be able to forgive him? Why..why..
The blizzard is so thick that I cannot see through it. It is all around me and the snow is covering the ground, making it hard to walk. I hold my hand in front of me, to cover my face from the icy cold wind. It is like piercing needles of snow and ice would be hitting my face while I walk.
It was almost paralyzing. My steps were slower and slower. Then I was standing on an opening in the middle of the forest. I took one step, then another. A Crack. I look down and my heart starts to beat so fast that you could almost hear its loud noise. My foot was shaking when I took a step back. I was standing on ice, it was the same pond as all those years ago when Jack… When Jack fell through the ice.
The wind blew some of the powder snow away and I saw my reflection on the ice. It had fractures that were coming from under my feet. Water was coming to its surface from those cracks. I held my hands on my sides and then looked back. I was on the middle of the pond. “Forward or back?” I whispered and my voice was breaking apart. Forward, I said on my mind and took a step. A voice like thunder split the air and I felt how there was now nothing under me. I fell.
The cold water caused the air leave my lungs as I was holding the edge of the ice with my hands. My dress was pulling me down and my strength weakened in every moment that I spent there. My grip started to slip. I couldn’t hold on anymore. ”No,” I whispered while my teeth were hitting together while I shivered. “Jack!” I yelled with all of my power just before my head went under the surface.
My body was floating in the dark waters cold embrace. I tried to get a hold of the ice’s edge but accidentally I froze the water’s surface. There is no way out now. As I let the last amount of air leave my lungs I cross my hands over my chest and close my eyes. My time has come finally.
A/N: Please let me know how you feel about this one! What will happen next in your mind?