彼の引き金
It was unanimously agreed that Pai cease physically attending Sapporo Odori High School. When she tried to protest, Shiori gave her The Death Glare™ to rival all others. Pai backed down pretty quickly after that.
Kouta easily arranged it so that instead she would home-school from assignments the teachers gave Shiori to pass on to her, and only have to actually go to school for subject tests and big exams. She liked that; though she felt oddly guilty about it, she liked that she didn't have to physically go to school, but would still (somehow) manage to graduate. She did miss Natsume and Aoi and Shuusei sometimes, but she still preferred this over having to actually go to school almost every day.
Still, she was hesitant at first, unwilling to let Shiori go to school alone. It wasn't like Haru and Shouta could be with her at all times, and despite all the time that already passed, Pai was still wary of going to public bathrooms alone. But she knew that it was better for Haru and Shouta to be the ones at school, protecting Shiori, than Pai herself. She was weak on her own, nothing compared to two Daitengu.
She was also still wary of accidentally falling asleep somewhere, and not waking up with the same mind that had gone to sleep. She knew that Shiori could hardly believe that Pai was capable of attacking her or anyone, really, but Pai still remembering the way her stomach shrivelled in on itself when she'd woken up that night she'd attacked Shin, with only foggy memories to call upon.
She didn't tell anyone, but sometimes, her nightmares weren't memories. Sometimes they were dreams where she lost control of herself and Kuniumi took over, holding a knife to Shiori's throat, dragging it across pale skin, watching the blood flow like so much water. She couldn't decide which was worse – her own nightmarish memories, or the dreams she was scared could become reality.
Kouta told first the Daitengu about everything she said, and then, with her reluctant permission, Yukiji and Mizutani (no one even thought of telling the kids. Just facing the Daitengu alone was traumatizing enough). Despite that, despite knowing what she'd done, none of the Daitengu looked at her any differently. It was like she hadn't spilled her guts out at all, for how little everyone who knew changed how they acted around her.
Kaede only made a passing comment about understanding why her reflexes were so good, as well as why her being able to instinctively guess how her opponent would move suddenly made sense (a remark that earned him a sharp rap on the head from Shouta with the book he'd been reading at the time). Yukiji and Mizutani were as they always had been; treating her like she was their little sister, with a bit more care, like she was fragile glass that would break if handled incorrectly.
But they didn't treat her like the murderer she was.
She was shocked beyond words that Kouta hadn't turned her out. Shin was annoyed that she'd gone ahead and asked him when she was to leave, but she hadn't expected Kouta to flat-out refuse to let her leave. Shiori's anger when she found out that Pai tried to leave months ago had come out of the blue, as well. Pai hated the things she'd said to Shiori to explain herself, but they needed to be said.
She was grateful beyond words that they still accepted her as their family, that they were willing to put up with the danger her past brought to them...but she was also worried. Not just worried, but terrified.
Everything she'd said was true. So Fu didn't let their Agents go just with the snap of their fingers. If they did, they wouldn't exist – no one, or at least not enough to carry on a silent war, would willingly follow their orders. The only way out of So Fu was to die.
Clearly there was another way, considering she'd gotten out alive (as a drug addict, but alive, which still counted), but she now lived in an almost constant state of fear that So Fu would find her and attack Ayashi House, that by remaining she would bring death to the people she loved.
Her fear, however, didn't hinder her logic.
She was scared of what would happen if So Fu attacked, but she also knew exactly who lived in Ayashi House. There might have been a touch of arrogance in Kouta's confidence when he repeated her words back at her of how So Fu didn't target those stronger than them, but it wasn't unwarranted. He was right. There were eight Daitengu here. One of them well on his way to being a full-fledged Shinogami, and they seemed to be feared even by Kamigami standards – those had to be high, considering these were actual gods.
Gods didn't die. For a god to be afraid, it had to mean something.
So Fu lurked in the shadows, doing their deadly, murderous work out of sight and out of mind. They went after high-level Hengen, but not those more powerful than they could handle. If they tried to stretch themselves out further than they could reach, they would have been found out and obliterated by the Hengen world long ago.
But that was why, in her last memory, she was so confused by Kagetora's presence. She didn't know the exact details of what that mission entailed, but Kagetora wasn't supposed to be there. Going after a King was tantamount to suicide. So Fu knew that. Even if they risked exposing themselves like that, they wouldn't have sent only two Agents – they'd have deployed an army to go after Kagetora. The only ones who were there to face Kagetora, though, were her and Rikuto alone.
It didn't make sense. At all.
Daitengu were only a step below Kings, too strong for So Fu to make a pass at. If they found her, would they risk exposing themselves to some of the most powerful Hengen in the entire Ayakashi world by trying to get her back, or would they kill her to silence her and what she could reveal about them? She wasn't sure they would.
So Fu were not stupid. Everything they did was calculated, weighed with pros and cons. They didn't act foolishly or blindly. But she couldn't shrug off the feeling that she was endangering the lives of everyone at Ayashi House by staying, yet she couldn't bring herself to leave them.
She didn't know if So Fu knew she was here. She hoped they didn't. But if they did, why hadn't they made a move yet? Or was she just being paranoid obsessing over it?
She wondered when that fear would dawn on everyone else. She wondered when it would truly register with them, that she had killed Ayakashi, that maybe one of those she killed had been someone they knew. Just like how Kahori Saeki was someone Kouta once knew.
She tiptoed around everyone now, waiting for them to lash out and demand to know why she had gone and killed all those people. Nothing of the like had happened, but she was waiting. She couldn't let her guard down, no matter how normally everyone continued to treat her.
Daichi and Kaede still trained her, adjusting the program to suit her body's fluctuating capabilities. Haru now snuck her onigiri whenever he planned raids on the kitchen with Shiori and Ryu (who forgave him for hiding his cooking skills in favour of working together than apart to steal food). She was pretty sure Obaasan knew where the food was going, because she never said a word (they all heard Haru's squall of defence when she caught him in the pantry the other day, though, so she wasn't that forgiving).
Ryosuke made playlists for her to listen to when she had spare time – which was often, now that she wasn't going to school. Sometimes he included songs he'd made himself, and it was no exaggeration on her part when she found herself listening to them on loop because they were good. One day, he'd even engaged her in a surprisingly heated debate about whether or not it hypothetically made sense for a character to continuously keep levelling up to the point that the villains they faced became flat-out ridiculous (he was still sour about Haru's defence of Bleach).
Shouta continued lending her books out of his large collection for her to read when he noticed her own dwindling resources to keep herself occupied (he was absolutely mortified to learn that she could read English novels better than he was, and now often harangued her to help him whenever he got stuck on phrases he couldn't understand. She didn't mention it was because of the language courses force-fed to trainees in So Fu).
Even Jirou and Yuu went out of their way to ask after her, to make sure she was all right. Yuu had manhandled a basket of laundry away from her after declaring it too heavy, and took it upon himself to get it where it needed to go, which proved to be a mistake when Yukiji's jeans were found in Kouta's closet hours later. Kouta turned it into a joke and actually wore the jeans – and looked good in them, surprisingly – though Yukiji was less than amused when she whacked him on the shoulder with a wet rag for stretching her jeans out. Shiori, of course, took enough pictures to set her phone's storage space flashing.
Jirou helped her out when she was with the kids and they got particularly rowdy, so much so that the combined efforts of Pai and both Yukiji and Mizutani were barely able to handle them. The kids loved it when he teased them – with a perfectly stoic face – with all the different animals he could shapeshift into and sit on them with. Sometimes he had to bribe the kids with promises that he'd give them a ride if he ever just so happened to change into an elephant.
Mizutani was particularly terrified of that happening. She claimed that last time her brother shifted into something that big, he actually did nearly sit on her, after almost swatting her out of the sky when she flew around him. She was still convinced (and traumatized by it) he'd done it on purpose, and refused to listen to Yukiji's teasing that it had been an accident.
Shiori was with Pai as often as she could, to the point that Pai had to chase Shiori out of her room several times so they could sleep instead of staying up to all hours of the night marathon-ing their favourite anime, binge-reading manga and books, and stalking favoured idols and bands on social media (all whilst conspicuously not mentioning anything about Pai's past or condition).
At first, she'd felt unbelievably awkward around Shiori after she broke down and cried when her best friend said she wasn't the enemy. She hated herself for crying, and barricaded herself in her room and trying to hide for as long as she could from the disgust at her show of weakness that broiled in her like venomous pit snakes. Shiori didn't let her hide for long.
It was a day, at most, before the girl barged into Pai's room with her arms laden with food she'd stolen from the kitchen with Ryu's help, DVDs of old dramas the two loved to watch, and several types of hair appliances that, at first glance, terrified Pai. She didn't say anything about Pai's avoidance manoeuvres, or ask her why she was avoiding Shiori in the first place. She simply sat Pai down and began what she ingeniously dubbed, Hair Retail Therapy.
(The pink dye at the tips of her hair did not fade away hours later. It took several washings to get it out. Shiori lied.)
Over the next few days, Shiori managed to sneakily take so many pictures of Pai that left her stunned at how much storage space Shiori had on her phone. Pai had had to delete her soul just to make space for Mystic Messenger, while Shiori somehow retained enough for what looked like millions of pictures, hundreds of videos, and several games to boot.
When they weren't wasting time quite literally doing nothing, Shiori would needle her for help with English homework. That didn't last too long before they Shiori whipped her phone out and the two ended up video-calling Aoi, Natsume, and Shuusei, who all said they missed Pai and wanted to hang out sometime soon.
Pai knew what Shiori was doing, but she never commented on it. She had finally accepted what was happening to her now that more people knew about it, but she wasn't ready to face what her dying would do to the people she loved.
Shin hardly left her side, either. He didn't go to school anymore, since now it was only Shiori who needed protection there, Haru and Shouta being enough for that, which...really did make it all the more obvious that he had pretended to be a teacher just for her. Instead, he trained with the Daitengu at the house, occasionally accompanied Kouta out on his meetings. Other than that, Pai and Shin could have been glued at the hips for how uncommon it became to see one without the other. No one said anything aloud, but she noticed everyone beaming at her and Shin whenever they passed someone around the house.
One more thing did change between them did change, though, something that hurt every time she let herself mull over it. She told herself that it was nothing. It didn't mean anything.
Nothing she did convinced herself of it.
Since she'd told him about what Akira did, why Yamato tortured her to the point that her hair turned white, Shin hadn't kissed her. He touched her all the time, hugged her and held her close to him as they laid back on the roof and watched the stars and talked aimlessly about meaningful nothings until she dropped off to sleep and woke later to find herself tucked into bed. But he didn't kiss her.
She tried to force herself to think nothing of it. There were countless reasons for why he didn't kiss her. Ayashi House was big, but it was full of people. Six of them were all under ten years old and really too well accomplished at hide-and-seek for their own good. Even Kouta and Shiori kept their public displays of affection on the down-low when the kids were around (for the most part).
But she knew that by telling him about what Akira did to her, how she wasn't strong enough to fight him off, she'd broken something between them. She didn't know how to fix it. It wasn't like she could change the past, no matter how she desperately wished she could.
She didn't know if this was something she could fix.
×
She couldn't say she was exactly surprised when Kouta approached her and Shin about travelling to Kyoto with him.
The two were coming back from Kanou's office early in the morning after discussing with the healer about meeting with Aihara. She had no idea why the healer was so insistent on meeting Aihara, for he only assured her that he wanted to make sure Aihara was really who she claimed she was. That both relaxed and disappointed her.
She was glad that Kanou was doing so, but disappointed because he didn't say anything that suggested he didn't think she was Hanyou. If Kanou thought – knew – she was Hanyou, she had no more excuse to deny the truth to herself any longer.
One of her parents wasn't human, and the result was her; a hybrid of nature, unaccepted by both worlds she was a part of. That thought depressed her more than she was willing to admit, even to herself. It made her realize just how alone she was, rejected by both because she was a product of each.
Shin stopped walking just in time to avoid bumping right into Kouta as the Heir practically materialized around the corner. Kouta's face brightened when he saw them, but she caught the suspicious look Shin shot him as Kouta expertly sidestepped a head-on collision with Shin.
"Ah, just the two I've been looking for!" Kouta exclaimed happily after he danced around a Burabura floating low from the ceiling before turning back to them.
Shin cocked a brow. "It's too early for you to be awake."
"I am offended at your insinuation that I'm a sloth."
"You're never awake before nine."
It was seven now. Pai sometimes wondered who would wake Shiori and Kouta if they both absolutely refused to wake earlier than nine, when even then they still considered it to be an 'ungodly hour'.
Kouta grinned cockily. "Who said I went to sleep to begin with?"
"Point," she spoke before she was aware she had.
She tensed, waiting for a dark look from Kouta, but it didn't come. He only beamed radiantly at her. She couldn't help smiling a little in return. Even though she was at least partially responsible for one of his friends' death, maybe more, Kouta's attitude to her hadn't changed in the least. She could never begin to express just how much that meant to her.
Kouta looked over their shoulders to where they had just come from. "Talked to Kanou-san?"
She said, "He wants to meet Aihara-san tomorrow, with me."
He nodded, sticking his hands in the opposite sleeves of his kimono as he regarded her seriously. "That's a good idea. If this Aihara-san really is what she claims to be, she's the closest hope we have to figuring out what to do next."
She knew what that meant, even if he didn't explicitly say it. They were trying to save her, despite the finality with which Aihara spoke about Hanyou deaths. Kuniumi cackled in mad glee every time the subject came up, but seemed sad every time she and Pai both noticed how against the idea of letting her die Shin was.
Where she thought everyone else was a fool for trying, Kuniumi thought Shin a hopeless fool in love for still clinging to the hope that she wouldn't die, even when they'd all come to accept that she was Hanyou. He was ready enough to accept her as Hanyou, but not that she'd need to die because of it.
Sometimes, in the dead of night, when she floated on the precipice of half-consciousness, she wondered if the reason they tried to find a way to stop her dying was just for something to do, some way to halt the inevitable because they were all just a stubborn and clingy lot who didn't want to accept what she was having to.
"What do you need, Kouta?" Shin sighed, winding an arm around her waist. She settled against his side, looping an arm around his waist.
Kouta's grin inched wider at them before he sobered a little. "Don't meant to burst your bubble, but I'd like if you could both come with me to Kyoto. I need to tell my father about the shocking existence of Hanyou, and with him..." a dark look shadowed his brilliant yellow gaze before he shook it off. "This sort of thing is best done in person."
She frowned at the way he'd worded his request. Specifically, what he left out. After the trick Kagetora pulled with his slyly-worded promise regarding her safety around him during Shin's training, she'd grown more watchful of the way people said things. In fact, she could now count on one hand how many people whose words she felt like she could trust at face value (and Shiori was dangerously close to being struck off that list after the pink-hair-dye incident).
"What about So Fu?" she asked.
He shrugged coolly, and she caught how Shin narrowed his eyes at him. "I'm relatively certain I'll tell him, but I'm still thinking about whether or not to keep that to myself. For now, at least. Until we get some proof of their existence. Otherwise, he will dismiss what you say about them as hearsay."
She blinked rapidly in shock.
No way. That couldn't be right. An organization as dangerous as So Fu, and the Sojobo wouldn't pay attention to its fact simply because of lack of tangible evidence? That couldn't be right. No one could be that foolhardy. Or...could she only say that because she was someone who knew So Fu was real, instead of thinking as someone who didn't know?
"He will just ignore something like that?" she asked incredulously.
Kouta's gaze grew sad as he nodded solemnly. "After what happened ten years ago, Father's become somewhat obsessed with delving into more peaceful ways to solve things. It's made him popular over the years, as one of the few Kings with the least number of conflicts under his reign."
The Kitsune's attack more than makes up for how little Kurama allows conflict amongst his people with others, Kuniumi noted speculatively. She heard an odd clicking sound, as if Kuniumi was snapping long fingernails against each other.
"So Fu do not want peace," Shin warned with a dark look on his face. "They want a war with us. You don't go around hunting and killing another species because you want to attend festivals and make flower necklaces with them."
"Trust me, I know that." Kouta agreed, bobbing his head emphatically as he put a defensive hand to his chest. "But after the Kitsune's attack, his need for keeping peace sometimes has him turning a blind eye to things."
How hasn't anything worse than the Kitsune's attack happened with a King like that? She thought wondrously, trying not to let any of her contempt at such high-minded thinking show on her face. It wouldn't do to let Kouta think she thought his father incompetent, even though she was close to it.
Kuniumi laughed derisively. Kurama is desperate to not repeat the horrors of the past, yet that same desperation will lead him full circle back to all that pain he hides from.
She didn't reply when Shin glanced down sharply at her. She wasn't sure how he did it, but since she told him of Kuniumi's presence in her mind, he'd grown increasingly adept at being able to tell when Kuniumi was there. It was like a sixth sense – one that disturbingly kept reminding her of an unknown entity possibly residing in Shin the way Kuniumi was in her.
She doubted Shin knew about that. Kuniumi was so viciously set against him that Pai dreaded so much as bringing the name up for how it might set Kuniumi off. The woman was barely able to keep her sanity in check. Who was to say she wouldn't completely lose it if Pai pushed her too hard for answers she didn't want to give?
Shin had asked her not to talk back to Kuniumi until they figured out who she was. For that she was glad, though she said nothing about it and only mutely agreed to his request. It infuriated Kuniumi to no end, but it gave Pai plausible excuse to ignore Kuniumi whenever she felt like, without Kuniumi raising up a deafening clamour at being left unheeded.
Kanou didn't know anything about Kuniumi or what she could be, which left Kuniumi cackling in glee at Pai's sagging disappointment. But he did promise to look into Kobayashi's notes – of which there was plenty to peruse, he claimed – to see if he'd find something.
That shut Kuniumi up real quick. For some reason, she was wary of what Kanou would find in his mentor's writings. From what Pai could remember back in Kyoto during the signing of the Treaties, Kuniumi considered Daichi's grandfather to be someone who knew many things.
Things Kuniumi obviously didn't want her knowing.
"It's stupid, and dangerous, I know," Kouta continued with a heavy sigh, rousing her from her musings. "But after the Territory Wars, and the death of hundreds of Tengu with the Kitsune's attack, including my uncle and Shin's parents, and then having to continue serving millions more as their ruler...with that burden, I can understand him. Not that I'd do the same, but I understand him."
Pai blinked at his words. After the Territory Wars? But that would make Kurama more than seventy years old. It took a moment for her to remember that Ayakashi aged much slower than humans. That made her wonder how Hanyou no Ayakashi aged.
She glanced at Shin. He was Kamigami now. They were immortal; gods didn't die. She shirked away from that line of thought, scared of where it might lead.
"Even so," Shin said slowly. "Sojobo Kurama should be made aware of what's happening, with or without evidence to back it up."
"Don't worry," Kouta hastened to add. "I'm not going to let his idealistic tendencies endanger us all. I just want to gauge his attitude and figure out how he'll react."
Her lips twitched as she listened to the two. A little frown of concentration twisted her brow as she observed the glint in Kouta's yellow eyes. "It is not only to prove Hanyou's existence that you want me there, is it, Kouta-sama?" she asked quietly.
He cocked his head to the side. "Why, whatever do you mean, Pai-chan?" he asked with a self-deprecating smile.
Shin looked down at her for a moment before focusing on Kouta again.
"You could tell Sojobo Kurama about Hanyou without me," she answered. "And he will still believe you because Hanyou's existence is not so far out of the realm of possibility." Kouta didn't say anything, but only continued to smile mysteriously at her. That smile said it all. "You asked me because you want to know how I feel about him knowing of my involvement with So Fu." She finished.
He didn't deny her guess, and that told her she was right. He tipped his head to her, bowing an imaginary hat her way. "You're very perceptive indeed, Pai-chan."
"Evidence can be fabricated," she continued, watching him warily. "It can be created out of thin air. You want me to meet your father because I am irrefutable, living proof of So Fu's existence."
Kouta nodded in affirmation, and her stomach twisted painfully. He hadn't ostracised her for what she'd told him about what she did while trapped in So Fu, but his father was a different matter altogether. His father was the King of a Clan. He had a duty to protect and serve his people. That meant shielding them from any threats, both outside and inside.
What happened if he thought the best way to do that was by imprisoning her, punishing her for what she'd done to so many Hengen? She knew she deserved it, but she was still afraid.
"What will Sojobo Kurama do," Shin asked, a dangerous note in his voice. "Once he knows she was part of the organization responsible for all the Tengu disappearances?"
Kouta glanced at him with a gleam in his eye. "Oh, he'll probably want to arrest her. But then!" he grinned, crossing his arms and putting a finger to his lips. "That's why you're coming, Shin-kun. You're Kamigami, now. If you're there as protection for Pai-chan, he won't try to make a move against her."
Shin narrowed his gaze. "How so?"
He shrugged. "You've made it clear that your loyalties are still to the Tengu, but there's probably a part of him wary of the fact that you can just as easily switch allegiances if he provokes you."
"Probably." Shin echoed bluntly.
Kouta shrugged nonchalantly. "He'd rather avoid antagonizing you – and Pai-chan's your trigger." He added, echoing Kagetora's words.
She blinked at him, abruptly aware of how alike Kouta was with the Kitsune King. Kuniumi had mentioned it several times, but this was the first time she was seeing it herself. Even the way he held a finger to his lips, like he was telling them a secret. It was a move akin to something Kagetora would do, too.
"He knows that by now," he continued, oblivious to her realization. "He does anything to her, he risks losing you. Domino effect, sort of. That's not something he's particularly willing to gamble with."
Shin raised a brow. "What, because he wants a Kamigami in his army?"
Kouta closed an eye and pointed an imaginary gun at him. "Bingo." He spread his hands out in front of him. "Imagine that, a Kamigami fighting for a Hengen Clan. He knows as well as I can see you do that the other Clans will fear what it means that you're Kamigami and Daitengu at the same time."
Shin scowled. "But they don't know I'm Kamigami." One eyebrow slowly rose up. "Do they?"
Kouta shook his head. "Nope. No one knows except for us three, and my father after your call to him. But don't put it past him to let it slip if he thinks it'll suit his needs. You're a trump card."
Hm, Kuniumi thrummed. Kurama may try to be an idealist, but he's still pragmatic about it, isn't he?
Pai didn't vocally say – think – anything, but she agreed with Kuniumi. She just hoped that pretence at idealism wouldn't be his downfall, along with everyone who trusted him with their lives. Shin glanced down at her, head tilted to the side in a question.
She looked back at Kouta and said, "When?"
"What are you doing tomorrow?"
"Meeting Aihara-san with Kanou-san," she answered. "You want to go tomorrow?"
He shook his head. "No, go for the meeting. But how does the day after tomorrow sound?
She blinked owlishly. "That is soon."
Kouta merely smiled again. "We'll leave the day after tomorrow, at night. Dress up warm, okay?" he turned to go, but before he did he looked back and threw a wink at them. "We're flying, but not with planes. Guess where your seat is, Pai-chan?"
She flushed right to the roots of her hair as his laugh echoed after he walked away with a wave. Shin shook his head wryly, muttering something about 'stupid flightless birds'.
Despite the situation they were in, the heavy thoughts cluttering her already crowded mind, she just barely managed to suppress her laughter at his reaction. He smiled down at her, brightening where he'd fallen back into his brooding older-brother role after everything was aired out to Kouta and Shiori.
"How come no planes?" she asked him, wondering at Kouta's last words.
A shadow flitted over his eyes before he shook it off and said, "Probably So Fu."
Her gut tightened as she suppressed an involuntary flinch.
"If they're as well-connected as you say," he continued slowly, noticing her minute reaction. "They could be monitoring airports."
"Oh."
That was smart. It concerned her that nothing happened so far to indicate that So Fu was searching for her. It was a good thing, but she couldn't help wondering why. It couldn't be negligence on their part. They were meticulous in every little act they made.
She looked back at the hall Kouta just disappeared down. "Kagetora-san said the same thing. About what I mean to you."
He nodded, turning and enfolding her in his arms and tucking her head under his chin. She went willingly, loving how often he hugged her, never getting enough of how protected and warm she felt when he did. "He was right. They both are. You're my trigger – though I'd much rather call you my butterfly."
She blushed, recalling their intertwined hands as the beautiful butterfly, reminiscent of Shin's blue eyes, wandered from hers to his, back and forth. She thought it was almost like it was blessing them, if she wanted to get mushy about it.
"Pai, are you sure you're ready for this?" he asked quietly, worry laced in his words. "Kouta understands, I'll give him that, but that was nothing compared to Sojobo Kurama."
She nodded hesitantly, leaning back just enough to look up at him. "I think I am. I have to be. I can't remain silent any longer, not after what I did."
His eyes hardened. "What you were forced to do."
She smiled sadly at him for a moment before laying her head against his chest, listening to the tattoo of his heartbeat. She didn't correct him because she knew he would find some way to assure her that none of what she did was her fault. But she knew differently.
She didn't have to kill the Mizushima's.
She didn't have to sacrifice three lives to protect one.
She didn't have to be responsible for the death of little Theia just to save Rikuto – and yet she had.
She'd killed the Tanuki with his human lover at the bakery, she'd killed the Mizushima's, she was indirectly responsible for Kahori Saeki's death, and she knew there were many more lives she'd ruined.
It still bothered her that her memories, tinted with her own personal biases, played out like she did everything she had to protect Rikuto. What was it he'd wanted Midori to tell her, in her memory? What did he mean to Pai that Midori was terrified to admit?
And scared Midori had been. Little as Pai knew her sister after what So Fu had done, she still did know Midori. She knew what her big sister looked like when she was scared of something.
"Kouta-sama's a lot more like Kagetora-san than we think, isn't he?" she commented, closing her eyes as Shin began tracing whorls on her shoulder. He wasn't touching her skin, but even through the warm sweater she wore it still felt like he was drawing circles of fire on her, marking her with his touch.
"What do you mean?" he asked, tucking her head under his chin as his grip tightened infinitesimally.
"He likes to play the fool more often than not. He was planning on telling Sojobo Kurama about So Fu all along," she said, remembering the knowing look in Kouta's yellow eyes. "He just wanted to see how I'd feel about it."
He chuckled lowly. "So you guessed it, huh, butterfly?"
She looked up at him, eyes widened in surprise. "You knew?"
"Of course. I've known the man for over twenty years," he said in mock-affront, as if offended that she'd insinuate he didn't know the man he served under.
She smiled at him, and for a second something flickered in his eyes. For a second she thought that maybe he'd kiss her.
Then he didn't.
He smiled gently and lifted a hand to line up against her cheek as he looked into her eyes. "That's what makes him so dangerous, Pai. He's the idiot in the room you don't realize holds all the cards until it's too late."