"Welcome, welcome!" said Louis as he answered the door his trio of neighbors. Zayn was wearing black ripped skinny jeans and a grey T-shirt and Liam was dressed similarly, in blue joggers and a black muscle tank. Louis tried not to laugh at how different they looked out of their suits and ties— he was not expecting this uber-casual wear to be their style of choice.
Harry stood nervously behind Zayn, twisting his curls in his fingers as he looked at the floor. He had changed out of his sweatpants and was now wearing a pair of baggy black jeans— which looked like they may have been skinny jeans at one point, but were now too big for his shrinking frame. On top, he wore a grey long sleeved T-shirt, which was also baggy, and had a tiny blue pocket square on the front that complimented his green eyes.
As the boys followed Louis inside, he paid careful attention to Harry, watching for signs of any odd behaviors.
"This is a nice place!" Zayn said excitedly, taking a look at the spacious hardwood floors and modern furniture. In the corner, there was a wire table made of geometric shapes, and the coffee table consisted of a bunch of red metal squares welded together.
"Thanks," Louis replied, his blue eyes twinkling. "That's really all Niall's doing. Mr. Real Estate likes to dabble in interior design too," he admitted with a flashy smile as he thought of his talented best friend. "Ni, where are you?"
Suddenly, Niall emerged from the kitchen, struggling to hold several different bottles in his arms as he walked out to the common room. "So I have Prosecco," he said excitedly. "But I wasn't sure if everyone likes that. So I also have about -- I don't know -- 10 other drinks."
Zayn, who had grown to adore Niall after their conversation in the doorway, jogged over to help him. "Easy, Niall," he said, laughing. "Tons of drinks. Typical Irishman, right?" He said to Liam over his shoulder. Liam laughed politely, but shot Zayn a skeptical look when he turned back around. Something about their friendship seemed a bit too friendly, especially considering they had just met a few hours ago... Liam folded his hands and refocused his attention on Harry, trying to quell his jealous tendencies.
"Hi, I'm Niall. Nice to meet you," he said, extending a hand to Liam after setting the bottles down the coffee table. "Liam," he replied, firmly gripping Niall's hand. Niall smiled awkwardly and then quickly pulled his hand away, as it was now throbbing.
"And this is Harry," Zayn said, pointing to Harry, who was unlikely to introduce himself. Harry nodded weakly and extended a hand to Niall. "I -- I really like the furniture. I took an architecture class in uni, and those geometric shapes were always my favorite," he said quietly with a small smile. Niall grinned warmly at Harry, flattered by the compliment that the timid lad had given him.
Louis, who was pouring drinks, watched carefully as Harry conversed with Niall -- it seemed like he was beginning to come out of his shell a bit. "Yeah It's mine too. Hard to get your hands on though. I had to go to eight different shops before I found this," Niall replied with wide eyes. "Then I had to barter like a mother fucker to get the price down. Can you believe he wanted 800 pounds?"
Harry laughed at Niall, surprised by how easy it was to talk with him. Harry usually tried to stay away from high energy people because they often overwhelmed him with their extroversion. But Niall was just as mellow as he was energetic, an odd combination that Harry found particularly inviting.
"You lads want to sit?" Louis asked, making eye contact with Zayn, who had just finished whispering something to Liam.
"Sure," Zayn relied, motioning for Liam to sit down next to him on the couch. Niall and Harry followed suit, with Harry purposefully choosing a seat between Louis and Liam. Liam for support if he needed it, and Louis for if he was feeling brave.
Suddenly, just as they were all seated, a beeping sound began to ring in the kitchen. "Oh fuck," Louis said, putting his drink down and jumping up, his skinny jeans riding up a bit. "I forgot the snacks!!"
Harry watched in horror as Louis ran to the kitchen and the smell of fried food began to waft into the room. He wanted to gag at the thought of eating any type of food -- especially greasy fried things. But if he was being honest with himself, he was actually really hungry. After his most recent hospital stint, he started to get his hunger cues back — which had been almost completely nonexistent beforehand due to his starvation tendencies. He was supposed to maintain his meal plan after returning home and listen to the hunger cues to decide when to eat, but he he quickly abandoned his plan as soon as he got back to the flat.
Now, Harry's stomach grumbled and he pressed into it, with his hands, as if the pressure would silence the sounds and reduce his hunger. Louis returned to the living room with a large pizza and a plate of mozzarella sticks with marinara sauce, and Liam grabbed Harry's shoulder firmly. "Please. Just have one slice. Remember, if you don't eat, you don't drink," he whispered calmly. Then he shifted his attention to Louis. "That smells bloody amazing, Louis," he said, reaching for a slice and taking a bite.
Louis cocked an eyebrow at Liam and let out an odd laugh. "Mr. Straight Edge Wrist Watch Wearing Payne enjoys pizza and snacks, ha? I would have thought you wanted some caviar," he said giggling. Zayn laughed along with Louis and elbowed Liam in the side, accusingly. "That's hilarious," he laughed.
Liam blushed and shook his head, his brown hair moving out of place a bit. "Nah, I just get stressed about work. I love snack food. And I especially hate caviar and seafood... during my business meetings with rich clients, I go to the bathroom when they start eating the muscles," he said, smirking in amusement as he thought back to the last time he had done that.
"Hey, pass me one mate," Niall said, tapping Louis. Louis cut a few slices and put them on plates, distributing one to each boy. He watched carefully as Harry took his plate slowly and put it on his lap without eating it.
Louis continued to watch as Harry began to reach for a napkin, but Zayn stopped him in his tracks. "I don't think you need a napkin, mate," he said quietly. Harry shot him a dirty look, his shaped eyebrows furrowing together, and returned his hands to his lap, slowly picking up the pizza slice and bringing it to his lips. He nibbled tiny bites on the corner where the crust was, avoiding the cheese.
Louis felt his eyes begin to water as he thought of Fizzy and fumbled around to find his phone to send her a text. As he texted, Niall and Zayn engaged in a conversation about the real estate prices in London. "We don't know anything about rates here," Zayn said, laughing. "We literally just found the building with the most affordable rent and picked our place accordingly."
Niall nodded and giggled slightly. "Yeah... that's the opposite of what you're supposed to do. But you ended up in a pretty sweet location," he admitted. "So, I think it's fine."
Louis, who had been half listening, returned his phone to his pocket and looked over at Liam, who was gently rubbing Harry's back as he began to tackle the cheesy part of the pizza. Louis took a swig from his drink quickly and turned his attention away from them, jumping into the real estate conversation.
"Yeah, don't worry mate," he said to Zayn. "I'm a bloody writer. I know shit about real estate. I let Mr. Irishman here pick out this place." Zayn reached for his drink now, too, chuckling at Louis' joke.
"Hey, lads, I'm gonna use the bathroom," Harry mumbled. He had hardly spoken since Louis took out the food, and the other boys looked up in shock at the sound of his tiny voice.
"I'll go with you. Have to go too," Liam said, getting up a bit too quickly. Niall raised an eyebrow at Louis and Louis nodded slowly. "Okay, I'll show you," Louis said, getting up and leading the to the back of the flat where the main restroom was. There was another one in Louis' room, but he really didn't want anyone going in there.
Liam smiled tensely at Louis. "Thanks," he said, giving him a pat on the back. Louis nodded. "No problem," he replied shortly. He turned around to head back to the living room, but quickly peeked over his shoulder as he walked, catching a small glimpse of Liam following Harry into the bathroom in his peripheral vision.
Louis wasn't one to get anxious often. In fact, he was a pretty relaxed guy, and with the exception of the winter weeks when he had to finish 6 articles a day, he rarely got too stressed out. But this whole situation with Harry's eating disorder was really triggering him, bringing him back to a dark place in his life just a few years prior when he wasn't sure if his sister would live or die. Louis shook his head in a pathetic attempt to clear his thoughts, and then returned to the couch, quickly downing the rest of his wine. Then he turned to Zayn, who was still chatting with Niall about something.
"Hey, Zayn. Can I ask you something about Harry?" He said, interrupting. Zayn's soft eyes widened and he looked at Louis suspiciously, examining him up and down. "Yeah," he replied, nodding slightly.
"Ok, well I know it's not my place. It's really not. I don't mean to upset you. But my sister struggled—" Louis lowered his voice and inched closer to Zayn. "She struggled with anorexia. And I noticed Harry— well, he's very thin. He hardly touched his pizza, he wore baggy sweatpants earlier today, his hand was cold when I shook it... and he wears a beanie, probably to cover up hair loss. My sister had all those symptoms too... and I was wondering... well if you ever needed anything, or if Harry needed anything, I could try my best to help."
Zayn stared at Louis in awe, his mouth opening wide to reveal his bright white teeth. Everything Louis had said had been spot on-- it was almost scary how perceptive he had been to Harry's problems. And as much as he didn't want to spill Harry's secret, Zayn desperately needed someone to talk to about besides Liam -- and he could sense that Louis needed to talk to someone as well.
"I — yeah. Yeah you're right. He's been in and out of the hospital for the past year and half. Nothing has worked... and we try to help him as much as we can," he said slowly, a tear forming in the corner of his left eye. "But he resists most of the time. We know it's not his fault, but he's dying. And we don't know what to do. Sometimes I wonder: if the doctors can't help him, how can we?"
Louis got up from his seat on the couch and slid closer to Zayn, extending his arms to hug him. Zayn accepted and nuzzled his head into Louis' shoulder crying softly. Niall, who had been quietly following the conversation the whole time, stood up and joined the hug as well. "It's okay, Zayn," he said softly. "We know it's tough."
As the three boys untangled themselves from the hug, Louis poured them another round of drinks and sat back down in his spot. "Well, I think they're coming back to the room now, but we can talk about this later if you want. I can tell you the name of the center my sister went to. She went to a bunch too— but this was the only one she said really helped her. They use cognitive behavioral therapy to get to the root of the behaviors and their causes. And they give you your money back if treatment isn't effective..."
Louis trailed off as he heard Harry and Liam return to the room, and Zayn rubbed his face to cover up the fact that he had been crying. "I think we have to go home now," said Liam shortly, his eyes flickering to Zayn. "Harry's Not feeling so well." Louis, Niall and Zayn looked up at Harry, whose face was red and blotchy and whose arms were quivering slightly.
Zayn nodded to Liam, and went to get up, but then stopped himself. "Are you sure?" He asked. "Maybe we can all stay." Liam put a hand on Harry, defensively. "I'm pretty certain," he said coldly.
Harry shook his head quickly as he began to realize the damage he was causing. Everyone had been having a good time before he started freaking out over the food. And Liam was lying -- he wasn't even sick; he had just purged a little in the bathroom. Of course Liam insisted on following me in, Harry thought to himself. I would have gotten away with it.
"You know I was just feeling a little queasy, but I'm fine. I won't drink anything," Harry said softly, looking into Liam's eyes. "That sound good?"
Liam shook his head, but Zayn interjected. "I think we should let Harry decide. And he said he'd like to stay. So that's perfect," he said aggressively, shooting Liam a twisted smile.
Niall and Louis were shifting uneasily in their seats, unsure what to do about the tension in the room. "I think that your flat door is right across the hall. So if at any point you feel worse and need to go home, you can. But Harry, we were just starting to get to know you. We'd like to hear a bit more from you, if you feel okay," Louis said, siding with Zayn on this one.
Harry removed himself from Liam's grip and took a seat next to Louis. "Well there's not much to know," he said, quietly as he played with a small bracelet on his wrist. He suddenly regretted sitting so closely to Louis because he was starting to feel turned on by his icy blue eyes and tussled hair.
"Sure there is. Where are you from? What do you like to do?" Louis asked, encouragingly. He was careful not to ask Harry where he worked, because by the looks of his grayish skin and sunken in eyes, he likely wasn't medically stable enough to work anymore.
"Well, I'm from Redditch," the younger boy reply. "And I love to bake, though I haven't in ages." Louis nodded encouragingly and looked at Niall for support. "What kind of stuff did you bake?" Niall chimed in, smiling.
"Well, lots of stuff," Harry said, his dull eyes starting to light up. "I would do birthday cakes, pastries, rolls, cookies. Whatever, really. My favorite was this wedding cake I made with gold frosting and a giant bow on the top." Harry fumbled around on his phone for a picture, smiling as he thought about how excited his customer had been when he showed her the finished cake.
"That's awesome," Louis said, putting a hand on Harry's back. Harry tensed up at the sensation, feeling a mixture of horror and desire. Of course he wanted Louis to touch him — he wanted Louis to feel every part of him, to explore his body with his soft, tender hands, working his way from his chest to his crotch. But the voice in his head told him otherwise. It told him that he was too fat, too ugly, too unworthy for Louis to touch him. And it was this voice that made him tense up and slink away from Louis' touch.
Louis felt a bit disappointed at Harry'a rejection, but he knew that Fizzy hated being touched when she was sick at well. Her body dysmorphia was just too high — and Harry's probably was too.
Louis released his grip and patted Harry's hand instead. "Is this okay?" He asked quietly. Harry nodded, his green eyes locking with Harry's blue ones. Liam, who was sharing a drink with Zayn, looked over worriedly as Louis spoke with Harry.
"Thats a wonderful picture, Harry. It looks so delicious," Louis said, as Harry handed him the phone. "Yeah," Harry replied, smiling up at Louis as he passed the phone to Niall. "It was -- it had chocolate cake and buttercream frosting. There are so many combinations. But not all of them are good, which is why I always got mad when the customers picked something gross."
Louis laughed as he watched a sassy smile spread across Harry's lips. "Well look at that, Hazza," said Zayn, who had been listening to the conversation. "You're feeling better already, yeah?"
Harry smiled and nodded at Zayn. "I guess I am," he said, his voice containing much more energy and spunk than usual.
Wow - so this was a long chapter. My apologies!! I didn't intend for these chapters to be so long, but I wanted to include all the guys in this one, so it really dragged out. So-- thanks to everyone who has been reading so far. This has been a really cathartic story to write, though I know the topic is a rather sensitive one.
What do you guys think so far? I don't really have an ending fleshed out -- but I do have a general sense of how I want events to progress. If there's something you'd like me to incorporate or think would be relevant to add let me know!
I want this to be a story of recovery, and as we can already see, Louis is very attentive to Harry's needs and has already offered a helping hand to Zayn and Liam, who are struggling to get Harry the help he needs. I think it's important to point out that there's no 'right' way to recover. Though rehab or treatment programs might work for some, they don't for others and I think Harry is an example of how it might not always work. Also - Harry isn't doing any of this intentionally, so I hope I did a good job of explaining that and depicting how his mind works with the two sides: what he wants to do and what the voice wants him to do.
So we'll see what Harry's path to recovery looks like, though it's different for everyone. Also it's kind of cringey and sad for me to write about Harry's body in this state. What do you guys think of this? Is it too much -- or too little? I was trying to describe some of the physical symptoms of being underweight; but I want to emphasize you don't have to be underweight to have an eating disorder.
Sorry if this was kind of preachy haha I just wanted to clarify some things :P But I hope you all like the story!!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!