a/n - i got a lot of comments saying "three years??? what???" and i don't blame you i felt the same way but if we look at the development of characters-phil is recovering from an alcohol addiction (& a broken heart but we don't talk about that shush), adrian is getting over his parents' break after already losing his former parents to a 'break' and dan is still trying to forgive himself-there's a lot of work that's gone into each of their personal recovery so i feel like three years is reasonable! sorry if u don't feel the same :/
also since most of this book has been unfrequent updates - enjoy this 3rd update in a day. you're welcome :)
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dan's eyes wander around the busy pavement, watching as a woman passes him with a conjoined stroller with two babies, both wearing blue onesies and one of them having a bow on their head. he smiles at them, and then at the mother, and the woman who can't be any older than twenty five returns his smile, finally walking past him. he sighs happily, clutching the straps of the backpack and pulling his sleeves over his fists-it's a habit he hasn't gotten rid of.
london's march air is forgiving, chilly enough for a sweater and warm enough to ditch a jacket, and the sun shines unabashed atop his head, painting a few strands of his curly hair in golden light. there are barely five minutes left to see phil, the wait almost seems longer than the three years he has spent fixing both himself and their relationship. he can feel the steady beat of his heart going haywire, he can feel the oxygen supply becoming bare, he can feel the shakiness of his hands and the heat in his cheeks-he's been anticipating this for so long.
his phone buzzes lightly in his pocket and he pulls out the device, trying to control the blush that marks his cheeks almost instantly.
philhowlter : where are you?
the app had found it's way back onto their phones only two weeks ago, when adrian had spent a considerable amount of time convincing both of them to have the signature 'howlter' next to their names for no apparent reason other than the entertainment of watching his fathers cringe.
danhowlter : almost there
he bit his lip before adding onto his text.
danhowlter : i'm nervous to see you
philhowlter : don't be, it's only me
danhowlter : yeah but it's been a while
philhowlter : it's fine i won't bite
philhowlter : unless it's consensual ;)
dan didn't think it was possible to add any more colour to his cheeks but phil has proved him wrong yet again. now he's standing in the middle of a pavement with his cheeks stained red and an embarrassed grin on his face.
danhowlter : shut up you spork
three minutes later he is pushing the doors open to starbucks, conventionally the most inappropriate place to see your husband again after years but phil had insisted on getting coffee first and dan was really in no position to contradict anything the man said. he walked further into the busy shop, trying to spot phil's dark fringe somewhere along the mass of people but having no such luck. fortunately enough, after a solid minute of confusion, there were cold fingers grabbing his hand and phil's unmistakable voice snapping him out of his search.
"hey why are you standing like that?" and being surprised to look at phil would probably be an understatement. the years look unbelievably good on him, the old pictures he had of phil do no justice to what he looks like right now, standing in front of him, real, breathing, talking, and so close.
"hey, i-i couldn't find you," dan sputters and phil gives him a warm smile, and dan swears for a minute he almost can't believe this is happening. he stares unashamedly at phil as he leads them to the counter to order, noticing the way his hair is pushed back into a quiff, his glasses resting effortlessly on the bridge of his pointed nose, and the sleeves of his shirt tighter around his biceps. his broad shoulders and defined arms give away instantly that he's been working out, and dan can't promise that all his thoughts are appropriate.
"your hair," dan comments as soon as they get in line, and he watches as phil's cheeks flush, his fingers going up and pushing the hair further up in a movement of insecurity. "it looks really good," he compliments and phil thanks him with a small smile.
"you don't look too bad yourself," phil says, letting his gaze shift to the way the soft material of the sweater falls off dan's shoulders and exposes his collarbones and it's only a second later he notices the small black gages covering his earlobes. "you got your ears pierced?" phil's voice is unintentionally loud, and dan blushes, looking away and nodding in embarrassment.
"yeah, a friend told me they'd suit me, what do you think?" dan looks at him nervously and phil raises his hand in a bold move, placing it on his cheek and taking ahold of the plasticky material gently, watching as dan draws in a shaky breath. it pleases him in a strange way that the littlest of his touches still make dan lose his breath like they used to.
"it looks good," he licks his lips, letting his hand fall back down. "really good,"
they don't speak after that, quickly ordering their drinks and making their way to a table of two, both of them sitting across from each other with unmet eyes and flushed cheeks.
"so, how have you been?" dan starts, and phil finally looks at him, trying not to get too carried away with the relief he gets by hearing dan's voice after so long.
"i've been okay, good," phil answers vaguely and offers him a small smile. "what about you?"
"i've been well too," dan replies, hoping for this conversation to stay as light hearted as possible.
"that's good," phil doesn't know what else to say. he does actually, but whatever he wants to say doesn't match the placidity of their reunion so he takes the awkward silence over the serious conversations.
"how's adrian?" dan attempts to keep the conversation going and phil smiles lopsidedly.
"you've been talking to him just as much as i do," phil says and dan scrunches his nose. "is this your attempt of making a conversation?"
"yeah i mean you won't make an effort so clearly someone has to do it," dan snorts, and phil laughs, momentarily forgetting about what they actually need to talk about.
and then the talking picks up, they both talk about how they are actually doing, their jobs, their friends and how things are with phil's parents. dan talks about his new workplace and how he's spoken to chris a few times since the incident as to not end their friendship on a sour note and he is surprised when phil doesn't look bothered by the fact. their conversation pauses for about half a minute when phil gets up to get their drinks but they fall right back into why phil hates his boss, and how proud he is of adrian.
"have you been seeing someone while we-we were on a break?" dan mumbles, slumping back into his chair and finishing the last of his drink. he fiddles his fingers together, keeping his eyes fixed on the glinting material of his wedding ring as he awaits phil's response.
"i did go on a few dates," phil admits, his cheeks flushing out of guilt when dan purses his lips and refuses to meet his eyes. "only because my therapist said i should, not because i was over you," he adds, hoping to make dan feel better but he just nods his head and shoots phil an unconvincing smile.
phil would tell him that he still loves him, that every day, night, hour, minute and second of the past three years have been spent loving him and him only but he isn't sure if that would be appropriate for now. he can't just start confessing his love after meeting dan after so long, they need to build this up.
"dan?" he calls and the younger male wraps his fingers tighter around his empty cup before looking at phil, his eyebrows raised in question and a certain sadness in his features.
"you should know that nobody has, or will ever replace you," phil informs him, keeping his voice down and watching the way dan's eyes fall back to the table and the pink colour rises from the base of his neck and lands comfortably on the high points of his dimpled cheeks.
"so you're not seeing someone as of now?" dan mumbles in a small voice. he hasn't even brought himself to look at another person in a romantic way, the past three years he has spent in utter solitude and hoping that one day he can gather enough courage, can forgive himself enough to call phil and ask him if he's ready.
"no, i'm not," phil raises his hand and points to his ring. "i'm still committed to someone, you know?"
dan bites his lip at phil's response, a certain warmth pooling in his chest when he realises that phil still wears the ring. he smiles, resting his elbows on his table and putting his face in his hands, making his cheeks squish up slightly against his fists.
"aw man, does that mean i don't have a chance?" he jokes and phil just looks at him fondly before crossing his arms across his chest. dan almost thinks he does it purposely to show off the muscle he has built, his shirt tightening even more around his forearms.
"not a single one," phil denies and dan almost forgets he had even said something. he's busy staring at phil again, the soft curve of his jaw, the freckled skin of his neck, the plumpness of his lips-god he has really missed him.
"i've missed you," dan says absentmindedly, and phil flushes yet again, his expression softening.
"i've missed you too, really," phil reassures him and they both sit silently for a while, simply appreciating the sight of one another.
this was gonna be a long day.
--
ok i know this might seem strange
annanya?? updating?? delivered?? so?? much??
BUT
if u spam the comments enough ( again ) i might do a FOURTH update in a few hours😉😉😉😉😉
also please check out my book ARE YOU MINE?//phan its gonna be more on the dark side but you'll love it i promise