"Nina! Please open the door and come eat dinner with us!" Liam yelled through the door, knocking harshly and loudly.
I sat, leaned against the door, and listened to his words. He didn't understand because I didn't tell him anything anymore. Even though I had forgiven him and taken it in when he would apologize over and over again.
Over and over again.
People tended to do the same things over and over again, even though the same thing kept happen. I didn't understand how people would always have hope that if they did it again, then the outcome would change.
Maybe it was just me who had lost all hope in second chances.
"Nina! What's wrong? Please talk to me!"
"Just eat. I'm not hungry," I finally replied.
"Don't lie to me. I know you're hungry, you haven't eaten all day." It was nice how he tried and how he never gave up.
"Just leave, please."
"Why? Did something happen with Mrs. Hamilton?"
"No, she's a smart lady and made me realize something," I told him, not knowing if I should explain further.
"She did? That's good. You're opening up to her!" He sounded too excited for it to be true. Why was it me who had to be with Mrs. Hamilton? Couldn't someone else do it?
"I still don't like her or this idea!"
"It's what's best for you and you'll soon know that as well as me," he told with a lot calmer voice, which did nothing to calm me down.
"Please leave. I'm not hungry."
"Just make sure to eat something before you go to bed."
Not long after the words had slipped from his lips, his heavy footsteps trailed away from me; leaving me.
I gulped and stood from the floor. I slowly and quietly walked over to the window. The garden was also beautiful in the back and light from the moon gave the grass an exciting glow. It was getting dark quick and the days were becoming shorter and shorter, leading up to the longest day.
Six days.
Six days to my age wouldn't be eighteen anymore, but nineteen.
I slid my hands around the handle to the window and with a single moment, I opened it up. I had underestimated the cold of tonight. It took me by surprise and surrounded me like a clever snake. I bowed down and because of my tiny body, I was capable of crawling outside. One leg after the other.
I strolled over the grass, the grass tickling my sock covered feet. The cold of the wind was wicked and sneaked around me. It sent chills down my spine, but who was I to be complaining. I could just turn around if I wanted to, but I didn't.
The garden was beautiful, with thousands of roses and flowers in the color of the rainbow. If it hadn't been dark, it would be as festive as a circus, but still as elegant as a lady in her finest dress.
A fine, white bench was nicely placed in the middle of the garden, a fine antique pavilion in the purest white and gold, with a roof of dark wood was placed around and over it. The seat of the bench was as cold as ice and even though I had pants on, my skin could still feel the tickling of the cold wood.
I folded my hands upon my lap as I gazed at the stars. The night was a beautiful cloud-free one of the kind, not often it would happen here. Everything was always grey, with rain clouds, but not today. Today was different.
"Nina?" A voice behind me asked and for once, it didn't frighten me to my death. I slowly turned around and got met with the brown eyes of either Francisco or Luis. It was impossible to see which one of them it was in the dark, but I had an idea who it was. "What are you doing out here in the cold? You can get a viral infectious disease in your upper respiratory tract."
Defiantly Luis.
"You mean I can catch a cold?" I asked as he sat beside me.
"Yes."
"Don't worry, I wont catch anything tonight." I tilted my head and looked down at my black socks.
"Why don't you tell me why you're out here instead of inside in the warmth?"
I sighed. "Just didn't feel like it."
"Okay... uhm... can I tell you something?" He swung his jacket around me, the warm suddenly coming to my body once again.
"Like a story? And thank you."
"No problem and something like that," he shrugged and shifted in his seat.
"Okay, do tell me."
I looked up just in time for me to see him smile. Briskly I looked away again and glanced over the garden and its details.
"A year ago, everything was different. And now when I look back, I realize that a year can do a lot to a person and their life."
"What happened?" I asked.
"Out of all my brothers I may have the strongest bond with my twin, Cisco, but that doesn't mean we don't have our fair share of fights and disagreements."
"Doesn't all siblings have that?"
"Yes, but this time we didn't end on good foots. You see, my brother is the light in the family, the one with the jokes and the one who hosts the greatest parties where everybody is bound to have fun, however, he has been suffering from panic attacks the last year and-"
"Should you be talking about this with me. If Francisco hasn't told me I don't think it would be wise if you did."
He sighed. "It isn't a secret and he wouldn't be offended by me telling you, he's just a little ashamed of it, that's all. I promise."
"That's good. Now, just talk, I'll be listening."
He smiled and nodded his head slowly. "As I was about to say, even though Cisco suffered from these attacks, it didn't affect him much, at least not in the beginning and he knew the importance of taking his medicine. However, as time went by, he forgot about it, since the attacks had become less consistent. Early this year, he moved in with me because I live close to our parents and he couldn't find a suitable house near them yet. I quickly discovered that there was a problem and that he didn't take his medicine.
I confronted him about it and of course because he is very proud and feels ashamed because of his illness, he got angry and kept yelling that he was fine and that he didn't need the medicine, which was a lie of course."
He took a break to look up at the stars smiling for himself, possible seeing memories flowing past his inner eye.
"What happened after that?" I asked. Stories had always been my weakness. If they had begun, I needed them to be finished before I could tear away.
He laughed. "Eager?"
"Sorry." Ashamed, I looked down at the ground again.
"Don't be, it was a joke... Now, where did we come from? The lies of course." He smiled down at me. "So basically, we had a really big fight about his medicine and treatment and I really just wanted the best for him but he just never understood it. He thought he could take on the world by himself and get out alive.
And to make it short, he couldn't. Not long after he had left the house by slamming the door so our whole neighborhood could hear it, I got a call. As I feared, it was the hospital and my brother had just had another panic attack and some stranger had found him and called the ambulance. It was a girl, a beautiful one of the kind. She still visits him, but that doesn't have anything to do with this.
Nevertheless, after he got out of the hospital, he came home with me and for many days, we didn't talk. He took his medicine, didn't drink or party that much. Used most of his time running or playing video games on my couch."
He sighed again and for the first time, it finally hit me. Even though the Martinez family was a loving family, they still had their moments and share of fights. That was the reality.
"How did it all end?"
He smiled. "One day, I took a deep breath and walked directly up to him and told him exactly how I felt and what I thought about him and his behavior. He listened and took in my words because even though we weren't on best terms, we still loved each other."
"Love?"
"Yes, we are brothers. Family."
"So, what did that year do to you as a person and your life?" I asked, remembering the start of his story.
"I learned that family is the most important thing in life and you should always try to help them even though they might not want it. And also, I learned that you should never give up on someone just because they shut you out and that you shouldn't shy away from people because they actually wants to help."
"That sounds wise."
"Life gives you advise, Nina, you just have to learn from them."
His wisdom was kindness, but still, it was like he looked right into my soul and saw all my worries and then gave the answers to them. Now it was up to me to fulfill my part of the bargain. Luis was maybe one of the most intelligent ones of the brothers. Not on knowledge, but on wisdom and kindness.
He stood from the bench, turning around to face me. "Goodnight, Nina, please don't stay out too long," he said with a wink and a playful smirk painted over his smile.
"Goodnight, Luis," I told him too and afterward watched him walk towards the house, his hands folded on his back and his jacket still swung over my shoulders, keeping me warm until I was ready to go inside again.
The area around me went silent again and for a moment the things Luis had said repeated inside my head. Thoughts and ideas had come forward. Not the kind I used for my book, more the kind that I used in real life. Things I needed to be better at, just like social things and stuff.
Maybe Luis should be my psychologist instead?
I smiled at my own thoughts. It was nice to learn more about the Martinez family, even though I knew that I would soon need to confront Gabriella and Joseph about my brother and then talk to either Liam or my father or maybe talk to my father first? Who knows.
I folded my hands in my lap, looking up at the shining stars and moon. I bit my lip softly. "Lord. I'm afraid. I don't feel bold or courageous today. Help me remember that bravery isn't when there is no fear, but when you overcome it. Please, commit a brave and courageous heart to me and I know you will be with me every step of the way. I'm not alone as long as you are with me. I know that and I'll always remember it. Your love for me and everyone else is all I need and I'm so grateful for your love. So please, help me stand up to my fears and look them dead in the eye. So I'll know that your strength will always be in my heart together with you."
I gulped loudly.
"In Jesus's name, Amen."
...
I'm soon finished with my exams, so I'll have more time to write. Nevertheless, I just finished my tree English exams today! So now there is only my German exam left:)