• Eliza •
I trained myself a long time ago to fall asleep on planes, so it wasn't a surprise that about fifteen minutes in I was completely out. The descent was smooth, luckily. I've flown to London enough times to know that it rains constantly and that can really mess up the airways and landings.
I shook Alex awake and told him we were here. I didn't say much to anyone as we exited the plane because I was still mentally preparing for what was going to happen tomorrow and over the next few days.
Walking into the familiar airport, I almost began to cry simply remembering our first family trip here. I was only six, but I remember my mom holding my hand through the airport as we walked and all throughout the city as well. Now instead of her helping me through the city, I had Alex. He squeezed my hand as we walked outside, as a sort of strengthening message. I turned a little and smiled at him, although it was very forced.
Over the past few days after Alex and I started dating, whenever he wasn't with me I almost lost control. I didn't cry much, I just turned to... other coping mechanisms. I told him I'd try to stop but its difficult. It's not something you overcome in a day.
Suddenly, the urge to cut hit me quite hard as we got into a taxi. I scratched absently at my legs with the hand that wasn't holding Alexanders. I knew I should just tell him, as it was just the two of us in the taxi. My father had given us all permission to go around the city for a while until we had to meet him at the hotel to go to dinner. He even allowed me and Alex to go separate from my teasing sisters.
"Alexander." I whispered, tears threatening to fall all of a sudden. He looked away from the window and to my face and immediately began to stroke my hair, which made me fall apart.
"Babe, what's wrong? You were ok a second ago?" He said softly as I cried into his shoulder.
"I miss her... and I didn't listen to you. I broke my promise and I wanna do it again." I couldn't explain very well due to my crying.
"Do what, Eliza? Please tell me, it's the only way I can help you." He said. I tried to stop crying and just ended up sniffling with my lips shaking as I held it in.
"Cutting." I mumbled. Suddenly he held me tight and rocked me back and forth, telling me it was ok and that he still would help me.
"I will always help you no matter what, ok? That's why I'm here. Now, we're almost to where I wanted to take you, so calm down a little bit. We can talk more about this later, ok?" I nodded into his shoulder and straightened up, wiping my eyes.
Soon enough, the taxi pulled over to where I assumed we were getting out. Alexander handed the driver some money and thanked him, then we climbed out of the car.
"I really hope you like this. I had to research and dig around for a while to find this but I think it'll be worth it." He said with a smile, his hands over my eyes. He took then away to reveal a huge, beautiful building.
"The Victoria and Albert Museum! Alexander, I've always wanted to go here! They have so much on the history of dance and theatre and fashion..." my face must've absolutely lit up in happiness.
"I talked to your sisters and they mentioned how you always wanted to visit it. So I decided it'd lift your spirits to take you here." He said as we walked into the building.
I ooh-ed and ahh-ed through the entire museum, stopping a bunch to snap photos. Alex tried to secretly take one of me looking at an exhibit, but the noise to his phone was on and I realized immediately.
When we finally left the museum, I was in much higher spirits and was rambling about my favorite things all the way to the hotel, already knowing my sisters would tease me when I told them, but not really caring.
I knew tomorrow wouldn't be like this, and the rest of the trip most likely, but I lived in the moment with my Alexander. I knew I could get through Moms funeral with him by my side.