A/N: Okay so... throughout this part Ava is asleep so she's barely in this one, sorry about that BUT I feel like it's important to really show the aftermath of what happened in the last part. Not that I really know what it's like but I tried my best. Also I can't just ignore what happened because nobody would forget something like this instantly, I wanted to make it as realistic as I possibly could. Hopefully it worked.
Warning: angst, angst, angst and more angst with a sprinkle of fluff
Sitting in Bucky's bedroom with Ava in your arms, you watched Steve and Sam bring the last bags of all the stuff you had taken from your apartment. You knew you'd be staying away from your apartment for a while, you had to take all necessary belongings with you.
You couldn't stop thinking about what had happened back at your place. The whole experience itself was traumatizing enough but the fear of something happening to Ava was much stronger than anything else. You were in pain, physically. You had bruises forming around your body, you had hit your head pretty hard at some point and you had a headache. Even with all that, Ava being safe was a priority.
"This is all of it," Steve announced as he began leaving the room. "If you need anything else from your place, just tell us and we'll get it for you."
You nodded, not meeting his gaze since you were too busy looking down at Ava who was now asleep in your arms. You would have thanked Steve but you just couldn't. You were still in shock. You couldn't focus on anything other than your daughter.
"I called your boss, told her you would be taking a couple days off," Bucky informed as he got in the room. He closed the door behind him as he noticed Ava sleeping in your arms. He walked over to you, sitting right next to you and wrapping an arm around your shoulders.
You leaned into him, resting your head on his shoulders while still holding Ava close. "It was all so sudden," you whispered, feeling your eyes tear up. "A part of me doesn't believe it even happened, that it was just a bad dream but... I know it happened. I keep reliving it and I—" You sighed, lifting your head up to look at Bucky. His brows were furrowed with worry and he reached out to wipe your tears away with his thumb.
"Maybe we should take Ava to bed so we can... talk about this."
"I can't... I-I don't want to leave her."
"She'll be in the next room. We have a baby monitor, we can keep on eye on her. Now, come on," he said gently and stood up, walking over to the door.
You sighed, doing as he had done. You stood up, walked out of the door and waited for Bucky to open the door to Ava's room. You walked in, sighing again as you walked over to her crib. You kissed her forehead before carefully lowering her down. She stirred as you finally pulled your hands away but didn't wake up. You reached down, running your knuckles over her cheek before pulling away and turning to Bucky. He showed you the monitor he was already holding and held the door open for you.
You turned back to look at Ava and heard Bucky walking over to you. He took your hand in his and pulled you towards the door. "Come on," he said gently.
You walked out of the room, glancing back at Ava one last time before going into Bucky's room. You took a seat on his bed and waited for him to join you.
"Did you figure out who they were?" You asked, really wanting to know why on earth they were after you.
Bucky nodded, placing a hand on your thigh and giving it a gentle, comforting squeeze. "HYDRA," he said quietly.
"HYDRA?" You asked, surprised. "But I thought they—"
"Cut off one head, two more shall take its place," Bucky repeated the infamous slogan. "There's always going to be more."
"Why would they come after us?"
"So they could get to me, I'm guessing. We can't get them to talk."
The tears that had formed in your eyes began falling down your cheeks and you shook your head. "Why would they do that to her?" You asked, referring to Ava. "She's just a child! What kind of monsters would do this?"
"The same monsters who used me as a weapon for 70 years," Bucky said angrily as his jaw tensed. "I can't believe those bastards almost got you two."
You tried to reach out for Bucky's hand but he stood up. He started to pace back and forth across the room. He ran his fingers through his hair and you chewed on your bottom lip nervously.
"James—"
"They were after you because of me. I led them to you!" He raised his voice as he stopped pacing. He turned to you, looking at you with anger and fear behind his eyes. You froze in your place, looking up at him with slightly wide eyes.
"No, James—" You started out quietly only to have him interrupt you again.
"Your lives would be so much better without me," he muttered almost quiet enough for you not to hear.
"Don't you dare say that, that's not true!" You yelled before he could continue. Your voice raised and you stood up, having enough of him blaming himself. "You know that's not true."
"If you never saw me in Central Park, we wouldn't be in this situation! You wouldn't have gotten almost killed!"
"Well, if you never came up to the fruit stand in Romania, Ava would have never been born!" You yelled at him, face burning with anger. "Do you think that's a good thing?"
"No, of course I don't. I love Ava to pieces, you know that," he said, slightly offended. "I'm just saying that if we hadn't met again, you would be safer."
"Stop saying that!" You screamed, tears forming in your eyes again. "It's not true! I feel safer around you and I'm sure Ava does too. You need to stop thinking we're not safe with you. Today you barged into the apartment and saved us. You saved us. You need to stop beating yourself up over this! We need you, James, so don't you even think about leaving us!"
Bucky stared at you silently, his face harboring a confused look. He opened his mouth, surprised by your outburst. "Y/N, I never said I'd leave," he said with a much gentler tone.
"Then don't say we'd be better off without you," you muttered out while wiping away your tears. "It's not true," you said even quieter.
"I-I'm sorry," Bucky apologized while taking small steps towards you. "I'll never say that again," he promised and wrapped his arms around your shoulders, pulling you to his body. "I'm sorry."
You wrapped your arms around his torso and rested your head on his chest. Tears kept falling down your cheeks as your hands clawed at his back in desperation. You never wanted to leave his arms, you wanted to stay there forever, feeling his warmth.
"We need you," you whispered, feeling his arms tighten around you.
"I know."
"You can't leave us."
"I never will," he said honestly and firmly. "You need to rest. It's been a rough day."
You nodded, agreeing.
Bucky pulled away from you, going over to one of your bags and picking out some pajamas for you to wear. He went over to the bathroom but not without stopping by your side, handing you the clothes and kissing the top of your head. He stroked your cheek before finally disappearing into the en suite bathroom.
As you were about to start pulling your top over your head, you heard the door opening behind you. You spun around to see Bucky, holding a white towel in his hand. "Do you want to shower first?" He asked.
You nodded, taking slow steps towards him. You grabbed the clean towel from him and sighed at the feeling. You lifted it up to your face and nuzzled your cheek into the soft material.
You walked into the bathroom and began taking off your clothes while Bucky was brushing his teeth by the sink. You wrapped the towel around you after removing your clothing, glancing at Bucky who was rinsing his mouth with water before turning towards the shower. You heard Bucky walking out of the bathroom.
You got in the shower and closed the glass door, throwing your towel over it. You turned on the shower and checked the temperature with your hand before stepping under the streaming water. You felt your muscles relaxing as the water cascaded down your back. You dipped your head back and let the water wash over your hair and face.
Removing the excess of water from your face as you heard the door to the bathroom creaking, you looked to the side to see Bucky walking in. The steaming water had fogged up the glass, making it impossible for you to see him clearly.
"I brought you your pajamas."
"Thank you," you said, raising your voice so he could hear you even with the water hitting the tiles.
"Just come to bed when you're ready," he said before turning away again.
Your hand was quickly on the door again and you opened it, peeking your head through. "James, wait."
Bucky turned around, raising a brow.
You stayed quiet for a while, holding your breath as you opened your mouth to say something. You then shook your head, muttering, "Never mind." You closed the door and began showering.
You took your time, enjoying the warm water. You washed your hair, spreading shower gel all over you precisely, wanting to stay under the streaming water for as long as possible.
As much as you tried to ignore all the thoughts, all the 'What if?' scenarios playing in your mind, you couldn't. They kept coming back to you, like did the memories of what had actually happened.
You kept thinking about Ava who was close to being shot. The very thought brought tears to your eyes.
"Y/N?"
You jumped as you heard Bucky knocking on the shower door lightly.
"Y-yeah?" You answered shakily, crossing your arms as you tried to swallow down the sobs making their way out of your mouth.
"You've been there quite a while. Is everything—" He was cut off by sniffles coming from you. "Y/N?" He said quietly again. "Can I come in?"
"Y-yes," you answered, pressing your hand over your mouth as if you could stop yourself from sobbing.
Bucky opened the door and as his gaze fell on you, he sighed, shoulders slumping. Tears made their way down your face again and you began sobbing loudly. You covered your face with your hands as you cried.
"I keep reliving it," you choked in-between sobs.
You felt Bucky place his hands on your shoulders and rub your arms as you continued crying.
"I couldn't keep my own daughter safe," you said as you removed your hands and placed them on the collar of his shirt, balling the clothing in your hands. "I couldn't keep her safe..."
Bucky immediately wrapped his arms around you, joining you under the streaming water. He held you in his arms as you cried into his shoulder, sobs raking through your body just as hard as they had back at the apartment.
"I could have lost my daughter today," you wailed, cries echoing in the shower. "I don't know what I would have done if she hadn't made it."
Bucky didn't say anything, you were sure he didn't have the words to make you feel better, nobody did. You needed to have your time to cry and let out all the emotions you were feeling.
You wrapped your arms around his neck and tried to stop yourself from crying to make sure he understood what you were saying. "I couldn't keep her safe..."
"If it makes you feel any better, any safer, I'm sure I can get someone to teach you self-defense," Bucky said quietly while running his hand down your back soothingly. "Does that sound good?"
You nodded.
"I'll ask Natasha. She's very strict and won't let you off easy. She'll make sure you feel safe and confident with self-defense. Or I can do it if you feel more comfortable with that."
You nodded again. "Thank you."
Bucky squeezed you slightly in his arms, running his hand down the length of your wet hair. He sighed. "You did everything you could."
You nodded again. "But it wasn't enough," you sniffled, wiping away the tears on your cheeks. "I'm just glad you got there before it was too late."
"Me too," he answered before kissing the side of you head.
You pulled away from him as you calmed down and looked at his drenched clothes.
"James, your clothes."
"I don't care," he said quietly, cupping your cheeks as he looked into your eyes. "I don't give a damn about my clothes. You need me. I'll be here for you, okay? I'll be here for you even if you like it or not."
You chuckled lightly, small sobs still escaping past your lips.
Bucky wrapped his arms around you again, pulling you to his chest. He continued to hold you, trying to calm you down until you were finally ready to leave the shower.
***
You woke up only to find the other side of the bed empty. You frowned as you turned to lie on your back, looking around the empty room. Bucky was nowhere to be found.
You threw the covers off of you and stood up from the bed, reaching for the baby monitor on your nightstand only to find it gone as well. Your heart stopped, your breathing halted too. You hurriedly ran to the door and opened it to see the door leading to Ava's room also open. You let out a sigh of relief as you saw Bucky sitting beside Ava's crib, the baby monitor on the ground beside him.
You stayed at the doorway, crossed your arms and smiled as Bucky rested his chin on the railing of the crib. He reached his hand down and ran his fingers over Ava's cheek, sighing to himself.
"I'm never going to let anyone hurt you," Bucky whispered. "Same with mommy too."
Your smile widened. You bit your lip as you rested your head against the door frame. You wanted to hear what more he had to say.
"It breaks my heart, you know? The thought of something bad happening to you two. You don't deserve that. Neither of you."
Suddenly you started hearing him sniffle. The smile on your face immediately faded and you felt your heart wrenching at the sounds.
"I'll be here for you, I'll protect you for the rest of my life. I promise. I'm never going to let anyone lay a finger on you again."
You hadn't realized you were moving towards him until you were close enough to place your hands on his shoulders. You had expected him to jump, be surprised but he kept looking at Ava who was sleeping peacefully.
"What if... What if I didn't get there on time?" He cried.
"You did, James," you whispered as you leaned down to press a kiss on the top of his head.
"But what if—"
"You would have found a way to get us back one way or another."
"You sure you're not putting too much of your trust in me?" He asked with a dry laugh.
You shook your head, bending down to wrap your arms around his shoulders and kissing the side of his head gently. "I know you would have."
Bucky placed his hand on your arm that was wrapped around him and turned his head. He looked at you over his shoulder, giving you a small but sad smile.
"You really trust me to save you?"
"Of course I do," you said, running your fingers through his hair. "And she does too," you said, nodding your head at Ava.
Bucky turned back to Ava, staring down at her.
"I promise you're never going to get hurt again. Nobody is ever going to take you away," he said with a firm voice.
"I know," you whispered, pulling your arms away. You squeezed his shoulders, rolling your own.
You stayed quiet for a while, both enjoying the comforting silence. You both had your eyes locked on your beautiful, sleeping daughter.
"We need to stop blaming ourselves," you said after a while.
Bucky nodded in agreement. "This is HYDRA's fault, not ours."
Now you nodded. You patted his shoulders lightly before glancing at Ava again. You reached down to tuck her in better. "We should go to bed."
"Yeah, let's go," he said quietly and stood up. He grabbed the baby monitor, took your hand in his and lead you out of the room.
You made sure to close both doors before you neared the bed. Bucky set the baby monitor on the nightstand, kept his eyes on it for a few seconds before getting in bed. He scooted closer to you, wrapping his strong arm around you, burying his head in your neck.
You turned to lie on your side so you could face him. You reached your hand out to his face, running your thumb over his cheek bone. You brushed some hair out of his face and let your hand rest on his cheek.
"I love you," you whispered, making Bucky smile at the three simple words.
"I love you, too."
That was the first time you two had said it to each other, straightforward. You had known about your feelings for each other, even let the other know about your feelings but had never uttered the words 'I love you' out loud. You wanted to say the words out loud and let the other know you, in fact, loved each other.
And for a moment, it felt like everything was fine, like nothing bad had ever happened.
You pulled his head to yours and kissed him, lips molding together perfectly. The kiss was filled with emotion, it was gentle and loving.
When you finally pulled away, you wrapped your arms around him, resting your head on his chest. He lied down on his back and ran his fingers up and down your spine. He closed his eyes and tried to catch some sleep. You did the same.
It had been a hard and emotional day. Having the other there to hold you made it so much easier to just lay back and finally let sleep take over.
***
OKAY, about the men being HYDRA agents... It's very predictable and not original at all BUT what else could I have gone with? I didn't really feel like having Thanos (since this takes place.... holy shit i was about to say next year but it's 2018 I'm—) send freaking aliens into their apartment because let's be honest, it's very unlikely that Thanos would go after Bucky specifically out of all the other people fighting against him. And I mean... Well, I guess that was all. Just felt like I needed to justify this decision because some people were wondering who those men might be.
Also, something that's very important that I forgot to mention, is that this was actually a suggestion from a reader, to have HYDRA break in. So, it was suggested, it wasn't fully my idea. I'm sorry if I made it seem like it was. That was never my intention. I thought about them being HYDRA and kinda wanted to go another way but couldn't come up with anything so decided to just stick with HYDRA like it was suggested. It's predictable but... the only option that made sense. It was a great suggestion! That's why I wanted to include it in the story (obviously).