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"You kissed him?!" Hailey exclaims.
"It was a spur of the moment." I facepalm.
"But he's your professor, why didn't you come to me and vent. I would've been there for you." Hailey presses me.
"Hailey you were drunk, like wasted," I whine and roll over on my bed. "I saw Lip makeout with his girlfriend, so I ran out of the party, and we talked, it didn't end well. He wants me to tell him why I left."
"Then tell him!" Hailey begs.
"He will hate me." I snapped.
"He hates you already for leaving in the first place, what do you got to lose?" Hailey points out. I think for a minute then sit up facing Hailey.
"You're right. I-I'm going over to Lip and say 'Hey Lip, remember how I told you I went away because my mom was sick? I lied she's fine, and I left because I was pregnant. And I lost the babies.' How's that?"
"Okay, well maybe you can word it differently. But yeah you'll be fine." She fakes a smile, and I scoff laying back down.
Our door swings open and Ethan frantically walks in locking the door behind him. "Hey, guys." He says out of breath.
"What did you do?" I sternly ask.
"Why do you always assume I did something?" Ethan scoffs and I glare at him. "Kenyatta found out that Mandy and I have been hooking up. He's kinda looking for me again."
"Again?! Jesus how many times does he goes out to look for you?! And Mandy again?!" I ask him.
"This is like the third. What can I say? I like the thrill." He shrugs off, and we sit there in silence. "What were you guys talking about? I can feel the tension."
"Ellie is going to tell Lip why she left." Hailey blurts out, and I throw my pillow at her.
"Finally! Here's your jacket, I hate holding in secrets and this one just feels too wrong to hold." He says throwing me my jacket and I put on my jacket then Ethan stops me, "Hey, good luck." He says.
I head over to the Gallaghers and on my way there Ian sends me a photo of the sunrise when he jogged, calling it beautiful. He was acting weird lately so I'll kill two birds with one stone deciding to go over there. It was so quiet walking there; I was accustomed to the noise. At times I missed the city, this time I did just for the fact that it's so quiet I'm forced to overthink about plenty outcomes as I always did. I finally make it, and I think 'what the hell.' I barge in and walk toward the kitchen where the noise was. To my surprise I see Mickey eating pancakes and Ian making them.
"Isn't it a little late for pancakes?"I ask, and Mickey turns to me.
"Oh look, it's Audrey Hepburn," Mickey says while taking a bite of his pancake.
"Shut it, Lance Bass." I bark, and he drops his fork. "Hey Ian, got your pictures. How are you feeling?" I ask curiously.
"Ellie! I've missed you, have some coffee. And I'm great, so great. Lip should be here in any minute by the way." Ian beams and I furrow my eyebrows.
"How long has he been like this?" I whisper to Mickey.
"A little while, it's fucking weird." He mumbles.
"Keep an eye out on him." I practically ordered him, and he glares at me. I walk on over to get my coffee and Debbie walks downstairs.
"Hey, Ellie, here to work things out with Lip?" She blatantly asks while getting herself food.
"I came to talk to him." I softly say, and Ian smiles at me.
"Well, I hope things go well with you and Lip. Always loved you guys." Ian tries to lighten up my mood.
"Isn't Lip with that Asian chick?" Mickey chimes in. Ian glares at him, and Mickey sighs, "Yeah, I hate her." he says, and I smile.
Mandy walks in wearing her work uniform and starts to pour herself coffee. "Hey, Mandy. You okay?" I ask, and she nods avoiding eye contact. "Mandy?" She turns to me revealing her bruised up face. "Who did this?!" I frantically ask. I brush my fingers softly on the once perfect skin of Mandy Milkovich.
"Nothing, I'm fine. It was nothing." She swats my hand away, and I clench my jaw.
"It was Kenyatta." Ian states and I look back at Mandy. She kept avoiding eye contact. Kenyatta stripped the fearless Mandy I grew to love. The Mandy that wouldn't take shit from anyone. The Mandy before me is not one I know; she's replaced by a scared, helpless girl. And that pissed me off.
"Mandy you don't deserve this. We can get you out of this." I stammer.
Mandy slightly pushes me, and I fall back a step. "Stay out of it." She growls and walks out the house with her jacket.
I turn to Mickey and wave my hands up. "Mickey, aren't you going to do something?"
"I have a baby." He states.
"She's your sister." I bark at him.
"I gotta go." Mickey says standing up, "Ian." He gestures and Ian grabs his jacket.
"Wait, Ian. I still haven't gotten in contact with Fiona." Debbie says stopping Ian.
"I'll be back, don't worry," Ian assures her before leaving with Mickey.
"Fiona hasn't been here? She broke probation?" I ask Debbie.
"Seems like it. We've checked everywhere." She says.
"Wait, where did Fiona get the coke from again?" I ask Debbie, and her eyes light up.
"Mike's brother. I need to go there and ask him where Fiona may be!" She exclaims, and I stop her.
"Wait until Ian comes back." I sternly say, and she nods. The front door opens, and Lip walks in with Liam. Lip stops to look at me then looks over to Debbie.
"Any word on Fiona?" He asks Debbie, and she awkwardly looks at us both before answering.
"No, but Ellie gave us a good idea, going to check at Mike's brothers. I'm waiting for Ian." Debbie says and smirks at me.
"That's uh good." Lip opens his school books and starts reading. I take a seat in the chair beside the couch where Lip sat. His eyes were glued to his textbook and Debbie's phone vibrates.
"It's Ian he's outside, I'll let you know anything." She says while walking out. "Good luck." She mouths before she leaves.
Silence fills between us and I clear my throat trying to get his attention. He was still ignoring me. I scoff and look up at the ceiling so my tears won't fall. "Are you even going to look at me?" I ask.
He clenches his jaw and meets my eyes. "You told me to hate you. Why are you even here?" He harshly says.
"I came here to tell you why I actually left for New York." I spat and his upper lip trembles. His phone rings, and he immediately answers it.
"Yeah? Okay. Where the fuck is Sheboygan?" Lip asks and looks at me before hanging up. "Fiona's in Sheboygan. I'm going to go get her." He says starting to get ready to head out. "You coming?" He asks getting Liam ready.
"Actually I'll stay here with Liam, you go," I say picking up Liam.
"Okay, can you be here when I get back?" He asks softly.
"Y-yeah," I say, and he purses his lips then leaves.
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Hours have passed. I called Debbie and Ian to come back and informed them of Fiona's whereabouts. Carl came home late, and I didn't question why. I made dinner for the four and made sure Liam was tucked in bed before I fell asleep on the couch. Lip had to drive 3 and a half hours there and back. He notified me that afterward, he would wait with Fiona to see her probation officer.
I feel a slight nudge, and I flutter my eyes open. Lip sat on the couch where I laid and gives me a soft smile. "Hey." He says.
"Hey, how was the car ride?" I lowly ask picking myself up from the couch.
"Long." He snickers. "Fiona's, uh, going to do some time." He whispers.
"I'm sorry, Lip." I hold his hand, and he smiles at me.
"It's okay; we'll manage. You want some coffee?" He asks, and I nod. He gets up and walks over to the kitchen. He starts to make coffee, and I walk toward the kitchen. I sit down at the table not facing him and just twiddle with my fingers, which were fascinating at the moment. Once he was done, he places a mug full of coffee, just the way I like it and sits in front of me.
I take a sip and place the mug down, I look up to meet his eyes that were already glued on me, burning holes through me. I take a deep breath and begin. "When my mom told us she had cancer she advised us to get checked out. The night I told you to go to MIT was the night I decided to go to the hospital. I-I feared that something would be wrong with me. So I tried to push you away." I look up at Lip who was listening intently. "I decided to stay with my mom because at that time I really needed her. I didn't have Mandy, I was distant with Ethan too. The last person I wanted to know was you, Lip." I say.
"Know what?" He asks and my lip trembles.
"About the pregnancy." I shakily say. "I didn't want what happened when you thought Karen's baby was yours to happen. I knew you would drop out of college and that's the last thing I wanted for you."
"You knew when we spent that day together?" He softly asks, and I nod. "And you just kept it from me?" His voice raises, and I feel my eyes start to water.
"I was going to tell you when I got back from seeing my dad. He wanted me to be sent away with my mom. Then he hit me, I stood up for myself, and he cut off Ethan and me from our trust fund. I wanted us just to be together. But I couldn't Lip. I couldn't do that to you. My mom said she would help me with money and the pregnancy, I-I had no choice." I say.
"No, you had choices. And you chose to not fucking tell me about it. You know I would've been there, I wouldn't become like my father." He bellowed, and I flinch.
"I did this for you," I growl and he calms down for a bit.
"How far along are you?" He softly asks, his eyes were now red.
A tear falls down from my face, and I blink away from him. "Lip... I" I softly say and face him again. His lips start to tremble, and his eyes start to water.
"No." He denies and buries his head in his hands.
"I-I lost them. I had a miscarriage." I say, and he starts to cry and lifts his head up.
"Them?" He asks. "You, uh, you were having twins?" His voice cracks.
"I stayed in New York longer because I wasn't ready to just come back. There was no point being in New York anymore." I say, and he just looks at me trying to fight back the tears. "I-I'm sorry." I cry, and he gets up and walks toward me. He cups my cheeks and wipes away my tears.
"I could have been there for you. Don't push me away again." He says, and I just cry some more.
"I didn't want you to hurt as much as I was hurting." I cry out. I take a deep breath and get up from my seat to grab my jacket. "I-I have to go; I'm sorry again." I walk away, and Lip grabs my hand.
"You don't have to leave." He says.
"Just let me know when you need help with Liam." I softly smile and walk away.
I haven't been medicated since finding out I was pregnant. I've been a ticking time bomb ready to explode. I've kept losing the babies a secret and I thought telling Lip would take all the pain away. Bottling up your pain is the worst thing you can do. I've been slowly dying inside holding it all in. I lost a part of me, and everything I've been through can drive a person insane.
It can make a person, snap.