Anthony and I had been sitting in the car when Liam and Antonio talked with my father for a short period of time. We hadn't said anything and when we reached the house, I threw myself on the couch and buried myself in tears and blankets and I had been sitting here for one day.
"Should we do anything?" Antonio asked.
"No, she needs time. There happened something between her and her father and I don't think she is ready for anything right now," Anthony answered.
"She is my sister! I should be able to comfort her," Liam said.
"But I don't think anyone can right now," Anthony said calmly. "She has been through a lot and no matter how much we try to understand we can't. Only she can and she needs to be alone with her thoughts right now I think."
Liam sighed. "Fine, but don't play the psychologist card on me again."
Footsteps left the kitchen one by one and when it finally was silent I jumped up from the couch and went to the kitchen to check the cabinets for anything with alcohol in them. I opened on in the corner and whiskey after whiskey was lined up followed by vine and beer in rows. "Bingo," I mumbled and reached for a whiskey there looked quite expensive.
I quickly found a glass and placed it on the counter. I opened the whiskey and poured it into the glass, but not without spilling a little. I took the glass in my hand and swirled the liquid around. I breathed in the amazing frequency I had never smelt before. This was a real whiskey, not one of the cheap once my father had laying around at home. The worries about my father began to fade with the slurs I slung down my throat. One after the other. The whiskey burned on the way down, but it was comfortable to have the taste again, even though I felt major regret already. It was all worth it.
Alcohol was my only cure and I neede a lot of medicine.
Before I knew it I had finished the glass and brought the whole bottle up to my lips to drink directly from it. The burning occurred the whole way down my throat and I coughed as the bottle slipped my lips. It was almost empty, but I needed something else, so I returned to the cabinet and took out a few cans of beer.
I could already smell the harsh smell of alcohol and as soon one of the three boys would step into the room they would too, so I needed to hurry if I wanted to be so drunk I couldn't even remember my name.
I drank in silence and quietly hoped that all my answers would lay at the bottom of the bottles I emptied.
I briskly burned through a few of the beers and found a vine I thought was expensive, since I couldn't really read every word there stood on it. My legs were swirling uncontrolled around as I tried to find a corkscrew somewhere. I found it and quickly opened the wine as the professional I was.
The wine defiantly didn't taste like the cheap one from Walmart, but like a real wine, you would get at fancy restaurants and in Italy or something.
I struggled to keep my balance and needed to grip around the counter to stay on my feet. As I laid down the empty bottle of wine and took another from the cabinet, I tried to make my way over to the couch again, but my leg wouldn't listen. I didn't come anywhere and defiantly not where I wanted to.
"Fuck," I said as I laughed at myself. My mind didn't work pretty well and I didn't longer care if the boys came running in and discovered me in my element.
"Nina." I turned around and found Anthony staring at me with big eyes. "What are you doing?"
"Being like my father or should I say me," I said and took another slurp of the very good wine.
"Are you drunk?" he asked, though he probably already knew the answer.
"Of course not, 'cause I'm not like my father," I said ironically and swung around the kitchen. "I'm just wandering a little around your house, nothing special." Tears glittered in my eyes as I found his.
"Shit!" Anthony walked briskly towards me.
"Stay away," I screamed and tried to run from him, but ended up on the floor, crying out my eyes. The tears came quicker when the glass from the bottle shattered on the floor and the red liquid poured over everything.
"Mierda!" he exclaimed and ran over to me and grabbed me around my waist to pull me up. As soon as I was on my feet again, I wrinkled myself out of his grip and took a few steps away from him.
"Don't touch me."
"What have you done?" he asked and stepped over the glass on the floor.
"Nothing! You know, I'm just like he said. Just like him!" I screamed and tried to move my legs over to the cabinet with the alcohol, but they wouldn't do anything else than shake.
"What are you talking about?" He took a step closer, while my vision became blurrier and blurrier for every second.
"I'm just like him. An alcoholic, selfish, jickass, I don't deserve all this! I don't deserve anything!"
"You know that's not true! Your just drunk and what is a jickass?" he argued and took another step forward, which made me raise my hand slowly and point at him.
"Liar! Liar! Fucking liar! I'm tired of people saying I'm okay or that everything is going to be okay or anything else sympathetic. I'm my father's daughter. I have his habits and I even look like him, 'cause his blood is running in my veins and nothing can change that." I took a can of beer and tried to open it, but it ended on the floor close to Anthony.
"What do you want me to say? That you are a fucking mess? That everything is going uphill? That ain't gonna change anything!" He rested his eyes steadily on my face, while I stayed rooted to the spot.
I buckled my features a little before I spoke. "It's better than living a lie," I told him and tried to steady myself.
"Saying that everything is going to be okay isn't a lie, but hope. Hope which you really need to get inside of your head if you want to go through this trial peacefully." He came closer and I let him, not in my right mind to do anything about it.
I opened my mouth, but before I could say anything he had curled his arms around me and buried me in his warm chest. I let myself lean on him and my tears flow down my cheeks to stain his shirt. My screaming sobs was only interrupted by my need to take deep breathes to regain air in my lungs. My emotional pain floated out in amazing drops.
"I'm just like him, Anthony. I'm an alcoholic and an awful person. I've laid this burden on you and your family and I can never forgive myself for that," I cried.
"No, don't say that, " he said as he guided us both down on the floor and held me tighter. "Please let me in, Nina. The whole way. Let me know how you feel so I can help you and understand."
"You know what? I hate you! I hate everything about my life! I wish I could explain how I feel, but I can't. I just can't! And do you know why? Because your world is all sunshine and rainbows."
"You know what, my world may be all sunshine and rainbows now, but what comes before a rainbow? Rain." A heavy silence laid over us as I tried to process his words in my drunk mind. "And by the way, you do not hate me."
"I-I-I-"
"You what?" he asked and pulled me even tighter, burying his fingers in my skin. I could feel his heat all over my cold body and for a moment I felt completely sober and completely whole. But could it last? Would it last?
"I don't know! I don't know a fuck anymore! What if we don't win the trial? What if I fuck it all up like I always do!" I shouted as more tears streamed forward.
"Don't worry about that. My brother is the best lawyer you could ever have and he'll win this for us without any troubles."
"But-"
"No buts. You're drunk and need sleep, lots of sleep, water and probably a couple of painkillers," he said with a slight smirk as he dragged me on my legs again, which only ended in me falling forward. If it hadn't been for his marvelous reflects my face would have smacked against the not so clean floor. "Maybe a bit more than a couple."
He twirled my arm behind his neck and swirled his own around my waist and tightened. He slowly walked the opposite way of the glass and guided me through the confusing corridors and the fact that it all swirled around before my eyes didn't make it less confusing.
"Why didn't my brother come? He should have heard the glass or something. Did he leave me again?" I asked and closed my eyes for a brief moment before opening them to a door. Anthony opened the door with his free hand.
"He and Antonio had some work to do at your house, they'll be back really soon, but now you need to sleep so don't worry about them."
The room was big but dark, 'cause the dark grey curtains had been pulled in front of the window. The bed was blurry, but looked big and fluffy, just like a white rabbit. There were a closet and a few other things I couldn't a set finger on because of my bad vision.
Anthony led me over to the bed and laid me down slowly. As soon as I touched the soft bedsheets I buried myself in the nice fabrics and closed my eyes shut. Behind me, the bed was pushed a bit down by Anthony's weight. A soft hand was laid on my cheek, but I was too wasted to open my eyes or remove it. It slowly traced my cheek and went down to my chin, where it stopped. A pair of soft lips was placed on my forehead before the weight disappeared from the bed.
For a moment I thought he had left, but the footsteps argued against it. He was still in the room and for some reason, I didn't really care all I wanted to do was sleep and nothing more or less.
"You know, Nina, my world is only rainbows and sunshine because I have my beautiful rain," he said as the door closed shut and darkness took over.