Warning: Has not been edited
Avalon
"Tris, I'm fine, okay?!" I snap at her. She withdraws her hand from my forehead and takes a step back.
Its been two weeks and ever since I left the hospital I've been staying at Tris' house. It would just be too complicated and awkward still living with Sin and his family.
I sit up straighter in the bed and look at my best friend. Hurt lines her face as she looks down at me.
"I'm just worried about you. Is that such a bad thing? I mean, you've completely withdrawn into yourself ever since your nasty break up with Sin. You've been busying yourself with homework and the competition and now you've worked yourself into sickness. You need a major break, chica," she pouts her red lined lips at me.
"I am fine," I protest. She gives me a 'yeah right' look. "Ugh. Fine. I'm not okay! Happy?"
She gasped exaggeratedly and plopped down on the bed beside me. "Of course I'm not happy! My best friend has been through so damn much these past couple of months and I feel as if I haven't done my job as the ultimate bestie and been there for you. You're lying here, cooped up in this dusty room- I know it's dusty, it's my house- and I feel like I'm failing you. Tell me what's going on in that pretty little head of yours. Your thoughts. Your feelings. Your inner turmoil."
I scoffed. "Way to channel your inner Kenzie, Tris." She gave me a deadpanned look.
"I'm serious, Ave's," she crossed her legs and propped her elbow on her knee; cradling her chin in her hand. We stared at each other for a little bit, before I finally caved.
"Fine!" I snapped throwing my arms in the air. "You want to know what I think? How I feel? I feel like shit. I feel like my heart has been thrown off a bridge into frigid waters, then brought back to land and ran over by a souped up military tank," I swallow the lump in my throat and push through my feelings to continue. I squeeze my eyes shut. "I feel like I can't breathe properly; like my chest is being crushed by a giant seeking it's revenge for stealing the goose' golden egg. I think I did the right thing but the other part of me thinks I was wrong and over reacted. The other part of me thinks I should go back to him, apologize and grovel for his forgiveness because he is the best fucking thing that has ever happened to me." I didn't realize I was crying until Tris wiped the wetness from under my eyes.
She grabbed me and pushed me into a bone crumbling hug. We sat there -for I don't know how long- stuck in each other's embrace; slowly, but sufficiently bringing me the comfort I didn't know I needed.
"God, I sound so pathetic," I grumbled into her shoulder.
She put me at arm's length. "Oh, sweetie. No you don't. You sound like you're in love."
Love?
No.
Infatuation maybe, but love?
She looked at my dumbstruck look before continuing. "Did you really not realize this, Ave's?" She asked dumbfoundedly.
I looked up at her, sure that my eyes were as wide as saucers.
I loved him.
Oh. God.
I really and truly love him.
"Oh my God."
My heart accelerated at my blatant observation and then quickly broke once again.
Tris noticed my deflated form.
"What's wrong?" She asked.
I closed my eyes again and let more tears slip out.
"The first and probably last person I will truly love and I... I let him go. Even worse... I told him to go... I made assumptions and didn't let him explain."
"It will work out. Fate has some crazy, kooky juju magic up her sleeve and I am sure she will pull it out for you guys. Keep your head up," Tris explained.
"Will everyone please stop saying that stupid phrase?! God, that is all I have heard ever since I found out about my condition! This stupidly fatal condition. I.. I'm just tired of it, T. I'm tired of those words and I'm tired of always feeling like shit. I'm tired of explaining myself to everyone. I'm tired of everyone worrying about me all of the time. I'm tired... I'm just so damn tired of everything. Of existing."
"Don't you dare say that. Don't. It will work out the way it is meant to."
"Hate to break it to you but this isn't some damn fairy tale, Tris. This is real life and in real life people feel real heartbreak. In real life people have real diseases and die a very real death. It'll just happen to me sooner," I shrugged hopelessly.
The thought of my death didn't scare me. It was the thought of leaving everyone I love behind that terrified me more than any nightmare possible. I've dreamt of my death numerous times and I've felt no precarious fear towards it; only finding comfort in the inevitable.
Tris looked away and I thought I saw a piece of her break.
"Tris-"
"No! Avalon... Just don't. I get why you're upset and everything, but others are hurting too. You love Sin. Why is that such a bad thing?! Another thing, you may be okay with dying but I'm not okay with you dying. You are my only friend-"
I opened my mouth to interject.
"- Clay and Justin don't count. You are my ONLY one true friend and you've been with me through almost every important moment in my life. I can't lose you. I love you like a sister I have never had." Tears rolled down her face; her emotions and deepest feelings on full display for all to see. "While I am so upset and mad at the shitty, fucked up cards life handed you... You're just sitting there. Doing nothing. You can't even muster the courage to fight against it or to go after the man you supposedly love. You're not the real Avalon right now. What happened to the carefree, loving soul that I grew to love like family? What happened to the sweet girl I met years ago with the sassy attitude and didn't take no for an answer when she knew she was right? The Avalon that fought so hard for what she loved and believed in? I don't know what happened to her... But I want her back."
With that Tris walked out of the door, tears streaming down her face and without another word.
I sat in silence for a moment, completely numb to everything but the shroud of darkness looking over my head.
"She grew up and stopped believing in everything," I answered to no one.
Hey guys! So work has been pretty busy lately and I know the updates are slow. Please hang in there. I'm going to do Sin's POV next chapter (hopefully later this week) and then afterwards it's semi finals, finals and then the end.
I just want to take a moment to thank any and everyone who has been voting and commenting while I was away. You guys are so amazing and it warms my heart when I see 99+ notifications.
You guys are so amazing and there is nothing I could ever do to show you how thankful I am for you guys!
Also, "Going Kenzie" as as said earlier in the chapter is referring to Lost Girl. If you haven't watched it, I suggest you do so! It is sooooooooooo good! (Times infinity)
So....
Do you guys have a guess at what's going to happen next? Let me know in the comments!
Don't forget to
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Brittney 💜