"So, how do you feel?"Dr.Williams asked as Damita sat there in silence. She didn't usually make house calls, but when Amaru called her because he was worried about Damita she had to show up. Damita still hadn't shown any emotion, it was like it didn't happen.
Damita didn't even look disheveled, or as if she had been crying. Her skin was clear and glowing like usual. Her hair was straightened and it laid just above her shoulders. She had on a pink silk night dress that was covered by a long black robe.
"About what?"Damita asked blowing smoke from her nose. "You're not bothered by the smoke are you?"
"Not at all. This is your house, smoke if you please."Dr.Williams chuckled. "I'm asking you how feel about your mother's passing."
"Oh. Yeah, she passed Monday."Damita crossed one of her legs over the other and started to hit her blunt.
"You aren't sad?"Dr.Williams raised her eyebrows.
Damita shrugged and dropped ashes in her ash tray."Honestly, I don't know how I feel. I'm not happy and I'm not sad."She stuck her blunt back in her mouth.
"What about your sisters, how do they feel?"Dr.Williams asked.
"I don't know. I haven't spoken to them, but I'm sure they're all broken up about it. I mean she actually liked them so their feelings will be different from mine."Damita replied nonchalantly and put her blunt out. "I'll see them soon though."
"Where will you see them at?"Dr.Williams asked, writing on her clipboard.
"At the will reading, it's in about an hour. I don't even think she left me anything, but you know....I have to go."Damita shrugged and pushed her hair out of her face. "I'm glad you came to check on me, but I'm okay. I have to get ready to go soon."Damita got up from her couch and started to walk up her stairs, making her robe fly behind her.
Amaru met Dr.Williams at the end of the stairs and she just started shaking her head. "I wasn't able to get through to her today. I'll be back after the will reading. Until then make sure she takes her medicine."Dr.Williams shrugged and Amaru let her out. He walked up the stairs and embraced his wife.
"Baby. Talk to me, you're scaring me."Amaru sighed and rubbed her back.
"I feel bad that I don't feel anything. It's like I'm numb. I don't know what to say about it. Of course I had a little love for her, but I just don't feel it right now."Damita laid her head on his shoulder.
"Everybody grieves Different. Just because you don't feel it right now doesn't mean that you don't care. I just don't want you to shut down. I got you baby, you can talk to me."He kissed her forehead. "Just calm down, my love."
"I'm not going to shut down. Usually I'm burying my emotions because I don't want to talk about it. This time I'm ready to be open and vulnerable. I'm ready to share my emotions and talk to you, but I can't because I don't feel anything."Damita sighed and wrapped her arms around him.
"You can't rush your emotions baby. You have to give yourself time. Just like you have to give yourself time to heal from losing our child, you have to give yourself time to deal with this too."He kissed her hands and she started to smile. "Now come on and get dressed."
She didn't move yet, she just sat there and smiled at him. "What?"He asked.
"Nothing."She continued smiling and got up. She walked to her closet and started looking for something to wear.
"Are you ready for this?"Amaru stood against the wall, looking at her.
"As ready as I'm going to get. I mean I'm sure she left me nothing, she doesn't like me that much."Damita pulled her robe off her shoulders and handed it to Amaru. He put it back where she usually hangs it up.
Damita pulled off her night dress and put on a pair of jeans and a white low cut shirt.
"You gotta look fine everywhere you go?"Amaru playfully rolled his eyes.
"Yes...I do."Damita laughed and put her watch on her wrist. "Bring my shoes please."
Amaru brought her a pair of black boots that stood just above her knee. "Why aren't you dressed?"Damita slid her leg into her boots.
"Oh shit. My bad I'm too busy watching you."Amaru laughed and pulled off his shirt. He got dressed quickly and they got ready to leave. Damita grabbed some sunglasses and put them on so nobody could see how red her eyes were.When they walked outside their was a car there. A man got out and started walking up to them.
"Good afternoon ma'am, my name is Kyle Bennet. Mr.Jackson gave me the assignment to come and pick you up because he thought that you wouldn't come."He spoke and stuck his hand out. Damita just looked at him as if he was stupid.
"He told me that it would be hard to convince you, so I will call him. So that you can speak to him."He went for his pocket to pull out his phone, but Damita stopped him. "I'll call myself."
She pulled her phone out of her purse and called him, making sure to put him on speaker phone.
"Damita. Kyle must be at your house."Joseph answered.
"He is. I'm just calling to let you know, I'm not going with him. My husband will be driving me so that I may leave when I'm ready,"Damita challenged him.
"Damita, please don't be difficult. He will bring you home whenever you're ready. I started to send Timothy but he is handling other things. I sent cars for everyone."Joe answered and Damita rolled her eyes.
"Fine."She ended the call and Kyle opened the door.
"The moment I say that I'm ready to go home, you better be ready. I mean it."Damita scalded him and climbed into the car. He nodded his head and Amaru got in behind her.
"Baby. Promise me you'll be sane and not try to kill any family members today."Amaru rubbed on her thigh.
"Can't make any promises, Daddy. You know I don't like these bitches and they don't like me."Damita looked down at her phone and Amaru just laughed. He could only hope that she'd be civilized today. He didn't want to have to pull her off of anyone, but he would If he had to.
They arrived at their destination and Kyle opened the door allowing them to get out of the car.
"You're late."LaToya rolled her eyes as Damita walked in.
"Don't start with me Toya. I'm definitely in the mood to slap your ass today."Damita sarcastically smiled and sat down.
"Hello Amaru. Nice to see you again."Latoya smiled.
"Don't speak to my husband. Please and thank you." Damita rolled her eyes and sat Amaru's hand in her lap.
"Alright you two. That's enough."Rebbie intervened. "Y'all are too old for this damnit."
"If I may, I'd like to get started."Walter the families attorney spoke.
"Does anybody else have something say?"Joseph asked and nobody said anything. "Ok Walter, you may proceed."
Walter pulled a packet of papers from his briefcase and began to read.
"I, Katherine Jackson of Los Angeles, California revoke all former wills and testaments. As this is my final will. I appointment my husband Joseph Jackson will be the executor of this will. I have three living children. Maureen Brown, LaToya Jackson and Damita Shakur. All references to my children will be the in this will include the the three children above-named children. I appoint my spouse as personal representative if my will. If he is unwilling to act then I appoint my daughter, Maureen Brown.
I direct that my executor pay all debts, funeral costs and inheritance.
I devise that all left funds shall be split between my children equally.
Each property that is owned by me shall be given to my daughter Damita Shakur.
All of my grandchildren shall receive a certified amount of funds as they reach the age of 18.
Any vehicle or pet owned by me shall be received by my daughter LaToya Jackson.
Signed, Katherine Jackson"
"I have a form for you all to sign. Stating that you accept everything your mother has given you."Walter handed out sheets of paper.
"I don't accept. She shouldn't get anything."Latoya pointed at Damita who was just as shocked as she was. "You don't deserve anything from our mother."
"Latoya..you don't know what you're talking about. Just be quiet."Joseph broke in. "She deserves it."
"I don't want that dog. That dog doesn't even like me. She should get the dog, I should get the property."Latoya rolled her eyes.
"We can't change what your mother wrote. Unless Damita is willing to do a fair trade with you."Walter broke in.
"I'm not willing to looking in her direction. So what makes you think I'll trade anything with her? I'll trade a slap to her face."Damita laughed.
"I'm so sick of you threatening me. Do it."Latoya got up and tried to get tough. Damita got up too, but Amaru started to hold her back. "Latoya, I will run you through that damn wall. I haven't bothered you all day, but you're trying to get under my skin."
"Let her go Amaru, I want to see her do it."Latoya crossed her arms.
"Uh. You sure?"Amaru cringed thinking about what might happen if he lets her loose.
"Latoya! Leave the damn girl alone. We all know she'll do it. Now if she comes over there and do what she said she would don't try to call the cops. Don't try to play victim. You've been fucking with her since she walked in here. Bothering her like you always have. Then trying to make is like she's crazy after you've provoked her. Shut up."Rebbie yelled and Latoya's cut her eyes at her.
"We all know she's a looney tune. Maybe I am just her victim."Latoya shrugged and sat down in her chair. Amaru finally Let Damita go and she tried to snatched Latoya out of her chair, but she pulled off her wig instead.
"Bald bitch."Damita sat down and threw the wig in her face.
Latoya tried to cover up her head so she hid under the table and tried to fix her wig. Everyone tried so hard not to laugh, so Walter changed the subject. "Damita I have one last thing for you."Walter handed her and envelope with her name on it written in her mother's handwriting.
She took in the envelope and opened it, pulling out a letter. She started to read.
Dear Damita,
I've been trying to write this letter to you for so long, but I could never find the words to say or the courage to finish it. I know that our relationship isn't the best but I still want you to know that I love you very much and none of this is your fault. I have done some horrid and ridiculous things to you over the years that I'm sure that you'll never forgive me for. Being in therapy with you made me feel like the worst mother ever. You may not believe this, but I actually admire you. You are an amazing wife, mother and woman in general. You are very strong even after all the things you've been through. What I'm about to say in this letter might make you hate me more than you already do, but it needs to be said. You have a right to know. All of these years, I've resented you. I put you through hell because I was jealous of you. I know that sounds weird, like how can a grown woman be jealous of a child. In 1965, your father and I weren't doing so well. We were both trying to get our careers together and raise our children. That really put a strain on our relationship. He started seeing this woman named Marsha Cassidy. She was beautiful, and about five years younger than me. I hated her because she was everything that I wasn't. She had this fiery personality and this confidence that was through the roof. We were so different and I knew I couldn't compete with her. It sickened me. You would think that I wanted to divorce him after finding out about Marsha, but I didn't. It made me fight harder, because I loved him and he was mine. I wasn't just going to give her my husband. Eventually, I had enough and I planned for your sisters and I to leave Joseph. I knew I deserved better and I could've gotten it. Joseph begged me to stay and told me he was ready to work things out. Truth is, Marsha broke it off with him. I didn't have a problem with that because I finally felt like he was mine again. We started to do really and everything was back to normal. That's is until Marsha up at our house and told your father and I that she was pregnant. She was two months and Joseph wanted her to keep the baby. Her and I ended up having our own conversation. She told me that she didn't want kids and asked me if I could raise her baby. Everything in me wanted to tell no, but my mouth said yes. I had been trying have another baby anyway. After that night I started to pretend that I was pregnant. I didn't want anybody to know that your father had stepped out on me, so I did everything. I stuffed pillows under my shirt, I got a fat suit, I even had somebody make me a fake stomach. I was so embarrassed that another woman was giving my husband a child. 9 months later, Marsha went into labor. I told everyone that I was having complications with my pregnancy so that nobody would try to come and see you in the hospital. After she delivered you, your father named you Damita Jo Jackson because he thought you looked like him already and you did. Marsha signed over her parental rights to your father and I then we took you home.
I remember everybody gushing about how you were such a beautiful baby with beautiful eyes. Marsha's eyes. You have her eyes. That might I promised myself that I would try my best to raise you differently and make you more like me because I was sick of everyone talking about Marsha's eyes. Even after she left our lives I still felt like I hearing about her. Over the years, you became more and more like her. It made realize that no matter how much I tried make you like me you were still hers. I force you to be with Marcus because I thought he'd calm you down some how. I knew what was coming. I really don't know how to explain it because now that I'm saying it, it sounds really stupid. Being with Amaru really brought her out in you. I was afraid of that. Marsha could never stay in one spot, she was always moving around and being care free. I thought you'd be her all over again. I didn't want that. Hearing you say that you hate me in therapy opened my eyes because you said it so much venom I knew that you meant it. I have nobody but myself to blame for the way feel about me because of what I've done to you and Amaru. I really do apologize for everything that I've done and if you never forgive me, I understand. If you'd like to look for your mother, I was told that she died a couple years back. I don't know what happened or where she is. If you have questions about her, ask Angie. She knows Marsha very well, but she has no idea that she is your birth mother. The only people that know are me and Your father. And now you know too.
Damita slammed the letter down on the table and wiped tears from her eyes.
"Take me home. Now."Damita growled getting up from the chair and grabbing her husband's hand.
"Wait. You haven't signed the papers yet."Walter tried to stop her, but she pushed him out of the way.
"I don't want shit from Katherine. Get out of my way."Damita sniffled. She burst through the door and left with Kyle and Amaru following close behind.