Probably not good that I have been writing this instead of studying for my diploma exams, eh? Haha oh well.
I really hope you like it :)
I really loved when you all comment, it makes me so happy! <3
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enjooooy,
CHAPTER 9
I awoke to the sound of my mother making popcorn in the kitchen. How long had I been sleeping for? It must be at least afternoon if she’s having popcorn. I found my phone from underneath my pillow and clicked it on, too look at the time. 2:38 in the afternoon. I'm surprised my mom hasn’t awoken me for ‘sleeping my day away’. I lifted my duvet off my body and goose-bumps instantly covered my body as the cold winter air touched it. I shivered and went over to my closet and grabbed the first jumper I could find. It happened to be a “The wanted” jumper I had received when I went to their concert in America. I felt myself smile at them memory of my father surprising me with the tickets. We had such a good time on that trip, just the two of us.
I walked into my personal bathroom to look at what my long nights sleep had done to my appearance. First thing I noticed was that the messy bun I had assembled on my head last night had grown into a rats nest. I cringed as I tried to pull my hair tie away from it. My hair was so naughty the tie kindly decided to get stuck in it, I guess I was going to have to get my mum to snip it out... won’t be the first time. I looked away from my hair and looked down my face, only to notice a bruise growing around my eye and slightly down my cheek. So it actually did happen.
I felt tears build up in my eyes at the thought of what happened last night. I can’t believe him, how could someone I care so deeply about... abuse me. The tears starting falling quickly down my cheeks at that thought. Abuse. I was now in an abusive relationship. If I was actually still dating Steve, I mean, we didn’t say we had broken up but the... hit... could have symbolized it.
You always hear about girls in these situations, but you never think it will happen to you. At least I never thought it would, but it just had. You also always think “silly girls, why don't you just break up with them?” but truth be told, I don't know if I can manage to be without him. I have grown so use to being close with him, he has been my rock. He has been what has been keeping me from breaking every single night. He is what is holding me together. But now, it is as if my rock has cracked, and my world is falling apart yet again. What am I going to do if he ends up breaking up with me? I wouldn’t blame him I guess, I would be pissed if he had been the one that had cheated on me.
I jumped back onto my bed and placed my face into my pillow. I just cried, I let the tears fall out of my eyes and I felt my pillow getting damper by the second. “Sweety?”I heard right as someone placed a hand on my lower back. I just started crying harder knowing someone has seen me.
After about 10 minutes of silence and tears I decided it was time to face who I'm guessing is my mother. I slowly turned around on the bed and looked into her green eyes; she had tears running out of them as well. Even though my mom doesn’t show it most of the time, I know she unconditionally loves me, and always will, this thought made me smiled. She smiled in return and let out a little giggle before returning to a very serious face. “Who did this to you?” She asked very quietly whilst lighting touched the bruise on my cheek; which caused me to wince in pain. She quickly pulled away realizing that it hurt.
I opened my mouth the speak, I was planning on telling her everything because I knew I could trust her. But she starting talking again before I could, “Tell me everything babe, however did this to you is going to be in big trouble! You hear me? I am going to make sure you never see them again, and they are definitely going to be dealing with the police!” She rambled. This changed my mind altogether, I do not want to tell her it was Steve anymore, I don't want to do that to him. Most of all, I don't want him to be out of my life.
“Mom,” I started, quickly making up a story, “the party was really crowded and we were fist pumping and someone accidently brought their hand down with their beer bottle in it down and hit me in the face, they didn’t mean too and I have no idea who it was.” She stared at me at first not believing me, but I just stared back trying to make it as believable as possible. She let out a sigh of relief, I smiled, knowing that she believed me.
“As long as your okay?” she said still smiling slightly.
“Of course I am, how about we go have some break- er afternoon tea.” I laughed, stopping myself before saying breakfast, since I knew very well it was long past then. My mom laughed with me and went down stairs to start warming a kettle.
*
It was now half past eight at night, and I have been in my room watching TV nearly all day. I checked my twitter once, just to see if Steve tweeted anything, he hadn’t. This kind of relieved me because now I knew that he was ignoring the world, not just me. He always tweeted; he was addicted to it and too know he wasn’t just made me kind of happy. I also checked my phone regularly, to see if I had received any texts from him, it was always the same answer; no.
“KAAAATHHHERRINE!” My mum yelled at me from downstairs.
“WHAAAAAAAT!” I yelled back in the same tone, not bothering to move.
“YOU’VE GOT YOURSELF A VISITOR!” my heart dropped, the only visitor I ever got was Steve, who else could it possibly be.
“Erm, send them up!” I said just loud of enough so she could hear and quickly ran around my room to find pants other then my pajama shorts, I quickly settled on some red skinny jeans when I heard a knock on my door. “Come on.” I said trying to sound as calm as possible.
The door opened, and there he was, standing there with a bouquet of flowers in one hand and a small box in the other. My body froze the second I seen him, I didn’t know what to do, let alone what to say so I did the only thing I could. I stood perfectly still and stared at him. He didn’t do much either though, we locked eyes for less than a second because he quickly turned his gaze to the floor. After what seemed like an eternity of silence he spoke.
“I'm sorry.” He looked me in the eyes again not moving. I opened my mouth to try and speak, but I couldn’t. “I mean it Katie, you have no idea how terribly sorry I am.” I looked down at him trying to hide the tears that were soon to be falling from my eyes yet again. He stayed silent now, he didn’t know what to do, and he didn’t know how to fix it. How could he? I don't even know if I’ll be able to forgive him, so how would he possibly know how to make me forgive him.
He cleared his throat and I looked up at him again, biting my lip still trying to contain the tears. He slowly started walking towards, with each step making sure I was okay with him being closer to me. It made me nervous, but I stood my ground. “I got these for you...” he said lifting up the flowers and the box he had been holding.
“Thanks.” I mumbled as I quickly snatched them out of his hands and placed them on my bedside table. And then I took a seat on my bed. He looked down at the bed beside me and back at me, silently asking if he could take a seat. I slowly nodded, unsure of my answer. Once again we were in awkward silence.
“You’re my everything Katie,” He said moving sideways slightly so that he was facing, “the entire time we have been dating all I’ve thought was how incredibly lucky I am to have a girl like you.” I was silent still. “But now I have ruined everything, haven’t I?” I looked up at him for the first time since we had sat down. He was fiddling his thumbs together and I could see water in his eyes.
I shook my head at him and gave him a slight smile, he smiled as tears fell from his eyes. “You know how it feels,” he tried to swallow but kind of failed, “to hurt someone you love so much.” My eyes grew wider, did he just say love? Does that suppose to mean he loved me? He laughed at my expression, “you honestly didn’t know?” know what? “Katie, I have been in love with you since the first time I had seen you in that small bakery, since the first time I seen you smile, since the first time I heard you laugh, and most of all since the first time we kissed in the box of my truck. Everything that you have said or done in our entire relationship has only made me grow more and more in love with you, and honestly, I don't know what I would do without you.” I smiled at the thought, I have never had someone been in love with me well that I know of anyways. This was my first, my first love. But was it MY first love, did I love him? Did I love someone who so easily hurt me the way he did? I did the only thing I could think of to do; I pulled him into a hug.
We stayed in that position as he rubbed small circles on my back, like always did. It normally made me feel safe and secure in his arms, but I don't feel that way right now. I feel as if any minute he could turn on me and harm me again. My body tensed up at the thought again and Steve must’ve felt it because it caused him to pull away and looked at me with his eyebrows scrunched together. I looked away awkwardly not really knowing what to say, or do. I couldn’t say I loved him back, because honestly, I don't know if I do right now. Before, I was almost positive I loved him; I was just waiting for him to make the first move. But now, I have no idea if I do or not. I just don't believe that someone that truly loves me could do something like that to me. Also, I don't know if I could ever love someone the same way as before that has done that to me.
I noticed he had still been staring at me, waiting for me to speak. “Erm, I think I just need too..” I stuttered, “Think a little, is that alright?” His smile dropped as he nodded his head, I know that is not what he wanted to hear.
“Of course babe,” he put his head down as he stood up off my bed. I watched as he slowly stumbled his feet towards my door, he looked like he was in complete misery. He reached his hand down and grasped onto my door handle but right before turning it turned to look at me. “I truly mean it Katie.” He said quietly, his brown eyes staring straight into mine. “I got you something as well,” he glanced over at the small box he brought in with the flowers, “I guess it’s your choice whether you would like to open it or not.”
“You didn’t have to Steve, really, I don't deserve anything.” He let us his famous chuckle.
“Don't be ridiculous.” I gave him a small smile, not knowing what to say. “Well I guess I’ll see you soon?” He stated finally turning the doorknob and opening it.
“Yes, of course.” I smiled again, and he walked out.
I remained still on my bed not knowing what to do. Should I open the gift he had gotten me, or not? If I accept it, does that mean I have fully forgiven him? I stared at the small black box with a red ribbon wrapped around it, tied in a bow at the top. I couldn’t take it anymore, I have to know what it is.
I crawled to the very edge of my bed, not wanting to actually stand up and reached my arm as far as possible to get the box. I have no clue how my nightstand had gotten so far away from my bed over the years. I almost had it; my fingertips were brushing the edge of the box. I flicked it my way, the only thing I was able to do in my little reach. Finally I had flicked it towards me enough that I could grasp it and bring it onto my bed. I mentally noted to myself that I would have to move the stand closer to my bed.
I held it in my hands and just stared at it, still not 100% sure if I wanted to open it or not. The edge of the red ribbon was in between my thumb and pointer, subconsciously my thumb was rubbing up and down on it, taking in the silk feeling. I slowly started pulling on it, watching the knot slowly untie. Its funny how much a bow can relate to life, it is put together with great care, made to perfection... but always at some point it will just be undid. Almost like it was never there in the first place. Just like my father. Every day I would lose a new memory of him, I'm started to forget the way he laughed, the way he smelt, and how he sounded when he was angry. At this rate, I soon won’t be able to remember his voice. This killed me, I didn’t want to forget him, but everyone except Matt and I act as if he was never here, and that's what breaking apart my memories of him.
I opened the box, trying hard to take my mind off the topic of my dad. I pulled out a very fine silver chain, I ran my fingers alone the detail that had been put into it. Attached to it was an heart that was open in the middle, around the sides it had small diamonds imbedded into it. It was beautiful, as I studied it more I noticed there was fine print on the one side. I brought it up closer to my eyes and seen it had the word “forever” on it. I felt my mouth fall open and my heart start beat rapidly. He loves me... forever? He wants me and him together...forever? What exactly is he on about? This scared me, I don't know if I want that kind of commitment right now...especially not with Steve. He has showed me the real him, and I don't know if I like it.
*
Christmas Eve. It has been exactly a week since the Sunday Steve confessed his love for me. And a week and one day since he hit me.
I haven’t left my house since then; I haven’t got changed out of pajamas. Weird thing is, my mum hasn’t been bothering me to do anything either. Normally she would be nagging me to go out and get fresh air, get some exercise, make some friends... but she hasn’t been at all lately. I don't know what could have changed her mind.
I was not too excited about today, because every year my mom has a Christmas party. This year she invited the Styles to come over, they were expected to be here in about half an hour. Worst part about this? She decided to invite other families that have no kids our age, so it was just going to be me and Harry together, great. And of course we were expected to be together having fun, because were not allowed to listen in on the ‘adult talk’. The other years weren’t too bad because my favorite cousin, Alicia, was always here. We barely see them because she lives about 2 hours away from us, but they would always come down for Christmas. Although, this year they decided to go on vacation during the holiday off of school.
I showered earlier today so all I had to do was get dressed and put some make up on. I barely have to do my hair because it normally dries into its nice beach waves. Which it had done perfectly today. I looked through my closet and pulled out some black jeggings, and a white top with a few frills at the top. It was a plain outfit, but I didn’t have the need to impress anyone here. I sat down in front of my make up mirror and applied a minimum amount of foundation, spreading it equally around my face. Then I put on some light brown neutral colors of eye shadow, and then accelerated the length and thickness of my eyelashes with my favorite kind of mascara. I glanced in my mirror judging my final look. I looked natural, which I liked. I didn’t look like I was wearing a lot of make-up but the way I had done it really made my eyes pop.
Just as I confirmed I looked acceptable the doorbell rang, I sat in my room hoping that I would not have to commerce with Harry. But in about 10 minutes a knock came on my door, I looked up from my phone and seen his curly hair, messy as always, standing in my doorway.
“Erm, your mom told me to come up here... apparently their talking about stuff I can’t know about.” He stood still awkwardly. I nodded.
“You can come in.” I decided I would turn on the television, just so it wouldn’t be so quiet.
We watched the X-factor for about an hour, he told me he really wanted to go on it someday. I just laughed when he said this, what would he go on it for? I'm pretty sure he can’t sing. But I didn’t say anything to him I just nodded and said that’d be sick.
My phone vibrated, it was sat in between Harry and me on my bed. I glanced down to see it was Steve. We had been texting throughout the week, and I didn’t mind at all. I smiled at the cute thing he had said and picked it up and tapped on the screen to reply. Then set it down, still smirking. I looked up from my phone to see Harry was staring at it. “Did you read my text...?” I asked curiously.
He cleared his throat, obviously seen who I was texting because he did not look impressed. “We really need to talk.”
What the fuck did he want to talk about now?
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I hope you liked it, there wasnt to much drama in the chapter. But i dont think everyone needs one... what do you guys think?
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