My Love Magnus,
I'm sorry it had to be this way. I really wish you didn't have to read this letter. I wish that we could get married and be safe in each other's arms. But not everything works out like we want it to. And unfortunately, our story didn't have the happiest of endings.
I honestly don't know what to say now. I guess you already know what my fate was when this letter was delivered instead of me. I wish I could reassure you that my death wasn't painful, but I'm writing this in advance of my death, so I wouldn't know. But judging by the fact that we're going to war against the ones who want to raise Hell (literally) and the other fact that I said 'wish' again, my death was most likely excruciatingly painful. But don't worry, I was thinking of you. I was thinking of how your lips always felt like heaven on my own. How you always seemed to know when I wasn't feeling like myself. How you could make the smallest comment into the worst innuendo in the history of innuendos. I could go on, but Jace needs me to train with him soon.
I guess I'm just trying to say that no matter what happens to me, no matter how horribly I'm treated or beaten, our love will always make it bearable. Just the smallest thought of you will make me stronger. I know I can handle anything if you're motivating me. If only I could have handled actually living instead of having to handle death. You know I'm no good with words, so just imagine every moment we spent together, every kiss, every touch, every tear, every laugh, imagine it all. Then bundle it up into one little letter that was written on the seat of a little toilet in a midget tent in the middle of a battlefield, and that sums up this letter. I'm sorry I can't give you one last memory. I'm sorry it happened this way. But now I can see Max and Hodge, and maybe even Will.
Tessa told us about him. She came to help us, and I hope she can at least survive to comfort you. But anyway, she told us about him, and I must say, he sounded like an even bigger idiot than Jace is. And I take back everything horrible I thought about him. I understand why you would love him, and why you wouldn't want to tell me about him. He was your little happiness. Your secret fantasy. You only kissed him once while he was drunk, and only just barely. I hope you can find someone like him again to make you happy.
Jace is calling me again, so I must finish this quickly. I love you, Magnus. More than I can even explain. You are thoughtful, kind, loving, gentle, amazing. Fabulous. I will be waiting for you when you finally come back to me. I'm sure it's nice. No stress. No worries. It can be just us, in the infinite stretches of the sky. Come soon, Magnus. Come soon.
Love Always,
Alec Lightwood
Magnus put down the letter after the fourth time through. It felt like tear tracks were permanently stained to his face. But no more tears could flow down them. He had already cried enough. Alec didn't deserve tears. He deserved better. Unfortunately, Magnus couldn't give him that. He remembered when Jace had first given him the letter.
Magnus was sitting on the Institute steps, waiting for the shadowhunter's car to pull up. C'mon, c'mon, he thought impatiently. Finally, a sleek black car pulled up in front of the building, stopping so four figures could climb out. Four? Shouldn't there be five? Magnus' thoughts became panicked. He knew lives would be lost, but he had desperately prayed his blue-eyed angel would stay safe.
He watched as Jace got out, followed by Clary and Simon. Alec? Is he- Magnus' thought was cut off as Isabelle ran out of the car and sprinted into the Institute, sobbing the entire time. The blood drained out of Magnus' face. "No," he whispered. His voice was strangled and quiet, ready to break. He looked up and studied Jace's face. It was paler and gaunter than when he had left. There was a bright red scar that ran from his left eye down to his jawline. But what had Magnus worried the most was the look of intense pain his Jace's eyes. He had only seen that kind of pain before under one circumstance.
If someone lost their Parabatai.
Magnus fell to his knees, clutching his chest. He noticed both Clary's and Simon's eyes were red and puffy from crying. Just more and more evidence, Magnus thought. "No," he said again. But his voice was inaudible. He couldn't hear anything over the sound of his heart breaking. The only reason he noticed Jace again was because he dropped a manila folder into his lap. Magnus looked up into the shadowhunter's dull gold eyes.
"Alec told me that if he died, I should give this to you," he said. His voice sounded raw and pained, not at all like the strong, confident young man that had left three weeks ago. Now he was only a hollow, broken shell.
Magnus nodded dully and looked down at his scribbled name on the envelope. Magnus was written in Alec's messy-neat handwriting that only he could perfect. Then Magnus got up and began walking to the city, knowing exactly where he should read it.
Those few minutes were the worst moments of Magnus' life. Finding out that your only true love had been killed right before you were to be married was like stabbing someone in the eyes with hot coal-pokers after telling them they were about to see the most beautiful creature ever. Only Magnus would much rather experience that.
After composing himself, Magnus sat up in the chair he was sitting in and got up to go to the telescope. He had figured that he would observe the stars that had reminded him of his and Alec's love. After adjusting the lens, he put his eye up to it and spied through.
The stars blinked back at him, indifferent to the intense emotions that were raging inside of the warlock. They were simply there as a reminder of the things one aspired to touch, but could never quite reach. Much like his love. He so desperately wanted to have his perfect love with Alec but had fallen short of the long life they needed. Magnus just felt like a supernova. Like his emotions would implode and destroy him.
Magnus stepped back and looked down at the last two sentences in Alec's letter. Come soon, Magnus. Come soon. And that's exactly what he planned to do.
----
Jace walked up the steps to Magnus' apartment, careful not to trip. He had been worried about him ever since he had left the Institute looking lost and broken. So he decided to bake the warlock some cookies and bring them to him. He knew that no amount of cookies would ever, ever, help Magnus cope with the loss of Alec, but all he hoped to do was let Magnus know that he had support.
Jace knocked on Magnus' new door, waiting for some reply. There was none, so he tried twisting the knob. It was unlocked. He stepped in uneasily, a cold pit sitting in his stomach. Something wasn't right. The smell of magic lingered in the air, making Jace automatically tense up. He set the cookies down and quickly walked into the living room-
-and stopped as he saw Magnus' dead body lying on the floor. His arms and legs were bent in awkward, painful looking positions. Blood leaked out of his nose and mouth, a shocking red against the stark pale of his face. Ugly purple welts and bruises covered the exposed skin.
"Oh, Magnus, what did you do?" Jace asked sadly. Then he knelt down and picked up a piece of paper that was laying next to the warlock's corpse.
My dearest Alec,
Angel. Sweet, sweet Angel. I'd do anything for you. You told me to come soon, so I did. The moment I realised that you were gone, I knew life was pointless. 850 years, all useless without you. I decided I'd take the shortcut to you. I made it as painful as possible so I could try to experience the pain you were in, but it was nothing compared to the agony of life without you, my dear Alec. I now understand that all of our arguments were so trivial, but you were the farthest thing from that. You had the perfect laugh, the perfect pout, the perfect moans. Your whole essence was perfection. I never understood how you never saw that. I truly regret ever leaving you. I must have been insane. The moment I met you, I swore I would catch you, and I did. And I let you go. For some reason, I thought you weren't good enough. Oh, how truly wrong I was, for I was the one who didn't deserve you. I was the one who wasn't good enough. This letter shall be short; I cannot wait any longer to see you again. I cannot wait for those deep blue eyes, that beautiful scarlet blush. Your tender laugh, your sweet concern. But we have no reason for worry now. We will be together, forever. I now realise that this was the very moment I have lived this long for. To be able to be overcome with bliss, knowing the fact that I can finally be with you without interruptions of any sort. I am coming, love. I am coming.
With burning love,
Magnus Bane
****
Oh. My. Goodness. It's over. It's done. I can't believe it. AND THE CITY OF HEAVENLY FIRE IS COMING OUT TOMMORROW T.T AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But anywho, Thank you all for reading! I really appreciate everyone's comments and votes! I can't belive I have over 1,700 reads! That's crazy! Thank you all, I can't express how happy I am with this and you guys. I seriously gave myself feels writing this *deep breath* *sobbing* well, this is it. Thank you again! And listen to the song I tagged.! thank you!
{Post write, june 10, 2017: ... omg. I was a monster. I'm literally crying so bad right now T.T I'm so sorry, everyone. Still salty that that ending answered more questions than the actual book did -_- seriously, did Cassie Clare forget all about Alec's and Maureen's meeting? ugh}