(Anna's Pov)
Loneliness wasn't something I was exactly familiar with. Growing up, I was surrounded by my large family. My mother, my father, brothers, and sister were always around me - regardless if I liked it or not. I had grown familiar with being around people, namely my family.
I had never fought with any of them - seriously fought with them that it would lead to heavy tension to be created between us. For me to ignore any single one of them, or for them to do the same - it just never occurred. It was always just little, petty, forgivable arguments that we'd forget in a few hours or days.
And though the thought hadn't really crossed my mind, naturally, I never thought that would happen to us. I had never imagined there would come a day that my own family would gain horrible, negative feelings for me and result to do one thing - ignoring me.
My family hated me. They completely loathed me.
My father had never looked at as if I was such filth, a speck of dirt that he wanted to get rid of. Nor had my mother ever looked at me such heavy disappointment or fuelled anger, blazing in her blue eyes. My elder brother's eyes were now filled with disgust. My sister's filled with disappointment and sympathy. And my younger brother, well, let's just say my mother had plans to keep him far as possibly away from me.
I was alone. There was nobody there for me to exchange a few words with, even little pointless conversation that I found myself longing to hear and say. My family no longer spoke to me, my mother and father completely acting as if they only had one daughter and two sons. They were trying to forget the burden - me.
Herman hadn't even bothered trying to communicate with me and most likely never saw me as his younger sister anymore. I didn't blame him if he didn't - I deserved this. I was a whore in his eyes - heck, everyone's eyes.
Andrea, my younger ten-year old brother was no longer allowed to be around me. I wondered what kind of excuse my family had come up with, what they told him about me, knowing they wouldn't expose the truth to his ears. He was a little kid, after all. He could go blabbering his mouth off to anyone.
And there was Amy. My elder sister by two years, the person I was most closest with and shared a natural bond with. From when we were toddlers, we were always together. I had always shared my bedroom with her, we would always tell each other our secrets and be those two sisters who were the complete opposite of each other, yet were somehow the closest people ever.
My mother had told her to ignore me. She had told her not to speak with me, and only to hand me the food she had made out of pity for me and the growing human inside of my stomach. Amy, strangely enough, listened to my parents. She never really spoke to me. The last conversation we had, not having to do with her telling me to eat the food, was three days ago.
I resented it. The growing feeling of unease, of sadness and loneliness was beginning to get to me. I would spend my days, locked up in my bedroom, not daring to take a step outside of it. I'd spend majority of my time, laying on my bed, fingers tracing the small, tiny bump that had peaked out, all whilst I listened to the agonising sound.
Silence... The most painful sound to a lonely person's ears. It had become my best friend over the past few days. I had grown familiar with it, spending my days listening to the torturing sound. The painful screams of silence, slowly beginning to drive me insane.
When my hidden truth was revealed to their eyes, everything went down hill. I had anxiously thought about how I would tell the news to my parents, Amy had even pushed me to tell them than them suddenly finding out from God knows how and taking it worse than if it were to come from me.
However, I was too late. Four days ago, I grew nauseous in the kitchen, preparing dinner alongside my mother and Amy. It was all so sudden. The abrupt weakness, numbness which captivated my system, causing me to end up falling faint on the kitchen ground, somehow managing to not harm myself.
My mother and sister had rushed to my side, their voices and words muffled as I think back to the event. All I remember is waking up the next day in my bed, the entire room silent, with only Amy sadly staring at me from where she sat by my feet.
I had furrowed my brows, drily licking my lips, before asking her; "What happened?"
She had sighed deeply, glancing away from me and pursing her lips, before uttering words that would let destruction commence.
"T-They know... Anna.... They know you're p-pregnant."
My heart had stopped beating for a long second. I was thrown into a horrible trance of shock and disbelief. However, my mother shortly entered the room, anger present on her face and only growing when her eyes landed on me.
Needless to say, I found out what she now thought about me. Along with what the rest of my family, and if the town were to ever know, thought about me. It ended with tears, a harsh slap to my face before she stalked out, leaving me to silently sob.
That was four days ago.
I hadn't dared showing my face to anyone other than Amy after that. Not only was I ashamed and embarrassed of myself, but I was angry. Angry with myself for letting this happen in the first place. I could have prevented this all, but I let it happen. Exactly two months pregnant. I had allowed myself to fall into that position. I was the only one to blame.
A sharp breath left me as I slowly sat up. There was this unbearable churning in my throat and though the morning sickness had died down just a little over the past week, I had a strong feeling it was going to arrive once more.
My eyes closed as I placed the spare pillow onto my lap, and rested my hands over it. My mind drifted off absently to the last conversation Amy and I had. An actual conversation which didn't revolve around her handing me food, telling me to eat it and not starve myself, after all; a human was growing inside of me.
Our conversation was about Roman... My Roman, who apparently made a sudden appearance three days ago. My heart had jumped at the mention of him, asking Amy what he was doing here. She had shrugged and told me he was here to speak with papa, but left the house not too soon after.
It had left me curious, wondering what on earth he could possibly want to discuss with my father. The thought had been bugging me and constantly hitting me. An ache would target my heart as a lump would form in my throat when I did think about it. Because I'd only end up sighing in sadness, realizing just how much I missed him and reminding myself of what I had lost through all of this.
A deep breath left me as I forced my eyes open, gazing up at the plain ceiling. The simple sight, the ticking of the clock, the light breezy wind brushing past the windows - they were the only faint sounds that I entered my ears. I longed to hear something other than those three taunting noises.
My attention drifted away from the ceiling I was eyeing up and landed on my lower body, narrowing on the small bump forming. I was only eating because of it. It was the only reason I bothered to keep up with carrying out my daily actions, knowing I wasn't only carrying a part of myself, but a human that had a mixture of Roman. I had to keep myself healthy in order for it to enter the world healthy.
A shaky sigh left me as I trailed a finger across it. I found my eyes closing when I remembered the painful memory of Roman trailing his own finger gently across it, a few weeks ago. I remember the sad look of hurt playing in his eyes and the way he forced himself to move away.
Just like that, I felt like crying again. I resented the fact I could think of just about anything and end up in a river of tears. But when it came to thinking about something I genuinely cared about, it stuck with me for longer. Much longer.
The abrupt sound of the door opening caught my total attention. I hurriedly wiped my watery eyes and furrowed my brows when seeing Amy. She had a look of nerves and hesitance playing on her face. Her lips pursed as she frantically glanced around.
"What's wrong?" The question fell from my lips in concern. I wouldn't be surprised if I were to hear a short response. I had gotten used to hearing them after my mother warning her not to speak to me. However, she didn't have a chance to reply as she stepped back and pulled something of inside the room. More specifically, someone.
My mouth went dry as my heart paused when I saw him suddenly appear from behind the door. His hazel eyes immediately landed on me, his jaw clenching as he wordlessly gazed at me. I felt his name breathlessly leave my lips, it coming out as inaudible whisper.
"Nobody else is home. Papa's gone out of town for business with Herman. And Mama's taken Andrea to the city for shopping." Amy rushed out, capturing my focus. "I give you an hour or so before Mama comes back home."
"Grazie, Amy." Roman's raspy voice uttered, yet his eyes remained locked on me. I felt the heat rush up to my face, the intensity of his gaze too much to handle, tempting me to look away.
"No problem... Just... Sort everything out, please." And with those words said, she stepped out and closed the door, leaving us alone. Silence overcame the air. Our eyes remained on another, travelling across each other, taking in the missed sight.
He was handsome in a black hoodie, hood on as a few strands of his hair falling out. A light jean jacket was placed over it as his legs were covered by fitting jeans, boots tied on his feet. I felt my heart pound fast when he took a small step forward, not once removing his gaze from me.
"W-What... What are you doing here, Roman?" The question left my lips with sad curiosity. His eyes flickered over my face, narrowing on my face.
"I haven't seen you for more than a week, and that's what you have to ask me?" He huskily questioned, his tone coming off flat. I swallowed the small lump inside my throat and watched as he paused when he stood a few steps away from the end of my bed.
"I'm sorry... Was that not what you were expecting to hear?" I shakily said.
His eyes narrowed on me, the glare shooting right at me. I shivered.
"You lied to your parents," Roman muttered, trailing his eyes down the length of my body and pausing when he reached my stomach. "Why?"
"I already told you why, Roman." I swallowed. "I need to protect you... Y-You shouldn't be here, in-fact."
"I shouldn't?" He scoffed, the glare growing sharper as I hesitantly nodded. "But I am. What are you going to do about that?"
I sighed heavily, placing the pillow which was in my lap to aside and picked myself up. I tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear and looked him in the eye. "I-I'll have to kick you out."
His lips twitched, just slightly. "Oh really?"
I nodded slowly, half-paying attention to his words as his nice smelling cologne drifted up my nostrils.
"I'd like to see you try. Especially in your pregnant state." He stated, his tone serious yet amused at the same time. My mouth parted, taken aback by his words, blushing when I realized he wasn't wrong about anything.
"Go on," He gestured, raising a brow. "I'm waiting for you to 'kick me out'."
I gulped and hesitantly reached out to push his chest. However, before my hand could connect with it, his hand wrapped around my wrist and tugged me closer towards him. I gasped, absently clutching onto his arm to steady my balance.
"Nice try, sweetheart." He rasped, the warmth of his mouth brushing across my face. I held in a shiver and bit down on my bottom lip, refraining from looking down at his soft, pink lips. It had been so long since I last felt them against mine.
"Are you eating properly?" His tone softened just barely. I nodded, and he arched a suspicious brow making me sigh lightly.
"I am," I confirmed quietly, knowing that was what he was searching for.
"Good," He licked his lips, eyes focused on my face. "Are you resting?"
I nodded, a small smile breaking out onto my lips from his question. "That's all I've been doing the past few days, Roman. Resting... Here on my bed."
His eyes darkened. "How did they take it?"
"How do you think, Roman?" I humourlessly smiled. "T-They all hate me. They look at me with such rich disgust and disappointment... They think I'm a whore, a puttana, Roman. T-They loathe me... a-all of them."
His grip on wrist loosened and he slowly brought it down to my waist, bringing me to closer towards him.
"I'm sorry, princess. They're blinded with the town's shitty expectations and rules, they're led into thinking like this." He sighed, wiping a tear that had managed to fall from my eye. "Don't feel like you're any of those things, Anna. You're none of those things. Nothing but perfect."
And then finally his lips pressed down on mine, making a gasp of surprise leave my lips. My hands clutched onto his arms as I felt myself melt into his arms, eagerly returning the chaste kiss he was giving me. A low groan left him as a satisfied fell from my lips.
"I've missed you, baby." He said against my lips, swiping his out tongue and trailing it across my lips.
"I missed you too, Roman." My voice cracked, as tears stung at my eyes. "I missed you so much."
He groaned at my words, pulling me in closer towards him. However, the ache which pulled at my heart reminded me of what we were doing. I pulled myself away from him, blinking repeatedly as I tried not to burst into tears.
His brows drew together. "Anna?"
"Y-You should leave, Roman." I forced myself to say. "I-I can't... W-We shouldn't."
He lingered on spot, eyes narrowing on my face. He looked as if he had something to say, something that went against what I had said - but thought better of it. With a clenched jaw, he removed his warm hands away from my waist and took a step back.
I suddenly hated myself more than ever that moment. My eyes followed as he walked away, slowly approaching the door. However, he abruptly paused.
"I'll fix things," I heard him whisper. "Mark my words, Anna."
And once again I found myself hanging onto that small grain of hope.
•••••
(AN) Hey guys! I hope you all enjoyed the chapter, even though it was super tense! What are your thoughts? Do you think Anna is making the right decision by pushing Romanaway or not? One more chapter left and an epilogue! Are you ready for it? I'm not sure why, but many people aren't getting the notification. I apologise!
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