thirteen
Sehun seemed to be more happy than normal this year. Normally, Christmas would consist of him continuing to worry about if he'd still be in that foster home the next year. Whether it be wishing he could be placed in another house, or wanting to stay—he could almost never enjoy the holidays.
Eunmi and Dongchul were welcoming to Yeseul, even despite the horrible things she had done in past homes. They understood how hard it must have been for Sehun—losing his brother to prison, then being separated from his sister. And they loved Yixing. Who didn't love Yixing?
Junmyeon was something special, though. Sehun had kept his social life a secret—his foster parents weren't aware of the fact that Sehun had still been surrounding himself with bad people. They just knew he went to rehab for a year, but now, he was clean. Sehun didn't want to be around them. Every minute spent with them was just another minute of anxiousness. But Junmyeon—he made all those issues fade away.
As Yixing helped Eunmi clean dishes, Junmyeon and Sehun decided to decorate the tree. They had to dig through the storage room to find the bin with all the tinsel and ornaments and what-not, and dusting them off was a whole other job. Junmyeon seemed to enjoy it, however. As he cleaned the different ornaments, Sehun watched with admiration. Then he realized Junmyeon had never spent a Christmas like this. In fact, he probably never even celebrated the holiday itself.
As Sehun recalled that fact, he walked over to where Junmyeon stood and put an arm around him. He wanted to kiss his forehead. He didn't.
"You're good at this," Sehun commented as he overlooked the tree. The combination of gold and silver ornaments, along with its fairy lights, seemed to complete the entire living area. Junmyeon looked up at Sehun and smiled. Sehun felt butterflies in his stomach.
"Thanks, but you're probably better."
Junmyeon lightly brushed his fingers against Sehun's hand. He felt the urge to hold it completely, but after what Yeseul pulled the other day, he couldn't.
"Yixing is really cool with it all. I promise," Sehun reassured as Junmyeon straightened up a faux branch. The older just smiled small and nodded. "But I won't tell Eunmi and Dongchul. If you don't want me to."
Junmyeon reached down into the bin for the silver strand of tinsel. "I don't care. Tell the whole world," he answered quietly. Sehun stared at the ground. He felt guilty all of a sudden.
He walked away.
In the kitchen, Sehun joined Yeseul in setting the table. A deep-red fabric covered the table. Sehun grabbed a handful of silverware from Yeseul's hand, then placing them next to the polished, white plates. She gave him a dirty glare. Sehun just smiled.
Once they had finished completing the counter, everyone made their way to the living space to relax while dinner finished cooking. Junmyeon had already been sitting on the sofa. Sehun sat next to him.
"Lovely job on the tree, boys," Eunmi grinned. Junmyeon and Sehun exchanged looks—a look that had gone on too long.
Yeseul crawled towards the tree where several presents surrounded it. She gave a begging glance towards the rest of the group, obviously wanting to open them. Dongchul waved his hand, allowing her to search through the gifts.
"My parents will be here soon, are you sure you want to open them now?" Eunmi asked as she took a seat in the recliner. By then, Yeseul had already been passing gifts out.
"I got something for everybody," she commented.
"Yixing...Yixing...Sehun...Eunmi...Sehun...Dongchul..."
The others seemed to shake their heads at Yeseul's generosity. As much as Sehun appreciated it, he wished she hadn't done such a thing. After all, they really didn't feel that close anymore.
Dongchul and Eunmi laughed as they began to unwrap their gifts. Sehun didn't seem surprised when it was just boxes wrapped in boxes wrapped in boxes. Once they finally got to the center, there was a box that had a large bottle of champagne inside.
"For taking care of my brother," Yeseul added as the adults smiled. They thanked her, then moving their attention to Yixing.
His gift had been nothing more than a small teddy bear. It held a plush heart in its paws that said, "I love you beary much!" Yixing laughed. A lot. Then, he threw the bear at Yeseul. She tossed it back.
"You ungrateful shit," she mumbled. Yixing rolled his eyes.
As the group continued to open their gifts, Junmyeon just watched. He watched them smile and feel great joy as they shared their love for one another. He wanted to be part of it. He wanted his mom back. He wanted to see her beautiful grin that seemed nothing but genuine. He wanted a sober father again. He wanted friends who would support him. He wanted a sister as generous as Sehun's. He wanted to feel loved.
"I think dinner is ready!" Dongchul exclaimed as a timer went off in the kitchen. The rest began to get out of their seats and run to the dining area. Junmyeon and Sehun stuck behind.
They were now out of sight.
Sehun reached behind him for the envelope that had sat on the coffee table next to the sofa. On it had Junmyeon written in his messy handwriting. A heart was next to his name.
"For you," Sehun told as he handed Junmyeon the paper. The older looked happier as he took the envelope.
Inside was nothing but a piece of paper. Junmyeon read it.
Junmyeon –
Merry Christmas. You told me not to buy you anything so that's why I'm writing this. Haha.
I want you to know that you're a good person. You're important. I don't care what your teachers or your dad or what anyone else says. Because I know you're a good person. You're beyond good. I can't think of a big enough word. Just know you're amazing.
Thank you for being a good friend. I hope my family can provide you a nice Christmas—I know you probably haven't celebrated properly in a while. I'm glad you're celebrating with me.
I don't want to write what I want to say next. I'd rather say it to you.
Junmyeon glanced at Sehun. "What do you want to say?" They both laughed.
Sehun grabbed the boy's face. "I love you." He kissed Junmyeon softly. Junmyeon kissed back.
"I love you too." He scolded himself again. Scolded himself for giving in. Scolded himself for facing his fear. The one fear he never wanted to overcome, for he knew what it would do to him.
I hope you enjoy your Christmas. Not just today, but tomorrow, and the next day, and every day you live after that. You mean a lot to me, okay? And you're a good person. Man, I'd really rather be saying this to you, but I couldn't. I know I'm talkative but these things—these heartfelt, important, sensitive things—I couldn't tell you to your face. But I hope you stick with my crazy ass long enough to where I can learn to tell you those things.
Don't leave me, Junmyeon.
Merry Christmas.
— Sehun
"Let's go eat. I have something else for you later," Sehun whispered, grabbing Junmyeon's hand. They stood up together. They walked to the kitchen together. Junmyeon let go of Sehun's hand.
*
Sehun dragged Junmyeon out onto the front porch. Outside, it was freezing cold. But the two didn't seem to care.
"Like I said, I had something extra for you," Sehun explained as he continued to hide the gift behind his back. Junmyeon lightly bounced on his feet as he patiently waited. "I know you told me not to get you anything. But, I couldn't resist." Sehun held out his hand. In it, he held a larger red box that had gold embellishments on its borders. Junmyeon just stared at it for a while. Sehun put it in the boy's hands himself.
"Open it," he demanded before chuckling. Junmyeon did as he was told. Inside the box rested a shiny silver bracelet, one that had nearly blinded him. It was simple. But beautiful. It looked valuable. It looked like something Junmyeon could never afford in his entire lifetime.
He had just been looking at it for seconds, which then turned into minutes. Sehun gently picked up the bracelet, then placing the box on the wooden porch below his feet. Sehun delicately took hold of Junmyeon's hand—his sensitive, brittle hand. The hand that had the same cuts and bruises. Sehun slid the bracelet onto his wrist—his skinny, weak wrist. Sehun then gripped it. Junmyeon felt like crying.
"My father gave me one when I was little before he died. Well, it was my brother's, but then he gave it to Yeseul. Then she gave it to me. You're like a brother to me, so now, it's yours." Sehun looked deeply in Junmyeon's eyes, making sure the boy took in everything he had been saying. It was evident that he did once a tear fell down Junmyeon's face.
"I don't deserve this. I don't deserve you," Junmyeon choked out. Sehun moved his hands from Junmyeon's wrist to the boy's shoulders. There were long silent moments as Sehun rehearsed what he wanted to say to Junmyeon.
"Junmyeon. I think that I can give you strength, and I can really love you. But I know the problem is that you're afraid. You're afraid that I won't protect you. That I won't love you. But I will. Only if you let me."
Sehun felt himself fall for Junmyeon again. Junmyeon felt himself fall for Sehun again.
Junmyeon couldn't speak. Suddenly, the air had been stolen from his lungs and his vocal chords had been ripped from his throat. All he could manage to do was cry.
"So please, Junmyeon. Just tell me that you'll let me love you. I want you to truly mean it." Sehun pulled him into his arms. He held Junmyeon tightly. Junmyeon still couldn't speak, but he nodded. He nodded and he held Sehun.
"You can love me," Junmyeon whispered after moments of quiet.
They kissed.