I don't fall asleep for the rest of the night, but I'm still too exhausted to get up and be productive. Instead, I use the time to think. Mostly, I wonder how Dark's going to respond to my outburst. Yes, he was scared of me for a short while, but he's almost certainly gotten over it by now.
Will he retaliate? I wonder. Will he torture me for defying him? Will he respect me now?
Before my thoughts can continue, I get a call from Martino's phone. For a fleeting moment, I wonder if Dark had been lying in an attempt to keep me away from him. I shake my head and answer the phone, aware that it wasn't the type of the thing Dark would do. Sitting up in bed, I bring the phone to my ear.
"Hello?" I answer.
"H-Hello, [Y/N]," a woman's wavering voice responds. "This is M...Martino's mother. I was just calling some of his closest friends t-to tell them that he..." At this point, she begins sobbing. In a choked voice, she's able to relay: "He passed away in his sleep." It's hardly a whisper.
At this, I manage my best impression of someone who's just experienced great grief. "Oh my god... I... You can't be serious. We–We were just talking the other day! He can't be gone!"
"I am so sorry, b-but it's true. We found him in bed this morning."
"When's the... umm..." I hesitate at the last word.
"The funeral will be next month. I will make sure to send you and your mother an invitation."
"I-I'm sorry for your loss..." I indirectly apologize. It is my fault he was killed, after all.
"Thank you. Goodbye, [Y/N]."
"Bye, Mrs. Willden."
Mrs. Willden hangs up, and I heave a sigh of relief. She seemed to buy my act. I flop back down onto the bed. My arms swing over my face and the phone slips out of my right hand and onto the floor. I feel like crying, but no tears come to my eyes.
A cold presence suddenly materializes in my room.
"What do you want?" I ask Dark, without moving.
"I want to explain something," he says.
"Explain away." I give a nonchalant gesture. Dark sighs in frustration, and I feel the presence disappear for an instant. Suddenly, he's reappeared above me, grabs my arms, and moves them away from my face. He then pulls me up into a sitting position and tightly wraps his other hand around my left shoulder. Dark has a serious look on his face, not a condescending one.
"Look," he begins, "I wasn't... I didn't withhold information from you because I thought that you wouldn't find out; I didn't tell you that I killed Martino because I..." I look at him quizzically. Why didn't he tell me, if not to prevent me from finding out? Finally, he speaks again:
"I didn't tell you because I killed him in a moment of anger and didn't think it through. I was worried that it would cause you to hate me."
For a moment, I'm surprised by his answer. Did he really worry that I'd– Then, sense returns to me. He still needs me to trust him to get whatever he wants. If I hate him, then I won't trust him. Then, it wouldn't matter if Martino was in the way or not, because he would've lost his chance. I roll my eyes.
"You don't want me to hate you because you need my trust to get what you want. That's fine. Just don't treat me like I'm dumb." Dark's grip on my shoulders tightens for a moment as if he wants to object, then loosens as he nods.
"Alright." Dark looks off to the side.
I wave my hand to dismiss his discomfort. "It's fine, really," I soothe, trying to show him that my anger had passed. "Besides, I don't actually hate you."
Dark slowly looks up at me, black eyes boring into mine. They demand an explanation.
"Yes, you annoy and frighten me often; Yes, you're making me go insane; Yes, you've killed one of my friends," I begin, listing off some of the things I hate about him, "but I don't hate you. If we're being honest, here, you have helped me discover sides of myself that I didn't know existed. This doesn't mean I'm thanking you, just to be clear. I would've been perfectly fine – if not better – if I hadn't had these experiences."
It could've been imagined, but I thought I saw a ghost of a smile play on his lips for a moment. Before I can really process it, he asks, "What did you think of him?"
I decide to answer honestly. It's not like it matters now. "I had a small crush on him, I'll admit. Martino was funny, kind, good-looking. For a while I didn't know why he hung out with me, since I'm not really any of those things–" Dark had looked annoyed when I spoke highly of Martino, then as if he wanted to speak up, but ultimately remained silent "–Still, I only had a crush on him because I let myself have a crush on him. I decided that he was cool and let my feelings happen."
Dark looks at me thoughtfully. There's a moment when he seems about to say one thing, but instead begins with: "You were able to control your feelings towards him."
It's a question without being a question. I don't exactly know how to respond to it, so I decide to change the direction of the conversation.
"Alright, since we're being honest, let's ask questions again. You can start, this time."
The look of seriousness almost washes off of his face, but not completely. Using his grip on my shoulder and forearms, he pushes me onto my back and looms over me, trapping me. My pulse accelerates incredibly, and I can feel my stomach churning. A light warmth dances on my cheeks.
"How do feel about me?" The question takes me aback, but I think through my answer carefully, too quickly for Dark to read.
It'd be unreasonable to lie to myself and say that I'm not attracted to Dark on some level, but he doesn't need to know that. I definitely feel a certain amount of fear of him, but it's not overwhelming. There's also the intrigue at his abilities and mind's inner-workings. There's also a small bit of... comfort? Sure, he gets me hurt occasionally, but usually I enjoy the stuff he lets me do. Though I do find him scary and I know he's a demon, I've still sometimes enjoyed his influence on some things in my life.
"You're taking a while to answer the question, [Y/N]," Dark says, jolting me from my thoughts.
"It's because I don't know how to explain it. I'm not used to this stuff. I'm not completely used to you and your presence in my life," I begin. "It's weird because I dislike you half the time, and then five minutes later you're fine and I'm okay with you being here. I don't understand how I feel towards you because it's kind of like my left and right brain are warring.
"One side of me – the one with common sense – knows what you're doing and dislikes you for thinking you can manipulate me so easily. I'm completely aware that you're lying about 'helping me' as your main priority, and I know it. But that side also finds you extremely interesting."
"What about the other side of you? How does it feel about me?" The heat on my cheeks intensifies because that's the side that finds him attractive and is attracted to him. Dark chuckles and dismisses the question, knowing he's gotten to me.
"I guess it's time for my question, then." I take a bit of time to think, but can't come up with something good. "Since I'm also curious, how do you feel about me?"
Dark seems surprised that I've asked this question, and probably hasn't thought about it too much. However, he quickly recovers and leans closer to me.
"Since honesty is the dominant concept here, I suppose I'll be direct," he says. "I find you attractive – it's illogical to deny that. True, you are physically attractive, but your mind is truly enthralling. It's almost infuriating how complex it is, especially for a human. I still haven't completely figured it out, but I enjoy interacting with it."
Though the first part of that is undoubtedly untrue, I think, I find the last part narrowly believable.
"Also incontestably interesting," he continues, "is the confidence you have in yourself in some moments of some aspects of yourself, and then the manifest disesteem of other aspects."
"What do you mean?" I ask.
Dark chuckles. "You're so sure of your mind in moments like these, but refuse to accept your physical appeal." I blush furiously at his words; partially in embarrassment, partially at the apparently genuine compliment. At some point, I don't know when, Dark's face lowered further so that all I can see in the darkened room is his pale face. I feel his cool breath on my lips and cheeks, doing nothing to aid the rapid redness growing on them.
"My turn to ask a question again," he speaks in a low voice. I fight a shiver. Dark's hand trails down my left side to the small of my back.
"I won't ask what the rest of your feelings toward me are, because I think I already have a sense of them," he smirks. "But, those feelings that the side of you 'without sense' has – Are you able to control them?"
I hesitate. "Remember, [Y/N]," he whispers into my ear, "the object is honesty."
I sigh, complying. "Not... completely. I can suppress them, but I am not in full control of them," I reluctantly admit.
"That's what I thought," he replies smugly.
Without warning, he presses his lips onto mine. This time, it's not as aggressive. Still, I'm in shock. Yes, he had moved his face close to mine, but I didn't think he'd kiss me again. However, this time I'm not as revolted by it, because it's not out of hatred or to prove something. This being said, I don't lose myself in the kiss, but I don't resist. Eventually, Dark pulls away, smiling.
"You didn't bite me that time," he teases. "That must amount to something."
"I didn't think it'd be a good idea. At least someone's life wasn't on the line," I return.
Dark seems to accept this answer. "What if I kissed you again?"
I push my arms up, and he lets me move him up so that he's not leaning over me any more. "I'd say you shouldn't push your luck."
I turn onto my left side and lean over the edge of the bed, grabbing my phone from the floor. When I swing onto my back again, I jump and nearly fall off the side. Dark has appeared to my right and wraps his arm around my waist to keep me from falling. I brush his hand off of me, after a shaky breath out.
"Jesus, don't just appear like that. You scared the shit outta me." Dark laughs at my reaction to his sudden showing.
"I think you should be used to this by now."
I get out of bed, stretching. "Well, I'm not so, fuck off."
I decide to take a quick shower before beginning the day. I'm not particularly a "morning shower person", but decide to get it out of the way now. I grab a towel and then motion to Dark.
"Seriously, fuck off. I'm taking a shower." He puts his hands up in a defensive manner and then disappears. I can hear his dress shoes clack against the wooden floors downstairs.
After my shower, I tentatively open my room's door, worried that he had returned to my room. Luckily, he had stayed out and decided to listen to me for once. I sigh, relieved, and quickly get dressed. Then, I text my mom to tell her the news about Martino. She says that Mrs. Willden had already told her, and asked if I'm okay. I tell her that I'm a little shaken up, but will be fine.
Afterwards, I reflect on my reaction to Martino's death and everything after. What the hell is wrong with me?
I hope you enjoyed this chapter of "I'm Here to Help You" as much as I enjoyed writing it. Comments and votes are super appreciated. Thanks for reading! ~Blue