Amaru walked into an empty quiet house. His children weren't in the living room and Damita was nowhere in sight. He hadn't talked to her since earlier, so them not speaking had him worried. He tried calling her once more to not be answered.
"Baby?"He called walking into the kitchen and outside to the backyard. That's where she usually was when he couldn't find her.
"Maybe she upstairs sleep, she is pregnant."He laughed to himself a ran upstairs to wake her up.
Their door was closed, so he knew she was in there, As he walked through, he could hear the shower running.
She never took showers without him. He was going to scare her. He took his shoes off and threw them to the side so that she wouldn't hear him coming.
The closer he got to the bathroom he could hear her sobbing.
He pushed the door open, "Baby, is everything alright."
She sat on the shower floor crying in her hands and shaking as the water ran all over her face , her body and her hair.
He pulled the shower door open and walked in with her, not caring about his clothes getting wet, they'd dry.
Amaru sat down in front of her and embraced her as tight as he could. "Baby, what's wrong? What's the problem?"He raised her head.
She didn't respond, she just looked away and cried harder into his wet shirt.
Amaru's eyes softened up."Baby, what's wrong? I can't help you if I don't know what's wrong."
He hated to see her this way, even though he didn't know why, he felt how she felt. They were in sync, if she cried, he was crying too.
Damita opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Trying to muster up to courage to her husband what had her so down had her anxiety all over the place.
Her eyes widened and she gripped his arm tightly, she couldn't breathe.
She was having a panic attack and Amaru had no idea what to do. As long as he had been back, she wasn't having any.
He gave her some space and started to rub on her hand. He remembered that he and Aaliyah talked about what he should do if this was to happen again when she wasn't around.
"Baby, I need you to relax and breathe."He coached her. "You have to stop crying, so you can breathe."
"Take a deep breath. Relax. Everything will be okay,"He encouraged her and wiped her face.
Damita closed her eyes and took deep breaths. It took her awhile to get her breathing under control but he sat there and coached her through it until she was better.
Finally, she was breathing regularly, but still had tears running down her face.
"Now...do you want to tell me why you were crying." Amaru asked, still rubbing her hand.
She nodded her head and continued to cry. "It's..I"She stuttered.
"I'm sorry."She sobbed and turned away from him. "The Baby....I-I-I lost the baby."She continued sobbing and he grabbed her tightly.
He bit down on his lip, trying to stop the tears that were forming in his eyes. "When?"He asked, holding her close.
"This morning, when you were gone."She sniffled and clung to him. "I'm so sorry baby."
He held onto her and kissed her forehead., "It's not your fault baby, it's not your fault."He held her as they rocked back and forth. "Everything will be okay. Everything will be fine,baby"
He got up and took off his wet clothes and they clean themselves up.
Damita put on one of his shirts and wrapped herself up in their blankets.
"Do you want me to do anything? Get you anything?" Amaru asked, kneeling at the bed side.
"No, I'm fine."She replied in a low weakened voice. "Just, just hold me please."Her voice cracked because she started to cry again.
Amaru crawled into the bed with her and she laid on his chest. He held her tight and let her release her tears.
"I love you baby."Amaru sighed and held her tight. "Everything is gonna be okay."
Damita cried until she tired herself out and fell asleep. Amaru kept her in his arms, he couldn't imagine how she must've felt going through this a second time.
Of course he was sad, he was having a baby too, but her body was going through it. She was carrying the child and she had to deal with feeling like she failed him even though that wasn't how he felt.
All he wanted to do was make sure his object of affection was going to be okay. He wanted her to know that he loved her and that he was here for her.
Damita was right when she said that she wasn't mentally stable enough to lose another child. The things going on in her mind might tear her apart.
The next morning Damita got up early and went to her office. She didn't want to think about the events of the day before, so she was going to throw herself into work.
"Good morning Mrs.Shakur."Rose smiled and Damita ignored her. She walked straight to her office, she didn't want to speak to anyone.
Rose ordered an office conference call, they all knew what that meant. She was in a mood.
Damita opened up her laptop and started to look through emails, she wanted to take on case. She hadn't done that in awhile, but she needed something to take her mind off of this.
She didn't want to be depressed and she didn't want to see Dr.Williams. Seeing her was only going to make her have to deal with it.
She wasn't ready to deal with it.
Damita tried so hard to remain focused on the task in front of her, but her baby hadn't left her mind. She didn't even want to have a baby at first, but she eventually got excited and now she felt like it all was taken from her just that quick.
Before she knew it, she was crying once again.
There was a knock on the door and Damita tried to pull herself together.
"Yeah?"She answered, trying to sound as normal as she possibly could.
"May I come in?"Ava asked.
"Come in."Damita demanded, but she had turned away so that Ava couldn't see her face.
You look in her face and tell that things weren't ok. She wasn't ready to share that.
"Is everything alright? I thought I heard you crying."Ava asked, walking up to her desk.
"Everything's fine."She replied.
"Damita...we've arranged a small bond over these past few months. I know what you sound like when everything is fine and that's not it. I'm sure you don't want to talk about it, but please don't hold it in. You don't have to talk to me, but talk to somebody. This probably isn't my place, but I like your being here and I don't want you to be locked away again."Ava tried to be encouraging.
Damita didn't respond so Ava just walked up to her and gave her tight hug. She didn't know how she'd react but she felt like that's what she needed.
Ava couldn't imagine what probably had her down, in the time they spent together she seemed so happy.
When Ava hugged her, Damita started crying and sobbing uncontrollably.
"Oh Damita, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry."Ava comforts her. "Maybe you should go back home. You don't need to be here."
Damita grabbed tissue from her desk and wiped her face. "If I stay home, I'll cry all day. I need to distract myself."
"How about this. You and I can have some girl time. We can go get some lunch,maybe goto mall."Ava smiled. "Or-r-r , you could wedding stuff."
Damita gave Ava a weak smile and started to laugh, "You just want a day off, but since I need this, it's fine."
She grabbed her purse and they left.
Damita and Ava stayed out all day having their "girl time" , she didn't return home until almost 11:00pm. That had both of their men worried.
Damita walked into a quiet house, it was dark. Everybody had to be asleep.
She walked up the stairs and went into her room.
"Where you been?"Amaru asked flipping, through the channels on their TV.
"I went to help Ava with her wedding planning and then we had dinner at her house." Damita explained, putting away her jacket and purse.
"Ok, so why didn't you call and tell me that? I was worried, you can't do stuff like this right now. I thought something happened to you." Amaru scolded her.
"I apologize, I left my phone in my office. I had to go back and get it."She explained. "Are you getting in the shower with me?"
"I already took one baby. You can get in."He replied.
Damita rolled her eyes and left to get in the shower. She wasn't in the mood for arguing and she felt like that's exactly what Amaru was trying to do.
She was quick in the shower, because she was ready to lay down.
"Have you been drinking?"Amaru asked as she climbed into bed.
"Yes. I had like two." Damita sighed. "Please don't lecture me about it please. I'm a grown ass woman, I can have a drink if I want."
"Damita. You're not supposed to be drinking right now. It's going to make things worse. I don't want you to be depressed." Amaru reached over to bring her close to him.
Damita laid down next to him, but turned away. For some reason she didn't want to be under him tonight. "Too late."She sighed as light tears dripped from her eyes.
Amaru could hear her sniffles, so he wrapped his arms around her and cuddled her. "I love you."He whispered to her.
"Amaru please...leave me alone." She sniffled and he just let her be.