"Hey, Li," Zayn said, quietly, as he rubbed his thumb against the shiny metal bed frame. He was inside of Liam's hospital room, standing above Liam, who was laying in bed with a white plaster cast on his right leg and a glassy look in his eyes. "Hey," he replied hoarsely, reaching up to hug his boyfriend. Zayn felt guilt building up inside him as he hugged Liam, who was warm and muscular beneath his arms. It sort of reminded him of Louis.
"How ya feeling, babe?" Zayn asked, sitting down on the edge of the hospital bed. The white sheets crinkled a bit against his legs. "A little foggy," Liam admitted, toying with the IV on his wrist. Zayn looked away quickly, as those types of things always made him queasy.
"I'm really glad you're okay. You had us worried," Zayn said softly, rubbing Liam's good leg, which was hard and muscly. He remembered how when they first met, Liam would always poke fun at Zayn's thin legs, constantly telling him to come to the gym and do squats with him. He never did go.
Liam nodded, his eyes drifting around the room. As Zayn watched him, he noticed that his brown hair looked unkempt and greasy and realized that he probably hadn't showered since before his injury.
"I'm.... I'm sorry about what I said to you," Zayn said quietly. "I hope that's not what triggered--" Liam shook his head quickly, his heart rate beeping faster on the monitor as he interrupted Zayn.
"It's okay," he said. "It's really alright. I have been very touchy and impulsive lately. This injury had nothing to do with you, Z." Zayn nodded, his eyes connecting with Liam's. Liam was telling him things were okay between them, but it didn't feel that way at all. And it wasn't just because of his affair with Louis. Something about their relationship seemed strained, difficult. Not just in the past week, but in recent months. It just didn't flow the way it used to.
Liam used to look at Zayn with passion and desire, like he was a brand new project he couldn't wait to start working on. Now, Zayn wasn't sure they had that type of passion anymore. He felt like Liam saw him as more of as a procrastinated plan that never worked out rather than a fresh new concept to work on and explore.
"How's Harry?" Liam asked coldly. "Harry? Oh, um he's fine," Zayn answered quickly. "We told him you were travelling and broke your leg through an accident. He's fine." Zayn fumbled in his pocket for another Xanax pill, wondering if he could make it through any more of this tense conversation without the help of his trusty pill pack.
"Sorry to put you guys through this. I'm supposed to be the responsible one," Liam replied with a strained smile, his mouth stretching a bit too far to be genuine. "No, we're mostly worried about you. I um. I was worried sick," Zayn said, looking at his shoes.
Now was the part where he was supposed to tell Liam how much he cared about him -- how much he loved him. But something was stopping him. Maybe it was his hookup with Louis or maybe it was just how secretly upset he was with Liam for leaving. But he just couldn't say it.
"I think... maybe it's best I stay with my friend Joe for a bit. I just... need some time to get my head right," Liam said, looking up at Zayn. "Harry can stay with Louis maybe." Zayn looked into his lap, picking at a breaking fingernail as he tried to suppress his emotions.
"Yeah, maybe that's best," he said, standing up. Liam nodded, weakly. "I asked to be taken off your project," Liam added, his shoulders tensing as he told Zayn the news. He didn't want to do this -- he didn't want to leave Zayn. But he felt it too -- the distance, the disconnected relationship, the strain. His anger issues were a large part of the reason the two men had grown apart; but they weren't the only reason. Zayn had been more standoffish and less open in recent months. And right now, in his fucked up mindset, it seemed nearly impossible for Liam to try and work things out.
We just need time, Liam told himself, over and over again. But he was starting to wonder if that was even true anymore.
Zayn nodded, walking towards the door. "I understand. Well, feel better," he said quietly, looking at Liam with emotionless eyes. "See you tomorrow."
"Thanks," Liam replied, waving weakly at Zayn. The door closed and suddenly, he we alone again, his mind racing and head pounding as he thought about the relationship he had just ended. With a trembling hand, he hit the button for the nurse. It was time for another morphine drip.