delivered

89

clearing a few things up prior to this chapter::

i) yes dan cheated on phil as in did not just kiss chris he actually did the do yikes

ii) no phil/dan are not forcing their complicated marriage or the job of fixing it onto adrian. having a child is supposed to strengthen your relationship, it's a generic statement, and phil was just disappointed at the fact that they are so messed up, that even having a child doesn't seem to work for them.

iii) neither of them are overreacting. this is what the possibility of a divorce feels like when two people who love each other suffer through it.

iv) when i said "phil lost everything" it doesn't mean that he doesn't love adrian, its just that he's so used to the idea of dan, and them together that he can't comprehend his own life without him.

i guess that's it ??? if you have any more questions you can leave them here and i'll answer them in the next chapter :)

+

cautious footsteps make phil avert his gaze from the broken glass on the floor, to the small figure slowly approaching the threshold of the kitchen, his fingers tightening visibly around the broken piece of plate in his hands once he notices the misery on adrian's face-hair unkempt, lips chapped, forehead marked with thin lines of worry and an unhealthy pallor of sadness on his usually warm pink cheeks.

"y-you can go and freshen up, i'll do this," adrian's voice is barely audible, and phil can't find any words to say once the younger boy grabs the dustpan from phil's loose grip and dodges the scattered porcelain on the floor.

"adrian i-"

"i'm fine, i promise, please go and take a shower, i'll order something to eat so you feel better," adrian refused to meet phil's eyes, he knew he would start crying in just one look at the morose expression on his father's face. he wasn't mentally strong enough to keep the image of phil's watery eyes and his sunken cheeks and the permanent frown on phil's lips in his mind. he can barely blink away the sight of dan leaving, and the sound of doors slamming in unison.

"nan's coming over in a few hours," phil bit his lip, confused at the way adrian's cheeks flushed at the statement. "c-can you call-um-" phil can't physically let his name slip out of his mouth. he doesn't want to break down again.

"yeah i will," the assuring tone in adrian's voice causes phil to push his son's hair away from his forehead and a broken, half hearted apology to fall from his lips.

"i'm sorry," he chokes. "you don't deserve this, you're not supposed to deal with all of this," phil lets another feeling carve itself into his chaos of a brain-guilt. the complex, slowly building and the feeling of guilt that can't be looked over. the one that begins from the very centre of his heart and expands slowly throughout his body, leaving behind a hot waterfall of nothing in particular, slowly filling up his chest. it drowns his happiness, drowns his lungs, drowns every other feeling that exists. he feels guilty for putting a child through this just because of his own issues, breaking a child's ideal house into mere pieces and stepping over it so selfishly.

"don't worry about me," adrian struggles to smile, pushing phil's hand away from his face and refusing to meet his eyes. amidst the storm of confusion in his brian, adrian lets another feeling carve its way in-guilt. the simple, broken down, obvious feeling of guilt that arises from the base of his chest and lands on the tip of his tongue, dotting the corners of his eyes with tears. he feels unbearably guilty for coming between his parents' problems like this, forcing them to sort things out, speeding them through heartbreaks just because of him.

and that's why they both break down when the other is not in sight, phil's back sliding down against the wooden door and adrian's fingers loosing their grip on the piece of glass so he can sob into his palms.

an hour later phil is sinking down into the recliner, a bowl of soup in his hands and a blanket draped over his shoulders, drops of water landing on his glasses from his dripping wet hair. and maybe it would bother him any other time, today, he just sits silently and lets the hot liquid slide down his throat and comfort the splintering mess inside.

his heart has completely vanished from within his chest, either that, or it is simply, so utterly broken that phil can't feel it anymore. the ache in his chest, the burn in his lungs, the sting in his eyes-everything has disappeared, leaving behind this empty, numb pain that can't be felt but is there, slowly expanding, slowly churning, slowly killing phil all over again.

"want to watch a movie?" adrian suggests, trying to lighten up the mood a little bit and when phil looks over at him, adrian's red rimmed eyes give away instantly that he's been crying.

"sure," phil likes to think he smiled to make the syllable a little softer, but he can't seem to feel his muscles moving at all.

"the lion king?" adrian giggles despite the situation, and phil leans his head back against the backrest, a small groan falling from his lips.

"yeah i think i need to cry a little more,"

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it's been ten days since i've updated ???? hello sorry